Come join JENNY LEWIS in Las Vegas and LA to hear tales of childhood fame, dysfunctional parents and a 20-year singersongwriter career full of audio riches and heartbreaking wrenches. “You wanna blaze a doob outside, then I’ll shower?” she asks EVE BARLOW.
With arms outstretched: Jenny Lewis jumps for joy, Los Angeles, 8 May, 2019.
Photography Rachael wright Watch this!” says Jenny Lewis, sipping on a Modelo. “Take a visual of this for a second.” It’s midnight in Mandalay Bay’s casino, Las Vegas, and Lewis is exiting the House Of Blues where she’s just played the debut show of her tour for fourth solo album, On The Line. In the bar next door a band plays; a group of long-haired men whose bodies look beaten by decades of strife, yet their faces exude a purposeful passion. “Big wheels keep on turning…” chews the lead vocalist. “Carry me home to see my kin.”
They holler the chorus of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Sweet Home Alabama and Lewis marvels. “Oh my God. This! These are my people!” Lewis isn’t coming home to Vegas, though she was born here, sharing a birthday with Bowie and Elvis. Los Angeles has been her home throughout a 20-year singer-songwriter career, her second. Her first career was as a child actor. She met her agent aged two-and-a-half, bought a house at five and quit by 20. Highlights include starring in 1989’s The Wizard opposite Fred Savage and playing Lucille Ball’s granddaughter in Life With Lucy.
Tonight, she’s an extra in a different scene. “These are lounge musicians”, she says of Vegas’s Lynyrd Skynyrd. “A covers band. This is like my whole family: my parents, my sister, my brother.”
Unlike the tale of Sweet Home Alabama, Lewis doesn’t have much kin left. “Just my sister. And a shit ton of half-siblings.” Sister Leslie isn’t here, but will be at tomorrow’s LA show. Her dad died in 2010.
Eddie Gordon was a virtuoso harmonica player and absent. “He played Brahms on the harmonica – a prodigy”, she says. Her mother Linda sang in a ‘70s duo with Gordon, called Love’s Lounge. Eddie and Linda played at the Tropicana and the Sands, which has since been bulldozed. “Beautiful footage”, she says – of the bulldozing, not her parents.
Lewis grew up watching things fall apart.
It made her a great raconteur. Brother Steve lives in Minnesota. His 30-year-old covers band is called The Rockin’ Hollywoods. One night The Rockin’ Hollywoods played local bar Mancini’s. “In the middle of the set the drums stopped”, she says. The band looked back to find their drummer slumped over the kit. He’d died. It’s part of Minnesotan lore: Prince, The Replacements and this. What song did he die playing? “Footloose”, she laughs. “He died on his throne. His drum throne. God, I hope I don’t die on the fucking throne”, she says, meaning the toilet.
“What a terrible place to die.”
Her parents divorced and Lewis moved to LA’s San Fernando Valley where she still lives. Her first memory is in Vegas – of her babysitter Lisa holding her by the pool.
“Lisa was a female Elvis impersonator – called Ellis.” She chortles. “I’m not making this up. That’s the fucked-up part, I don’t make shit up.” Throughout her four albums with indie band Rilo Kiley, four solo albums, plus numerous side-projects, Lewis has never made shit up. She seems destined to outclass her family’s talents. “None of my peeps were writers”, she says. “They were song interpreters.”
That fate changed when one of Linda’s boyfriends taught seven-year-old Lewis piano. “The moment he taught me Phantom Of The Opera I took the chords and wrote about my dad.” For her 15th birthday she wanted an acoustic guitar but Linda bought her a red Stratocaster. “I was so bummed.” She studied her Beatles songbook, and another one of Linda’s boyfriends taught her Desperado by the Eagles. “I wrote five songs over Desperado’s chords. One was about my friend Camille. A dark tale.
I played her it. She goes, ‘Ugh, I hate this song.’ I was like, ‘Sorry!’”
Turns out, Lewis’s catalogue contains many such harsh facts, but for years fans assumed some of it was fantasy. When she sings, “Where my ma is now, I don’t know/ She was living in her car, I was living on the road/And I hear she’s putting that stuff up her nose” on Rabbit Fur Coat (2006), she’s singing about their estrangement. Linda used to spend Lewis’s earnings on heroin.
“When you’re a child of an addict there’s a dynamic”, she says of her premature adulthood. “But I rebelled at 15, smoked cigarettes, ran away, did acid at the mall.” From the age of 12 she was in Alateen meetings – AA for teenage relatives of addicts. “My mom was in and out of jail and rehab. I was dropped off at an Alateen dance thinking, ‘Maybe I’ll meet a cute guy!’
GETTY
Riding high: (clockwise from right) Lewis goes for a spin in her back garden, LA, 2019; acting alongside Fred Savage in 1989’s The Wizard; with Rilo Kiley, 2004. “When you’re a child of an addict there’s a dynamic. But I rebelled at 15, smoked cigarettes, ran away, did acid at the mall.”
I didn’t.” She beat a kid up at school when word got out that Linda was using. “You defend your family’s honour”, she says. “So I fucking clocked them.”
Linda died from liver cancer in October 2017: Friday 13th. Lewis was by her side for eight weeks after two decades of silent treatment. Since then, she’s been sharing more than ever about her parents. Why? “Well they’re dead, so…” she says, cuttingly. “Sorry. I mean that’s the rule. I’m spitting on their graves. I didn’t wanna hurt them. Now they’re gone it’s my story. The truth as I see it.” Before she was terrified of what she saw. “I was repressing. I was writing about it but didn’t talk about it. I let very few people in. I was afraid they’d leave.” She pauses. “And I am my mother, so…”
The inner child in Lewis is contagious. Before the interview, she’s smoking a joint in a parking lot with LA restaurateur Roy Choi – a can of La Croix in one hand, a copy of Eminent Hipsters by Steely Dan’s Donald Fagen in the other. She’s 43 going on 13: boy crazy, talks like a character in Clueless, wears a weed-shaped pendant close to her heart. Later we’ll pass a Titanic exhibit. She’ll sigh, “Oh Leo.” Lewis would hang out with DiCaprio when they were teens. What did they get up to? “Well…” she giggles.
A mensch never tells. “We played video games at the arcade. Street Fighter.” She played as the character Dhalsim. “The long-legged guy. Never Ken. Ken’s too normal and definitely not Jewish.”
Jenny Lewis: “I feel in control of my craft right now…” As Lewis lets the night guide her, gliding past slot machines lined up like dominoes, she seems unfazed by losing her way or missing her 1am bus call. “This is where I feel most at home. With dirty carpets and a faraway smoke smell. It’s truly formative.
I feel like myself.” Even in moments of joy, her face has a way of falling. It reminds me of her lyric from 2006: “I was born secular and inconsolable.” Like a child, she becomes hopeless when there’s nothing to say. She tuts, hums, shakes her head.
On The Line is a grief album mourning her mother, but began as a grief album mourning a break-up. Lewis and Scottish- American songwriter Johnathan Rice were not married, but together for 12 years and made one album as Jenny And Johnny. Rice’s new LP came out today. Titled The Long Game, it’s about that dissolution.
It includes two songs they co-wrote. Has she listened to it? Her head shakes. “I uh…” Another silence. She takes her time and whispers quietly, “Not today.”
One co-write – Another Cold One – reads like a post break-up song (“It’s bittersweet in the long run/We’re both lost, nobody won”). Again her head shakes. “Often you don’t understand a song till later.” Her break-up was “pretty fresh” when Linda was hospitalised. “Johnathan was there for me”, she says. “I never want to hurt him.” She doesn’t believe in editing herself, though.
“I’ve said before: don’t hang around cannibals if you don’t wanna get eaten. I did not listen to his record today. But his record is fair game. It’s like Fight Club. The number one rule of dating another songwriter is: you can’t say anything about their songs.”
After all, her album contains songs about Rice (“after all we been through, don’t you wanna kiss me?”). After the split, Lewis fled to New York, the first time she’d lived outside LA. Her friend Annie Clark, aka St. Vincent, gave her her apartment. When she was younger she’d dream of NYU (“I never took my SATs”). “I’ve been trying to get out of the Valley since I was 16.” In New York, she realised that wherever you go, there you are. “Kind of a bummer”, she says.
By way of circumstance the songs were the first she’s written alone since Rabbit Fur Coat. She writes “almost every day”. “I feel in control of my craft right now in a way I hadn’t fully felt before”, she says. It contains all of Lewis’s nuances: her ‘60s classicism (Heads Gonna Roll), her blues-y rockers (Red Bull & Hennessy), her balladry (Dogwood). Little White Dove is its centrepiece. An olive branch to her mother on her hospital bed, and a reclamation. “In the middle of love, I’m the little white dove/ I’m the heroine”, she sings. She performs it onstage with a victory strut and a pout.
She recorded the LP with a showstopping group of legends, including Rolling Stones producer Don Was, Beck, and Ringo Starr in Capitol’s Studio A. “He’s so cool”, she says of the Beatle. “Way more relaxed than I was. I’d say, ‘Hello Ringo’, but between my teeth I was like, ‘Oh Jesus Christ!’ I love the fucking Stones. But I’m a Beatles stan.
It’s all I listen to.” The other day she was at AutoZone getting a new car battery. The clerk, an old man from India, was playing The Beatles. They bonded. “He said something so beautiful: ‘Babies love The Beatles.’ It’s true.” She sighs. “The Beatles transcend everything.”
WE’RE NO SPRING CHICKENS BUT WE’VE STILL GOT IT.
Says Lewis about her new which includes highlights…
- HAPPY
From solo LP Rabbit Fur Coat (2006)
Lewis performs this sad ballad banging two wooden claves. It’s slow and sleepy, like a train pulling into its station, while she waits for contentment to return.
- SILVER LINING
From Rilo Kiley’s Under The Blacklight (2007)
Rilo Kiley’s final LP was a go-hard-or-gohome effort for the band; a synth-y crossover into mainstream rock. Lewis carries its legacy effortlessly. “Hooray hooray, I’m your silver lining/Hooray hooray, but now I’m gold,” she sings.
- JUST ONE OF THE GUYS
From solo LP The Voyager (2014)
One of Lewis’s finest: an ode to curating your own rules in a man’s world but eventually hitting a wall.“There’s only one difference between you and me,” she sings.“When I look at myself all I can see/ I’m just another lady without a baby.”
- RED BULL & HENNESSY
From solo LP On The Line (2019)
There’s a moment in the bridge where Lewis goes full-on Kate Bush. Contains all the drama of Fleetwood Mac, and similarly she’s lived it.
- WITH ARMS OUTSTRETCHED
From Rilo Kiley’s The Execution Of All Things (2002)
One of Lewis’s most beloved anthems on unrequited love. She cuts the house lights for this, invites a sea of iPhone torches and lets the crowd carry the verses.“And if you want me, you better speak up/ I won’t wait, so you better move fast.”
- ACID TONGUE
From solo LP Acid Tongue (2008)
A folkier acoustic ballad and one of Lewis’s best stories. She sings about taking solace in sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. “To be lonely is a habit like smoking or taking drugs/And I’ve quit them both but, man, was it rough.”
Performing These Days with Jackson Browne at the Hollywood Palladium;
“No popping, guys!” Lewis is a band freak. Before Rice, before her solo career, came Blake Sennett and Rilo Kiley. Sennett and Lewis wrote songs, played them to room-mates and formed a foursome. They took off in 2001. “It took over my entire life. I was in a relationship with my bandmate, just like my parents. The cycle continued. I had no idea.”
The band survived long after their split. “It sucked!” she says. “It was so hard. You break up, then you see the person the next day and spy on them outside the club like, ‘Are they making out with someone else?’
But I don’t know how to be with someone unless we play music together. I’m away for so long. I wanna hang with my babe.”
You wonder if it’s tough for a prolific, successful female to be with a male songwriter of lesser success. One of Rice’s new lyrics goes: “I always pictured you and me growing old disgracefully/Now I see the club’s sold out and there’s no room for me.”
She makes a pained face. “Yeah, probably not a good idea”, she says, of the question, seeking to keep things sweet. “Johnathan is amazing, and was supportive. It takes a very special person to be able to support a strong woman. It shouldn’t but it does.”
Lewis gravitated towards special men, who lent her their platform. In the 2000s, she was a queen amid a sea of male anti-heroes including Bright Eyes, Modest Mouse and Death Cab For Cutie. She was a “superfan” who studied the back of Death Cab’s Something About Airplanes LP and sent Rilo Kiley’s demos to their label Barsuk. She discovered Bright Eyes from a friend’s mixtape, bought Fevers And Mirrors and listened in the car “crying my fucking eyes out”. She wanted to know Conor Oberst. “Who was this? My soulmate? And he’s super cute? It was fucking Christmas!”
Oberst was the reason she made debut Rabbit Fur Coat, which was the catalyst for Rilo Kiley’s demise. He asked her to make a solo album for then new label Team Love.
“I go, ‘That’s so controversial, I’m in a fucking band. I’m not a solo artist. I’m a band person!’” He insisted. The resulting album – confessional, spooky and gospel-tinged – was a cut above. Soon she was invited to be on Death Cab frontman Ben Gibbard’s side-project The Postal Service, too. “What a lovely gift to pluck me out of a dysfunctional [band]. Without Conor, without Ben… They believed in me and gave me a chance to learn, to step up and just fucking do it.”
Not all have been princes, though. The unmentionable of On The Line’s players is Ryan Adams, who produced briefly. Weeks after the LP was announced, the New York Times ran a story containing allegations of sexual misconduct against Adams employing the voices of ex-wife Mandy Moore, exfiancée Megan Butterworth, artist Phoebe Bridgers and a woman named Ava who was 14 years old at the time of Adams’s alleged abuse. He worked with Lewis in early 2017.
“I was in a relationship with my bandmate, just like my parents. It was so hard. You break up, then you see the person the next day outside the club like, ‘Are they making out with someone else?’ But I don’t know how to be with someone unless we play music together.”
“I was born secular and inconsolable…”: Lewis relaxes at home;
this year’s On The Line album. Lewis looks glum when Adams’s name is mentioned. After the allegations, she tweeted, “I am deeply troubled by Ryan Adams’ alleged behavior [sic]. Although he and I had a working professional relationship, I stand in solidarity with the women who have come forward.” She told Pitchfork she “hates” that he’s on the album. It’s not Lewis who should have to justify her actions.
She doesn’t resent having these conversations. “I get scared when I’m asked about Ryan. Ryan is an important part of the bigger story of my career. We have a deep musical connection. I really appreciate his contributions. Unfortunately I sometimes feel like I can’t say it. However! Bad behaviour is bad behaviour and if you’re fucked up people are gonna find out about it. You have to treat people well. To bring it back to The Beatles, we need to project peace and love. We also need yin and yang. But we can’t accept abusive behaviour.”
The next night at LA’s Palladium, the room brims with Hollywood starriness. The set is the best she’s ever designed. In a moment only a Jenny Lewis can pull off, a perspex phone rings upon a heart-shaped platform onstage. “Oh shit”, she says. She takes the call.
“Jackson Browne?”
She asks. “I’m in the middle of a show right now…” Browne appears. They perform These Days. “Don’t confront me with my failures, I had not forgotten them”, they sing. It’s an interpretation, sure, but Lewis could have written it. Her band ran through it at soundcheck in Vegas yesterday afternoon. Who called Jackson? “I mean I actually dated his son way back”, she said backstage.
Despite her family traumas, Lewis’s inheritance – music – is her greatest ally. “It was the family business. It wasn’t a choice. But music as a job? What a fucking snooze. It’s such a gift to have success in music.
Playing in a Vegas lounge is better than jail, or another boring ass job. It’s like Cass McCombs sang [The Executioner’s Song] – you gotta love your fucking job.” As she moves into a new independent life, she’s trying to take stock more. “I’m so short. I’m five-foot-three-anda- half. I have to remind myself: Look up!”
In 2019, she’s greeted by a new generation as an icon. Her lyrics have become mantras like Buddhism for millennials. “It’s crazy to do something for 20 years, let alone do an OK job”, she says. Bus call looms once more and she sparks up. “You wanna blaze a doob outside, then I’ll shower? There’s an order for things.” Spoken like a true professional.
Hey everyone! I have been free from mobile games for almost two weeks now, and it feels great! I wanted to share my story to help other people who may struggle with a similar issue, and to build awareness. This issue goes almost completely under the radar and deserves some more attention.
I am a 30-year-old single male, living in the United States. My first experience with mobile games was with two games, Puzzle and Dragons and a brief stint with Spirit Stones. I am a big fan of the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion, and I happened to stumble across a news story about Puzzle and Dragons adding an Evangelion collaboration. I was interested in seeing what this was about, so I downloaded the game and was hooked for about a year, playing multiple hours a day, every day. This game had special events that would happen based on the hour of the day, so if there was a special event, I would plan out my days to some extent to make sure I could get the special in-game rewards, doesn’t matter if I was at work or at home. During this same time a friend told me about a game he started called Spirit Stones. Both of these games got me very comfortable spending real money to buy in game items, currency, rewards, etc. Spirit Stones only lasted maybe a month, but I spent a lot of time and money on it while playing. The other notable thing that happened with Spirit Stones was my friend getting out of the game at the same as I did, as we realized the game was toxic, a time and money sink, and it wasn’t going anywhere. Unfortunately, I kept going with other games. Back to P&D. So, after my year with Puzzle and Dragons, playing all the time every day, spending a bunch of money along the way, I finally had enough. I can’t recall exactly at the time what caused the decision, but I was able to sell my account for a few hundred dollars, which was nothing compared to how many actual dollars I put into the account, much less the amount of time spent to build up everything in the game.
Fast forward to two years ago. I see an advertisement for a game called Soccer Spirits. It looked interesting so I decided to download it. I was instantly hooked, as the story played out like a Visual Novel, the gameplay was unique, the art was a very nice anime style, and there were a lot of great characters. Soccer Spirits would dominate a lot of my life for two years. There was infinite grinding to do in this game, to level up one character completely it took a long time and a lot of resources, and there were a LOT of characters in this game. There would be special events on some weekends to power up items in the game and I would spend hours leveling things up, there were times I would be out at a restaurant and I would have the game going on auto mode to keep it going. Probably the most fiendish thing I have ever done is when I was driving myself to a casino about an hour and a half away during one of these events, and the whole time I was playing on auto mode continuing to power up in the game. And speaking of casinos, I will get to this more later, but a big thing with these mobile games is addiction. It is a lot like having a slot machine mixed with a game that is on your iphone that never leaves you.
Over the past two years I also played additional mobile games in conjunction with Soccer Spirits: Fate: Grand Order, Fire Emblem: Heroes, Mandrake Boys, and King’s Raid. I spent real money on every mobile game I have played. It is so easy to do, once I got comfortable doing it, it was just over for me, I had no self-control. Soccer Spirits was by far the worst, they had $100 in game packages for tons of currency to buy characters and do character draws, as well as giving power up resources, and special incentives like unique skins with new art for the characters. It is embarrassing to talk about, but I seriously must have spent over $5000 on this game, it could have been more, maybe up to even like $8000 or so, but I am not completely sure.
The money was always something that I could write off in my mind as “hey I am playing a game all the time, I put in a lot of effort so it is ok”. I would feel really guilty and bad for a few seconds as I was purchasing things, and then as soon as the in-game purchase was made and I got the rewards and could do fun things the feeling of elation came over me and the guilt was gone. This was a common occurrence and I bought a ton of these $100 packages for various in game rewards over the two years I played.
Beyond the money, there was the amount of time spent playing. As I mentioned at the beginning, I am 30 years old and single. I kept telling myself, “oh I am sure I can quit any time if I had anything else better to do”. It was an unhealthy cycle, I told myself I had nothing better to do so I kept playing mobile games all the time, and because I was playing mobile games I never tried to do anything else productive with my life. Any time I was watching a show or movie, I had my mobile game running – basically any time I was at home the game would be running and I would be doing something in the game. When the game wasn’t running I had my phone or browser open checking the community spots to look up game info or discuss the game.
I do want to add that while playing Soccer Spirits I was active in the “community” (like on the sub-reddit) and in a constant chat (like discord) with my in-game guild mates always talking about the game. A lot of the people were fun to talk to and were pretty nice. The people made me think I was being social and having a good time. But just like if you are an alcoholic or addicted to anything else, being around other people that are immersed in your addiction is a terrible experience. So I cut everything off, I left the chat group giving a final message without waiting for any replies (which I am sure seemed somewhat cold to the people I had been talking to constantly for months) and I left the subreddit.
So what finally changed? For me it was something that was building for a while, I knew that after 2 years of hardcore, dedicated playing with Soccer Spirits there was not THAT much more I could really do or accomplish in the game. I feel like I am a pretty smart and objective person in general, I knew everything that was going on, but because of the addiction I kept playing. This is also where my in-game friends and guildmates actually made things slightly worse by saying things like “oh you don’t need to spend so much time or money on the game, just try to not play as much as usual”. I do not blame any of them, I feel like I had the issue and there was no ill-intent on their part. But the final straw came just about two weeks ago. People in my group chat were talking about a new game called King’s Raid that they had started up recently and were trying to get me to play. I finally gave in, downloaded the game and it seemed interesting. It was Sunday night/Monday morning, and like any normal person I had to work on Monday morning. I stayed up until about 5:30am playing this new game for the first time, and of course had to spend about $150 to get a new character and items I liked. I got about an hour of sleep and then headed to work. It was then that I finally had enough and I had strong enough to feelings to end the vicious cycle. I realized everything that happened a few hours before was a culmination of everything that is wrong with mobile games and my addiction: I was starting a new cycle with a new game, I spent significant real-life money, and it was affecting my life once again. This was the moment of realization and the moment where I felt strong enough to take action. I wrote a brief message to my Soccer Spirits group chat without waiting for any replies, left the group chat, and deleted every mobile game app off my iphone. When I got home from work that day I deleted all the same apps off my ipad.
I feel free and liberated now. I have more time to work on some various hobbies, I can give my full attention to whatever I am doing in my home now, and I just feel better in general. I am not tied down because of a game that I have to always be progressing in or checking on.
And I did say we would come back to the topic of addiction. This element applies to me, and applies to a small subsection of other people, but not to everyone. However, it is important to recognize. I think I laid it out pretty well earlier: Mobile games are a lot like having a slot machine mixed with a game that is on your iphone that never leaves you. There is ALWAYS something to do in these games, and the option to spend money at any time is also there. The urge is always there and new patches with new content are added regularly to keep people playing. It is just a never-ending cycle.
What can we learn from this? I know there are other people out there that are going through similar things. Stop wasting your time and your money, go live your life. It took me years to finally come to this conclusion on my own, and to accept it. Not everyone that plays mobile games is ruining their life, spending too much time playing, spending too much money, or is addicted, but those elements are there. My advice is take a look at your own situation. Is there anything that you can think of that affects you negatively with your mobile game playing, just stop and consider if continuing to play is the right choice.
I am not sure this issue is really of epidemic proportions, but I think it affects way more people than we realize. Anyway, I hope this was somewhat helpful, insightful, or interesting! I feel like this was partly a way to have some closure as well for me (sorry for being greedy); to put the final nail in the proverbial mobile game coffin :)
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bunkbed bunkhouse bunkmate bunny bunt busboy bush busily busload bust busybody buzz cabana cabbage cabbie cabdriver cable caboose cache cackle cacti cactus caddie caddy cadet cadillac cadmium cage cahoots cake calamari calamity calcium calculate calculus caliber calibrate calm caloric calorie calzone camcorder cameo camera camisole camper campfire camping campsite campus canal canary cancel candied candle candy cane canine canister cannabis canned canning cannon cannot canola canon canopener canopy canteen canyon capable capably capacity cape capillary capital capitol capped capricorn capsize capsule caption captivate captive captivity capture caramel carat caravan carbon cardboard carded cardiac cardigan cardinal cardstock carefully caregiver careless caress caretaker cargo caring carless carload carmaker carnage carnation carnival carnivore carol carpenter carpentry carpool carport carried carrot carrousel carry cartel cartload carton cartoon cartridge cartwheel carve carving carwash cascade case cash casing casino casket cassette casually casualty catacomb catalog catalyst catalyze catapult cataract catatonic catcall catchable catcher catching catchy caterer catering catfight catfish cathedral cathouse catlike catnap catnip catsup cattail cattishly cattle catty catwalk caucasian caucus causal causation cause causing cauterize caution cautious cavalier cavalry caviar cavity cedar celery celestial celibacy celibate celtic cement census ceramics ceremony certainly certainty certified certify cesarean cesspool chafe chaffing chain chair chalice challenge chamber chamomile champion chance change channel chant chaos chaperone chaplain chapped chaps chapter character charbroil charcoal charger charging chariot charity charm charred charter charting chase chasing chaste chastise chastity chatroom chatter chatting chatty cheating cheddar cheek cheer cheese cheesy chef chemicals chemist chemo cherisher cherub chess chest chevron chevy chewable chewer chewing chewy chief 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cod coeditor coerce coexist coffee cofounder cognition cognitive cogwheel coherence coherent cohesive coil coke cola cold coleslaw coliseum collage collapse collar collected collector collide collie collision colonial colonist colonize colony colossal colt coma come comfort comfy comic coming comma commence commend comment commerce commode commodity commodore common commotion commute commuting compacted compacter compactly compactor companion company compare compel compile comply component composed composer composite compost composure compound compress comprised computer computing comrade concave conceal conceded concept concerned concert conch concierge concise conclude concrete concur condense condiment condition condone conducive conductor conduit cone confess confetti confidant confident confider confiding configure confined confining confirm conflict conform confound confront confused confusing confusion congenial congested congrats congress conical conjoined conjure conjuror connected connector consensus consent console consoling consonant constable constant constrain constrict construct consult consumer consuming contact container contempt contend contented contently contents contest context contort contour contrite control contusion convene convent copartner cope copied copier copilot coping copious copper copy coral cork cornball cornbread corncob cornea corned corner cornfield cornflake cornhusk cornmeal cornstalk corny coronary coroner corporal corporate corral correct corridor corrode corroding corrosive corsage corset cortex cosigner cosmetics cosmic cosmos cosponsor cost cottage cotton couch cough could countable countdown counting countless country county courier covenant cover coveted coveting coyness cozily coziness cozy crabbing crabgrass crablike crabmeat cradle cradling crafter craftily craftsman craftwork crafty cramp cranberry crane cranial cranium crank crate crave craving crawfish crawlers crawling crayfish crayon crazed crazily craziness crazy creamed creamer creamlike crease creasing creatable create creation creative creature credible credibly credit creed creme creole crepe crept crescent crested cresting crestless crevice crewless crewman crewmate crib cricket cried crier crimp crimson cringe cringing crinkle crinkly crisped crisping crisply crispness crispy criteria critter croak crock crook croon crop cross crouch crouton crowbar crowd crown crucial crudely crudeness cruelly cruelness cruelty crumb crummiest crummy crumpet crumpled cruncher crunching crunchy crusader crushable crushed crusher crushing crust crux crying cryptic crystal cubbyhole cube cubical cubicle cucumber cuddle cuddly cufflink culinary culminate culpable culprit cultivate cultural culture cupbearer cupcake cupid cupped cupping curable curator curdle cure curfew curing curled curler curliness curling curly curry curse cursive cursor curtain curtly curtsy curvature curve curvy cushy cusp cussed custard custodian custody customary customer customize customs cut cycle cyclic cycling cyclist cylinder cymbal cytoplasm cytoplast dab dad daffodil dagger daily daintily dainty dairy daisy dallying dance dancing dandelion dander dandruff dandy danger dangle dangling daredevil dares daringly darkened darkening darkish darkness darkroom darling darn dart darwinism dash dastardly data datebook dating daughter daunting dawdler dawn daybed daybreak daycare daydream daylight daylong dayroom daytime dazzler dazzling deacon deafening deafness dealer dealing dealmaker dealt dean debatable debate debating debit debrief debtless debtor debug debunk decade decaf decal decathlon decay deceased deceit deceiver deceiving december decency decent deception deceptive decibel decidable decimal decimeter decipher deck declared decline decode decompose decorated decorator decoy decrease decree dedicate dedicator deduce deduct deed deem deepen deeply deepness deface defacing defame default defeat defection defective defendant defender defense defensive deferral deferred defiance defiant defile defiling define definite deflate deflation deflator deflected deflector defog deforest defraud defrost deftly defuse defy degraded degrading degrease degree dehydrate deity dejected delay delegate delegator delete deletion delicacy delicate delicious delighted delirious delirium deliverer delivery delouse delta deluge delusion deluxe demanding demeaning demeanor demise democracy democrat demote demotion demystify denatured deniable denial denim denote dense density dental dentist denture deny deodorant deodorize departed departure depict deplete depletion deplored deploy deport depose depraved depravity deprecate depress deprive depth deputize deputy derail deranged derby derived desecrate deserve deserving designate designed designer designing deskbound desktop deskwork desolate despair despise despite destiny destitute destruct detached detail detection detective detector detention detergent detest detonate detonator detoxify detract deuce devalue deviancy deviant deviate deviation deviator device devious devotedly devotee devotion devourer devouring devoutly dexterity dexterous diabetes diabetic diabolic diagnoses diagnosis diagram dial diameter diaper diaphragm diary dice dicing dictate dictation dictator difficult diffused diffuser diffusion diffusive dig dilation diligence diligent dill dilute dime diminish dimly dimmed dimmer dimness dimple diner dingbat dinghy dinginess dingo dingy dining dinner diocese dioxide diploma dipped dipper dipping directed direction directive directly directory direness dirtiness disabled disagree disallow disarm disarray disaster disband disbelief disburse discard discern discharge disclose discolor discount discourse discover discuss disdain disengage disfigure disgrace dish disinfect disjoin disk dislike disliking dislocate dislodge disloyal dismantle dismay dismiss dismount disobey disorder disown disparate disparity dispatch dispense dispersal dispersed disperser displace display displease disposal dispose disprove dispute disregard disrupt dissuade distance distant distaste distill distinct distort distract distress district distrust ditch ditto ditzy dividable divided dividend dividers dividing divinely diving divinity divisible divisibly division divisive divorcee dizziness dizzy doable docile dock doctrine document dodge dodgy doily doing dole dollar dollhouse dollop dolly dolphin domain domelike domestic dominion dominoes donated donation donator donor donut doodle doorbell doorframe doorknob doorman doormat doornail doorpost doorstep doorstop doorway doozy dork dormitory dorsal dosage dose dotted doubling douche dove down dowry doze drab dragging dragonfly dragonish dragster drainable drainage drained drainer drainpipe dramatic dramatize drank drapery drastic draw dreaded dreadful dreadlock dreamboat dreamily dreamland dreamless dreamlike dreamt dreamy drearily dreary drench dress drew dribble dried drier drift driller drilling drinkable drinking dripping drippy drivable driven driver driveway driving drizzle drizzly drone drool droop drop-down dropbox dropkick droplet dropout dropper drove drown drowsily drudge drum dry dubbed dubiously duchess duckbill ducking duckling ducktail ducky duct dude duffel dugout duh duke duller dullness duly dumping dumpling dumpster duo dupe duplex duplicate duplicity durable durably duration duress during dusk dust dutiful duty duvet dwarf dweeb dwelled dweller dwelling dwindle dwindling dynamic dynamite dynasty dyslexia dyslexic each eagle earache eardrum earflap earful earlobe early earmark earmuff earphone earpiece earplugs earring earshot earthen earthlike earthling earthly earthworm earthy earwig easeful easel easiest easily easiness easing eastbound eastcoast easter eastward eatable eaten eatery eating eats ebay ebony ebook ecard eccentric echo eclair eclipse ecologist ecology economic economist economy ecosphere ecosystem edge edginess edging edgy edition editor educated education educator eel effective effects efficient effort eggbeater egging eggnog eggplant eggshell egomaniac egotism egotistic either eject elaborate elastic elated elbow eldercare elderly eldest electable election elective elephant elevate elevating elevation elevator eleven elf eligible eligibly eliminate elite elitism elixir elk ellipse elliptic elm elongated elope eloquence eloquent elsewhere elude elusive elves email embargo embark embassy embattled embellish ember embezzle emblaze emblem embody embolism emboss embroider emcee emerald emergency emission emit emote emoticon emotion empathic empathy emperor emphases emphasis emphasize emphatic empirical employed employee employer emporium empower emptier emptiness empty emu enable enactment enamel enchanted enchilada encircle enclose enclosure encode encore encounter encourage encroach encrust encrypt endanger endeared endearing ended ending endless endnote endocrine endorphin endorse endowment endpoint endurable endurance enduring energetic energize energy enforced enforcer engaged engaging engine engorge engraved engraver engraving engross engulf enhance enigmatic enjoyable enjoyably enjoyer enjoying enjoyment enlarged enlarging enlighten enlisted enquirer enrage enrich enroll enslave ensnare ensure entail entangled entering entertain enticing entire entitle entity entomb entourage entrap entree entrench entrust entryway entwine enunciate envelope enviable enviably envious envision envoy envy enzyme epic epidemic epidermal epidermis epidural epilepsy epileptic epilogue epiphany episode equal equate equation equator equinox equipment equity equivocal eradicate erasable erased eraser erasure ergonomic errand errant erratic error erupt escalate escalator escapable escapade escapist escargot eskimo esophagus espionage espresso esquire essay essence essential establish estate esteemed estimate estimator estranged estrogen etching eternal eternity ethanol ether ethically ethics euphemism evacuate evacuee evade evaluate evaluator evaporate evasion evasive even everglade evergreen everybody everyday everyone evict evidence evident evil evoke evolution evolve exact exalted example excavate excavator exceeding exception excess exchange excitable exciting exclaim exclude excluding exclusion exclusive excretion excretory excursion excusable excusably excuse exemplary exemplify exemption exerciser exert exes exfoliate exhale exhaust exhume exile existing exit exodus exonerate exorcism exorcist expand expanse expansion expansive expectant expedited expediter expel expend expenses expensive expert expire expiring explain expletive explicit explode exploit explore exploring exponent exporter exposable expose exposure express expulsion exquisite extended extending extent extenuate exterior external extinct extortion extradite extras extrovert extrude extruding exuberant fable fabric fabulous facebook facecloth facedown faceless facelift faceplate faceted facial facility facing facsimile faction factoid factor factsheet factual faculty fade fading failing falcon fall false falsify fame familiar family famine famished fanatic fancied fanciness fancy fanfare fang fanning fantasize fantastic fantasy fascism fastball faster fasting fastness faucet favorable favorably favored favoring favorite fax feast federal fedora feeble feed feel feisty feline felt-tip feminine feminism feminist feminize femur fence fencing fender ferment fernlike ferocious ferocity ferret ferris ferry fervor fester festival festive festivity fetal fetch fever fiber fiction fiddle fiddling fidelity fidgeting fidgety fifteen fifth fiftieth fifty figment figure figurine filing filled filler filling film filter filth filtrate finale finalist finalize finally finance financial finch fineness finer finicky finished finisher finishing finite finless finlike fiscally fit five flaccid flagman flagpole flagship flagstick flagstone flail flakily flaky flame flammable flanked flanking flannels flap flaring flashback flashbulb 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frequent fresh fretful fretted friction friday fridge fried friend frighten frightful frigidity frigidly frill fringe frisbee frisk fritter frivolous frolic from front frostbite frosted frostily frosting frostlike frosty froth frown frozen fructose frugality frugally fruit frustrate frying gab gaffe gag gainfully gaining gains gala gallantly galleria gallery galley gallon gallows gallstone galore galvanize gambling game gaming gamma gander gangly gangrene gangway gap garage garbage garden gargle garland garlic garment garnet garnish garter gas gatherer gathering gating gauging gauntlet gauze gave gawk gazing gear gecko geek geiger gem gender generic generous genetics genre gentile gentleman gently gents geography geologic geologist geology geometric geometry geranium gerbil geriatric germicide germinate germless germproof gestate gestation gesture getaway getting getup giant gibberish giblet giddily giddiness giddy gift gigabyte gigahertz gigantic giggle giggling giggly gigolo gilled gills gimmick girdle giveaway given giver giving gizmo gizzard glacial glacier glade gladiator gladly glamorous glamour glance glancing glandular glare glaring glass glaucoma glazing gleaming gleeful glider gliding glimmer glimpse glisten glitch glitter glitzy gloater gloating gloomily gloomy glorified glorifier glorify glorious glory gloss glove glowing glowworm glucose glue gluten glutinous glutton gnarly gnat goal goatskin goes goggles going goldfish goldmine goldsmith golf goliath gonad gondola gone gong good gooey goofball goofiness goofy google goon gopher gore gorged gorgeous gory gosling gossip gothic gotten gout gown grab graceful graceless gracious gradation graded grader gradient grading gradually graduate graffiti grafted grafting grain granddad grandkid grandly grandma grandpa grandson granite granny granola grant granular grape graph grapple grappling grasp grass gratified gratify grating gratitude gratuity gravel graveness graves graveyard gravitate gravity gravy gray grazing greasily greedily greedless greedy green greeter greeting grew greyhound grid grief grievance grieving grievous grill grimace grimacing grime griminess grimy grinch grinning grip gristle grit groggily groggy groin groom groove grooving groovy grope ground grouped grout grove grower growing growl grub grudge grudging grueling gruffly grumble grumbling grumbly grumpily grunge grunt guacamole guidable guidance guide guiding guileless guise gulf gullible gully gulp gumball gumdrop gumminess gumming gummy gurgle gurgling guru gush gusto gusty gutless guts gutter guy guzzler gyration habitable habitant habitat habitual hacked hacker hacking hacksaw had haggler haiku half halogen halt halved halves hamburger hamlet hammock hamper hamster hamstring handbag handball handbook handbrake handcart handclap handclasp handcraft handcuff handed handful handgrip handgun handheld handiness handiwork handlebar handled handler handling handmade handoff handpick handprint handrail handsaw handset handsfree handshake handstand handwash handwork handwoven handwrite handyman hangnail hangout hangover hangup hankering hankie hanky haphazard happening happier happiest happily happiness happy harbor hardcopy hardcore hardcover harddisk hardened hardener hardening hardhat hardhead hardiness hardly hardness hardship hardware hardwired hardwood hardy harmful harmless harmonica harmonics harmonize harmony harness harpist harsh harvest hash hassle haste hastily hastiness hasty hatbox hatchback hatchery hatchet hatching hatchling hate hatless hatred haunt haven hazard hazelnut hazily haziness hazing hazy headache headband headboard headcount headdress headed header headfirst headgear heading headlamp headless headlock headphone headpiece headrest headroom headscarf headset headsman headstand headstone headway headwear heap heat heave heavily heaviness heaving hedge hedging heftiness hefty helium helmet helper helpful helping helpless helpline hemlock hemstitch hence henchman henna herald herbal herbicide herbs heritage hermit heroics heroism herring herself hertz hesitancy hesitant hesitate hexagon hexagram hubcap huddle huddling huff hug hula hulk hull human humble humbling humbly humid humiliate humility humming hummus humongous humorist humorless humorous humpback humped humvee hunchback hundredth hunger hungrily hungry hunk hunter hunting huntress huntsman hurdle hurled hurler hurling hurray hurricane hurried hurry hurt husband hush husked huskiness hut hybrid hydrant hydrated hydration hydrogen hydroxide hyperlink hypertext hyphen hypnoses hypnosis hypnotic hypnotism hypnotist hypnotize hypocrisy hypocrite ibuprofen ice iciness icing icky icon icy idealism idealist idealize ideally idealness identical identify identity ideology idiocy idiom idly igloo ignition ignore iguana illicitly illusion illusive image imaginary imagines imaging imbecile imitate imitation immature immerse immersion imminent immobile immodest immorally immortal immovable immovably immunity immunize impaired impale impart impatient impeach impeding impending imperfect imperial impish implant implement implicate implicit implode implosion implosive imply impolite important importer impose imposing impotence impotency impotent impound imprecise imprint imprison impromptu improper improve improving improvise imprudent impulse impulsive impure impurity iodine iodize ion ipad iphone ipod irate irk iron irregular irrigate irritable irritably irritant irritate islamic islamist isolated isolating isolation isotope issue issuing italicize italics item itinerary itunes ivory ivy jab jackal jacket jackknife jackpot jailbird jailbreak jailer jailhouse jalapeno jam janitor january jargon jarring jasmine jaundice jaunt java jawed jawless jawline jaws jaybird jaywalker jazz jeep jeeringly jellied jelly jersey jester jet jiffy jigsaw jimmy jingle jingling jinx jitters jittery job jockey jockstrap jogger jogging john joining jokester jokingly jolliness jolly jolt jot jovial joyfully joylessly joyous joyride joystick jubilance jubilant judge judgingly judicial judiciary judo juggle juggling jugular juice juiciness juicy jujitsu jukebox july jumble jumbo jump junction juncture june junior juniper junkie junkman junkyard jurist juror jury justice justifier justify justly justness juvenile kabob kangaroo karaoke karate karma kebab keenly keenness keep keg kelp kennel kept kerchief kerosene kettle kick kiln kilobyte kilogram kilometer kilowatt kilt kimono kindle kindling kindly kindness kindred kinetic kinfolk king kinship kinsman kinswoman kissable kisser kissing kitchen kite kitten kitty kiwi kleenex knapsack knee knelt knickers knoll koala kooky kosher krypton kudos kung labored laborer laboring laborious labrador ladder ladies ladle ladybug ladylike lagged lagging lagoon lair lake lance landed landfall landfill landing landlady landless landline landlord landmark landmass landmine landowner landscape landside landslide language lankiness lanky lantern lapdog lapel lapped lapping laptop lard large lark lash lasso last latch late lather latitude latrine latter latticed launch launder laundry laurel lavender lavish laxative lazily laziness lazy lecturer left legacy legal legend legged leggings legible legibly legislate lego legroom legume legwarmer legwork lemon lend length lens lent leotard lesser letdown lethargic lethargy letter lettuce level leverage levers levitate levitator liability liable liberty librarian library licking licorice lid life lifter lifting liftoff ligament likely likeness likewise liking lilac lilly lily limb limeade limelight limes limit limping limpness line lingo linguini linguist lining linked linoleum linseed lint lion lip liquefy liqueur liquid lisp list litigate litigator litmus litter little livable lived lively liver livestock lividly living lizard lubricant lubricate lucid luckily luckiness luckless lucrative ludicrous lugged lukewarm lullaby lumber luminance luminous lumpiness lumping lumpish lunacy lunar lunchbox luncheon lunchroom lunchtime lung lurch lure luridness lurk lushly lushness luster lustfully lustily lustiness lustrous lusty luxurious luxury lying lyrically lyricism lyricist lyrics macarena macaroni macaw mace machine machinist magazine magenta maggot magical magician magma magnesium magnetic magnetism magnetize magnifier magnify magnitude magnolia mahogany maimed majestic majesty majorette majority makeover maker makeshift making malformed malt mama mammal mammary mammogram manager managing manatee mandarin mandate mandatory mandolin manger mangle mango mangy manhandle manhole manhood manhunt manicotti manicure manifesto manila mankind manlike manliness manly manmade manned mannish manor manpower mantis mantra manual many map marathon marauding marbled marbles marbling march mardi margarine margarita margin marigold marina marine marital maritime marlin marmalade maroon married marrow marry marshland marshy marsupial marvelous marxism mascot masculine mashed mashing massager masses massive mastiff matador matchbook matchbox matcher matching matchless material maternal maternity math mating matriarch matrimony matrix matron matted matter maturely maturing maturity mauve maverick maximize maximum maybe mayday mayflower moaner moaning mobile mobility mobilize mobster mocha mocker mockup modified modify modular modulator module moisten moistness moisture molar molasses mold molecular molecule molehill mollusk mom monastery monday monetary monetize moneybags moneyless moneywise mongoose mongrel monitor monkhood monogamy monogram monologue monopoly monorail monotone monotype monoxide monsieur monsoon monstrous monthly monument moocher moodiness moody mooing moonbeam mooned moonlight moonlike moonlit moonrise moonscape moonshine moonstone moonwalk mop morale morality morally morbidity morbidly morphine morphing morse mortality mortally mortician mortified mortify mortuary mosaic mossy most mothball mothproof motion motivate motivator motive motocross motor motto mountable mountain mounted mounting mourner mournful mouse mousiness moustache mousy mouth movable move movie moving mower mowing much muck mud mug mulberry mulch mule mulled mullets multiple multiply multitask multitude mumble mumbling mumbo mummified mummify mummy mumps munchkin mundane municipal muppet mural murkiness murky murmuring muscular museum mushily mushiness mushroom mushy music musket muskiness musky mustang mustard muster mustiness musty mutable mutate mutation mute mutilated mutilator mutiny mutt mutual muzzle myself myspace mystified mystify myth nacho nag nail name naming nanny nanometer nape napkin napped napping nappy narrow nastily nastiness national native nativity natural nature naturist nautical navigate navigator navy nearby nearest nearly nearness neatly neatness nebula nebulizer nectar negate negation negative neglector negligee negligent negotiate nemeses nemesis neon nephew nerd nervous nervy nest net neurology neuron neurosis neurotic neuter neutron never next nibble nickname nicotine niece nifty nimble nimbly nineteen ninetieth ninja nintendo ninth nuclear nuclei nucleus nugget nullify number numbing numbly numbness numeral numerate numerator numeric numerous nuptials nursery nursing nurture nutcase nutlike nutmeg nutrient nutshell nuttiness nutty nuzzle nylon oaf oak oasis oat obedience obedient obituary object obligate obliged oblivion oblivious oblong obnoxious oboe obscure obscurity observant observer observing obsessed obsession obsessive obsolete obstacle obstinate obstruct obtain obtrusive obtuse obvious occultist occupancy occupant occupier occupy ocean ocelot octagon octane october octopus ogle oil oink ointment okay old olive olympics omega omen ominous omission omit omnivore onboard oncoming ongoing onion online onlooker only onscreen onset onshore onslaught onstage onto onward onyx oops ooze oozy opacity opal open operable operate operating operation operative operator opium opossum opponent oppose opposing opposite oppressed oppressor opt opulently osmosis other otter ouch ought ounce outage outback outbid outboard outbound outbreak outburst outcast outclass outcome outdated outdoors outer outfield outfit outflank outgoing outgrow outhouse outing outlast outlet outline outlook outlying outmatch outmost outnumber outplayed outpost outpour output outrage outrank outreach outright outscore outsell outshine outshoot outsider outskirts outsmart outsource outspoken outtakes outthink outward outweigh outwit oval ovary oven overact overall overarch overbid overbill overbite overblown overboard overbook overbuilt overcast overcoat overcome overcook overcrowd overdraft overdrawn overdress overdrive overdue overeager overeater overexert overfed overfeed overfill overflow overfull overgrown overhand overhang overhaul overhead overhear overheat overhung overjoyed overkill overlabor overlaid overlap overlay overload overlook overlord overlying overnight overpass overpay overplant overplay overpower overprice overrate overreach overreact override overripe overrule overrun overshoot overshot oversight oversized oversleep oversold overspend overstate overstay overstep overstock overstuff oversweet overtake overthrow overtime overtly overtone overture overturn overuse overvalue overview overwrite owl oxford oxidant oxidation oxidize oxidizing oxygen oxymoron oyster ozone paced pacemaker pacific pacifier pacifism pacifist pacify padded padding paddle paddling padlock pagan pager paging pajamas palace palatable palm palpable palpitate paltry pampered pamperer pampers pamphlet panama pancake pancreas panda pandemic pang panhandle panic panning panorama panoramic panther pantomime pantry pants pantyhose paparazzi papaya paper paprika papyrus parabola parachute parade paradox paragraph parakeet paralegal paralyses paralysis paralyze paramedic parameter paramount parasail parasite parasitic parcel parched parchment pardon parish parka parking parkway parlor parmesan parole parrot parsley parsnip partake parted parting partition partly partner partridge party passable passably passage passcode passenger passerby passing passion passive passivism passover passport password pasta pasted pastel pastime pastor pastrami pasture pasty patchwork patchy paternal paternity path patience patient patio patriarch patriot patrol patronage patronize pauper pavement paver pavestone pavilion paving pawing payable payback paycheck payday payee payer paying payment payphone payroll pebble pebbly pecan pectin peculiar peddling pediatric pedicure pedigree pedometer pegboard pelican pellet pelt pelvis penalize penalty pencil pendant pending penholder penknife pennant penniless penny penpal pension pentagon pentagram pep perceive percent perch percolate perennial perfected perfectly perfume periscope perish perjurer perjury perkiness perky perm peroxide perpetual perplexed persecute persevere persuaded persuader pesky peso pessimism pessimist pester pesticide petal petite petition petri petroleum petted petticoat pettiness petty petunia phantom phobia phoenix phonebook phoney phonics phoniness phony phosphate photo phrase phrasing placard placate placidly plank planner plant plasma plaster plastic plated platform plating platinum platonic platter platypus plausible plausibly playable playback player playful playgroup playhouse playing playlist playmaker playmate playoff playpen playroom playset plaything playtime plaza pleading pleat pledge plentiful plenty plethora plexiglas pliable plod plop plot plow ploy pluck plug plunder plunging plural plus plutonium plywood poach pod poem poet pogo pointed pointer pointing pointless pointy poise poison poker poking polar police policy polio polish politely polka polo polyester polygon polygraph polymer poncho pond pony popcorn pope poplar popper poppy popsicle populace popular populate porcupine pork porous porridge portable portal portfolio porthole portion portly portside poser posh posing possible possibly possum postage postal postbox postcard posted poster posting postnasal posture postwar pouch pounce pouncing pound pouring pout powdered powdering powdery power powwow pox praising prance prancing pranker prankish prankster prayer praying preacher preaching preachy preamble precinct precise precision precook precut predator predefine predict preface prefix preflight preformed pregame pregnancy pregnant preheated prelaunch prelaw prelude premiere premises premium prenatal preoccupy preorder prepaid prepay preplan preppy preschool prescribe preseason preset preshow president presoak press presume presuming preteen pretended pretender pretense pretext pretty pretzel prevail prevalent prevent preview previous prewar prewashed prideful pried primal primarily primary primate primer primp princess print prior prism prison prissy pristine privacy private privatize prize proactive probable probably probation probe probing probiotic problem procedure process proclaim procreate procurer prodigal prodigy produce product profane profanity professed professor profile profound profusely progeny prognosis program progress projector prologue prolonged promenade prominent promoter promotion prompter promptly prone prong pronounce pronto proofing proofread proofs propeller properly property proponent proposal propose props prorate protector protegee proton prototype protozoan protract protrude proud provable proved proven provided provider providing province proving provoke provoking provolone prowess prowler prowling proximity proxy prozac prude prudishly prune pruning pry psychic public publisher pucker pueblo pug pull pulmonary pulp pulsate pulse pulverize puma pumice pummel punch punctual punctuate punctured pungent punisher punk pupil puppet puppy purchase pureblood purebred purely pureness purgatory purge purging purifier purify purist puritan purity purple purplish purposely purr purse pursuable pursuant pursuit purveyor pushcart pushchair pusher pushiness pushing pushover pushpin pushup pushy 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submitted by Hey everyone! I have been free from mobile games for almost two weeks now, and it feels great! I wanted to share my story to help other people who may struggle with a similar issue, and to build awareness. This issue goes almost completely under the radar and deserves some more attention.
I am a 30-year-old single male, living in the United States. My first experience with mobile games was with two games, Puzzle and Dragons and a brief stint with Spirit Stones. I am a big fan of the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion, and I happened to stumble across a news story about Puzzle and Dragons adding an Evangelion collaboration. I was interested in seeing what this was about, so I downloaded the game and was hooked for about a year, playing multiple hours a day, every day. This game had special events that would happen based on the hour of the day, so if there was a special event, I would plan out my days to some extent to make sure I could get the special in-game rewards, doesn’t matter if I was at work or at home. During this same time a friend told me about a game he started called Spirit Stones. Both of these games got me very comfortable spending real money to buy in game items, currency, rewards, etc. Spirit Stones only lasted maybe a month, but I spent a lot of time and money on it while playing. The other notable thing that happened with Spirit Stones was my friend getting out of the game at the same as I did, as we realized the game was toxic, a time and money sink, and it wasn’t going anywhere. Unfortunately, I kept going with other games. Back to P&D. So, after my year with Puzzle and Dragons, playing all the time every day, spending a bunch of money along the way, I finally had enough. I can’t recall exactly at the time what caused the decision, but I was able to sell my account for a few hundred dollars, which was nothing compared to how many actual dollars I put into the account, much less the amount of time spent to build up everything in the game.
Fast forward to two years ago. I see an advertisement for a game called Soccer Spirits. It looked interesting so I decided to download it. I was instantly hooked, as the story played out like a Visual Novel, the gameplay was unique, the art was a very nice anime style, and there were a lot of great characters. Soccer Spirits would dominate a lot of my life for two years. There was infinite grinding to do in this game, to level up one character completely it took a long time and a lot of resources, and there were a LOT of characters in this game. There would be special events on some weekends to power up items in the game and I would spend hours leveling things up, there were times I would be out at a restaurant and I would have the game going on auto mode to keep it going. Probably the most fiendish thing I have ever done is when I was driving myself to a casino about an hour and a half away during one of these events, and the whole time I was playing on auto mode continuing to power up in the game. And speaking of casinos, I will get to this more later, but a big thing with these mobile games is addiction. It is a lot like having a slot machine mixed with a game that is on your iphone that never leaves you.
Over the past two years I also played additional mobile games in conjunction with Soccer Spirits: Fate: Grand Order, Fire Emblem: Heroes, Mandrake Boys, and King’s Raid. I spent real money on every mobile game I have played. It is so easy to do, once I got comfortable doing it, it was just over for me, I had no self-control. Soccer Spirits was by far the worst, they had $100 in game packages for tons of currency to buy characters and do character draws, as well as giving power up resources, and special incentives like unique skins with new art for the characters. It is embarrassing to talk about, but I seriously must have spent over $5000 on this game, it could have been more, maybe up to even like $8000 or so, but I am not completely sure.
The money was always something that I could write off in my mind as “hey I am playing a game all the time, I put in a lot of effort so it is ok”. I would feel really guilty and bad for a few seconds as I was purchasing things, and then as soon as the in-game purchase was made and I got the rewards and could do fun things the feeling of elation came over me and the guilt was gone. This was a common occurrence and I bought a ton of these $100 packages for various in game rewards over the two years I played.
Beyond the money, there was the amount of time spent playing. As I mentioned at the beginning, I am 30 years old and single. I kept telling myself, “oh I am sure I can quit any time if I had anything else better to do”. It was an unhealthy cycle, I told myself I had nothing better to do so I kept playing mobile games all the time, and because I was playing mobile games I never tried to do anything else productive with my life. Any time I was watching a show or movie, I had my mobile game running – basically any time I was at home the game would be running and I would be doing something in the game. When the game wasn’t running I had my phone or browser open checking the community spots to look up game info or discuss the game.
I do want to add that while playing Soccer Spirits I was active in the “community” (like on the sub-reddit) and in a constant chat (like discord) with my in-game guild mates always talking about the game. A lot of the people were fun to talk to and were pretty nice. The people made me think I was being social and having a good time. But just like if you are an alcoholic or addicted to anything else, being around other people that are immersed in your addiction is a terrible experience. So I cut everything off, I left the chat group giving a final message without waiting for any replies (which I am sure seemed somewhat cold to the people I had been talking to constantly for months) and I left the subreddit.
So what finally changed? For me it was something that was building for a while, I knew that after 2 years of hardcore, dedicated playing with Soccer Spirits there was not THAT much more I could really do or accomplish in the game. I feel like I am a pretty smart and objective person in general, I knew everything that was going on, but because of the addiction I kept playing. This is also where my in-game friends and guildmates actually made things slightly worse by saying things like “oh you don’t need to spend so much time or money on the game, just try to not play as much as usual”. I do not blame any of them, I feel like I had the issue and there was no ill-intent on their part. But the final straw came just about two weeks ago. People in my group chat were talking about a new game called King’s Raid that they had started up recently and were trying to get me to play. I finally gave in, downloaded the game and it seemed interesting. It was Sunday night/Monday morning, and like any normal person I had to work on Monday morning. I stayed up until about 5:30am playing this new game for the first time, and of course had to spend about $150 to get a new character and items I liked. I got about an hour of sleep and then headed to work. It was then that I finally had enough and I had strong enough to feelings to end the vicious cycle. I realized everything that happened a few hours before was a culmination of everything that is wrong with mobile games and my addiction: I was starting a new cycle with a new game, I spent significant real-life money, and it was affecting my life once again. This was the moment of realization and the moment where I felt strong enough to take action. I wrote a brief message to my Soccer Spirits group chat without waiting for any replies, left the group chat, and deleted every mobile game app off my iphone. When I got home from work that day I deleted all the same apps off my ipad.
I feel free and liberated now. I have more time to work on some various hobbies, I can give my full attention to whatever I am doing in my home now, and I just feel better in general. I am not tied down because of a game that I have to always be progressing in or checking on.
And I did say we would come back to the topic of addiction. This element applies to me, and applies to a small subsection of other people, but not to everyone. However, it is important to recognize. I think I laid it out pretty well earlier: Mobile games are a lot like having a slot machine mixed with a game that is on your iphone that never leaves you. There is ALWAYS something to do in these games, and the option to spend money at any time is also there. The urge is always there and new patches with new content are added regularly to keep people playing. It is just a never-ending cycle.
What can we learn from this? I know there are other people out there that are going through similar things. Stop wasting your time and your money, go live your life. It took me years to finally come to this conclusion on my own, and to accept it. Not everyone that plays mobile games is ruining their life, spending too much time playing, spending too much money, or is addicted, but those elements are there. My advice is take a look at your own situation. Is there anything that you can think of that affects you negatively with your mobile game playing, just stop and consider if continuing to play is the right choice.
I am not sure this issue is really of epidemic proportions, but I think it affects way more people than we realize. Anyway, I hope this was somewhat helpful, insightful, or interesting! I feel like this was partly a way to have some closure as well for me (sorry for being greedy); to put the final nail in the proverbial mobile game coffin :)
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