The Role of Dopamine in Gambling Withdrawal

With some big youtubers recently speaking out on the predatory nature of gatcha (Tectone and MTashed, for example), and how it can negatively affect people, I've been seeing some that just say "Don't make stupid choices. It's your fault if you're dumb enough to spend money on a stupid game." While I agree that the bottom line is that we are in control of our own actions, and it's on us to fix it, it's not always as easy as shear willpower, and it's much harder for some.
For some people it is very easy to just not care, and be smart, much like exercising and making proper eating choices. But addiction is real. When people get wrapped up in specific types of dopamine hits, it can actually be painful to avoid the specific source of that pleasure. Gambling is not much different than drugs, minus the external chemical dependency that comes with it. The phycological and internal chemical dependancies are crippling, for some people. It's hard to understand until you experience it, or something else that is so contrary to how your brain functions. It's easy to assume we are all humans so if my brain does a thing, other humans have the same capacity. Some people can take the Jocko Willink approach and "just do it" through willpower and discipline, but others need to fight harder, and understand themselves on a deeper level to not make stupid decisions for short term dopamine hits. They need to understand WHY they NEED THAT HIT, so they can replace it with something more genuine.
Some peoples energy is fueled by social interactions. For people like that, the pandemic has been extra hard. Less human interaction means less recharging of your sanity. Elevated anger level and depression are inevitable. Some people subsidize that lacking by trying to connect with YT, reddit, discord, or anything else to feel like they are part of a community that they can relate to. If you get in deep enough, you want to feel like you're always able to be in the hot conversations, you want to understand, first hand, what others have experienced, so you can talk with them and contribute to that social interaction. They feel satisfied if they are helping someone. Maybe its a tip on how to adjust a build, just searching for the next "thanks. I never thought about that. Sound sick. I'll try that out" These desires aren't always conscious and most people may not realize this is why they are so enthralled with social content.
It's like when your body lack nutrients, so you become hungry. If you eat garbage food, you will likely be hungry shortly after, when your body realizes it consumed something, but not the something it needed that caused the hunger in the first place. Social interactions are that essential to some of us, and for others, it is literally the opposite. Some people recharge in isolation. Being around social interactions for too long can feel like wading through water, and you can't get a full breath of air until you're by yourself. This is not a problem with the person, it's just how their brain functions. This is only a single example of how contrary various personalities/minds can be.
It's an easy thing to say "just don't be stupid", but if your brain doesn't work like others, it's hard to understand how different we really can be wired. For the longest time I didn't realize some people are incapable of having an internal monologue (basically thinking, in sentences, to yourself). That shit messed me up to wrap my head around. The point is there's many types of people out there, and their brains can sometimes work in ways that we couldn't conceive until directly affected by it.
So please, if you come across someone that struggles, or relates to someone else's struggle, don't just blindly put them down. They probably need support, and positive interactions more than they even know. Be kind and understanding of others. Keep an opened mind. Take any opportunity to have a positive impact on another one of your fellow humans. We can be more different than we realize. Always assume the person you're speaking to may know something you don't. Keep learning. Or at the very least, don't be a dick.

Summary :
My story about Dota addiction, how to come out of it?, how to check whether you are addicted to dota ? and finally some tips to improve MMR.
My story :
During my university time, I missed my exams due to playing DOTA 1. I stopped dota one fine day and I cleared all my exams. Fast forward 10 years, last year I got in trouble at work for playing DOTA, I used to play for 5-6 hours on weekdays post work and 10-12 hours during weekends. I am a software engineer with good pay and the work might extend to 10-12 hours but with DOTA I want to log off everyday at 7-8 hours so I was unable to meet the deadlines. I also got into trouble with my wife as well (We got into multiple fights but she still stayed and din’t leave me). I was addicted to Dota. I found that DOTA + Alcohol is bad mixture. I had issues on my eyes and back. I felt like my life which is just time is just vanishing out of me. My highest MMR was 3k in 2020 and I used to play support.
Dota Addiction:
I would define addiction as you continue playing multiple games even when you want to stop and you start playing even when you don’t want to start.
My views on Dota :
Dota is likely the best or one of the best known games to mankind with great repetitive plays. It is really an awesome game. I can spend countless hours on it and still learn new things. It seems like I can keep playing it for almost infinite time or till the end of my life(it might be worth it but you will miss out on ever other thing).
Future for me :
I will and want to play dota once again when I retrie or if I can’t do other things in life due to disability. (I have also used DOTA as a tool of coming out of or avoiding depression during a death of a loved one, because I know DOTA will suck me up so that I won’t have time to be sad. ). After quitting Dota for many months, I started watching DOTA pro plays and I think I might just continue doing that.
Who should play dota ?
I know some guys could just play 1-2 games everyday an sign off. I think their brain is wired different so that they could keep it under control. There might be folks who will play 4-5 games on a weekend but still participate well in education/job and personal life. For these folks I think it good to relax or a reasonable use. If you think your education/job and personal life is affected or if you feel that you lose control of yourself in Dota then may be DOTA might not be the best for you.
Info for you guys :
If you are addicted to DOTA like how I was. Remember the only way to overcome it is to quit it completely. I have tried to play Dota again and again on multiple different years after a gap, ended up getting addicted every time and spent weeks/months trying to quit it. If DOTA is very addictive maybe your brain is not suitable for reasonable use of DOTA like my brain. Don’t lose your life on DOTA unless you are a pro player or you got nothing else to do. Dota is ultimately just a game (may be the best game ever) which is supposed to a small part of life for most of us, there are so many other good things in life to enjoy like getting good education, job, wife etc and also good hobbies like ‘A song of ice and fire’, ‘Terra Mystica’, ‘Attack on Titan’ etc. If Dota is eating away your life, then don’t let it.
Steps to overcome DOTA addiction
​

1. Stop playing dota, stop starting to play dota.
2. Uninstall Ask your friend to change the password and not give you.
3. Stop thinking about DOTA (Very important, more you think the more strong the neural connections in your brain)
4. Stop watching or reading about DOTA
5. Focus your mind on something else like reading a novel, work or another simple non addictive game.
6. If you had been addicted twice then don’t come back after months of quitting.

My advice on improving MMR:
I went from 1k to 3k in a few months. (I quit within few days of becoming 3k.)
​

1. Play a role/character which is impactful to the game to increase MMR and don’t play a character which you love. (I love Venomancer and Troll but they don’t give me MMR. But other characters which I love lesser than Troll like KOTL with will o wisp ulti, VS, Ogre and WK helphed me increase MMR from 2k to 3k).
2. If you can’t do well with a particular character after trying multiple times, no matter how much you love it, stop playing that charater for some time. Ensure that you try on a variety of characters before choosing which 5-10 to spam.
3. If you are in lower bracket then spam the characters which are good at meta. I used to spam Huskar mid for 1k to 2k. I was huskar mid with 70% win rate and 150 games. (Supports have harder time climbing up from lower MMR, thats why I spammed a core huskar to climb up. The cores in lower bracket are unreliable so you can spam ur way up a bit by playing core then switch to support on a higher bracket)
4. If you are a support then team up with a good core and play multiple games with him. One good core carry player helped me grow from 2.5k to 3k. Now I am no longer gambling to get a good random core from online. I know that if I do my job well my core is going to do his job well as well. (if you find one good player in your team, invite them again for another match as well)
5. Remember you only control a few things in a game, there could be a smurf in the opponent team, big noob in your team or unlucky deaths. So it is okay to lose such games. Just focus on how to improve yourself instead of directly trying to win many games.

Disclaimer:
Before we begin, let's establish some boundaries: I'm not able to speak for every person with AGP. I haven't been conducting in-depth studies for years on thousands of patients. All I can tell you is my story, and my observations in my life. I've been commenting on others' posts with little tidbits and excerpts from my life and my stances, but I've now received several private messages asking for more info - one person in particular asked for me to write out my "full story" more or less...so perhaps this is more effective, to have it all in one place.
There are many examples of "successful" trans stories, and tragic tales of de-transitioning, yet we don't see or hear much about AGP men leading a happy, successful life into middle-to-old age...which I think is mostly self-evident: if you happily manage it, you aren't likely to want to bring up old memories again in some reddit post. However, after so many years of not having anyone to understand me, I am enjoying wading in these waters, and absolutely feel it as my duty to share my story of success.
One more time for emphasis: AGP seems to affect people very similarly in some ways, and very different in others. Someone who was molested is likely to have a harsher trauma than someone who was told they looked like a girl one time - but it's actually not certain. We have SUCH limited data and awareness as a society on this thing, that it's almost all anecdotal other than a handful of doctors/authors. And while I write this to give hope to many, I understand that an 18 year old who already knows they have AGP has a way better chance of breaking habits as opposed to a 48 year old who's been indulging them since puberty. That said, perhaps the 48 year old has more willpower than the 18 year old! Point being, my story will explain what's worked for me. Perhaps it could work for you as well, or perhaps you actually want to feed into the AGP.
This got very long. I've divided it up into 3 parts:

1. Early life + teen years. This is the longest due to the importance of formative years + the relevance to a lot of young guys reading this. Writing about these parts was like looking into a different world, so guys, please have patience with your developing mind.
2. College years up until discovering "AGP" as a concept at 27. This is the shortest section, due to its relatively static nature.
3. 27 "the year of destiny"-present. This is also long because I begin with my discovery of AGP, and I've ended it off with my advice on how to achieve similar results with success. I'd recommend scrolling to the end if you're of limited attention span and just want some jot-points...but knowing AGP, I think you'll all read it just fine.

PART 1
Potential origins:
I didn't have a terrifying upbringing or a terrible family, but there were flaws. My father was a hard-ass about "manning up" which I actually think has a place, but he didn't balance that with expressing love as much as he could have. But I believe the major point of origin was when my sister and I (she's 2 years younger) would get in an argument or potentially minor physical clash, she would screech and my dad would come running in and give me a smack. No beatings, but it was evident to young me (I believe this happened from the range of 6-10 years old) that boys were at more physical risk than girls.
It was never explained (if it was, it wasn't done well because I don't remember it) about the biological differences between boys and girls as they get older, which at least would have made more sense. However, it was still a bad scene since my sister figured out the game and would fake-scream just to get me in trouble sometimes. I am sure this could have contributed to the AGP, as my brain may have imprinted from a base, primitive, survival level that being a girl is safer - ironically it's clear now that women are much more physically vulnerable, but once the imprint establishes itself, it's in.
My father was the bad cop, my mom the good cop, he was working a lot - which I'm grateful for - but he wasn't as involved as he could have been in hindsight. They eventually split up when I was 10, about a year before puberty...so yeah, I'm sure all of this has some accumulative effect.
During this pre-pubescent time, I was entirely hetero on the surface, although I can vividly recall a dream or two where I was a girl against my will - telling that I recall them. One was where I ran out the front door and if I didn't go back in, I'd become a girl. Another one I was sitting at a dinner table and I just was a girl - this one was actually more uncomfortably weird, due to me just being a girl in it doing normal things, but knowing I wasn't in real life.
Anyway, those dreams are not to be ignored, but I had the standard crushes on girls and had multiple "girlfriends" even at age 10. Played some sports but wasn't super interested in them at this point, although I liked video games and competition. I've always been emotionally intelligent, but other than that I had no typical feminine interests or desire for their clothing/bodies. Girls, to me, were mostly just boring people who didn't get rough and play sports with us guys.
I don't recall any conscious AGP feelings until puberty, where the imprint barged in through my mind's walls KOOL-AID MAN STYLE.
First signs of AGP
Safe to say, from here on out it's NSFW, but I'll try to keep it as classy as possible while still being informative.
Had it ever since first masturbation. It was to a picture of Angelina Jolie on a video game magazine dressed as Tomb Raider; I was very fixated on the tight shorts and imagined myself as her, and after that I'd often imagine myself as a woman in sex with a "shadow" man. I had never watched porn at this point, although I had seen sex scenes in movies which gave me the visual fuel.
I was the typical teen boy in that I was jacking off MULTIPLE TIMES every day, but I was atypical in that it was always AGP. I didn't have regular access to the internet until I was 14 or so, and even then I was never really into porn. All I needed was imagery if I wanted external stimulation; looking at a picture of a naked woman and imagining I had her body. My imagination game is very strong.
I remember first hearing about "transsexuals" or "sex changes" through TV shows/movies, and would get strangely curious about it. I remember reading into it at some point, and being immensely turned on the whole time. I went to a school with uniforms and would look at girls all day, and often I'd get jealous when they'd wear tight pants. Much more tamely, I'd often play little weird games in my head like when playing games I'd think to myself "if you hit that target on this shot, you get to become a hot girl".
So...YEAH it was pretty strong. It's also important to mention that I went through many changes during one year, around 11 years old: puberty, parents separating (only saw father every 2nd weekend), went to a different school...so it was a lot of change at once, and it's hard to say how much each contributed to what.
Social struggles, search for teen identity
All I know is I was significantly less socially successful from 4th grade to 5th, by a longshot. I was still playing sports and doing well at all that, but I just never really had that drive or knowhow to interact with girls. I was a good looking athlete so I was a little confused at all this; although I was also very late to the internet game as I mentioned - a lot of social bonding was happening over "MSN messenger, the equivalent to "AOL messenger" or the current facebook messenger. I was missing out on a lot of interaction there, so once again, hard to pinpoint how much was the AGP's fault, but I doubt it helped.
From 11-16 I didn't really know how to socialize effectively, although I was starting to get girlfriends slowly but surely in high school (14-16). And then my father passed away from cancer! Certainly not ideal.
Around 16 I found a group of stoner males that taught me a bit of the "party scene", although they had a parallel group of females that I actually started hanging out with more. This was probably the most effeminate path I'd taken in life to this point, but the guys were very aggressive and harsh, and I was so much more emotionally sensitive. I will never forget one night these girls tried convincing me "come on, just admit it, you ARE a girl! it's fine, you're just one of us..." uhh COME ON GOD WHAT THE HECK. That scene is instilled in my head to this day as an AGP-dysphoric memory.
All this time, I was indulging in AGP masturbation fantasies, but I also had strong hetero competition - I had romantic girlfriends, and even in that female group of friends I actually would have liked to have hooked up with some of them. I really just lacked the ability to be forthright and bold and masculine in my advances; all of the girlfriends I had, had advanced on me first. I will admit I have very good looks...without them, I would have likely been incel...UNTIL:
ALCOHOL HELPED WITH HETEROSEXUAL ENCOUNTERS
Around 17-18 years old I merged back in with the male group, and started drinking at gatherings/parties more often. Turns out this was GREAT for making me analyze less, being more forthright and brash, etc. Sure, I also behaved as a buffoon, but I guess in hindsight it did get me feeling stronger about my masculine side. Really not good advice, as I did engage in the typical "college weekend alcoholic" for years, something I didn't fully escape until about 27.
BACK TO PRODUCTIVE INSIGHT/ADVICE: cross-dressing phase
So yes, I clearly had textbook AGP, but it didn't terribly impact my life for a while - I imagine being purely hetero during puberty would have me jacking off just as often, and being just as distracted. Testosterone is a heckuva drug. But there was some escalation eventually. I believe the first time I cross-dressed in private was around 14-15...this gave me TREMENDOUS AGP excitement, but I felt a ton of shame and the level of arousal was a little scary. If I had to guess, I'd say I did it only once or twice every year, until somewhere in my later teens, perhaps 16-18. It's hard to pinpoint, but I do know that at some point I started CDing (always to intense ejaculation) more and more, and one week in particular I was doing it every day. I began shakily/anxiously trying to put on makeup, and even *NSFW* putting a lubed-up pen up my butt a little bit. Writing that out feels weird, but hey, them's the facts.
Thankfully, one day that week, someone came home - I believe it was my sister. I was fully dressed up + makeup, and my heart was pounding. Luckily I was in the bathroom, so I SOMEHOW MANAGED to have a shower and return all the clothing without anyone ever noticing. But I'm pretty sure that was the last time I ever CD'd...and I haven't looked back in that time. It was very clearly the most addictive thing I've ever felt in my entire life, and in the span of one week it was already escalating tremendously.
First big dysphoria
Let's talk about my thoughts during these times. As this CD phase escalated, dysphoria became extremely present. I remember getting hard to thoughts of myself as a woman, looking at my cock, and thinking "well, I see you're happy, but you're going to be cut up into a vagina someday if we keep doing this. Hope you're happy, bro".
I am somewhat of a manlet, with light features, and small hands/feet/bone structure, which only confused me further. I thought often and thoroughly about how it seemed I was basically meant to be a woman, and how there was no escaping. This level of obsessive thought-loop has appeared several times in my life, but thankfully not consistently or for too long. Every time I was in the deepest depths of this dysphoric mindset, I always felt my worst. The more I tried embracing my "inner woman", the more incredibly anxious, depressed, shaky, weak I'd feel...it became clear to me that I do not want to feel those things, and I had a lot to be grateful for in my male life. If this happened the more I accepted being a woman, then why would I surrender and feel that way all the time?!
As I strayed away from the CDing, the dysphoria dissipated considerably.
ONE MORE TIME
I have basically never felt intense anxiety or depression as an adult male. I always feel intense anxiety or depression when I have fed the AGP to the point it grows to dysphoria.
This should be a major emphasis for anyone out there who's still reading and resonates with my story. We are always told to listen to our body in terms of health, so why should this be any different? Yes, sure, if you get depressed NOT giving into your AGP, then sure, try indulging. But for me, one week of crossdressing seriously impacted my stimulus-sensitive mind, and could have altered my life completely had I not stopped then and there.
By the way, I didn't pop a pill, it wasn't easy...but I did it. I'm not a superhero. If you recognize that a drug addiction is bad for you, it's not going to be easy to quit...but you can do it.
PART 2
Alpha Chad Frat Boy + First "Coming Out"
Welcome to part 2, and I hope you enjoy the ironic title of the next stage. I'm going to try to be as concise as I can, as part 1 was very long - but the formative years are incredibly important, especially considering many young men will be reading this and still living in those years. This next period basically covers my late teens/mid 20s.
It's important to remember I still didn't even know what AGP was at this point. Huge disadvantage. I had figured I was maybe "half trans" or something, but couldn't figure it out. After the CDing phase, I continued my partying and social growth. On the positive side, I had some AMAZINGLY FUN times - despite my emotional senses, I am still extremely extroverted. And by this stage, likely with the help of alcohol, I had managed to build up some protective walls so the harsh words of brotherhood didn't affect me so much. I made MANY friends, and had sex with MANY women in my early-mid 20s.
The negative side: this immense social success made it very easy to ignore AGP tendencies. I still had very strong AGP masturbation fantasies, and was actually imagining I was many of the women I slept with. But because I was satisfying a huge social issue for me, this wasn't a big deal...
...until I actually fell for a girl, instead of just wanting a one-night stand. All my obsessive thinking was transferred to her - and I never got with her, even though we spent almost every day together for 2 years. We took the same classes, but she completely friend-zoned me. I would still hook up with other women, but she was always the target.
She also didn't help the AGP by saying things like "I wish you were girl so we could talk about fashion/boys/etc." or "what if we come back for a class reunion in 10 years and you're a woman!" Idk if this broad could see the underlying femininity or what, but that was certainly not great.
Eventually, after trying to overtly and forthrightly convince her to date me for two years, I drunkenly tried to fight my friend at a party who was making a move on her. She hated me for this, and said she never wanted to speak to me again.
"OH HI MARK, HOW'S YOUR SEX LIFE?" - my AGP morphing to dysphoria at that moment in time. Yeah, turns out if you completely shut out all remotely feminine traits in public, while privately engaging in AGP fantasies, and then putting all your emotional eggs in one human being...you're putting a lot of hope in that one basket not falling. Well, it fell. And I genuinely loved her as a friend at the least, so I actually told her I wanted to meet up and tell her something important.
I told her I had "trans thoughts" and went into some detail. I wanted her to just tell me it was obvious and that I should go for it, if we're being honest. I was wide open for exploitation after having all those "eggs in a basket" explode in one night...THANK GOD I didn't know about trans reddit, they would have had a field day.
I got lucky. This girl was shocked, and told me I shouldn't do anything drastic, that she wasn't someone who knew what to do here. It's important to note she had previously expressed some curiosity toward trans people, and seemed to like the idea of them. But her very rational response here was a major blessing at that vulnerable moment in my life.
Saying a lot of these then-decade old thoughts (was probably 21-22) out loud was therapeutic enough at the time, so the dysphoria basically vanished. This is why I do not recommend "blind repression", as it can leave you vulnerable when sometimes even just talking about or acknowledging the AGP on a non-sexual level an relieve very heavy dysphoria.
But I still didn't even know what AGP was...so let's fast-forward.
First therapeutic activity
At 23, after what was probably another year of blind repression like I'd done in the past, I managed to find an outlet for my emotionally sensitive side: acting classes. I had a very tough instructor who cut right through my tough-guy act and helped break down my walls to access the emotion required for acting out highly emotional scenes.
This probably saved my life.
For me, sexually feeding the AGP directly will lead to the least-desired outcome. However, finding an outlet to vent the AGP-adjacent (feminine, softer, but not sexual) side of me seems to have altered my life a lot. I also began exercising more than ever during this stage of my life.
This was also the poorest I have ever been financially, working temporary factory jobs for minimum wage. But I don't recall any major flare-ups leading to dysphoria, even though I was still engaging in the AGP masturbation fantasies, and doing the "I'm her" thing during sex. This indicates that even during times where flare-ups are more likely, things like exercise and having a "vent" can help.
Career boost
I focused on training for my career and at 24 I got a huge opportunity with a company. This helped boost mental well-being and kept things largely on-track for a few years...
Part 3
AGP discovery
At 27, I had moved to a new city, living at an AirBnb with other people, my career lost some momentum, and I still hadn't had a stable relationship since I was 19...you guessed it, AGP-fueled dysphoria-time.
This was the most critical turning point in my entire life to this point: I stumbled upon the concept of AGP. This was amazing! It described me perfectly, and so I delved through alllll the literature, and allll the online content...but remember, my life was still un-sturdy. I still exercised, but on its own it is not enough. And now I was obsessing over the AGP, diving in head-first...I ended up entering by far the worst dysphoria since the CDing era in my teens, arguably worse.
I say worse because I was very recently 27, and was acutely aware that 27 was getting a little too close to 30. Instead of learning how to control the AGP, I ended up watching some of the sissy hypno for the first time, and masturbating multiple times a day to AGP fantasies. Fortunately, I was old enough at this time to comprehend how powerful it was, and didn't go too far in that.
But it was the most intense year of my life. I could feel a spiritual tug-o-war, it was very apparent that this was now-or-never - in both directions. Knowing my enemy in AGP was great, but it wasn't great that I had a strong condition that the literature made it seem as if one day I was doomed to transition no matter what.
Doomed to Trans?
And doesn't that just play right into the fantasy? "well, you're going to do it as an old weird dude anyway, might as well do it now and not destroy the lives of a woman and children - not to mention enjoy some attractive pretend-woman years" "just give in" "surrender to it all, let it happen"...
What a siren song for someone with AGP...and yet, there was so much at stake. While not as wildly social as my early 20's (I quit drinking to excess that year), I enjoyed my social life as a male. I was attracted to women, even with the AGP sideshow. Let's face it: the most beautiful, mentally sound women are much more likely to be attracted to an in-tact man, and a traditionally masculine man at that. They want someone to fill the father role for their children.
There's also the matter of personal well-being. I've never seen an elderly transperson, frankly, until Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner. And they have the best medical teams money can buy. The facts are that medical transition is extremely dangerous...most people can develop serious health problems just from living normally, never mind the introduction of cross-gender hormones. One is hooked on a lifetime prescription of pills. As for the physical surgery elements: a neovagina has many, often disgusting, unfortunate outcomes that are far from uncommon.
We will never be women.
Knowing I had AGP really helped with that, especially as I do have some feminine-ish physical traits. It's a lot harder to justify living as a man if you're definitively instructed by society that you're actually a woman in the wrong body...and that's all I could find for the first 16 years of my pubescent life.
So I more or less listed the pros and cons of each.
List your pros/cons of each outcome
Pros of living male: great mental and physical health, attractive, great friends, get to create my own family, get to be with a great woman, career is overall still good, my future goals all align with this, day-to-day life is easy in term's of society's expectations of appearance, don't have to worry about walking alone at night etc.
Cons: never knowing for sure what the other side feels like, must exercise discipline instead of instant gratification, society expects a higher income if you plan on mating effectively, people feel less sorry for you, more responsibility
Pros of deciding to be a pseudo-woman: perhaps orgasms would be 12/10, not just 10/10, would at least be fun at first to play with female/body, basically get to hit re-start button on life and learn a new-playthrough, less responsibility, have sense of finality as opposed to constant wondering in dysphoric state
cons: may be unattractive, even if somewhat attractive will always know that you aren't actually a woman, less men will be interested in settling down, infertile, likely to die sooner, less physical strength, more vulnerable, mental health likely less stable due to nature of estrogen, operations could be botched leaving one a mutilated mess, will drastically alter all friend/family/work relationships, have to learn how to live from the ground-up in a brand new world, novelty could wear off and realize grass was not greener
...I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but it sure looks like the cons for succumbing to the AGP desires are more numerous and have much more dire consequences. It looks like a fun sexual gamble you'd maybe take with a video game character...but to take a chance risking a good life? It was obviously the worst outcome.
Do I have control?
Okay, so the AGP feelings are permanent, but I wanted to overcome them. I logically recognized that the male life is much more desirable...but once again, am I doomed? Heading towards 30, I wanted to find that special lady and have some kids, and I would loathe myself to give in to a selfish, illogical sexual kink that ruins the mental state of an entire family. Was I doomed? Not if I could help it.
If I kept blindly hoping for the best, pretending there was no dragon nearby, one day that dragon would emerge from its cave and kill me. If I was going to "die" at the hands of this thing, I was going to do it in the dragon's lair. Die bravely, or live triumphantly.
I needed to hammer this out, so I reached out to Blanchard himself, and he mercifully replied. Living in Canada, I was able to see his friend Ken Zucker, who understands AGP - I WOULD ONLY RECOMMEND GOING TO SOMEONE WHO TAKES AGP SERIOUSLY. The majority of today's gender therapists are likely to look for any reason to castrate you, more or less.
Heading into the therapy, I realized that this was an intense step and the dysphoria flared up substantially for the final time. I will admit, the AGP wanted him to tell me I was doomed and had to do it. It wasn't the logic talking, but the AGP knew it was closer to its goal than ever before...
Thankfully, talking about ALL of this with a true professional helped immensely. He said there is likely some AGP (no way!), but nothing I can't handle. I can't stress enough how fighting this head-on was such a victory for me living a normal life.
Now, this exact therapy-outcome may not be realistic for many. Money and/or an AGP-aware gender doc may not be in play. Use this subreddit, ask people like me or others whose story sounds relatable to yours. You can achieve this first step of clarity in many ways on your own.
Take control.

1. Figure out your exact condition, your feelings, what's led to it all, where you see your future...FIGURE IT OUT. Way easier said than done, but so crucial.
2. Decide your path, understanding that at no point will you be "forced" to do anything. Everything in my story after the AGP was imprinted was a choice of mine. The only difference was that each choice was made with different levels of wisdom behind it.
3. Protect yourself. Let's talk about that.

Protect yourself
Understand that while deciding to carry on as male is almost always the smart choice, and long-term the "easier" life...you are likely to have at least mild-to-medium AGP flare-ups for life. The people who go for the pseudo-woman life are sacrificing a lot long-term, but their big advantage is that they at least don't have to worry about AGP taking over any more - they've surrendered to it, at whatever cost that may be.
But if your life would be much better as a male, then I liken this logic to losing a war. Sure, the relief of the war being over would be something - you don't have to fight for your life anymore - but the repercussions may be profound, as seen by the effects on defeated nations/civilizations over the years.
It's been 2 years since my last dysphoria/major AGP flare-up, which is pretty cool, but obviously not a victory lap yet. However, there are massive differences in my lifestyle between now and my pre-AGP-aware repressions:

1. I no longer look at porn at all, or use AGP fantasies for masturbation or during sex. The urge isn't even there.
2. After implementing this mental wiring ^ I was able to increase my outward female-targeting. This landed me a great gal that I've since married, and I dominate her submissiveness automatically. Writing this essay has basically been like looking into a different world, in hindsight.
3. I've come to Christ fully and completely. To be honest, if you look at how my puberty began and where my life is now, it's not hard to see "miracles" can take place, and I do attribute God to many of my life's saving turning points...however I didn't mention His influence until now, as I want to reach as many people as possible, and I know reddit isn't the most Christian-friendly website. But I assure you that the advantages to having Faith are very helpful. One caveat: if someone does not effectively take control and understand their issues before jumping headfirst into religion, it is more likely to result in relapse. Hence the molester priests who kept their problems buried their entire lives.
4. I've returned to the weight-lifting of my early-20's, with a better diet than I ever had back then (and less of a weekend alcohol addiction). These seem basic, but mental health is so drastically improved from these factors alone, that it's worth mentioning.
5. Obsessive thought-loops: these are what spiral the AGP out of control, but they can also keep you going to the gym every day. Feeding the AGP via little thoughts will generally lead to medium thoughts, and so-on, unless it is identified and squashed early on. When I get mild flare ups I just laugh, and go over to kiss my wife, realizing she's a better woman than I could ever pretend to be. We are likely all somewhat obsessive, so be vigilant with your thought cycles.

Pillars of stability
I figured that I'd identify some pillars of stability that will naturally reduce anxiety and accompanying AGP flare-ups:

1. Career. Find a way to be happy while making money
2. Romance. The longer you use AGP fantasy in masturbation/sex, the harder this aspect will be to fulfill. If you pop an AGP boner, try switching over to a hetero fantasy before you finish. Maybe a girl you have a crush on. Tbh I've finished to visualizations of my ideal life, which is weird but seems to work
3. Physical. Work out, if not for physical appearance, then for mental well-being. Maintain a strong diet, get your vitamins.
4. Social. We are social creatures, get out there and have some fun. Loneliness is a major source of AGP flare-up.
5. Spiritual. I personally testify that God has had a major hand in my preservation, and not just from AGP/dysphoria. Maybe this seems silly, but keep an open mind.

You may notice that all of these are under attack from the lockdowns...I personally don't think this is an accident. It doesn't take a genius to see how terribly mental health in general has been affected by it all. Stay vigilant. Do not allow corrupt politicians (who don't abide their own rules) to mentally castrate you.
Final thoughts/Where I'm at now
I've been writing this for almost 4 hours now...jeez. My brain is spent, and I haven't eaten as I want this done. But let me try to offer a little bit more of my story/advice briefly. I may edit this little section if I think of something later:

• AGP doesn't have to be a curse. I actually believe that if it's compartmentalized effectively, you have an advantage over other guys when it comes to reading a woman, and knowing what she wants - especially sexually.
• self-awareness, discipline, willpower...these things reign supreme. You control a lot more than you think you do.
• I've been completely content since those fateful therapy sessions and subsequent life decisions, no hidden rage or envy. I am almost never affected by anxiety or depression
• these 2 years have been the best of my life, even though I had temporarily repressed blindly in the past. Considering I had still been engaging the AGP fantasies back then, it's no wonder something ate at me underneath it all, even in successful repression.

​
Alright, that's it for me. Hope this helps someone, even slightly. There are likely spelling errors, repetition, and/or missing links/holes in the story throughout...I am not proofreading this right now, but feel free to point anything out or question anything I've written, of course. I'll edit where necessary.
Open to all questions and am always available to talk about this very lonely condition, in public or private if you prefer.
Stay strong...you are not alone.

Hey gang! I'm starting a far future sci fi campaign pretty soon and I'd like to add some flavor and RP to FTL travel instead of "seven days pass, you arrive in the system" when there's nothing prepared for the transit. I'm pulling inspiration from the living arrangements of Star Trek, where the personal lives of the characters had a presence in the show during less dangerous times.
Assume FTL transit time is between one and fourteen days, so a handful of people sharing a flat together for that long without going outside (not relatable at all). They all have their own rooms and private bathrooms.
Update 1: This is great stuff guys! Keep it up! Loving it. Update 2: Almost there! Thank you everyone for your submissions so far!

1. One of the crew is cooking cuisine from their home planet. Another crewmate is allergic to some of the ingredients.
   
2. One of the crew is allergic to the pet someone else just picked up from the last planet.
   
3. Someone didn't do their chore assigned from the ship chore wheel.
   
4. Someone is doing one of their hobbies in the crew rec area. I didn't know you played trombone!
   
5. A way to celebrate a holiday for one crewmate is totally different for anothethe rest of the crew. You mean you guys don't eat breakfast for dinner on Christmas???
   
6. Someone keeps using up all of the group's allotted holodeck time.
   
7. A crew member wants to test a new ai system for the first time...It's got some bugs.
   
8. Someone didn't know how to make popcorn. Everything now smells like burnt popcorn.
   
9. Someone clogged their toilet and now needs to share with another crewmate.
   
10. Character A considers themselves pretty good at a certain board/card game. Character B is fascinated by their skills and asks to be taught. Turns out, B is getter at the game than A.
    
11. "You've never had [food] before?!"
    
12. One of the aliens doesn't know about hair dye and freaks out when the local human starts losing their color.
    
13. Surprise room inspection! Why is one being held? What do the inspectors find?
    
14. One of the aliens gets really jazzed about a human religious holiday and it makes people simultaneously flattered and uncomfortable.
    
15. "What do you mean [rare chemical] is toxic to [target species]?! My roommate is a [said species]! I've been using it all day!"
    
16. The group is trading traditional and cultural horror stories. Some of the members have particularly strong feelings about a couple of the stories.
    
17. A small group of crew have decided to throw a dance party in the middle of the recreational room. This is an issue to those who dislike the occasion, and baffles those who don't understand dancing.
    
18. A relationship between two crew mates is becoming a bit of an issue.
    
19. One of the crew has bought way too hard into an MLM and is peddling their wares to everyone who will listen (and everyone who won't).
    
20. Everytime a crewmate is disturbed in their room they're too relaxed. We're talking robe, slippers, essential oils - this crewmate is a chronic, indulgent lounger. THis can be awkward when they need to leave theirr cabin in a hurry, like for emergencies.
    
21. Why does this crewmate have restricted military equipment and where did they get it?
    
22. The ship is regularly receiving encrypted messages but it's not clear who is reciving them or what they're about. All anyone knows is that the messages are digitally signed by a competitor.
    
23. Their pet doesn't really like them and regularly slepes in anyone's quarters it can get into other than its owner's. It is relentless in the early morning when it needs to be let out to pee.
    
24. There's a damn space possum somewhere on the ship. It's mostly harmless but rarely detectable except when it chews around an important wire and a system goes down. Sometimes it can be heard scrambling around behind the walls.
    
25. All of the furniture in one of the cabins is smashed beyond usability, including the bed. It's not clear if a former or current crewmate is responsible, or if it was damaged in a fit of rage, investigation or raucous party.
    
26. The ship likes to play music late at night when it thinks everyone is asleep. The ship's idea of a banging tune sounds more or less like alien ghost whales quietly weeping. Anyone who happens to be up late may begin to believe the ship is haunted.
    
27. One of the maintenance droids watches people sleep. This cannot be explained by its programming, or its rudimentary language. What is it thinking?
    
28. One of the crew is taking drugs to stay awake for days at a time. It's affecting their job performance but wow do they get a lot of cleaning done!
    
29. The, "it's just a prank bro," bro has been setting up borderline dangerous surprises for the other crew and trying to catch their reactions on camera. NOt only is it obnoxious, the vids keep going viral and strangers are starting to recognize the victims.
    
30. One of the crewman's culture has a no nudity taboo and they keep forgetting that not everyone feels the same way.
    
31. one of the crewman is a compulsive gambler and is constantly betting on everything (or trying to).
    
32. One of the crewman notices another crewman has disappeared but no one remembers them and there is no log of them on the ship.
    
33. Everyone on the ship has the same dream every night.
    
34. For a few days all of the crewman are overtaken with overwhelming feelings of sadness and loss that pass after about 5 minutes.
    
35. Jeffery bet he could fit in the vents. He did fit. At least until he got halfway through and is now stuck.
    
36. The ship's computer specialist hacks into the ship's computer and programs it to rap all of its responses.
    
37. The youngest crew member accidentally locks themselves in the ship's secure vault while trying to avoid chores.
    
38. A crewmember is caught with their feet up on the ship's helm, painting their toenails.
    
39. Video game tournament!
    
40. A crew member regularly plays annoying music in their quarters loud enough that it bothers everyone else.
    
41. An extreme version of hide and seek played by two teenagers/preteens slowly gets out of hand. Or maybe it gets the crew divided into team red and blue. Or an alien finds the hand interesting and partakes.
    
42. At night you hear two passengers in the neighboring room arguing. Eventually you hear commotion and a thud. One of the roomates is seen an hour later throwing something heavy over board.
    
43. Two crew members have obvious crushes on each other and everyone else is trying to get them together. It gets a bit out of hand.
    
44. Hoping to increase interest and participation in safety and defense drills, the security chief introduces a new element: NERF guns.
    
45. After concerned questions about the amount of time they've been spending in the holodeck, a crewmate finally reveals their magnum opus: a fully realized holodeck emulation of 5th edition Dungeons & Dragons.
    
46. Two crewmates who hail from planets with rich improvisational poetic traditions decide to square off and find out who is best. EPIC RAP BATTLE!
    
47. In accordance with the traditions of their people, a crewmate is writing their will. This process chiefly takes the form of an auction, where their friends and family bid for the right of first refusal on their personal items and property; on death, the winner pays the bid amount to the family and claims the item, or refuses to pay and the item is sold at an estate sale.
    
48. During a deep dive into the ship's archives, a crewmate re-discovers a long-dead band, which then becomes a craze on the ship for the next few days. By day 5, even the people who liked it have had their fill.
    
49. "There's... something on the wing! Some, HORRIBLE thing!" "Billy, that's just the nacelle, stop messing around."
    
50. An alien offhandedly mentions that they deem the material of the ship not only edible but delicious, freaking everyone out.
    
51. An infestation of alien vermin is discovered.
    
52. Characters stage an intervention for someone due to a problematic behavior.
    
53. The food replicators break and no matter what someone asks for, they produce a perfectly made gin martini and a plastic snack food style package of "Lemon Clams" that automatically steam when opened.
    
54. The ship's bio-gel computing packs get infected with an alien virus. Mostly harmless but for 48 hours the ship's AI is essentially drunk and/or experiencing hallucinations.
    
55. A group of crew members start a secret fight club team in the holodeck after a member of an away team returns with the idol of a planet's god of war.
    
56. There are two chefs on the vessel, they're both convinced one is better than the other (in reality they're both very bad but all the ship's got).
    
57. One crewmate gives another an alcoholic beverage from their planet that gets them drunk instantly. However, a night's sleep and water doesn't seem to have any effect at sobering them up.
    
58. The grav plating polarity is reversed.
    
59. The room-mate's Tellurian Stinging Fleas Farm springs a leak on your bed. Thankfully, the room-mate's Poisonous Chekovian Death Adder LOVES eating them, so they set them free without telling you.
    
60. The engineer decides it is necessary to use the communal dining area to clean and decontaminate mildly radioactive life-support parts.
    
61. The room-mate's cold progresses to full on "Fast-Zombie" cannibalism.
    
62. Fingernail clippings, or similar bodily detritus, wind up scattered all over your bunk.
    
63. The roommate uses up every bit of sterile gauze from the emergency first aid kits, in order to pretend that their favorite stuffed animal is a mummy; and doesn't tell anyone they did so.
    
64. Someone sets ALL the phasers to stun, as a joke.
    
65. Short sheeted your bunk, again, and placed fake Tellaxian feces on the pillow. At least, you HOPE it is fake.
    
66. Covered the urinal in the refresher-station with clear cling-film and didn't tell anyone as a prank.
    
67. Plays "Yanni" every hour of their shift, non-stop, at full volume.
    
68. Someone goes overboard with the label maker, and now there is a painted line down the middle of the corridor and half the crew is forbidden from crossing over to the other half, just to keep the peace.
    
69. Fills the supplemental emergency oxygen tank of their buddy's space suit with a bit of Nitrous Oxide and Fart Smell.
    
70. One of the crew members makes a meal for everyone else. It becomes painfully obvious shortly into the meal that this crew member can't cook. Several of the team end up with stomach aches.
    
71. Somebody brings an unauthorized pet back with them from the last away mission. Once onboard, the pet starts reproducing out of control and quickly overtakes most of the ship.
    
72. An experiment in the science lab suddenly teleports everyone in the ship exactly 1 centimeter in a random direction. Ensign Roberts now needs prosthetic feet due to this occurrence, and we won't talk about what happened to Ensign Murphy.
    
73. The protein replicators won't stop replicating protein goop that smells like a mixture of sewer gasses and rancid gym socks, despite what settings are used. One crewmember seems to like the taste, and it isn't the one you're thinking of...
    
74. One of the crew goes insane, and starts believing that they have mental powers.
    
75. One member of the crew REALLY DOES HAVE mental powers, the fact that they can make you explode just by thinking about it, gets around the ship quickly.
    
76. One crewmember has been writing a series of holo-sitcoms and secretly using the other crew as templates for characters.
    
77. A crew-member starts insisting that this ship and everyone on it, are simply the results of them being trapped on the holodeck.
    
78. Literally NOTHING happens. Like one second you are all bored out of your minds, and then BAM you can't remember the last six cycles and more than one of the crew reports waking up in tubs of ice, missing some organs.
    
79. The science lab accidentally releases an experimental mixture of alien spores and gaseous mood enhancers; now every fifteen minutes there is a spontaneous musical or dance number happening somewhere on the ship.
    
80. Three words: "Quantum Vacuum Spiders." This guy knows what I'm talkin' about, YEAH!!
    
81. The Captain decided to add combat-readiness drugs to the water supply to sharpen crew performance. Now the security chief has declared the brig as thier own kingdom and is attacking all challengers.
    
82. A security update on the 'droids fails, and suddenly they are all in: "Kill All Humans" mode.
    
83. Someone forgets to pay the subscription service for the ship-wide communications network permission license the last time we were docked. Until the ship docks again, we all have to sit through advertisements and take surveys in order to use comms. The advertising song about Tribble-cereal is adorable though!
    
84. The Captain has gotten into the habit of ordering the inertial dampeners be taken offline, "in order to get a sense of speed during acceleration". Now we go the same speed, but are crushed into our chairs during the whole trip.
    
85. Ever have someone's fart smell so bad you had to vent the whole ship's atmosphere out the airlocks?
    
86. Everyone knows it is bad luck to bring bananas on board ship. The last person that did so got thrown out the airlock!
    
87. Your roommate won't stop making cruel jokes about "That one alien crew member that totally matches the stereotype for their species."
    
88. A crewmember gets drunk and challenges another crewmate with compound eyes to a staring competition. Both wind up in medbay.
    
89. It turns out more than half of the crew secretly worship an evil space entity that is slowly warping thier brains with cannibalism, fear, and paranoia. They all keep it secret for fear of being discovered. Then one evil worshiper finds another making a trap in the corridor at the end of shift, and now you're stuck being a contestent in "The Most Dangerous Game" being hunted by the rest of the crew, and possibly the only one not being mind controlled by evil.
    
90. There's a new addictive videogame going around that leaves your crewmates as drooling vegetables. You tried it, but didn't see what was so great about it.
    
91. Corporate installed pay-toilets on all the refresher units the last time you docked. Now the crew is finding "new" and "inventive" hygiene solutions.
    
92. One of the engineering crew discover that corporate has been lowering the oxygen levels in the testing chambers during crew evaluations, "in order to avoid giving raises for performance improvement".
    
93. For the duration of FTL, exactly half the crew appears to run backwards in time, with predictable havoc on crew functions and personal relationships. The effect ends as soon as the ship drops out of drift, but neither half of the crew can agree on which half was affected afterwards.
    
94. At the last port of call, some orphans snuck aboard. A few crew got caught trying to disguise the kids by having them stand on each other's shoulders inside a resized spacesuit. Spaceman 'Justaguy' will be placed in the brig until the next port of call.
    
95. Ensign Ripley receives one demerit for "trying to teach the power loader how to dance" and also one for use of foul language.
    
96. The ship is saved after a hull breach is patched with some gravy from the ship's cafeteria. Engineering crewmate Roscoe will be awarded an extra cycle of pay and another food ration for giving up thier "mashed potatoes" during the emergency.
    
97. Notice to All Crew: Rumors that the Cafeteria is using Industrial Adhesive as Gravy during Salisbury Steak Night are false.
    
98. An anonymous crewmate has doodled waterfowl on every console on the ship. (Who's been drawing ducks?)
    
99. A Poker (or other gambling game of your choice) game gets too out of hand and now you got gambling banned on the ship. Good job - you ruined it.
    
100. Doctor Hawk made their own homemade distillery out of medical equipment - Major Burnside does not like the mockery of their uniform.
     

Warning: just general ED stuff, nothing in particular
So, my mom died this past August from breast/pancreatic/liver cancer. My relationship with her was very distant, very strained, I loved her but she was gone most of my life. When she was around she had bipolaschizo-affective/depression mental health problems that weren't treated.
She was obese my whole life, would put down an entire cheese danish in one sitting or finish a pack of donuts in a day, went on rants how the government was poisoning us with chemicals in our food while pulling into a mcdonald's drive through to order a large big Mac meal. She drank cases of starbucks doubleshot energy drinks, not only when she was a truck driver but also after her heart attack and having to quit her job to be on SS/disability. She was also a gambling addict, spent all her free time in casinos, playing the lottery, staring at her laptop on online slots games.
She kept passing out in public, getting sent to the ER being blown off as being dehydrated, not even being put in a room because of COVID hitting the area hard she was in. Come to find out, she was in stage 3 cancer all along. She died alone in the hospital, nobody could come and see her in her last days. I think her body just gave up, so weary from the damage she did to it her whole life, a horrible diet, sedentary lifestyle, stress, smoking since the age of 7.
My ED intensified right after her death. Something in my brain is convincing me if I stay thin, eat as clean and as little as possible, exercise enough, I can avoid dying like her. I can avoid BEING like her. She was a miserable person to be around, always negative and suspicious of anything going on around her. She didn't make any effort to look good EVER my whole life. It really stunted my "feminine" side never having a female figure that could teach me how to dress, do my hair or make-up, give me stories about how to handle relationships.
Now turning 28 in a week, I have to do everything possible to be the opposite of her or else I will become her. I have 3 kids, and don't know how to be a good loving, supportive mom while also running from my troubled past with my own. I don't want them to end up like me, or see me like I did her.

We’ve all been there ourselves or seen someone guilty of this sin: Sloth; the friend who won’t move off the sofa, eyes wide open not wanting to miss another YouTube clickbait video telling themselves ‘just one more’, or worse, watching countless hours of self-improvement yet not taking action but feeling a sense of Pride.
As human beings, we’re made for movement. Our muscles, heart, bones and brain all need to be exercised to stay in good shape. We’re lucky on this journey as we have so much pent up energy to exert, we are almost forced to workout the body and mind. I don’t need to tell you the benefits of exercise, cardio and resistant training in particular as they have been mentioned time and time again.
All sorts of creatures commonly opt for whichever course of action minimises the amount of effort required of them, us included. Interestingly, we tend to gain more pleasure when we’ve had to put in more, rather than less effort to earn a given reward. This may be why the benefits sometimes feel that much better. It’s the ultimate game of self-discipline, to tame the beast within.
In Buddhism, the Sanskrit dictionary translates kausidya as sloth or indolence. It is seen as one of the 5 obstacles to meditation and the religion warns against the temptation to give in to the lure of extended periods of unproductive inertia. The Islamic equivalent is kasal. Muslims are expected to pray 5 times per day and fast during Ramadan surely eradicating the human tendency towards perpetual laziness.
However, Sloth does not have to be seen through the vail of a purely physical form. Shirking our work, family and community duties is our modern day anti-social temptation. It’s been said here a thousand times but it rings true; we’re not everything we could be and we know it! That's why we're here.
In a study where people with Parkinson’s disease were given dopamine-boosting drugs to a target area of the brain (the ‘striatum’ which I will get to shortly) impacting the movement triggering pathways, other areas were raised unintentionally which actually increased the patient’s motivation to engage in promiscuous activity even turning a minority of these older patients into sex pests! BUT, it was these powerful compulsions to get up and do something that was the major difference whether it be gambling or an expensive shopping spree.
The part of the brain called the ’striatum’ mentioned earlier reinforces important behaviours and (e.g. finding food) is vital for initiating movements; but if one was to have a stroke, this brain area loses it’s blood supply and the consequence is apathy, a lack of motivation. Depending on which part of the striatum is affected, the result is two-fold: Emotional-affective deficit: the person concerned lacks a strong urge to do one thing after another. Cognitive deficit: leaving the person unable to figure out how to carry out the desired action.
A little bit of laziness is a good thing don’t get me wrong. We need an occasional rest from the breakneck speed of modern life and those that don’t suffer from burnout and stress. One role of cortisol which we have mentioned in ’Gluttony’ is to supress the immune system until this stress has been dealt with. When it isn’t dealt with, the body shuts down making us feel weak, pathetic and can possibly persuade us to find that ‘release’ from this burden.
In ’Pride’ I mentioned neuroplasticity in which brain circuits that are used regularly and intensively over long periods of time are strengthened and reinforced. BUT, the brain circuitry that is used infrequently or not very intensely actually falls into despair. Applying this principal to the striatum, it could be that these brain circuits of motivation become less able to generate ‘get-up-and-go’ in people who haven’t used them regularly and intensely. This is a very dangerous trap for us. Pursuing dopamine spiking behaviours so frequently (I was guilty of this like many of you) allows the striatum to reorganise itself to make acquiring that particular action the primary motivation over and above everything else. This is how an addiction becomes apparent whether it be social media, gambling, drugs or our particular vice…
I could write another post on the addictive tendencies of the gaming industry and social media but that’s for another time. Perhaps an 8th and worst sin of them all…
Accusations of Sloth should be reserved for those who freely choose to fritter away their spare time and energy on frivolous distractions. Whilst on SR we have unique gift of excess energy and according to the principals of neuroplasticity, the longer we retain, the more we’re literally changing our brain circuitry.
Do not turn a blind eye to your moral obligations; pick up the burdened responsibility of all that is Life and strive towards a meaningful future.
Best.

Note: this post talks primarily about the type of "addiction" to information in a more general sense, rather than just social media (e.g. related to hobbies and interests, or just exploration). This is my attempt to share a more balanced view on the topic and provide practical ideas for a mindful approach to the internet use to minimize its side-effects.
I've realized it's a mistake to demonize the internet and our tendency to seek information and novelty. Without this insatiable curiosity and drive to search answers we would not have evolved to be where we are now. The internet opened up numerous opportunities for self-directed learning that was not possible before. Labeling information seeking as a problem, or thinking that life was better before the internet and denying yourself the pleasure of almost effortless learning afforded by the web may do more harm than good. The internet is an incredible resource and, if I'm being honest, it had the biggest influence on my ability to regain the love of learning after losing it thanks to school (I got home access to the internet at 16 years old).
The internet is, no doubt, a source of distraction, manipulation, and addictive content. Many people on this sub complain of wasting time on platforms like Youtube, Reddit etc. I've felt similarly on many occasions as well. But it's also a rich source of knowledge, inspiration, and awesome communities on every obscure topic that exists. Imposing arbitrary limits on screen time and internet usage is not always a reasonable approach, at least not without first trying to understand the deeper processes behind your behavior.
We should be aware of black-and-white thinking and look at it from multiple angles. I wrote a post here a couple of weeks ago about a concept called Compulsive Information Seeking, but I've made a mistake of labeling information seeking as a pathology, rather than a natural desire (obviously, there are exceptions, but they are probably more rare than some scientists and journalists would make us believe).
For a different view on this you can look at this insightful paper: Scholars’ open debate paper on the World Health Organization ICD-11 Gaming Disorder proposal. The authors talk about a gaming disorder, rather than internet addiction, but many of their concerns can be extrapolated to broader use of technology. Here is an excerpt that summarizes their points:

Our main concerns are the low quality of the research base, the fact that the current operationalization leans too heavily on substance use and gambling criteria, and the lack of consensus on symptomatology and assessment of problematic gaming. The act of formalizing this disorder, even as a proposal, has negative medical, scientific, public-health, societal, and human rights fallout that should be considered. Of particular concern are moral panics around the harm of video gaming. They might result in premature application of diagnosis in the medical community and the treatment of abundant false-positive cases, especially for children and adolescents. Second, research will be locked into a confirmatory approach, rather than an exploration of the boundaries of normal versus pathological. Third, the healthy majority of gamers will be affected negatively. We expect that the premature inclusion of Gaming Disorder as a diagnosis in ICD-11 will cause significant stigma to the millions of children who play video games as a part of a normal, healthy life.

Basically, before jumping to conclusions and pathologizing everyone who spends a lot of their waking life using screens and the internet, we first need to explore what is actually normal and healthy, what is just a symptom of a larger issue (mindless scrolling can be a sign of chronic stress and low energy) and what is a full-blown addiction.
In fact, I believe those who are able to maintain or regain the hunger for new knowledge are lucky, because of how difficult it can be to do so in modern society. Children naturally love to learn, but after going through years of coercive school system, then dragging themselves through college (often studying something they are barely interested in because of the job market), then working at a job they dislike, it becomes apparent how easy it is to lose your innate learn drive in these circumstances, and use whatever is left of it to scroll through social media. This is why the desire to learn (even about seemingly useless things!) and pleasure of learning should be cherished and cultivated.
​
Information seeking can become a problem when it prevents you from living the life you want, or when it's driven by anxiety (fear of missing out, obsessively googling your symptoms etc.). I think the solution here is to learn how to use it mindfully and enjoyably. Here are a few ideas I've thought about and experimented with:

• Apply mindfulness and introspection
  • Learn to be aware of your thoughts and behavior. If you catch yourself mindlessly scrolling through social media, or obsessively googling something and opening dozens of tabs, pause and slow down. Observe what you are doing. As much as possible, avoid judgments and negative self-talk. Be friendly and gentle with yourself! Decide if you want to continue, and if you do, try to do it with full awareness.
  • Recognize what positive things this desire to gather and consume information brings you. Maybe it helped you solve a personal problem, maybe it helps you contributing to conversations or helping others. Recognize that love of learning is inherently good, you may just need to make a few tweaks to reduce or (ideally) eliminate negative side-effects.
  • Accept the present situation and commit to making incremental changes.
• Work on deeper issues that keep you googling and scrolling, if you suffer from anxiety and fear of missing out
  • This is a big one. Various techniques and practices exist to address this problem. For me personally the most helpful techniques are recognition of impermanence of everything, meditation on death and facing my fears (e.g. by asking "What's the worst that I fear might happen? How could I deal with it if it happens?") Depending on severity though, you may need therapy.
  • Try to eliminate as many stressors in your life as possible. Stress is a major cause of addictive behavior. This is not easy, and often impossible as we are constrained by external circumstances. But it's good to remind yourself that the biggest source of stress is your own mind. This is good news, because it's something we can change.
• Adopt better learning habits
  • Try to avoid mindlessly consuming and collecting information with no proper knowledge integration. Passive consumption is not very useful in the long-term, because you will forget what you learned pretty soon (but we are often not aware that's what's happening!)
  • Prefer long-form content like longer articles, research papers, books and lectures. It's probably not necessary to cut out bite-sized stuff completely, but the ratio of long-form to short-form should be in favor of long-form. If you have a short attention span, you can start with reading abstracts and summaries to increase exposure to higher quality of information.
  • Think about what you read (or watch, or listen). Thinking in writing is particularly awesome, because you can save your notes and revisit later (or write a post on Reddit :)) (See Zettelkasten)
  • Use spaced repetition and active recall to commit knowledge to long-term memory (See anki)
  • Apply what you learn in real life - share it with others (irl or on the internet), use it for self-improvement, create something.
• Regularly (preferably daily) schedule time for NOT learning
  • A hands-on hobby, time with your friends and family, exercise, spending time outdoors, meditation, daydreaming. Basically any enjoyable activity that doesn't involve direct interaction with information. Sometimes your brain needs a break!
• And last but not least - learn to enjoy it!
  • Allow yourself to follow those rabbit holes of obscure knowledge, explore new territories, savor the thrill of the process and the rewards of discovery. Take small steps to adopt better learning habits, but try not to force it. Focus on the pleasure of learning, explore your creativity, share what you learn, and you'll be much closer to sustainable happiness.

Thank you all for reading. I don't know how many of you relate to my wall of text or find it helpful, but I hope it will at least inspire an interesting discussion!

1. “Physical attraction is important. So I’d want to have a picture of you. If I don’t like how you look, I would not respond.”

I mean, you don’t always get what you want.
I was on some dating site for a while. I had maybe 4000 likes. I don’t know if that’s a lot, or not much. Have never compared the number with another girl. I should point out that I didn’t upload a proper picture of mine because I had no desires to help improving their facial recognition system. Also because their rules sicken me. “Only frontal pictures of your face are allowed”. Oh okay. One day I noticed that they had my profile picture removed. And warned that if it was being removed repeatedly, the whole account will be banned altogether. I deleted my account the same night.
Beauty, to me, is plainly objective. Some people are good looking. And some people are ugly. Which is okay. It’s basically just lottery. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t blame your parents. At the same time beauty is largely subjective. Your personality and brain should be enough to make up for your shortcomings in your appearance. “Find someone who loves you for who you are”, your looks, personality and brain all included. While your looks being the least important one.

1. There's a spot on the dining room's wall that's always moldy in spring. Probably because the apartment faces the sea. Though it's not really too close to it. The molds just keep coming back the next day after being removed. Somehow it just reminds me of a documentary I watched on Netflix weeks ago, Dancing With The Birds. The birds in the documentary all tried, day after day, to find someone. They just don't give up. Just as resilient as the moldy spot on the wall. I wanted to see if you are here.
   
2. I once got an internship at a company in a neighborhood I am not familiar with. I asked a friend of mine, who did an internship there the year before, about where I should avoid and things like that. Then she was like, "My boyfriend took care of everything for me. I think he um...." I asked my next door neighbor the same question because he got an internship in the same neighborhood I did. The first thing he said was, "If you can't figure things out on your own I don't think you should do an internship at all." For some reason the conversations I had with them still strikes me even until this day. People rarely care. People rarely understand. Even rarer to have someone who both cares about and understands you. Most people don't give a shit about the fact that you are in a bad spot. Some people might say, "Oh man I am sorry that you are in such a bad spot." A few people might pause whatever they are doing and offer you some help. Only one person, or maybe two or three, won't go until they get you out of the bad spot. I would like to be that person for my SO.
   
3. I just started watching Fargo. The second season. I looked up the cast of the show before I started watching it. Kristen Dunst is in it. When I was younger I heard people making fun of Dunst's teeth. I felt really bad for her. In an interview she did in 2019 she told the reporter that she was asked by some producers to have her teeth fixed, but she refused. Though she probably had dental work done at some point because her teeth do not look the same as before. I wondered what would have happened if she never had it done. And why can't we even accept an actress with "imperfect" teeth. David Bowie also had crooked teeth which he later fixed. I have heard many people claiming that his teeth did not bother them. I wondered if they would have said the same if it is just some random person with crooked teeth. I would be sad if their logic went like, the more talented a person is, the more crooked their teeth I could accept. My friend had a car accident in London some years ago and that messed something up. I am sure some men would have chosen to leave but hers did not. Her husband did not tell her to fix anything. A side note, fixing and repairing, in a relationship, are some essential skills. I do not want to be with someone who constantly thinks about jumping ship. Though we all know that some mistakes are simply beyond repair. "Would it be so bad if I slept with this girl, only once, behind my wife's back?" Yes, it would be over. I would like to find someone who not just likes the beginning of things but also the things after that. Someone who I could share both the best and the worst years of my life with. And, you know, someone to watch Fargo with.
   

What I am looking for -
Short version (there is a long version, with explanation, follows) -
A single, monogamous, adult (stop asking me for an age range. If you can get married without your parents’ approval, you are welcomed to message me) man who is looking for a lifelong relationship, has time to be in a committed relationship, will become my best friend, is in shape/ not too out of shape, is reasonably healthy, is mentally healthy and stable/ mentally unhealthy and unstable but has been monitoring the progress, mentally available, is a meat eater, is a non smoke rarely smoke, is a non drinke social drinker, is a non drug addict (weed is fine), is a non gambling addict, is a non porn addict, is a virgin/ non virgin but was always responsible to their exes (always wore condoms and never had STDs), is okay with no cohabitation, is okay with no premarital sex, is not into anything kinky, wants kids (biological kids/ adopted kids), is okay with your spouse not taking birth control pills, is okay with your spouse not wearing an IUD, is debt free/ with justifiable debt, is religious/ non religious, is eligible to apply for a passport (and meet each other)
If you do not agree with everything I said above then we are not compatible. “I agreed with most of the things you said.” What does that even mean? I have had enough messages telling me that they do not entirely agree with what I said but would like to see where things go. The answer is nowhere. I do not have time nor do I want to build a castle on sand. I also have had enough messages telling me to reconsider things. I won't.
What I like -
Sun
Snow
Trees
Woodworking
Agriculture
Plants
Good food
Hot food
Hot soup
Warm words
Laughing
Wool yarn
Wool clothing
Names with stories, say like, street names
Dining wares
Trains
Photography
Old stories - old movies and shows
Good stories - movies, shows and documentaries, books, music with good lyrics
Good arts
Thrift stores
Flea markets
What I am looking for - Long version -
A strictly monogamous relationship that is happy, healthy, supportive, and lasts forever. I am not looking for dick pictures, chat buddies, dirty chat buddies, hookups, love affairs, friends, friends with benefits, rebound dating, short-term dating, several years dating, polyamorous, open, or online-only relationships.
Communication - I would make time to talk to my SO every day, and very much prefer so, even just to hear that they are safe and sound. But I would be understanding if they are out in Antarctica and the satellite Internet at the work station does not always work properly, or something like that. I would like to deal with all the hardships in life together as a team. Having arguments in a relationship is somewhat unavoidable. I like straightening things out, right away, in a logical, non violent, and non abusive way. I apologize when I make mistakes. Giving silent treatment is really not my thing. I am not saying that I do not have a temper. I do. I do get angry, but within reason. Keeping promises and being punctual are important to me. I always say “Gotta go” when I need to end a conversation.
Mental health - The amount of toxicity I could take is arguably higher than average, but please alert me if you are struggling mentally. On a side note, I hope you do not like watching porn. It is a poor choice, and is both physically and psychologically damaging. I am not asking everyone of you to agree with me on this, or any other things I say in this post. Whatever floats your boat, strangers; just let me have the freedom to find whatever I am looking for.
Distance - I am not looking for an online marriage. Future faking is a fucked up thing to do to another person. If you need nude pictures, phone sex or Skype sex to make a long distance relationship works, I am not the person you are looking for.
Meeting for the first time - I have given this a lot of thoughts, still I do not really know when and where would be good to meet up. We could meet either before we go into a relationship or after. It would probably be fairer for us to fly to a foreign place to meet, it means we would have to trust each other enough to do that. In that case it would make more sense to meet after the relationship has already been established. Also we would have to deal with this whole “OMG covid is deadly!” thing. I think it is doable to fall for someone just by talking. Though I am aware that people are often not who they claimed they are. Those who say they are loyal could be experienced cheaters. But we will see. When in doubt, I ask questions.
Marriage - I have never been married but I would like to get married. The last thing I want is a divorce. The word marriage has sort of become a dirty word now but I am old fashioned. I like relationship labels, and I hope you are the same. A side note, I'm not into having a big wedding. Or a diamond ring. Or to dress fancy for a pre-wedding shoot. The National Gallery of Art has three self portraits of a Hungarian photographer and his wife. I would like to have a wedding like theirs. Which means I would just like to hang out with my SO somewhere, take some pictures ourselves, and call it a wedding. If you never had a proper family, fear not, we would have one on our own. However, having a toxic childhood should not be an excuse for exhibiting toxic behaviors. I would never set myself on fire to keep you warm. It would not help.
Sex - It would be too intimidating if you have had unsafe sex, a lot of sex, or many sexual partners in the past. And I do not want to be intimidated. Don’t give me that classic “oral sex/ cyber sex is not really sex” BS. Premarital sex is off the table. People make fun of those who have never had sex, which I do not get. I do not have a past, and would strongly prefer someone who also does not. It seems fairer that way, and in that way I would not have to grieve over your past. But, then again, grieving is a part of life. It is alright if you are not a virgin, just do not lie. I do not really have a sex drive. Mentally speaking, I would be okay if you never wanted to have sex, I would also be okay if you wanted to have a lot of sex. Because I do not specifically crave for sex; I crave for love. In other word, I count all types of affection as a whole, and sex does not specifically stand out from all the rest. Physically speaking, I would not be compatible with those who have a high sex drive, as I think overindulgence in sex is destructive. I am not really a robot, and so daily sex sounds off putting as fuck to me. I would not be compatible with those who are into kinky sex/ filming sex tapes, also. There is nothing wrong with those, they are just not my thing. I think having boundaries in bed does not mean I do not love them, or love them less than those who have no boundaries. I would never take birth control pills/ wear an IUD, because they have many side effects that I do not want to deal with. Respect my choices.
Kids - I do not have kids. But I would like to raise kids. Ask yourself, honestly, if you are mature enough, and ready to be a father. "But I am not ready, just yet; there are things I want to achieve before I become a father." Find someone younger, then. I would like to add that I have no reason to doubt my fertility as I take reasonably good care of myself. I have no, and never had any, chronic diseases or illnesses. Am at a healthy weight, somewhat slim even. 5 feet 7 inches tall. In the event that I was infertile, surrogacy would not be an option. It goes against my morals. So, again, think twice. I would like to raise adopted kids, and treat them like they are my biological kids. I would not dump my husband if, he was found to be infertile at any point of the marriage. Technically I would be okay if you do not want to raise kids at all, but providing a home for some orphans is something I could do, and I do not want to pass that on.
Living together - I have always, and still am against the idea of living together before marriage. There is nothing wrong with cohabitation, it is just again not my thing. I would gladly introduce my roommate when I was in school to you if you are worried that I have some weird quirks. I might or might not bribe her before I introduce her to you.
Living with parents - Sure, I would not think less of you. There are reasons why people choose to live with their parents.
Cars - I do not care whether you have a car or not.
Money - I am not rich, and was not born rich, but I have no debts. Never had debts. I am aware that some debts are justifiable, like student loan. I worked in the academia. I just started doing something new, related to my field of study, and that makes me happy. Whether you are a postdoc, or a high school drop out, makes no difference to me. For those who think that throwing me a sentence like “I am a lawyer” would be enough to make me talk, have some self respect. I am fine with my Reddit inbox collects only dust.
Religion - I suppose I have always been mostly an agnostic. My parents sent me to a Christian middle school, then a Christian high school. It would be great if you are a God believer and do not mind me being a non religious person. We could read Bible together. It would also be great if you are a non religious person but follow traditional values.
Smoking, drinking and doing drugs - I do not smoke cigarettes. Or vape. Or whatever. I do not do soft/ hard drugs. Have no past addictions. I do not take over-the-counter drugs even. I do not drink alcohol. If you drink responsibly, then I do not have a problem with that.
Dietary choices - I am an omnivore. Have no food allergies. Please be a meat eater. I do not want to get into an argument with you over a tuna egg sandwich I make for our kids. I would not raise my kids vegan. They should be able to make their own choices when they are old enough. I like cooking quite a bit. Would learn to cook all your favorite dishes.
Pets - I do not have any pets.
Gaming - I do not gamble. I have never played any video or computer games. Game soundtracks though I do often pay attention to.
Tattoos - Sure, why not?
Earrings - Why not? I would buy you earrings.
Long hair - Why not? I would braid your hair when you are asleep, though.
Politics - I am against communism, and totalitarianism. Trump 2020. Please read my reddit history. I pretty much stopped using this account altogether, except posting on Foreveralonedating, because this account has 33 male followers, and that is creepy, and makes me feel very uncomfortable. But my reddit history should give you a hint on what kind of a person I am. (Update: 68 followers now, which shows you how disgusting and creepy some, if not most, men on this site are.)
P.S. This is Reddit, a wonderful yet utterly dangerous place, strangers. Especially for women. So many people prey on the weak. Even scammers would spend an hour writing and tell you that “you are everything I have been looking for since forever”. I laughed out loud at “I would relocate for you but it depends on where exactly you are” messages. “I am 100% (insert a race here), and I couldn’t aim to have kids with a wife who isn’t (insert a race here).” messages are laughable. Don’t bother, kiddos. The only time I accept people bringing up the skin color thing is when it concerns our adopted kids, if you understand what I mean. Canned messages are easy to spot, because I am smarter than you imagined. There were people who messaged me from throwaway accounts, which I noticed later filled with porn posts. Accounts with no post history are fishy. Anyhow at some point let's do a photo verification. Maybe we could take a selfie while holding a piece of paper with something like "Today's February 33 1920" written on it. Thank you all for sending me a selfie right off the bat. But I do not trust you enough to click on it. Also please do not ask me to talk to you over the phone/ do a video chat with you right off the bat. If you absolutely do not know what to write, check out "pinned post II", there's a list of 30 questions. I talk to one person, if even there was one, at a time.
TL;DR - I am a non religious person who holds traditional values and beliefs, which for obvious reasons give me a hard time these days. If you see this post, message me, no matter when.

Surviving a BPD breakup: one dude’s journey
Disclaimer: BPD is a spectrum of traits. Not everyone who holds these traits has BPD. Moreover, everyone’s experience with a pwBPD is different. My ex most likely was what one would call a quiet pwBPD, and what has helped me may not be helpful for you. However, if you find my story is helpful, then awesome. Thank you for reading.
So if your experience is anything like mine, you may find yourself sitting in your car staring out into space dumbfounded after getting an abrupt call from who you thought was your girlfriend. You are shocked because after almost two years she has just broken up with you in the most robotic and unempathetic way possible. You may be feeling empty or devastated or numb. This is totally understandable. What’s hard to understand at this moment is how someone who showered you with so much love could be so cold and cruel to you.
For me, this is where my journey started - sitting in my car staring out into space. Everyone’s experience is different, but I wanted to share the process that I went through to start my recovery. I am by no means through the thicket of a BPD breakup, but I have started to see the light. From one person to another, I want to sincerely say that I’m sorry this is happening to you. You didn’t deserve this, and in time I think you will come to understand it largely had nothing to do with you, your looks, your financial means, your personality, or your job. I now look at this experience like a natural disaster - it just happens. The tornado didn’t hit your house because you were a few pounds overweight - it is so far out of your control it is more akin to an act of god.
Step One: Triage
If you are like me, you had become quite attached to this person. This is by design. What looked like falling in love to you was actually falling for a calculated, constructed persona that mirrored your own. My ex wrote down everything I said on our first date into a notebook. I realized later she used this to construct a persona that I would become hopelessly attached to. Needless to say, it worked. I fell head over heels for this person and thought that I had found my soulmate. I was wrong. I was being idealized and manipulated into attaching to someone who at best has an avoidant attachment style. They put together this persona and play this role, but this is not their true self. They have a cycle of attachment and breakups that will continue throughout their lives until they choose to seek help. Some are aware of their tendencies, and some are strangers to themselves. Either way, the act of creating this persona takes a lot of energy. They have only so much gas in their tank, and once it begins to run low the relationship will hit the rocks.
A person with BPD (pwBPD) sees romantic partners as either all good or all bad. When they decide that you have switched from all good to all bad, this is called splitting. In a moment of clarity, my ex referred to this as “my lens just changed”, like at the eye doctor. In a split second, you move from the soulmate category to the existential threat category in their brain. Even if you get back together with them and move back into an idealization cycle, the clock is ticking on your relationship. You will be devalued and discarded, it is only a matter of time. What will ensue between these moments will most likely be quite an emotional roller coaster.
So when a pwBPD finally discards you, they will treat you like you have zero worth to them (because that’s how they view you). My ex told me that “I believe that every next relationship will be better than this one.” She also said, “I hope one day you and I can both agree that this is the best thing for me.” Ouch. Keep in mind, this is only days after inviting me on a vacation to the beach next summer and sending me romantic good morning text messages. They split because they need you to be out of their lives immediately. They have decided that you are going to abandon them which would destroy them. You are going to knock down their house of cards and you need to disappear post haste. It’s also important to understand that by the time you are finally discarded they are most likely already setting up their next “favorite person”. Online dating is an incredibly fertile hunting ground for pwBPD, and they use it deftly.
So, back to triage. You have just experienced an emotional trauma that can be hard to deal with. I still remember the feeling of sitting in my car staring out the window feeling numb. This is what I call the great “rug pull”. You just found out that your trust, love, and loyalty meant very little to this person, and they will leave you with zero closure. It can feel like a car hitting a wall at 60 miles per hour. With most relationships, you know when things are going badly. To go back to the car analogy, you hear something in the engine that doesn’t sound right or the car breaks down from time to time. When a relationship with a pwBPD goes bad, it goes bad abruptly.
Over the next few weeks, your own brain will be at war with your reality. You will need to find your people and lean on your support system. Family, friends, therapists, and even pets will be crucial for supporting you through these first weeks. Call them up. Talk through your feelings and your confusion. Lean on those people that love you. I had multiple people on both coasts talking to me for the first week at all hours of the day. I can’t thank these people enough now. They were crucial to my recovery. Remember to eat, brush your teeth, and feed the fish. Just being quasi-functional for the first few weeks should be considered a win. Do what you need to do to make it through the first weeks, but there is only one hard and fast rule in this stage: No Contact! Do not initiate any contact whatsoever with your ex. They may reach out to you trying to “be friends” during this stage. Block them if they do. The person who is causing your pain cannot be the source of your comfort. Say that to yourself everyday all day.
Step Two: Acceptance
Your brain has gotten used to being in love or attached to this person. If you have tendencies toward codependency, the feelings you had may have even bordered on an addiction. This is a tough stage to manage. If you are like me, your brain will fight tooth and nail against accepting reality. This is totally understandable as the reality is quite harsh. You were merely an attachment placeholder for this person, and when you had no more use for them you were discarded and replaced immediately. Again, ouch.
The next waypoint on this journey is radical acceptance of the facts. Ironically, the pwBPD will be helping you with your radical acceptance stage with their cruelty, their silence, their heartlessness, or through flaunting their new life on social media. My ex was not overly cruel to me, but it was very important to her that I had all my stuff out of her place and I returned her key to her quickly. Again, you need to cease to exist as fast as possible.
Watch any videos online you need to about radical acceptance. Call up a friend and tell them how unfair all this is. Go out into the woods and yell up into the trees. Write letter after letter to them and burn them (under no circumstances send them). Do whatever you need to do, but you cannot move on to the next step until you can accept these two facts: 1) This person is gone forever, and 2) The person you fell in love with no longer exists. Super harsh, I know, but those are the facts. You will need to find a way to accept them.
Step Three: Agency
Once you begin to accept some of the harsher truths of a breakup with a pwBPD, you are ready to begin to process the trauma through agency. My first act of agency was to begin walking. I processed my feelings through walking around parks and neighborhoods in my town - sometimes up to 20,000 steps a day. Exercise is a great pastime for heartbreak. You get a slight reprieve from your pain, and you get to possibly lose a little weight or feel more in shape. Other really great activities during this stage are journaling, deleting photos, burning any love letters or cards, removing any reminders lying around your house, or blocking the person on social media. If you are having trouble with any of these cathartic “screw them” activities, chances are you are still stuck in step two. If this is you, take a step back, call up some friends, and process the finality of the situation.
Ideally, this agency step has the potential to be a great catalyst for change in your life. However, steer clear of any negative coping strategies like black out drinking, sleeping around, or drugs. It is important to realize that this self-destructive thinking is motivated by the part of you that identified with your ex. If you were in an enmeshed relationship, its very easy for her harsh judgement of you to become your own harsh judgement of yourself. You need to reject this concept. Her actions towards you were aggressive and primitive. You are under attack, and you were abused. Begin to fight back. Fight like hell. The way you do this is through positive agency. Get on a bike and ride. Volunteer at a women’s shelter. Bake a billion cookies and give them out for free. Knit scarves for every homeless vet in your town. I know the pain you feel, and I know how it can twist your thinking. Positive outlets are your way through this dark moment in your life. Cherish them.
Step Four: Education
This stage can be concurrent with any of the stages listed above, but it is no less important. In fact, learning about Borderline Personality Disorder and the many ways it can manifest is essential for your healing. The BPDlovedones subreddit and the Nicola Method website were indispensable for my education about the disorder. I had no idea what BPD even was until I googled “Why does it feel like my ex died”. The next few hours were consumed with a crash course in Cluster B Personality Disorders. I was shocked that each new website was able to describe my relationship and my breakup so accurately. It amazed me to learn that many pwBPD use similar language during splitting and breakups. They talk excessively and have mothers with psychosis. I was dumbfounded to realize that my experience was in no way unique, and that many other people have been fooled and manipulated by pwBPD.
Read it all, and read everything you can. However, there is one big caveat here: find your stopping point. I realized my stopping point was when the heaviness of the situation started affecting my sleep. I had trouble letting it all go in my mind. I felt a strong feeling of compassion for my ex and the harsh emotional world she endures day in and day out. She was abandoned and abused as a child. These feelings for someone who had treated me so harshly were confusing, and I started to feel myself slipping back into the triage phase. So, I just stopped. I closed all the tabs. I stopped reading about other people’s experiences. I had learned all I needed to know and I was ready to move on.
It is important to say that during this education phase you may feel the great White Knight rising up in you. You may feel the great tidal pull towards helping this person who suffers so greatly. Do not fall prey to this thinking. I don’t want to speak for all people with BPD, but I spoke with a psychologist about the tendencies of pwBPD. They rarely seek treatment on their own. They most likely know their interpersonal relationships are messed up. You are not the first person that she will do this to, and you won’t be the last. pwBPD like many people with major problems in their lives (addiction, gambling, etc) don’t seek help until they hit rock bottom. As long as there is a steady supply of people out there willing to enter into this dysfunctional dance with them, they will most likely not seek treatment. It takes the PROLONGED dedication and sacrifice of a parent, a spouse, or a child to get someone into treatment. Unless you are one of the aforementioned, the purpose of educating yourself is to free you from their blame and to walk away with your head held high. Read that last sentence again (or as many times as you need).
Step Five: Introspection
Once you have learned all you care to know about pwBPD, it is time to look inward for answers as well. If your relationship was intense and you had difficulty setting boundaries with or disentangling from the pwBPD, you may have codependent tendencies. This was another harsh reality that I had to accept about myself. I had my own unresolved childhood trauma that made me lose myself and become enmeshed in relationships. This can be problematic in any relationship, but with a pwBPD codependency can cause a tragic whirlpool of events that leaves the codependent heartbroken, confused, and rejected at the end.
Once this realization bubbled to the surface for me, I began to focus my agency on the task of healing some of these wounds and restoring self-love into my life. I created a self-love walking group, read some great posts on reddit, and watched some great videos about codependency. I will post some of what I found in the resources list below. Working with a therapist, I set up appointments to practice EMDR therapy to tackle early childhood trauma. I made therapy goals and a healing road map. I doubled my efforts and redoubled them again.
While all this agency seemed really great at the time, I had another realization that stopped me in my tracks yet again one day. My investigation of codependence was bordering on obsession. I was really motivated to change, but I felt I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was still feeling the blame and judgement from my ex and accepting their shame as my own shame. I was not being compassionate to my pain; I was being judgmental and harsh towards myself. This realization led me to search for how to finally end the enmeshment and exit this trance of unworthiness.
Step Six: Individuation
One book recommended to me by a friend was the book Inner Engineering by Sadhguru. While I was a bit skeptical going into the book, some of the quotes early in the book kept me reading. I liked the idea that “The only way out is by going in.” I liked the focus on meditation and accessing the joy inherent in the present moment.
While the first chapters are more autobiographical, there is a section in the introduction where Sadhguru explains the essence of his philosophy. For me, this was the game changer. His philosophy all boils down to this one phrase: “I am responsible.” Just reading these words already had an affect on my outlook. He continues, “My responsibility is limitless. If I am willing I can respond to everything. I am 100% responsible for everything I am and everything I am not. For my capacities and my incapacities, for my joys and my miseries. I am the one who determines the nature of my experience in this life and beyond. I am the maker of my life.” Sadhguru is using the word responsible to mean response-able here. What he is saying is that if you are able to look inside yourself, you have limitless power to respond to anything. He is also using the other meaning of responsible here too. You and you alone are responsible for your life.
I began saying this phrase to myself over and over again. I thought it to myself as I lay down to go to sleep and when I woke up in the morning. I did some mindfulness meditation and processed this idea, “I am the one who determines the nature of my experience. I am the maker of my life.” Through this process I realized that the person who had both lifted me up and then dropped me so abruptly no longer had any power in my mind. I have the power to control my thoughts and respond to life events.
Another way that I heard it put is that, “Between stimulus and response is space. In this space is your power.” I began to take control of that space and to tend to my own mind like someone might tend to a garden - pruning and weeding as necessary. If I feel self-damaging thoughts rising, I remember that I am responsible for those thoughts, and I have a choice to think differently. In my journal I began to keep track of this positive thinking. I wrote down achievements and goals, and I began noticing with fresh eyes the wonderful aspects to my self.
The goal during this phase is to shift something called "internal locus of control." Your internal locus of control is your inner philosophy about your interactions with the world. This locus is largely formed in childhood and adverse experiences can cause a child to hold an external locus of control. This is the belief that your life is governed by external forces: luck, fate, circumstance, other people. This can cause many problems, but for me it caused an overdependence on other people for happiness and fulfillment. In relationships, this can cause a codependency and neediness that can be toxic.
What I have found is that shifting your perspective to an internal locus of control takes a dedication not only to controlling the present, but also to revisiting the past traumas that keep you stuck. In therapy, I have learned that these traumas are caused by a lack of agency when they happen. One of my experiences was that I was relentlessly bullied by much older boys when I was younger. In the moment, I responded not by fighting back, but freezing. My fight or flight response in that moment lacked agency and as a result, I developed a more external locus of control. I believed that my life (trauma, success, emotions, etc) happens to me, and that I had limited control over that.
By practicing some inner child meditation and visualizations, I was able to revisit these moments and regain that lost agency. For instance, I revisited one particularly terrifying moment and comforted and coached myself through saying no and setting boundaries with the bullies. This was really helpful in rebalancing my locus of control and taking ownership of my thoughts, my actions, and my goals. This was an intensely liberating realization overall, and I found my recovery from depression, anxiety, and heartbreak began to happen once I began the process of unlocking agency in my past.
Step Seven: Goal-Oriented Therapy
At this point in your recovery you may be feeling stronger and more confident. You may think about your ex only rarely and the No Contact has helped give you the space to heal. One activity that helped me to continue the process of moving forward was goal setting. For someone who had codependency and locus of control issues, goals can be fluid when they should be absolute. If my girlfriend needed to complete x on a given day while I had to complete y, more often than not I would abandon my goal and focus on hers. This is a clear symptom of a codependent relationship and ultimately very unhealthy.
The antidote to this is to begin the process of setting and achieving your own goals. Starting small is a good idea. Write down three goals for a Saturday in your journal and complete them. Set a weekly goal or a monthly goal. As you begin to be more reliable about meeting your goals, more seem to appear out of the woodwork. Maybe new hobbies or friendships appear. Maybe you start to set financial goals and meet them. Maybe your goals become longer term goals. No matter what the goal, the important thing for this stage is this: show up for yourself. You again are limitlessly responsible, and you alone are the maker of your life. Show Up For Yourself. You are worthy of love, and if you don't show up for yourself then no one else will.
Step Eight: Boundaries and Values
After working on being more goal oriented, I began to consider another relationship again. It was pretty evident to me, however, that I should probably only enter into a relationship when I was again stable and recovered from my breakup. I began to think about what I would need to feel that I was out of the woods (or at least well on my way).
My first need was to identify and name my personal values. I realized that these values are the unshakeable foundation of my personality, and they should not be subject to outside forces. When you are codependent and dating someone who has a constantly changing sense of self, you can sometimes unconsciously mirror their tendencies. I found I was unmoored from my own values in this relationship and really lost my sense of self. So, cementing those values was a really important step towards healing. You have to honor what makes you you.
Some of the areas where I defined one or more values were family, my children, friends, my character, work, health, food, alone time, wants, preferences, needs etc. This process is an important one and should take some time. Be very deliberate about each area of your life. I found that taking a day or two to think about each one yielded the best responses.
Secondly, I used these values to generate a list of unshakeable boundaries that I will have moving forwards. For each value, I identified the boundaries I would need to maintain this value while being in a relationship with another person. To give you an example, one value I have is that time with my friends from high school is sacred to me. I set a goal of seeing them at a minimum twice a month - no matter what my relationship status might be. After it was all said and done, I had around forty boundaries that will serve as my terms and conditions for any relationship moving forward. While defining these boundaries was a good first step, boundaries are useless without accountability. This led me to the final step of my process.
Step Nine: Accountability
Boundaries and goal setting are great ways to practice an internal locus of control, but these will only work if you honor them. I see my therapist around once a month. I decided to make the beginning of every session about accountability. Each month I plan to fill out a relationship health worksheet and share that with my therapist. I also will share the progress I've made on my goals in the past month. The aim here is not to have someone else babysit your progress, but to be accountable to yourself. Again, the best thing you can do is to Show Up for Yourself!
So, this is where you’ll find me present day. I am still rebuilding after what felt like a relationship hurricane, but the good news is that you have an opportunity to rebuild your house to be stronger and more resilient than before. You’ll also have a good eye for spotting Cluster B narcissists and pwBPD by their tendencies towards idealization and manipulation.
Resources
The Nicola Method Inner Engineering Hardwiring Happiness Waking up from the trance of unworthiness - Tara Brach The Body Keeps the Score Future Self Journaling
Edit: Added more resources

Hey everyone. It's been a while since I've posted, but just thought it was the right time to check in and share my progress over the last few months! It's been a rough journey, but I've learned so much about myself over this time and am doing great. Here's a couple of pointers to help anyone out there struggling.
1) Posted my story on Reddit - Being able to share my story anonymously on here was such a great first step. I received a lot of support from this community, and was able to get some great advice and tips from people. Thank you all so much.
2) Told my girlfriend everything - Telling someone close to you is so important in recovery. I honestly think it's a necessary step that can't be avoided. Posting on here anonymously is a great first step, but telling a loved one or a close friend is important. It was such a hard thing to do (especially telling her how much I'd lost, casino trips on my own etc...), but it lifted the weight off my shoulders immensely. She was and still is very supportive and understanding. It's honestly so good being able to talk to her about this whenever I need to, and not having to internally deal with everything in secret.
3) Listened to After Gambling Podcast by Jamie - I would highly recommend listening to this. For me it was so motivating to listen to someone who has been through it all and has so much to share about this issue. Very helpful in the first few weeks of recovery.
4) Accepted the losses and mistakes - It may seem impossible to just accept all the money, time and energy that you spent on gambling, but in order to move on you have to put it all behind you. It was a tough pill to swallow, but you have to find a way to take it on the chin and move FORWARD. Pretend that a close friend is in your situation.... What things would you say to encourage them? For me, I just took it as a lesson, and I tell myself "Thank goodness I went through this addiction in my early 20s instead of in my 40s when I would've had a lot more to lose.... not just money but maybe even a family, a house, or a successful job". IT COULD ALWAYS BE, AND WILL GET WORSE.
5) Understood why I gambled - Addiction is a complicated issue, especially gambling addiction. Researching and understanding this addiction has made a huge difference for me. As I began to understand how addiction affects the brain, I was able to understand my own personal gambling triggers, as well as other past and current compulsive habits and related behaviours. This has really helped my understand my true underlying issues and has forced me to address them... Gambling isn't the main problem here... We gamble to escape and then we become addicted to gambling. Understand the addiction and then understand WHY you got addicted - then change some habits and introduce positive hobbies into your life.
Just quickly... Gambler's Anonymous is something I've never done, but it is something that has helped a lot of people so I thought it was worth mentioning... I take comfort knowing that I could always attend a meeting if I found that I needed to.
I hope this helps someone out there and continues to motivate those in recovery. Never let your guard down!

This research was offered for $2k guaranteeing that 2 of the 6 stocks would reach $10 in a year or it was free. I didn't pay for it, rather just tried to figure out the companies from the transcript below. MMED is one of the 6 for sure. See if you can figure them out. I believe this was offered in Sept so the current prices are obviously off. Have fun!
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What I’m about to tell you may sound like science fiction...
Yet what’s contained in this eyedropper...
Is so powerful...
The $8 TRILLION healthcare industry is on fire.
A single dose of what I’m holding... could change everything we know about the human brain.
Dr Robin Carhart-Harris, head of psychedelic research at Imperial College London, said...
What it was derived from... is truly miraculous.
Not quite plant...
Not quite living organism...
A rare hybrid species I’ll tell you more about later on.
But from this hybrid species, scientists have discovered a chemical compound... one that’s able to be grown in labs... 100% naturally, without interfering with nature.
The billionaires backing this research... like Shark Tank’s Kevin O’Leary... and PayPal’s Peter Thiel... are CONVINCED it’s going to be one of the greatest investments of their career.
To the doctors in the lab... it must seem like the next step of human evolution!
I call it “Living Medicine” because the atoms in this substance are truly ALIVE and could be capable of unimaginable regenerative properties.
And if the early findings are correct...
Living Medicine could be as transformative to our society as penicillin, which single-handedly fixed many serious health conditions.
That was making history THEN... What you’re looking at is making history NOW... It’s about to smash every record and scientific development we’ve seen.
Come with me now... inside the human brain.
All of our research shows... our brain loses its strength... its elasticity... That means memory... motor functions... they get worse as we age. You may have noticed this yourself with older friends or family.
Now watch... In time, it may be possible to stimulate growth for those brain cells and rebuild...
In time, it may be possible to stimulate growth for those brain cells and rebuild... perhaps even stronger than before.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg...
Imagine depression gone... forever.
Clinical trials conducted by NYU and Johns Hopkins found it helped cancer patients cure their depression within a single dose.
More research shows it could help completely reverse the battle-induced PTSD for our soldiers.
80% of smokers quit after one single dose! Now researchers testing it on alcoholism.
Another study by 60 Minutes found it’s nonaddictive.
I want to be clear, I’m NOT talking about marijuana or CBD right now. What is in this eyedropper is NOT marijuana or CBD.
Rather, it is a one-of-a-kind substance called “psilocybin.”
This is found ONLY in the unique hybrid species I’m going to show you.
And while this is still in trial research periods, I believe this Living Medicine is at the forefront of EVERYTHING that’s going to accelerate brain science in the next 10 years. I’m absolutely certain of it.
And I’m not the only one who thinks this!
Peter Thiel, founder of PayPal... Palantir... and Founders Fund. One of Forbes’ 1,000 RICHEST men on the planet.
He’s completely backing this industry and one of its leading companies.
And he knows people are going to call him crazy... He recently said...
This opportunity is the most hidden breakthrough I’ve ever seen.
With the track record Peter Thiel has... wouldn’t you want to get in alongside him in this new industry?
Then there’s Christian Angermayer... the hedge fund LEGEND with $365 million in assets. He’s getting in with his buddy Peter Thiel.
Same with hedge guru Michael Novogratz and his $250 MILLION fund!
He’s also a ground-floor investor.
You know who else is getting in? Kevin O’Leary from Shark Tank.
He’s betting big on Living Medicine as well – recently getting in on a $6 MILLION round of funding.
All of this activity among famous billionaires has alerted the attention of investigative reporters.
I’ve known about this alongside these billionaires for years.
I’ve been preparing for this EXACT moment.
When the companies finally see promise to emerge from the trial stage... and prepare for the moment that all of what I’m about to tell you goes mainstream.
Until now, they’ve seen explosive growth... but they’ve been too small for me to recommend to 150,000 Oxford Club Members.
But now, Living Medicine is like a giant awakening from slumber.
The market is projected to grow at an annual rate of 16.3% over the next eight years to reach $6.85 billion by 2027, according to Data Bridge Market Research.
We’re talking massive growth over time!
And while a lot of these stocks are still in their earliest and most volatile phase...
The gains can be absolutely breathtaking when you find the one.
As with any stocks in a new sector, there are those that won’t make it and will end up in the dustbin of history. But the stocks that DO MAKE it have massive upside potential.
Just look what’s been happening to the BEST Living Medicine Stocks we pulled to show you from the market.
Captiva Verde... this company was $0.20 coming out of the Corona Crash in April...
And still, even the WORST crash in financial history couldn’t keep this stock down...
Yet not a shred of media coverage. That’s how hidden from the outside this is, just like Peter Thiel said...
Imagine once it goes mainstream.
As the sector grows at that double-digit rate I mentioned to you before...
We could continue to see opportunities for incredible gains!
Sure, some of these stocks aren’t going to make it – this is a “swing for the fences”-type investment.
So I do NOT recommend you invest more than you can lose.
But when you get it right on Living Medicine stocks... the gains can be more than enough to make up for any setbacks.
Look at a stock like Revive Therapeutics.
This stock was a PENNY in December 2019.
A penny!
Meaning you don’t have to invest much and risk it – a little capital goes a LONG WAY with these.
On May 26, 2020, Revive opened at a high of $0.27. A 2,600% gain in six months.
📷
One more, just because I’m excited for you...
And I’m thrilled I finally get to put this in the hands of our Members...
This is going to be an extraordinary example... and I can’t promise these kind of results.
But this is the kind of grand slam I’m hoping to find for you!
And it also shows you the power of these stocks... and how a small investment can change your life forever...
For $1,500, you could have bought 100,000 shares of the stock.
And that $1,500 flyer...
Would have turned into a MASSIVE payday as the stock moved closer to $0.99.
Now, would you have to be lucky? You bet. And have exceptional timing? Of course.
Stocks like Ehave are rare.
And other penny stocks drop to zero.
BUT...
This is the power of investing in a brand-new market like Living Medicine.
And this is why I want everyone to know about it NOW, when it’s in the beginning stages and the profit potential is the BIGGEST.
When you can put in $500 or $1,000... and see life-changing results. And not risk a lot of capital if a stock doesn’t work out.
Up until now, I’ve been anxiously waiting because these Living Medicine stocks were too small for our hundreds of thousands of Members to get into.
When they were just a penny I couldn’t do it. These companies weren’t even off the ground yet. The risk would have been too great.
And while small caps can still be volatile... the upside potential here is too good to pass up.
Because make no mistake... we are now at a tipping point, which is why your timing couldn’t be better.
Living Medicine therapies could go completely mainstream as soon as 2021 according to two independent sources.
And the six stocks I’ve found... all of which specialize in this... sell for $2 a share on average.
Then again, it’s often been said that neuroscience is in its infancy.
We know more about the moons of Jupiter than our own brain!
That’s all about to change in the next few months... when these six tiny companies take the $8 TRILLION medical world by storm.
Only the true ground-floor guys know about this.
The REAL silicon valley power players like Peter Thiel.
The REAL shark tank investors like Kevin O’Leary.
I want you to get in now... when a small grubstake in Living Medicine... over time... could be one of the greatest investments you EVER make.
I’ve put together a special report on the BEST companies in the world creating this Living Medicine.
There are only six I would touch if I were you.
And they’re still at the absolute cheapest – they’re all $2 or less on average. Some are selling for just $0.20!
I predict these stocks will soon be trading for $10 or higher!
These six companies have the most sizable advantage from my analysis. And they have the lion’s share of this discovery and this market in their grasp.
Imagine the gains you could be sitting on all because you knew about this ONLY when the smart money billionaires knew about it.
I am going to show you how to claim the Living Medicine report that reveals ALL the companies DURING this presentation.
So if you click out and leave, you’ll get nothing.
Your profit opportunity will likely go to someone else.
But if we move quickly... I think we can play this situation just as we’ve done before with NEW and EXCITING investment trends.
My early recommendations from another service gave my readers the chance to TRIPLE their money in six months on Canopy Growth – one of the biggest names in the biz...
And DOUBLE their money on Aphria Growth in four months’ time.
Those successes were a big part of the lead-up to launching our research today... and having something at The Oxford Club completely dedicated to blazing new trails and investing in new trends.
But since 2017, as you may know, marijuana has gone into a steep bear market. The marijuana index as a whole is down almost 69%!
As a result, our track record is negative, and our average position is down 9.9%.
I hate losing money, but that is the nature of the markets sometimes. But in my view, when something goes against you, you don’t just keep following it downward.
Marijuana’s fall was a valuable lesson.
It reminded us not to risk more than you can afford to lose.
And when you have big gains on the table, like we did, take some of them!
Let the rest ride and play with house money if you want!
It also taught us that it always pays to get in at the beginning, not after everyone else is already talking about an opportunity.
BUT... something good also came out of these losses...
They’ve allowed me to build an even BETTER system for picking stocks than before.
I just closed out another MASSIVE 2,710% partial gain on Sea Ltd. in August of 2020! From a position we held for just four months!!
My system is BETTER than ever, and it’s led us straight to this new market.
Where the revenues are trending upward.
Where EVERYTHING is trending upward!
And this new market is one where the billionaires are more excited than ever!
And prices will never be cheaper. You can get in with a Shark Tank investor like Kevin O’Leary... for pennies!
That’s why I’m telling you about Living Medicine today.
It’s the next no-brainer trend...
And sources are predicting that by 2021 it could be in treatment and therapy centers, moving out of the clinical trials we’re in now.
And by 2027, it could be a $6.8 BILLION industry.
We’re talking billions...
Yet these companies barely measure in the millions!
This is why I feel that NOW is the time to get into these stocks – or you’ll regret it forever.
This is the breakthrough moment for investors, which is why the billionaires are going all-in.
For the past two years, I’ve been waiting for this trend to hit the mainstream.
Waiting to replicate these kinds of results yet again in order to lift our track record to FAR outperform anything we’ve done in the past!
I’m hot on the heels of Shark Tank investors and other famous investors... yet as far as I know, I’m the ONLY person who knows about these six stocks!
As for the profit potential...
You could be looking at the chance to turn a couple hundred bucks into major money!
For Starters, on Average ALL OF MY Stocks Are Still Under $2
For starters...
The stocks in my Living Medicine report...
Are selling for an average of LESS than two bucks.
· One is just $0.10.
· Another is $0.20.
· Another is $0.43.
Meaning they’re tiny, and the biggest gains are ahead of them!
Now, there is always risk to investing, and small stocks like this can often be even more volatile. We never recommend you bet the farm on these trades.
But when you get it right on these... you don’t have to. I showed you how $1,000 in a Living Medicine stock like Ehave turned into nearly six figures.
That’s why I actually recommend sprinkling just a little into each stock. That way you ensure yourself the best chance at success without putting down too much!
And a little bit goes a long way when my six stocks are priced between just a few cents and just a few bucks...
📷
With small stocks like these, we expect some losers along the way.
But here’s the thing...
If our best-case scenario plays out...
And we find that play that makes you 1,000% on your money...
It will NOT matter if you struck out once or twice along the way, or even if the losers are more frequent than the winners. All it takes is one big winner when you get in on these trends before everyone else.
The billionaires backing Living Medicine know it... That’s why they’ve gotten in now.
The FDA knows it... That’s why they gave this treatment a breakthrough therapy designation to expedite the development and review of this treatment..
NOW is the time to get in...
I’ve put together a package that shows you exactly what these six stocks are, and I’ve outlined their massive growth potential and profitability.
And I’ll reveal something extra to you, too...
I’ll show you how to become what’s called a "round lot" investor before these companies grow bigger and bigger.
Round lot investors are the highest status of investor.
And I’ll show you how you could accumulate hundreds or THOUSANDS of shares for just a few bucks and become one.
My report is going to walk you through everything. And you can open it on your phone, iPad, computer... whatever you want.
I will show you how to get my report on the six Living Medicine stocks and more in a moment, but first...
Let me finally tell you what this revolutionary discovery is made of.
Because Living Medicine treatment is like nothing else on Earth...
It’s funny how the world’s greatest medical breakthroughs can hide in plain sight!
But it’s truly phenomenal... no other species of plant has this chemical in it.
Literally NOTHING.
And what’s truly remarkable about this species... is that it’s not quite plant... not quite animal. It’s a rare combination hybrid.
Which may be why it’s been holding these secrets right under our noses!
The good news is... scientists have found a way to grow living medicine rapidly in a lab, so there’s no need to wait for nature to produce this miracle substance – that’s a benefit not even marijuana can boast!
And you can decide how to take it.
In a powder, packed into a small capsule, sometimes only 475 micrograms.
You can dissolve the powder into tea or liquid if you don’t prefer to swallow something – which plenty of people do.
Or you can just drop a little eyedropper under your tongue.
A cancer patient revealed to one Colorado news outlet that vials as small as this size contain more than a YEAR’S supply to medicate pain.
A small powder or liquid.
That’s it.
That’s all it takes for Living Medicine to go to work on your body and potentially help treat you within a single dose. And that’s confirmed by CNN as they interviewed doctors at NYU.
But here’s what’s TRULY revolutionary.
It could help rewire and stimulate growth in parts of your brain.
You probably know that, as we age, we become forgetful. We can’t possibly remember every nugget of information.
Basically our brains lose a couple of horsepower with each passing year.
Living Medicine could help reverse that.
Think of your brain like this... before and after Living Medicine...
One of these images looks like it has a few pathways...
The other looks like a neural superhighway.
Studies on this are still in their infancy... but neuroscience itself is in its infancy!
It is said we know more about our solar system... than what is inside our own skull.
But Living Medicine is the tip of the sword when it comes to neuroscience advancement.
This could be the ANSWER neuroscientists have been looking for. How to re-awaken those long-lost parts of the brain!
This potential of stimulating growth of brain cells is why everyone is simply astounded by Living Medicine.
Now let me tell you a little bit about the chemistry behind it.
According to the DPA, the Drug Policy Alliance...
The main active ingredient in Living Medicine.... psilocybin...
“Is not considered to be addictive, nor does it cause compulsive use.”
Johns Hopkins University determined the same thing, citing on its website...
“Research shows that the drug has low potential for abuse and dependence.”
Unlike narcotics...
Or pharmaceutical pills that become addictive...
Or even the folks who enjoy marijuana a little too much...
That’s NOT the case with this Living Medicine.
It really can offer the best possible treatment with the fewest possible side effects.
Think of those affected by Alzheimer’s, PTSD, depression and the countless brain disorders out there. The number is in the hundreds of millions according to the World Health Organization.
Hundreds of millions... that’s a lot of people this could help, right?
So let me give you a glimmer of the profit potential here...
Because I know I just explained a LOT of science and numbers here...
Let’s take a look at a marijuana pharmaceutical stock that made a similar treatment, but only for people suffering from two rare forms of seizures or epilepsy.
Only about 3 1/2 million folks have epilepsy here in the states. That is a fraction of the patient base that Living Medicine could help.
Now, this was also the FDA’s FIRST-EVER drug derived from cannabidiol.
So, even though it was a much smaller market, this treatment was a TRUE ground-floor opportunity, just like Living Medicine. It was a breakthrough! Just like Living Medicine.
This is not one I recommended. At its low, this stock went from $8 and change... to peaks of more than $124 over time.
A 1,450% gain.
14X gains!
And consider, this company’s claim to fame is making a product for just 3 1/2 million people...
Now consider...
If Living Medicine’s research continues to show positive results, someday it could treat 300 million people worldwide with depression.
And here in the States...
· 5.2 million Americans with PTSD
· 5 million people with dementia and Alzheimer’s.
· 38 million smokers.
· 8.1 million alcoholics.
I think 14x gains like GW Pharmaceuticals could be small potatoes.
Remember, that stock was $8.
And its treatment was for a FRACTION of that patient base.
The stocks I’m going to send you in my Living Medicine report are on average $2 per share.
If any one of these six companies follows the same trajectory as GW Pharmaceuticals... we could snag one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities for ourselves!
And that rare and extraordinary chance is WORTH taking! That’s why the billionaires are plowing their money into it.
And it’s why Fortune magazine recently published an article begging the question, “Is this Silicon Valley’s next big bet?”
I’m telling you, it is!
This is an incredible time to get in on the ground floor.
When the billionaires like Peter Thiel and his buddies are moving in.
THE BILLIONAIRES ARE MOVING IN
Remember, Peter Thiel was in early on Facebook, SpaceX, Airbnb and Lyft.
He’s worth more than $2.3 billion because he knows how to spot a new market.
And he’s one of the first people moving in on Living Medicine.
Or how about this... do you ever watch Shark Tank or know about it?
Mr. Wonderful, millionaire Kevin O Leary, is moving in on this.
And you know how tough he is to get to invest on the show! One of the – if not THE – TOUGHEST people to convince.
And yet, he is going all-in according to the reports.
In fact, he’s behind one of the six companies I’m going to tell you about today.
So don’t get up from your chair or click out of this video – you’re literally going to get the details Mr. Wonderful invested $6.2 million to find out!
He’s not the only one...
Tim Ferriss, bestselling author and entrepreneur and worth a whopping $110 million, is also getting in on this trend.
Meanwhile, every scientist and doctor in the lab is utterly fascinated by it.
In fact, as researchers dug deeper and deeper into the origins of Living Medicine...
They actually found ancient medical texts referencing it...
They found it’s quietly been used by cultures for hundreds of years!
Throughout History Cultures Have Used This Living Medicine... in More Archaic Ways
Now... many of the world’s best medicines were actually used throughout history before they were fully understood by scientists.
Take aspirin...
It comes from the Willow plant.
And its first documented use dates back to the ancient Egyptians as an anti-inflammatory and pain reliever.
The Greeks used it too.
Hippocrates, of the Hippocractic oath fame, used Willow tea to ease the pain of childbirth.
But it wasn’t until 1897, when German chemist Felix Hoffmann discovered the actual compound for aspirin, that it took off as a modern medicine.
Today, 40,000 tons of aspirin are produced annually... generating hundreds of millions in profits every year.
Living Medicine is likely to have a similar story because it’s a natural and effective medicine.
And its use also dates back to ancient peoples.
Celtic Druids called it the “Flesh of the Gods” because of its mental-boosting attributes.
Egyptians reserved the source of the Living Medicine EXCLUSIVELY for royalty. Because they believed it increased longevity, even by their very archaic standards!
The ancient Chinese also knew about it...
Forms of Living Medicine were even documented as early as 29th century B.C. in The Divine Farmer’s Materia Medica.
They didn’t have the kind of technology or capabilities we have today.
But we’ve seen time and time again that old knowledge can have transformative modern applications.
Even as recently as 1928...
LESS than 100 years ago...
Nobody realized the mold from an old orange... would become instrumental in developing penicillin... until Alexander Fleming thought to put it under a microscope.
The SAME story is playing out with Living Medicine.
It’s untapped potential has sat for centuries...
Millennia...
Until now.
And that’s why the smart money and billionaires are so excited.
And why I am excited to get you the details on the stocks cornering the market for Living Medicine.
Remember, for less than $2 per share on these companies, we can get shoulder-to-shoulder with billionaires on the BIGGEST trend happening in medicine.
Living Medicine Is About to Go Mainstream
I wouldn’t even be wasting your time right now...
If I didn’t think this was going to go completely mainstream in the weeks and months ahead.
I mentioned before the FDA has given Living Medicine BREAKTHROUGH STATUS.
But that’s not all.
Across the country, on a state-by-state basis...
New bills are being written to start moving to allow folks to have Living Medicine.
From the West Coast and California... to the midlands like Colorado... to the southwest of New Mexico... it’s spreading everywhere like wildfire.
For instance...
A program called “Initiative 301” in Colorado was signed into effect late in 2019...
The proposal received more than 89,320 VOTES.
And with that historic vote... Initiative 301 was signed into law! These laws are paving the way for this new treatment as Living Medicine gets the necessary greenlights from the FDA and the government
But Colorado isn’t the only one!
Just a month later, California followed suit.
New Mexico has almost completely given the greenlight, and they’re ready to go.
The FDA has also allowed doctors in Texas to start researching...
Oregon is in the process of starting a program as well!
As are the researchers I told you about at Johns Hopkins in Maryland...
And Florida’s getting on board – with half a million people with Alzheimer’s in the Sunshine State, this could be huge for the state!
It’s spreading rapid-fire across the country and for good reason.
The mental health crisis... is estimated to cost the world $16 TRILLION in the next 10 years.
We are DESPERATE for something that can help treat chronic pain, pill addiction, depression, PTSD and these debilitating diseases of the mind.
To me, the writing is on the wall...
If these states can get their best scientists...
Their best schools...
Their best doctors...
Their best state legislators...
All working toward the SAME goal...
I think it’s obvious...
The main companies in this space are going to reward shareholders with once-in-a-lifetime gains.
Millions of folks are going to finally start catching on in 2020...
It’s about to hit that breakout moment. When folks start talking about it like they do their favorite show on Netflix.
That tipping-point moment... when regular folks in the mainstream start asking... how do I invest in this?
And I think these stocks are going to SKYROCKET over time.
Which is why I want you to know about them now.
And why I want to send you my report on Living Medicine which reveals the stocks.
Because this is the moment...
It could feel like watching the same movie twice.
You know how it’s going to end.
Just like when cryptocurrency got popular... just like when marijuana stocks got popular.
This is when a mega-trend emerges from the shadows.
My expertise is on finding new investment markets as they develop.
I’m quite literally the Chief Trends Strategist at The Oxford Club, with more than 100,000 Members counting on me to find it before everyone else.
And I think this Living Medicine is going to create the third new booming market of the past decade.
Think for a second...
Five years ago, people thought you were smoking pot if you told them about marijuana stocks.
Ten years ago, nobody knew what a cryptocurrency was.
People looked at you like you were insane.
Trading paper money... for digital money?
That’s how it always is.
Peter Thiel, Michael Novogratz and Christian Angermayer all jumped into crypto very early.
Now these same guys are doing it again with Living Medicine.
They’re pushing their chips back into the middle of the table...
Novogratz recently told Bloomberg reporters, “It just feels like a cultural shift is going on.”
And he’s absolutely right.
A shift is going on.
This is a HUGE moment in our culture when folks get introduced to Living Medicine.
When hundreds of millions of people worldwide have their lives changed.
It’s a before-and-after moment for all of humanity, just like penicillin or aspirin.
Kevin O’Leary, the famous Shark Tank investor, said this about Living Medicine:
“As an investor, I am attracted to [This Living Medicine Company] because they are solving health problems through federally authorized clinical trials.”
But here’s what I REALLY love about Living Medicine compared with cryptocurrencies or pot stocks or other trends I saw...
Living Medicine can actually SOLVE the problems we are facing eventually.
Sure, crypto might one day have a clear purpose. We’re still waiting for when that day will come.
And medical marijuana is helping a LOT of people.
But I told you those stories only to show you the power of early adoption...
And how it pays to get in early with the smart money.
Now here’s why Living Medicine is so much better than those short-lived trends...
The companies creating this Living Medicine are working to help thousands of people right now with chronic pain, depression, brain function and more.
This is a LONG-term trend that will only get bigger.
This is a $34 BILLION potential market... and the companies I’m sharing with you have market caps in the mere millions.
They could grow 10... 20... 50 times in size and still have room to go.
They could grow 1,000 TIMES in size... and still be worth only a billion.
And the most breathtaking part of it is...
You can get in for an average of $2 a share on these companies I’m going to show you.
More than that...
You get to be a part of history and helping people.
Veterans with PTSD...
Cancer patients with depression...
Alzheimer’s patients who have trouble remembering their friends and family.
This is a chance to actually do some good in the world by backing these companies as they explode in value.
Living Medicine can help countless people within a single dose.
Get this...
80% of smokers who took Living Medicine... were able to quit the habit cold turkey within three doses.
This stuff is UBER-powerful.
Which is why an eyedropper of this Living Medicine could rewrite history books and medical journals on treatment.
It’s kind of how medical marijuana played out for investors...
Remember when they started realizing marijuana could treat disorders? And it suddenly blew up?
From Parkinson’s...
To helping folks who abused prescriptions...
That’s why when you look back at history, you see how the companies that were FIRST to try this revolutionary idea... were rewarded handsomely...
Abattis Pharmaceuticals launched from $0.03 to $2.21.
That’s a peak gain of 7,226% in three months’ time!
If you had been lucky enough to time it perfectly, it could have turned $500 into more than $36,000!
Sure, plenty of marijuana stocks were busts.
But I can’t even count how many weed stocks blasted off back then, when it was still a brand-new industry.
That’s why I think it’s important to at least give yourself a chance here with a small investment.
Yes, you could lose it. But the potential reward is so big that in my opinion, it is well worth it.
Ask yourself...
Do you want to get in on an opportunity like those again?
An opportunity accepted by billionaires and the people pouring money into it?
The medical professionals testing it?
The FDA giving it breakthrough therapy status?
That’s what’s in front of you right now.
Living Medicine is the FUTURE!
Now, I said before that I love this development because it can actually HELP people.
More and More Research Is Coming Out... Living Medicine Is the Next Big Thing!
When something starts to become big, everyone acts like they have a hand in it.
Every company suddenly latches onto the trend, even if they aren’t in on it!
That’s why you can’t just pick a Living Medicine company all willy-nilly.
But I think these stocks...
All at an average under $2 a share...
Represent the best opportunity in this space.
And don’t worry, you do NOT need to be a private accredited investor like Peter Thiel and his buddies to get in on these Living Medicine companies.
I’ve identified the only publicly traded ones investors should be looking at.
Bloomberg reported on February 11, 2020, “Move over pot. [Living Medicine] companies are about to go public.”
MarketWatch expects the IPO market at large to “crank into high gear.”
And I can’t help but think it’s because of this MASSIVE new development...
Green Entrepreneur published a report saying...
“[Living Medicines] are following a similar trajectory to cannabis – and investors are taking notice.”
Remember the tech boom, when companies like this would IPO nonstop, and it lifted the well-established companies EVEN HIGHER?
You’re watching the same show twice... You should know what’s going to happen.
It’s a telltale sign this market is about to enter its next massive growth phase.
Let Me Detail the ONLY Publicly Traded Companies Worth Looking at... Trading Under $2 on Average
The first company sells for less than a quarter.
It just inked a $500,000 deal with another group that wants the right to grow Living Medicine here in the United States.
It actually has a proprietary extraction technology it first perfected in the hemp industry.
It’s a proven system, something I love to see. And now it’s applying its extraction technique to Living Medicine.
A few more bullet points that come from my own analysis include...
· Its majority-owned subsidiary just completed the design for a preclinical study for using Living Medicine for weight loss and food craving. Obesity is a global epidemic killing 2.8 million people each year.
· The company has more than 200 wellness formulas in various stages of commercialization with 14 patent applications filed.
· The company currently has retail operations in three countries but plans to expand to 12 more.
· The global wellness market is a $4.2 trillion opportunity.
· The company’s management team includes people who cut their teeth at Johnson & Johnson and Procter & Gamble as well as Skechers and Aritzia. This, to me, legitimizes this company BIG-time.
My Second Living Medicine Company...
The second company is testing easy-to-use Living Medicine drops...
Now, I told you before you could get in with a Shark Tank investor...
Mr. Wonderful is an investor in this company. He was part of a $6 MILLION investing round.
And shares are just $0.44.
As if that wasn’t reason enough to get excited...
On the board of directors is none other than legendary Bruce Linton, who took Canopy Growth to the mainstream.
That stock launched to $50 at its peak!
Imagine what this Living Medicine stock could do with Bruce at the wheel again.
Even if this stock went to only HALF that – $25 a share – that would be a 5,581% increase!
Of course, we’re going to have to time it just right and nothing is guaranteed in investing... but we’re swinging for the fences, and we’ve already got Mr. Wonderful on third base!
My Third Living Medicine Company
The third company is just a buck and change.
Thirty percent of shares are held by insiders – a great sign!
Yet just 1.7% of institutions know about this.... It’s on only 1.7% of banks’ radars.
And here is what has me on the edge of my seat...
As I mentioned before, the billionaires and hedge fund guys are among the ONLY ones who know about Living Medicine...
And they’re certainly going to do whatever it takes to profit from it.
You better believe when this company gets discovered by the other institutions and ownership increases, it’s going to send the share price even higher!
This is what I mean when I say NOW is the time to get in... when the gains are set up to be the easiest... when the shares are this cheap!
And that brings me to the next breakout company I’ve identified...
My Fourth Living Medicine Stock Is Near and Dear to Me...
The cool thing is... this was one of the FIRST companies I ever found dabbling with Living Medicine. It kind of sent me down this journey.
It’s the $5 stock I told you about. But while this one might cost a little more, I think it’s well worth it.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, this company reported record revenue of $33 million, an increase of 152%. And this was its 10th consecutive quarter of record revenue.
So these guys are hanging in there while countless businesses are closing up shop forever.
That’s what you want, a company that can weather the storm!
It also has a partnership with the blue chip company 3M, further legitimizing this company’s product.
In my opinion, this is one of the most solid companies in the space.
This Fifth Living Medicine Company Is Off the Charts!
My fifth company is expanding globally and growing its operations. It’s based in Canada but now has operations in Australia and Malaysia.
This is pivotal because you want those companies that are capturing global markets, not just here in the States.
We forget that there are billions of people out there with the same problems as the 300 or so million Americans in our country. It’s a BIG global market, and these guys are chasing it down.
The CEO of this company has 15 years of pharmaceutical experience, including a division of Johnson & Johnson.
Best of all, shares are less than two bucks on this company.
My Sixth and Final Living Medicine Company
My sixth and final Living Medicine stock is also a sub-$2 opportunity.
But I’ve saved this one for last for a very important reason.
It just completed a massive acquisition of a fellow company.
And with this acquisition, it gets the RIGHT to three separate Phase 1 trials and a preclinical trial.
This is a HUGE advantage out of the gate – securing the right to try a medicine.
It also secures this company a partnership with InterVivo Solutions, Canada’s largest neuroscience-focused preclinical contract research organization.
As I’ve told you today, Living Medicine is considered a breakthrough therapy by the FDA – that’s a very high status designation.
And this company already has the right to trials for its medicine.
That’s like getting a 30-second head start in a foot race. You can’t beat that advantage.
The bottom line is...
I really think this company, along with the other five I just told you about, is the best of the best.
And Living Medicine is the single most powerful investment I’ve ever seen.
I’ve put together a report called “Living Medicine: The Next Big Thing” that will show you the ticker symbols, the growth potential and the massive industry at the fingertips of these six stocks.
I also mentioned I’ll show you how to buy “round lots.”
Showing you how to possibly get hundreds or thousands of shares for just a few hundred bucks.
Because that’s the beauty of this research package I’ll be sending you.
Even if you put, say, only $500 in these stocks... we’re talking just $3,000 total to get started.
And that $3,000 could hand you LIFE-CHANGING results.
Even if we’re ULTRA-realistic and we don’t think too greedily...
A fraction of gains like that could improve your life.
I want to send you this report on all six stocks right now.
No waiting!