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Cayo Perico Heist Guide (Edited)

Cayo Perico Heist Guide (Edited)
PRESS START<
Hey everyone since the update in GTA this newest heist has been the most profitable and easiest way to make money. So I wanted to create a guide to help others master this heist, and to help those who are struggling with it.
Note: This guide is for new players, first timers, and anyone who is struggling to complete this heist. Please use this as reference to deepen your understanding of the heist. If you have a better strat, more power to you. This however is my strat, criticism is welcome.
So to begin, you will have to buy the Kosatka (submarine), which is located on warstock for 2.2mil. It also has upgrades you can buy but the most noteworthy upgrade is definitely the Sparrow upgrade (1.8mil) this upgrade will make traveling back and forth much easier since your sub is located in the sea.
Noteworthy things about sub:
  • If you hover above your sub with a sparrow you can instantly enter it.
  • You can get free snacks at the cafeteria
  • You can fast travel; if you never completed the heist its 10k, after completion its 2k
  • Your toreador vehicle can enter through the bottom
  • You can call dingy if you can not afford the sparrow
After you get the sub you’ll be introduced to characters and will have to go to LSIA, where you will travel to Cayo Perico, after you arrive everything henceforth is pretty straightforward. After you escape the party you will have to enter the main island through the checkpoint ( Google Boom Gate), PLEASE DO NOT SWIM AROUND THE ISLAND. You will waste so much time doing so, just run through the gated door next to the checkpoint and avoid entering enemy cones, watch for vehicles and watchtower cones. The biggest things to scope out are the infiltration points and exfil points; the airport strip is already marked, the biggest point to scope out after you hack the cameras is the drainage tunnel. This will require swimming, the drainage tunnel is located on the coast of El Rubio’s compound you can dive and find it, Pavel will give you a vocal cue when you find it. When you are looking through cameras after hacking make sure to cycle through every camera, turning to find secondary points, stop until you get back to the Panther Cage. Don’t bother scoping anything else like bolt cutter’s or grappling hooks, because you will not need them. I added a map of Cayo Perico to show where everything is, please note that there are many ways to do this heist this is just my way of doing so. After you found the drainage tunnel and finished your objective, get caught and make your way to the airport strip to leave. Also note there are different Primary targets the first time will always be the files the second will vary, look in the tips for scoping out to see the rankings.
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Credit to Sportskeeda
Tips for Scoping out
  • On your second time doing the heist you will start at the air strip. There are 2 dirt bikes located at the strip one by the entrance to the strip and one by the solar panels next to the power station. You can take the bikes and drive up and over the checkpoint to get to the communications tower faster. At the checkpoint to the left there's a little stone wall in front of the guards tower. You can drive the bike up the ledge and get over it, for a quicker way you can also drive the bike up the ledge a little bit in front of the wall to also get over.
  • If you solo, scope out any important secondary point. There's a secondary point in the airstrip hangar, at the entrance of the hangar look right to see the box you can climb, use this to get to the second floor to get the secondary point. (To clarify check the targets spawns and only mark coke and weed; do not mark weed at the strip and north dock only coke, mark weed at the main dock)
  • When you are heading to the communications tower to hack, pay attention to the guard, if there is a guard, the box is located up the tower, if there is no guard it's on ground level.
  • You can kill yourself or get caught to go back to the airstrip.
  • You can also poison the guards water supply to weaken them but unless you're going aggressive don’t bother.
  • There are boats out in water you can steal but I would only do this to scope out the drainage tunnel the first time.
  • You only need to scope infiltration points and exfils points once, secondary targets and tools must be scoped out every time.
  • Secondary targets and tools are RNG based so if you're looking for tool and it’s not there it’s because of RNG
  • Secondary Targets Rank: Gold>Cocaine>Paintings>Weed>Cash
  • These also will fill your bag different
  • Gold=66% Cocaine=50% Paintings=50% Weed=37.5% Cash=25%
  • The price for secondary targets are RNG based but Gold, cocaine, and Paintings have the most value
  • Secondary Targets Values are RNG based.
  • Gold=332k, Cocaine=220k, Paintings=189k, Weed=147k, Cash=80k-90kCredit goes to u/FMT_WL1
  • Primary Targets Ranked: Panther Statue 1.9M>Pink Diamond 1.4M> Bearer Bonds 1.1M> Ruby necklace 1M> Tequila 900k
Preps
In order to start the heist you must do preps, for this heist you can do however many you want but for this guide you will only need to do 5. Keep your sub in Los Santos until the fifth prep mission, if you decide to do the longfin prep you can keep your sub at Los Santos.
Prep 1/ The Cutting Torch:
This prep mission is pretty straightforward, head to the construction site and land close enough. Before heading in, try to locate the yellow hard hat and put it on, this will make the enemy non-hostile, which makes for an easy mission. Your job is to locate the torch in a tool box. You can find it by looking in the box, it's a blue torch, search the box and head back to your sub. Also when searching for the box try to avoid staying in the enemy cones for too long and bumping into workers because this will make the enemies hostile if you do these.
Prep 2/ Safe Code or Plasma Cutter
There are two missions. The mission will vary on your primary, if you have the bearer bonds it’s the safe code, anything else it’s the Plasma Torch.
Safe Code Mission: Head to the casino at the entrance, after entering turn left and enter the elevator (if you have a penthouse you can go up without entering the parking garage). You will have to find a car in the parking garage. It's a yellow cheap car, it never changes. After finding it you will get the card which will allow you to head up into the penthouses, after getting up there search for two guards and head shot with a suppressed weapon. If done right you will calmly walk into the apartment, you can then search the penthouse for the target, he will never change. It's a guy with a cowboy hat, kill him and leave the penthouse, you will have to fight your way out. If you slam into the entrance of the penthouse you will have to fight your way in. After getting the code get back to your sub.
Plasma Cutter Mission: This is pretty straightforward, for ease take your oppressor instead of your Sparrow for higher mobility. You will have to head to the office to get the plasma cutter, but it’s not there. Pavel will instruct you to find the board and take a picture of it, the board is easy to find. Afterwards he will locate them and ping it on your map, they usually always spawn near Vinewood hills or the beach. Take them out with your oppressor missiles and fly over the bag and leave cause they will spawn two cars to shoot you.
Prep 3/ Fingerprint Cloner: This mission is simple, you will have to head to a location on your map, outside are two cameras, ignore them and walk into the garage, after entering take cover behind the box forward and blind shot everyone with your shotgun. After the enemies are dead hack the laptop in the back and head to the archives. Outside the archives are cameras, shoot them and go inside. Pavel will tell you that you're looking for a small card, it always spawns in the back in the desk square, grab it and head back.
Prep 4/ Weapon Load out: Always buy the suppressors, as for which load out I suggest the Conspirator due to the sticky bombs (there is a bug where you will get suppressors without buying them, just in case purchase it to be safe). There are two possible missions you can be given. One is in Los Santos in an office, for the other you will have to follow a Valkyrie up North.
Weapons Possible Mission 1: Pavel will send you to an office in Los Santos you can either go through the ground entrance or the roof, I suggest the roof entrance but no matter what you will have to fight inside. Once inside clear the office and head to the back to find the gun safe, it’s always located left of the desk on the wall, hack the laptop on the desk and open the safe. Grab the weapons and leave. If you enter on the roof you can fly back but two chopper’s will spawn, shoot their gunman on the sides and hellies will be useless. Another suggestion is to leave immediately, and snack up to restore health. On ground level the hellies will still spawn again shoot the gunman and head back to the sub.
Weapons Possible Mission 2: You will have to head to Elysian Island to find the Valkyrie you do not need to stay close to it. You can predict it’s direction and head North to clear the camp on foot, also avoid destroying the Avenger and the Valkyrie. Do not destroy the Valkyrie until it becomes a target on your mini map or you will fail the prep. After clearing the camp head into the Avenger and kill the enemies, afterwards parachute out and leave before more Merrywheather show up.
Prep 5/ Kosatka: ( You can also do the Longfin, but I prefer Kosatka as an approach vehicle.)
This is a simple mission, after starting it head into your sub driver seat and fast travel to the nearest location near the ping. After you arrive dive your sub over to the location, once you get near get on your periscope and missile the boats and the helli. You can sink your sub and engage auto-pilot under water giving you better access to the enemies sub. Try to avoid beaching your sub on shallow water and put it in the middle of the yellow circle. Leave the driver seat and exit your sub, dive into the water and look for the other sub with a yellow marker on top. After entering the enemies sub you must locate the jammer. You have two paths, one on the right, this is usually where it spawns, take the ladder down and watch your corners cause enemies are brutal in this mission. After entering the engine room look for a black box with a blue screen at the bottom of the stairs if it's not there head back the way you came. Take the left path and make your way to the control room WATCH THOSE CORNERS. If it's not there head to the back of the control room and take the stairs down, follow the path it will lead you into the torpedo room, that another spawn. Leave and head back to your sub.
Prep 5/ Longfin
This mission is located in Los Santos basically you can take a phantom (Semi-truck) to the police station to pick up a boat of which you can use as an approach for the heist. This mission is simple: you basically go and pick up a phantom, afterwards you drive to impound to pick up the longfin. You will be met with enemies. The one I did was the cop impound, you can enter with your phantom and drive out. It's best to clear the area, and let the cops kill you for an easier delivery (you can't call Lester). You can use your own Phantom wedge to clear vehicles out of the way.
(during the heist you can use this get loot before you enter the drainage tunnel , this can be quicker way if your loot is out the way)
This includes the scope out and the preps
This includes the scope out and the preps
Tips For Preps
  • The biggest tip is the Sparrow, this will make prepping a joke, the only time you won’t need it is during the plasma cutter and Kosatka missions, but that's due to mobility.
  • You can see the cutting torch it’s blue
  • You can blow up the Valkyrie and end the mission to get the office mission to save time, I highly suggest this ( I do this mostly because you have to follow the helli up North and wait for it to land.)
  • The preps are the same, they never change
  • Save the Kosatka heist for last so you can do all 4 preps in Los Santos
The Heist
Time to Start the Heist. Go to screen and tab to Finale and shift over to continue to start the mission. Once you get to the selection process pick your options. It should be Kosatka or Longfin, Drainage, Drainage, Main docks or Kotsatka, and Day Time (there's very little difference between day or night). If you're playing with others you must hurry through the selection screen because if you take too long the cuts will reset due to a bug.
Squad Run
When you begin the mission you will have to make your way to the drainage tunnel, if you chose the Kosatka you will have to swim to the tunnel, but if you chose the Longfin you will have to drive the boat to the tunnel. Once you arrive you will have to cut the bars at the gate, a suggestion to do this is to go in a circle three times and cut whatever remains. Afterwards swim through the tunnel and enter the compound.
Compound
Once you enter the compound you will have two directions to go, the left or the right. My way is to go to the left, up the stairs is a guard next to the storage staring out at the water, head shot him and make your way to the courtyard. If you followed my instructions the two guards at the pool will be to your left. In the courtyard there should be a guard coming, wait for him to stop and head shot him. After that, ready your shot at the two guards at the pool, choose your target. Since you're in a squad, ready your shot, as a suggestion one person can count down from three to one to shoot at the same time to eliminate any mistakes ( these two guards usually drop the gate keys). The next is to eliminate the juggernaut, the way to identify him is by his red cone and red skull icon. He can be killed by a single headshot, if you and your squad were quick with the guards at the pool he should be arriving, take him out. In front of the pool there are two separate guards, one will be in front of the office building to identify him, the camera is facing the pool, if you time it correctly he will be to the right of the camera making for an easy elimination. The other guard is North East of the front of the pool, or to the right of the guard you just killed. You can eliminate him if you want too, the reason I do so is because me and my mates can all access the storages without worry. Next are three guards at the office, to identify them they will have red cones. One of the guards will be moving North towards the main gate and then will move South towards the pool. You have two options, one is to wait for him to head North and take him out, or you can head shot him when he’s coming South. To achieve this there are stairs directly in front of the pool, if you take the stairs up to the right you now have enough elevation to see the guards head ( this is tricky to explain which is why I will also have a video example for visual clarification.) After taking the guard out you can head up the stairs into the office area, once up the stairs head to the right, for clarification the pool will be to the left and main gate to your right. Head down the corridor if you have done this correctly the guards back will be facing you, take him out. To your left are stairs that leads to the office, take them up, at this point the guard at the top will start to move. You have two options, one you can wait behind a corner and hit the guard or if you are quick enough the guard will stop for a brief moment, giving a chance for an easy headshot. At this point you can enter the office, where you can grab the second keycard, the first keycard is dropped by any guard you have killed ( it usually drops on the first kill, but this is RNG based). In the office there are three things you can do, one is you can hack the elevator which leads to the basement, ignore this hack. The other things are either a painting that can randomly spawn in the office, and a safe on the right wall in the back of the office. Open the safe to get anywhere between 50k to 100k, THIS DOES NOT TAKE SPACE. When you have everything, start to loot up and fill your bag by going to the storages located around the compound, to open the storages you will need the two keycards and two people. You and your squad mates will have to swipe your card at the same time to open the door, another suggestion is to use the three to one countdown to sync swipes. The South Storage will have a guard moving, the guard is located to the left of the two guards you killed at the pool, take him out and watch for the camera. After you are done, please make sure to save space for the basement storage, make your way to the basement gates, they are located beneath the office building to the left and right, it does not matter which gate you choose. Once you are in the basement you will be presented with a hack, it may look daunting but in fact it is rather simple, I suggest matching the top first and making your way down. Afterwards loot up and grab the Primary Target, it is really straightforward to do so. At this time Pavel will tell the players that more guards have arrived, if you have followed thus far, you do not have to worry. Exit the basement, and head North to the main gate there should two guards, one will be moving the other stationary. You can take the stationary guard, you can also take the guard moving but if you and your squad can make it to the gate without doing so, go ahead. The host will be prompted to select the escape route, select it and a cutscene will begin. After you will be located outside the compound.
Kill in this order
Outside The Compound
You and your squad will be outside, if you are satisfied with your loot head left to the coast, you can jump off the cliff into the water. Once in the water you can swim off the island ,just keep heading straight and eventually you will have escaped. You can also try to steal a boat; note that some have claimed that boats may not spawn but if you manage to grab a boat this can make getting to and from much quicker. If you are missing loot head forward and take the guard next to the bike out, one person will have to head left toward a guard near a helli take him out and plant four stickies on the chopper. At the same time the other members will turn right towards the checkpoint, there should be three guards two together and one separate, and a camera behind the two guards. Take the one separate out, then the two guards, and the camera. Around the checkpoint are three bikes plus the bike with the very first guard killed. One of the bikes is hidden to the left of the checkpoint booth the other is directly in front. Start making your way towards the main docks, turn right into the jungle the moment you leave the stopping checkpoint. Pay attention to the guard tower to your right and avoid his cone, at this time Pavel will tell the squad that El Rubio’s helli is on the move, activate the stickies and he will retreat away from the island. Once you are close enough to the docks go on foot, your objective is to loot and take the boat off the island. There are two secondary loot locations, one is a warehouse with a guard and camera outside, take them out and loot. The other is located to the right with two separate guards, please refer to Sportskeeda map to see the location. Take them out and loot. Afterwards there are 3-4 guards you have to take out at the docks, to leave without alerting the guard. Two guards standing next to the boat, and one or two stationary guards looking out at the water. After clearing the guards, grab the boat and escape Cayo Perico. Congrats you have now completed the heist.
Note: You can approach the compound in any way you choose, my way is a bit complicated but with practice you can clear the compound at the same time as other routes. Feel free to adjust the route in anyway, my route is just a reference to get an idea as to how to approach the compound.
Note: I do it the same exact way when I solo, but since I’m solo I can skip guards and head to my objective. For the Solo run I go for cocaine, you NOT have to do this. I do this to maximize my profit, and since I am competent in my abilities I can clear the mission without many mistakes.
Solo Run
The strat is the same except it will be harder to take out the two guards by the pool, the major difference is you can not open the storage's to get gold or loot, you might be lucky to get painting in the office but that's RNG. A good tip when taking on double guards is to find a good angle, after killing one the other will flinch, he will prop his head up giving you the shot. You can scope the rest of island to find the most profitable loot which is cocaine, if there is none then get weed and cash (by scoping out I’m referring to checking the spawns for coke, if there is none at North docks and the Air Strip I ignore them, I do not mark every item only Coke and any profitable items at Main Docks). After leaving the compound there will be a guard in front of you next to a bike, kill him. Turn left and head to the next guy next to a helli, kill him and plant four stickies on the heli, do not activate them yet. Go back the way you came, there will be three guards at a checkpoint two together, one standing away. Kill the one standing away and then prepare to kill the two guards, after their dead shoot the camera and jump over the stop rail. You will have to be quick because a car will drive towards the checkpoint so make sure to do all that quickly. You have two options: you can swim off the island and finish the heist, or you can head to Main Docks to fill your bag. If you chose the latter run North East into the jungle towards the guards tower, but far enough away so he can’t see you. On your way to Main Dock Pave El Rubio helli will show up on the map, wait for Pavels vocal cue when he tells you that Rubio is in his helli, and then activate your stickies, boom Rubio will retreat. Now you can make it to your objective in peace. You can loot at the Marijuana fields but you may have to take out three guard towers and a single camera, as well as two guards near the fields. I’ll leave this to your gut if you think you can make it to the warehouse without messing up please do so. If you want to head to North Dock and the Airstrip you either can swim there which will eat a lot of time or you can take the boat at the docks to get there faster. Trade off is that if you swim it will take up time, but if you take the boat you will have to clear out guards to safely remove the boat from the dock. If you are satisfied with anything you get then just clear the area with loot and swim or steal the boat. This is for the Airstrip if you do not plan on going here IGNORE this. The Airstrip is an easy place to navigate since a lot of the guards are far from each other so you can clear the airstrip easily. There are two loot spawns one at the hangar with one guard, and a warehouse with two separate guards. There's guard outside the hangar kill him, and go inside, if your loot is on the second floor, look for a forklift and pick up a box lift and it up then press the box against the back of the hangar below a blue tarp you can then climb the lift and the box to get access to the loot. The other airstrip loot spawn is an easy place to clear, one guard will be moving you can head shot him from the hangar, at the warehouse there’s a camera shoot it and inside the warehouse is a guard questioning his career choice, kill him. If you need to head to North Dock head there by bike or by foot, you can loot without killing any guard. After you're done just swim off the Island, or take the boat. Congrats, you have just completed the heist solo.
Note: I will be adding a second strat to clear the compound, the reason for this is because a Redditor provided the strat. I do not mind adding his strat, but I must remind everyone that you can tackle the heist in any way you feel comfortable with.
I missed that gate keys, so I killed more than I should have.
Solo Run Second Strat:
Essentially, it is the same as the other one, except for going left you go right. Your first target are the two guards at the pool. They should be to the right of you, find a good angle and head shot the first one, wait for the second guard to finish flinching and kill him. The juggernaut should be making his way towards you, wait for him to exit the camera’s view and kill him. If the gate key drops pick it up and kill the guard in front of the pool he should be past the camera. Take out the camera and wait for the moving red cone guard to turn his direction North, once he turns around go up the stairs and kill him. Move towards the second red cone guard his back should be facing you, hit him and ascend the stairs. The last guard on top should be moving. You can either wait behind the corner and hit him or speed around the corner to head shot him, it’s up to you. Loot the office safe and make your way to the basement. Finally, use the gate keys to open the basement, hack and grab the primary target. Afterwards head up towards the main gate, a new guard will spawn, you can wait for the moving guard to move out of range, and kill the stationary guard. From there you can run to the gate and exit the compound.
I had brain fart at the hacking lmao
Heist Tips
  • You can swim off the island from any direction
  • You can steal boats for faster escape but that's up you
  • You can sticky El Rubio’s helli for to get him to retreat
  • In the compound you can jump ledges after clearing the enemies
  • For double guards, get a good angle after you head shot one guy the other will flinch, you can get the shot slightly after, or you can risk shooting him until he’s dead.
  • Guards do not react to dead bodies, in day time their visibility is the same as night, an Isolated guard can’t alert if everyone is dead. You can run, guards will only react if you're close, if you miss a shot and it gets near a guard or makes noise this will alert.
  • You can jump into the ocean to die quickly if you alert inside the compound
  • If you find a key you can open the desk to get a golden gun
  • If your underwater and a patrol boats cone is on you, they can’t see you
  • Cones can be obstructed by objects
  • ? Civilians may be able to alert guard?
  • Solo is more profitable than playing with friends due to not sharing a cut
  • If you don’t have to kill don’t, less interaction is good
  • Being stealthy is the best way, if you alert restart
  • You can aim in and hold the sprint button to walk faster
  • To activate hard mode, you have to start the heist when it becomes available
  • Try to avoid killing guards near the camera cones, the reason being is because this can alert the guards if the camera sees the dead body. Ironically, guards do not alert they seem one.
Game Over>
That's it ladies and gentleman, I hope this guide has helped anyone. I’m aware I’ve definitely went too in depth in this guide but I enjoy making it, Happy Grinding -Leaus
submitted by Leaus- to gtaonline [link] [comments]

Anyone bored wanting to find a good mmorpg on your browser?

I have been in the same situtation as you before, I had a chromebook that couldn't run any other games other than browser games. I really wanted to find a good browser mmorpg and so I went to mmos.com and tried almost every single game. Today I want to share with you my favorite browser game by far, this game IS NOT FOR EVERYONE, it's called TORN and it's basically a crime based game in the modern world and you want to basically get strong and rich.
Ammount of time per day: (It's an mmorpg so obviously not in one sitting) I'd say about 10mins every few hours every day, this game rewards players for being active daily for short duration of time rather than playing a very long time in one sitting, then missing a few days.
Difficulty: Simple to understand, hard to master
Pros:
-Highly active game over 20k players playing at the same time on average, 9 servers, huge staff team for a browser game (like 20 people)
-A perfect game to have in the background: while you're doing homework or even watching youtube, it doesn't require full attention AT ALL (ok maybe a little bit at least).
-Althought it looks like there's not much to do there is SO much you can do in this game: join a faction, do faction wars to hold territories, get a job for cash, start a company for extra cash, gamble at the casino, do crimes to earn easy money, organized crimes with faction mates, start selling stuff at your bazar, racing (cars), traveling to other countries to buy stuff there bring it back to for more money, events every month (sometimes more than one per month) such as Christmas town, dog tags, trick or treat, etc (I could go all day)
-Not a single thing you can't buy with in game money (though some items are extremely limited like I believe there is only a total of 149 gold plated AK which is one of the best weapons in the game) and very to none p2w possibility, if you pay in the beginning it will give you a big headstart skipping the annoying part of the game which is being a beginner.
Cons:
-Requires determination and being able to be active almost everyday, missing a day isn't the end of the world but there is a set ammount of things you can do once/set time per day.
-Energy bar: used for things like training your stats at the gym or attacking another player now this is what turns a lot of players away, but trust me IT IS NOT LIKE ENERGY IN MOBILE GAMES, energy auto generates and there's sooo many ways to replenish your energy such as drugs (yes this game has drugs, if you get addicted there is a rehab), energy drinks, using points for energy refills, hotel coupons, etc...
-Text based: also of the main reasons many players doesn't think is appealing, the graphics are not the best but extremely good in my opinion for a text based game, and NO a text based game doesn't mean you're doing to have to read a wall of text every 5 seconds, it means there is no controlable character and might be a bit confusing a first as games with a controlable character are so popular.
-Grown up community: kids are not welcomed in this game, nor are beggars, this game is full of grown ups so DO NOT talk AT ALL in the global chat and starting new threads in forums. I've seen several players complaining how they lost all their cash at the casino (don't gamble btw) and how rigged this game was and he got hospitalized for a very long time, then he kept complaining and got bounties on his head and is now sentenced to be able to play the game for a very long time. On torn, you are nobody when you start, that's why it's fun to grow and to be one day, somebody.
If this game sounds appealing to you or if you're just bored and want to try it out please use my referal link! (I get a little something if you reach level 10), if you're using my referal link I'd be more than pleased to help you in the game and explaining further how the game works and why I find it so fun (it's hard to explain until you start to get addicted, really). Also I need friends :(.
here is my referal link: https://www.torn.com/2215152 we should automatically be friends so just send me a message and I'll gadly help you (I am still a student and have school even though there's a virus going on so why.... so I won't be responding right away but I'll try my best to! Add me on discord at PROFY#6207 if you're super serious about this game! Thank you if you took the time to read all this, I'm impressed lol.
submitted by PROFY1337 to ChromebookGaming [link] [comments]

Spellslinger Fingerbangs Scott

Slightly early happy fourth of July everyone! And belated Happy Canada day to our northern neighbors! And just happy days all around to everyone else! This is a chapter a loooong time coming. But I just kept kicking the idea around in my head, unhappy with it until things felt like they fell into place.
Without further ado the long awaited next chapter of Spellslinger!
My Stories
My Patreon
“So… what exactly are we doing again?” Fenrina asked as she helped Steve fit some parts onto a large contraption he was assembling.
“We’re going to stop Scott, and fight his army of skeletons.” Steve reminded her as he slapped some pieces together and wrapped plenty of his special flexible fabric of aquatic bird binding around the parts to hold them in place.
“No, I mean yeah. I get that. But… like how? And what’s this for?” Fenrina asked as she lifted a giant wheel up so Steve could bolt it to the side of his project.
“This is what will help us break through his army. I call it… Spellslinger’s automatic fossil fuel external combusting self propelled mobile engine! Or the SAFFECSPME for short.” Steve grinned and proudly posed before his machine.
“Steve you are just… terrible at naming things.” Sherry sighed with a slow shake of her head as she looked up at his rather haphazardly slapped together invention.
“I am not! You take that back female with whom I have relations!” He huffed. “I’m so tired of all these stupid artifacts we find that are just like… The orb of wonder! The circlet of insight! The Staff of penetrat- Actually that one is rather self explanatory… Regardless! When I name something people don’t have to be like oh I wonder what that does. No! They know exactly what it does right from the get go! Hah!” He once more set his hands on his hips and struck a proud pose.
“Why not like… take some of the words and stick them together? Like… auto...mobile. That sorta means the same thing right?” Fenrina suggested with a shrug.
“The automobile?” Steve asked as he gave Fenrina as confused look. “Pfft. What’s that even mean? It’ll never catch on. Unlike SAFFECSPME!”
“Safakspm?” Fenrina tried.
“No. SAFFECSPME.” Steve corrected her.
“Safeskspem?” She tried again.
“We’ll deal with that later.” Steve waved a hand dismissively. “What’s important now is waiting on word from the Archon that she’s finished up the spell we’ve been working on. Then we… well we wait for some of the skeletons to get here. I don’t have any more fossils so we need to smash them up and toss them in there.” He pointed to the large scoop at the front of his vehicle full of large spiked grinders. “Then inside I have a reserve of arcane water to mix with the ground up fossils, which then combusts here, which is why I’ve got the pipe to make sure most of the explosion is external. And then it’ll start moving forward.” He explained with a slow nod.
“How do we… steer it? And… where do we sit?” Sherry asked as she eyed the machine with a very nervous expression.
“Uh… I’ve got a wheel like on a ship, and I’ve made… seats.” Steve gave another vague wave at the machine. The seats he had bolted or strapped into place were more of the just fit wherever style over the actually made with purpose style. “Oh also, since this is super dangerous don’t forget safety first. Goggles everyone.” He went around to hand them each goggles.
“These will help us if it explodes?” Fenrina asked as she strapped them onto her face.
“Oh no. Not at all. They’re just to keep sand out of your eyes when we’re going fast.” He explained.
“Well, I do like to go fast.” Fenrina nodded with her usual levels of confidence and complete lack of concern.
“Can I mention that so far you’ve yet to mention how we’re going to defeat Scott. Or how we’re going to assemble the rest of Fenrina’s people. Or! Or how you’re even going to cast your spell!” Sherry reminded them even as she put on her own goggles.
“The Archon is casting that spell I mentioned. It’ll round up all of the people who’ve become…. Were-huskies and drop them near us. Don’t worry about it. Also I still need a better name than werehusky. As for casting the spell? Once we’ve mashed up that many of Scott’s skeletons I should have lots of power to use.” Steve shrugged. “As usual our best plans just sort of… happen. Without planning.”
“That makes them not plans.” Sherry drly remarked. “What about Scott? You heard the Archon she said he had powerful magicks with a K. Even with all four of us I’m not sure we can breach such old spell barriers.” Sherry then reminded him.
“Yeah but that’s why Steve is going to finger bang him.” Fenrina reminded them with a shrug.
“Ugh…” Steve groaned at that. “Just… stop saying that.”
“You guys won’t say what’s wrong with finger banging people! So until you do I’m just going to finger bang bang all day!” Fenrina wagged her fingers at the others.
“The finger that I’ve sabotaged will strip away his shields and then he’s like a basic skeleton. Uh… that is alive and talks and stuff. We can smash him real easy then. Larry could even deal with it… if he hadn’t forgotten all his spells for fighting undead and replaced them with party tricks.” Steve glared at the dwarf then.
“Larry insists it so unfair to shame a cleric for choosing to fight boredom at parties of sexy elves instead of fighting boring unsexy undead.” Both Sherry and Steve rolled their eyes as Larry tried to defend his practice of quick casting more… gimmicky spells. Such as transmute water to wine, and greater mood lighting.
“Regardless we need to hold them from getting past this part of the Hamak desert because if they get down into the casinos around Sinner’s Meadow a whole lot of gamblers, plus all the poor bastards the sunbinders buried with their pharaohs over the centuries, will become zombies. Or… skeletons maybe. Something undead. Although it might be hard to tell the difference compared with their usual behavior…” Steve mused idly as he rubbed his beard. Steve, Sherry, and Larry all looked out across the reddish sands of the desert before them knowing a vast horde of undead should be approaching them quickly from the valley of the dead where Scott and the rest of his Dicks had been buried, and conveniently lost to time until now.
“So, Steve, out of curiosity, what if Scott has some extra warriors buried at different points around the desert as a vanguard with like skeleton chariots and stuff and we start getting attacked before the Archon has her spell ready?” Fenrina asked.
“That sounds like an oddly specific worry Fenrina… but I guess we’d just have to ride around smashing skeletons until she’s ready. Why?” Steve asked and looked over to see the canine looking behind them.
“Because I think that hill is a tomb.” She pointed and the others looked around to see a mass of skeletons rushing up towards them, some on chariots being pulled by skeleton horses as well.
“Oh shit!” Steve hissed out as Sherry and Larry turned to quickly set up to face the oncoming attack. “Get ready and remember the plan!” Steve shouted.
“What plan?!” Sherry hissed back.
“That’s easy!” Fenrina grinned as she got out front with her shield raised. “Stuff the bad skeletons into the mashing bit! Drive around and find Scott! And then-
Spellslinger Fingerbangs-
“Don’t you dare!” Steve interrupted her before she could finish, and began to cast a fireball at the charging chariots. “The plan is-
Spellslinger Slaps a Dick
“They keep splintering into tiny pieces! I can’t even get a decent snack!” Fenrina growled out as another pair of skeletons rushed up at her only for her sword to cleave through both of them as a cloud of dust erupted in their place.
“We’ve got to somehow get them straight into the grinder!” Steve shouted and hurled a vine spear into the spoke of one of the chariots, causing the whole thing to tumble over as the skeletal horses shattered.
“Maybe Sherry’s whip? It doesn’t seem to destroy them as much!” Fenrina called out.
“The problem is when I whip them they just make these moaning sounds!” Sherry called back as she held a contingent of skeletal warriors at bay to the side of the machine.
“So… they’re immune to the whip?” Steve asked with a glance over.
“No, it still works but it’s really creepy and I don’t like it!” Sherry growled back. “And they don’t run from it they just stick around to get whipped more!”
“I’ve got an idea!” Fenrina announced and used her shield to smash apart another skeleton before rushing over to grab Larry. “Fastball special!”
“Larry hates this idea!” The dwarf shouted just before she spun and hurled him into the driver of one of the chariots knocking the skeleton out as Larry tumbled into the chariot. The dwarf quickly grabbed the reins then, but it wasn’t easy as he had to keep hopping to see over the horses.
“Into the machine!” Fenrina yelled at him even as she used her shield to shove several of the warriors in front of Steve’s engine. Realizing what she was doing Steve quickly pulled several reagents from his belt and stuffed them into his mouth before vomiting ice all over them to stick them in place.
“Ugh… I hate the flavor.” He muttered as he spit out a final snowball.
“Stop moaning and get back you creepy shits!” Sherry screamed on the other side of the machine as she kept furiously cracking her whip at the possibly masochistic vanguard of skeletons to try and herd them in front of the engine. Just as they were all in position Larry drove the skeletal horses into the grinder at the front of the machine, shoving the herd of warriors in at the same time as the dwarf hurled himself free of the wreckage at the last moment. For a second nothing seemed to happen as the grinders slowly turned, but then they began to pick up speed and the entire machine started to roll forward slowly.
“Hop on!” Steve called out as everyone jumped onto the nearest seat available. Steve tried to slip into the seat behind the steering wheel but to his surprise Fenrina picked him up before he could fully sit down and tossed him onto the front where he grabbed the nearest set to stop from sliding off. “Fenrina! The hell?!”
“All of you cast magic and stuff! What am I gonna do in here? Ask you to drive closer so I can hit them with my sword?” She snorted and pulled a lever to disengage the brakes. Steve was rather impressed at how much more focused she’d been lately. “Besides this way I can make it go as fast as I want!” She grinned wide as he immediately retracted his thought and sighed.
“Well… aim for the main cluster to get more fossils for fuel!” He hollered and pointed at the group still pouring out of the hill tomb. As they began to roll downhill the machine started to pick up speed both from smashing into more of the now fleeing skeletons, and the downhill course. Steve meant to start casting something to help thin the horde but instead he spent most of his time trying to avoid the sword and spears that were flying past him as the warriors got mulched by the grinder. He’d need to adjust his design a bit for the next one.
Thankfully Fenrina didn’t seem to need any help as his machine plowed through much of the vanguard as they tried to leave the tomb and by now it seemed to be fully charged as a gout of flame erupted from the back pipe making the entire thing shudder a moment. There were several more jerks as explosions rocked the SAFFECSPME forward and Steve desperately clutched the sides of his seat to steady himself. “Steve you asshole slow down!” Sherry screamed to the side.
“I’m not driving!” He yelled back.
“Sorry, force of habit! Fenrina!” The demon looked over but the husky was busy letting out a howl and then letting her tongue dangle in the wind as the machine shot out across the desert, rattling and bouncing over the terrain.
While Steve had planned for the goggles to shield his eyes he’d not given as much thought to his mouth and was coughing as his position at the front of the machine made him a magnet for dirt, sand, and bugs. He quickly pulled a cloth from one of his pouches to wrap around his face. When he looked to one side he saw Sherry had cut part of her shirt to do the same. But when he looked to the other side he saw Larry had in face pulled a rather large pair of panties over his face and then pulled his goggles down over it. “What the-”
“These are not Larry’s panties. For Larry does not wear panties. Except right now. As a mask.” He replied before Steve could even ask. Though that didn’t really answer much of anything. Steve wanted to ask more but then Fenrina spoke up as she glanced back.
“Hey Steve what if the skeletons saw what sort of machine we made and somehow like banded together into similar machines but made out of bones and stuff and came chasing after us to stop us and were covered in spikes and more skeletons and stuff?” She asked in one long breathless sentence.
“Uh… that’s… not really… possible?” Steve tried to think of what sort of magic could do something like that but wasn’t sure if it could be done. Especially not so quickly.
“Okay, then I guess I’m hallucinating.” Fenrina shrugged and Steve leaned out to the side to see several skeletal vehicles suddenly chasing after them.
“Oh what the fuck!” He gasped out. One of the smaller skeletal vehicles raced up ahead as he saw a skeletal trumpeter on it blaring some ear piercing tune. “That’s impossible! You guys are cheating!” He yelled over at them even as every skelton aboard the undead machine flipped him off.
“Doot doot motherfucker!” One of the more well armored skeletons simply screamed back at him as they started to jump across to board their ride. The trio had to quickly try and fend off the attackers from their already precarious seats.
“How can a skeleton even play trumpet! You don’t have lips!” Steve screamed as the skeletal minstrel jumped across and played trumpet in his face even as he chopped the skeleton’s legs off at the knees sending the upper body tumbling off the side. Thankfully with the speed Fenrina was going across the desert all they really had to do was shove them back off the sides and they’d be smashed to bits from the impact.
Yet the reanimated bones didn’t seem to have any issues with suicidally trying to ram their new bone-mobiles into the DOOM engine. Thankfully Steve had made his SAFFECSPM to be sturdy, though he was quickly making notes about what to add for the next version. Like something to strap him into his seat as the impacts from the skeletal riders would nearly knock him off the front and off the side. “Fenrina ram back!” Steve called out to her, but as she swerved to hit one of the bone-mobiles all the skeletons atop it just jumped over onto their ride. “New plan! Don’t do that!”
“Haha! Death to the fleshy bois! Fuck flesh!” One of the skeletons cried out as he tried to decapitate Steve with an old sickle sword. Though Steve got his own sword up to parry the attack.
“Yeah death to the fleshy bois! And… whatever this furry one is! Fuck the furry!” Another skeleton yelled as he tried to stab Fenrina with a spear, but she just grabbed the spear and used it to fling the skeleton off the engine.
“Larry insists you don’t use that term. It doesn’t mean what you think it does!” The dwarf advised even as he smashed apart another skeleton with his hammer as it tried to jump across.
“Why what does it mean?” Fenrina asked with a frown.
“Yeah, fleshy boi! What’s it mean?” The skeleton from earlier asked before Steve quickly conjured a large stone fish to smash him apart.
“Larry does not wish to explain right now. Larry simply… knows things that would suggest you don’t use that term.” The dwarf gave the others an odd look and Steve frowned a moment before narrowly ducking to avoid an arrow shot at them from a nearby bone-mobile.
“Larry do we want to know?” He asked and the dwarf just shook his head. “I swear you’re worse than bards sometimes…” Steve muttered even as he began to fast a fireball to lob back at the skeleton archers.
“Yeah well I’m tired of fighting all these boney bois and getting nothing to eat!” Fenrina growled out and as two of the skeletal vehicles pulled up alongside she yanked on the brake, making Steve let out a startled squeal and nearly roll off the front of the engine and into the grinder, but he caught himself on the edge. The two skeletal vehicles though smashed into each other in a mass eruption of bones which Fenrina then drove through, snagging a wayward femur in her mouth. “Mmhgnrnrng… uch etter…”
“Damnit Fenrina! Can you stop thinking about food for two seconds and focus!” Steve yelled and scrambled to pull himself back into his seat.
“‘Ere ‘e goi’ ‘nywa?” She asked as she kept chewing on the femur, causing little sparks to sizzle around her teeth.
“Uh…” Steve looked forward across the desert as he saw a massive lightning bolt from some cliffs ahead and the clouds began to grow impossibly dark. “Yeah my bet is that way.”
“Also ‘at ‘o I ‘o if ‘I ‘ee’ a ‘ig ‘orado ‘ats s’arkly?” She asked, refusing to give up her snack.
“What do you do if you see a big tornado that’s all sparkly? I don’t know… why do you ask?” Steve was watching Fenrina as he pulled himself back into his seat and then saw her point past him. When he looked back he saw an absolutely massive sand tornado crackling with purple lightning. “Oh for fuck’s sake! Stop asking questions like that Fenrina!”
“Hat? It ‘ot’ ‘I ‘ault!” She huffed.
“I swear it somehow is!” Steve hissed. “Get away from it! Towards the cliffs!” He pointed towards the beam in the sky pulling in more and more dark clouds. But as they got closer to the cliff he saw a tide of skeletons riding an entire fleet of bone-mobiles out towards them. “Never mind! Towards the tornado! Towards the tornado!” He screamed as he waved towards the tornado. Fenrina veered off towards the swirling vortex of sand and lightning as Steven feverishly pulled reagents from his pouches and frantically etched runes into the hood.
Even as they approached the massive storm the skeletons were overtaking them. Sherry had summoned her bone wings and was using them to operate a massive flaming bow to smash apart approaching riders with spear sized flaming bolts, and Larry was tossing holy orbs up into the air before using his hammer like a bat to smack them at the oncoming horde. It was still going to be extremely close as the tornado bore down upon them and the tide of skeletons grew ever closer. “Larry!” Steve screamed to be heard over the howling wind. “Bubble us!”
“Larry would have to use up a lot of energy to shield us all! Plus Larry does not appreciate the divine protection being called a bubble!” The dwarf protested, taking a momentary break from lobbing the holy bombs at the skeletons.
“Larry so help me you will bubble us all right now or I’ll tell the Archon what you did in the faculty lounge!” Steve screamed back. The dwarf went wide eyed a moment and set his hands on the engine before a golden sphere shimmered around them just as several of the bone-mobiles smashed into them. Thankfully with the bubble up they were instead blasted apart instead, and Fenrina was free to drive them straight into the vortex.
As the sand and lightning swept over them the bubble crackled and broke apart quickly, but Steve already had his hands up in the air and was shouting out virtually every protective weather ward he knew to create a break in the wind for them barrel through as the storm overtook Scott’s army and began to tear them apart. Steve could feel the drain of energy from shielding them as they thankfully burst out of the sand into the eye of the storm.
Yet even as the sky above them was clear and blue they suddenly saw several more vehicles ahead of them. Except they weren’t the bone-mobiles. They seemed to be made of rusty metal, and several were completely covered in spikes, plus their wheels were very small and made of some material Steve didn’t recognize at all. Not to mention instead of angry undead skeletons they seemed to be crewed by humans wearing bits of strange spiker armor that Steve also didn’t recognize. It didn’t seem like metal.
“Wha? Where did these guys come from?” Steve frowned in confusion. Before he could even try and call out to them one of the spiked vehicles saw him and a rider lobbed a spear at them which exploded just as it hit the sand. More of the rides howled out as he saw them grab at their crotches for some reason and wiggle their tongues in the air. “Okay they’re not friendly.” He growled and quickly lobbed a fireball right back, igniting the vehicle as it exploded in a shower of metal spikes that Fenrina had to dodge.
Several of the spiked hostile rides began to veer off towards him but a sleek black vehicle at the front dropped back and slammed into one, making it spin out and flip over a dune as the riders were tossed screaming into the storm as it moved. Forcing many of the others to drop back as they chased after them. “Oi you beautiful cunt!” Steve frowned as the rider of the sleek black machine came up next to him. Unlike the strange spiked armor the others wore this one was in black leather armor that was a little odd, but still something he was more familiar with.
“What!” Steve called back, unsure about the insult.
“Yeah! Thanks cunt! These mad mates been on me since a piss up in woop woop last night. Fuckin’ hoons ‘mirite?” The rider called back.
“What?” Was all Steve could respond with.
“Oi! Is that a Sheila dingo with tits drivin yer claptrap? Now that’s a bloody awesome mutant it is!” The black clad driver continued.
“What!?” Steve echoed from before, entirely confused.
“Right cunt! ‘Moff to the bottle-o! Hoo roo!” The driver called out before driving into the wall of sand ahead of them.
“I am so lost.” Steve muttered before raising his hands to chant out more wards as Fenrina took them back through the vortex of sand and lightning. This time as they neared the end his arms were truly getting tired and when they burst back out into the sun he let out a relieved gasp and sagged back down into his seat. Fenrina was taking them straight towards the cliff the shadows were growing out of but he didn’t see any more skeletons just yet so he used the time to catch his breath.
“Sherry… did that guy sound like a Drow to you?” Steve asked as he glanced back at the demon.
“You know more about them then me.” She replied with a shrug. “Also why were those other guys all wearing assless chaps?”
“Were they?” Steve frowned. “I think I was focused on other things.” He shook his head slowly and grabbed a rejuvenation potion off his belt as Sherry entered a narrow crack in the cliffs towards the shadow light on the far end. “Alright… uh… maybe slow it down a bit.” Steve urged Fenrina as they sped through the rocky walls with very little room on either side.
“Sure thing!” Fenrina called out, apparently done with her femur at some point. However right after that Steve heard a snap and Fenrina reached forward to hand him a stick. “Hey, can you hold onto this for me?” She asked.
Steve took the lever and looked at it in his hands a moment before realizing what it was. “Fenrina! This is the brake lever!”
“Yeah. It broke.” She replied and then took her hands off the wheel to give him a big shrug as her tongue dangled from her mouth.
“Damnit Fenrina.” Steve sighed, but before he could do anything else they exited the small canyon and came into a clearing with a rather steep drop off as the SAFFECSPM was launched off it into a pit below. The members of DOOM cried out and tumbled off the machine as it plummeted. Thankfully Sherry was quick to get her bone wings out and grab Steve while Fenrina grabbed onto Larry as the dwarf frantically cast another bubble around them so they’d bounce off the ground and roll to a stop while Sherry brought Steve down in a mostly controlled descent as they all landed around the wreckage of Steve’s machine.
“My my my… you really are a tenacious shit sucker.” Steve looked around as he heard that voice and saw Scott standing above them upon a rather short pyramid.
“Is this your pyramid Scott? It’s… a little small.” Steve called back.
“It’s not about the size of the pyramid but how you use it!” Scott screamed back. Around them Steve saw more skeletal warriors start to rush forward from around the pyramid.
“We’ve just got done destroying entire legions of your shitty warriors! What’s a few more?” Steve called up to Scott only to see larger skeletons start to rush out of the pyramid itself. Their armor and weapons obviously superior to the lesser skeletons they’d been fighting. “Well, fine! The more the merrier!” He continued even as black lightning struck the ground and ten foot tall half jackal half human mummies began to burst out of the ground. “I uh… I still think… we’ve got this.” He muttered at the end.
“Do you? Do you really?” Scott asked as the ground around them began to rumble. Besides the pyramid the ground began to shift as sand fell away to reveal an absolutely massive snake rising up. Then the ground around them shifted as Steve realized much of the ground around them was just the coiled tail of this gargantuan snake.
“That… that is… that is a very very big snake.” Steve muttered as he watched it rise up, clad in a rather dazzling jeweled headpiece that constituted the complete output of at least one gold mine, and the centerpiece was a ruby the size of Larry.
“Your pathetic struggle ends here fool!” Scott called back at the snake’s massive forked tongue flicked out a moment and its maw started to open.
“You’re such a dick Scott.” Steve huffed.
“Yes. I’m the king of the dicks! No one is more dick than I! Scott!” The skeleton replied with a maniacal cackle as shadow lightning struck behind him to create an inverse flash of light to highlight his malevolence.
“But you still haven’t found your actual dick I see.” Steve waved at the skeleton’s crotch. “You… dickless wonder!”
“No… That miserable bastard of mine Eddy… I don’t know what he did with it! Him and that treacherous vizier Sigmund. They had the creepiest ideas about mothers.” The skeleton shuddered for a moment and then waved a hand. “But enough of this mindless prattle! You die now and shall be nothing more than snake shit soon! Strike my servant!” He called as the snake hissed out and rose up.
“Hold on I got this.” Sherry said to Steve’s surprise and pushed him aside to step closer to the snake. Her own forked tongue flicked out and she began to hiss at the massive snake. “Hiisss. Hiss hiss hiiisss. Hiss hissss hisss hiss?”
The snake stopped then and seemed to wriggle a moment as it… blushed? “HISSSS HISS HISSS HISSSSS HIIIISSISISS.”
“What is this?” Scott demanded to know even as the two started to talk.
“Snake tongue.” Steve replied.
“I didn’t mean what language you insufferable turd!” Scott yelled back. Meanwhile the snake and Sherry kept talking.
“Hisss hiss hiss hisss. Hhissisiss? Hiss hiss.” Sherry said with an exaggerated toss of her hair.
“HISSS HISS HIIISS HISSSISIS. HISS.” The massive snake rolled its eyes and gave Scott a look even as Sherry gave Steve a similar look that made him squirm.
“The judgement I feel is somehow worse than being eaten by that giant snake.” He muttered.
“Stop dithering about whelp! I command you to eat them! Eat them right now! Do your fucking job and obey me!” The opulently decorated skeleton began to jump up and down as he screamed. This just made the big snake give Sherry a knowing look.
“HISS. HISSS HISSSS HIIIISS. HIISSISIS.” It said as Sherry then laughed and waved a hand.
“Hiiisss! Hisss hiss hiss.” With that the big snake rose up and started to slither out of the canyon that Fenrina had just drove them down to leave the clearing.
“Stop! I fucking order you to stop! Get back here you insolent upsized worm! I’ll have you made into boots for my entire army! Get back here right fucking now!” He screamed but the snake just slithered off into the desert leaving them in a now emptier clearing with the short pyramid at the center. Though this did help highlight just how many hundreds of regular skeletons were still around them, dozens of the elite guard, and twenty or so of the big jackalpeople mummies.
“I guess dick’s just don’t know how to talk to ladies.” Steve joked as the others chuckled.
“Forget this fucking foreplay!” Scott called out and pointed a jeweled scepter at them. “I’m still king dick here! Even if I have to track down that traitor and skin her later you won’t be more than a fleshy lump once my warriors are done eviscerating you! There’s four against an army! Was this your plan you festering maggot!?”
“Uh… No. My plan… was…” Steve floundered a moment as he tried to think of what to say. But then against the dark sky above them he saw a green light. When he looked up a massive sphere was hurtling through the air towards them. “Hah! That was my plan dickwad! Behold! The Orb of Donelaps! Eh… why is it all fuzzy?” He wondered for a moment, somewhat stealing his own thunder as the now fuzzy green orb smashed into the ground behind much of the skeletal army.
The fuzz became readily apparent however as the sphere poured open to reveal hundreds of cheering werehusky barbarians who came charging out with all manner of weapon at hand. A mighty battlecry rose up from their ranks and echoed out all around them as they descended upon the unprepared skeletons. “Fooooood!”
“Yeah! Food!” Fenrina cried out as she pumped her sword in the air.
“Why am I not surprised?” Steve asked with a roll of his eyes as the barbarians clashed with the skeletons and mostly focused on ripping them apart to chew on their many bones.
“Steve we’ve still got most of an army between them and us.” Sherry reminded him and he looked around as the ten foot tall jackalpeople mummies closed in.
“Oh shit right.” They backed up against the wreckage of his SAFFECSPM and prepared to fend off the attackers as he yelled up at Scott. “Are you not going to face me yourself Scott? Man to man?”
“No!” The skeleton called back immediately.
“What? Why not!” Steve yelled back.
“Because I’m a dick! How do you not get this?!” The skeleton shrugged as he looked back down on them.
“Oh yeah! Well you might change your mind when you realize you can’t do this!” Steve called out and flipped Scott off.
“Yes I can!” Scott quickly extended a hand to flip Steve off in return.
“Uh… let's try that again. You can’t do this!” Steve now extended both hands to give Scott the double bird.
“This is getting tiresome.” The skeletal king sighed and then set his scepter into a stand so he could double bird Steve in return, only to discover his missing finger. “What! How dare you abscond with my second favorite finger!”
“Yeah! I bet you’d like to demonstrate how you feel with your hands! Except you can’t!” Steve taunted as he waved Scott’s finger at him.
“Murder him and retrieve my finger! I’m coming down there!” Scott screamed and began to stomp down the pyramid towards them.
“Alright guys! If we work together we can-” Steve started only to be jostled as Fenrina bounced off him and then leapt at the nearest mummy as she swiped across his chest, landing besides him and driving her blade into his knee before twisting the blade to pop the mummified leg apart and then spinning away to start attacking the next one.
“Sorry Steve already busy!” She called out as he stood there.
“Fuck… I didn’t teach her… any of that.” He muttered and then looked up as one of the ten foot tall mummies approached him. “Right right… I’ve got this…” He muttered and tried to think about not only what he could cast, but what might work. He’d been going through his supplies alarmingly quickly so far.
“I uh…” The mummy stomped closer as it raised a massive sickle above him. “Uhhhh uhh.. I cast rock!” He slapped together some ingredients and then tossed a pebble at the mummy which bounced off its head. The mummy actually stopped and seemed to give him a confused look. “I cast bigger rock!” Steve shouted and rubbed his hands with the remains of the ingredients and pointed at the mummy as a boulder flew out of the sky and smashed mummy’s skull off completely.
“Hah! I got one guys!” Even as he looked over Fenrina was somehow dueling three of the mummies all at the same time, parrying blows with her sword and shield as she deftly kicked, bashed, and stabbed them in return. Sherry was using her bonewing bow once more to impale mummies and Scott’s elite guard. Larry had initiated a holy poetry slam as he hurled divine insults about how ugly the mummies were to crush their spirits, just before he used his hammer to crush their bones for good measure. “Seriously? When did I become the slacker? When did this happen?” Steve asked no one.
“Shitsucker!” Steve looked back and let out a rather unmanly squeal of surprise as he narrowly leaned out of the way of a blast of green energy from the magical staff the skeletal king held. “You die now!” Scott called out and began to wave his hands to no doubt follow up with a spell.
“Hah! Eat disintegration!” Steve yelled back and grabbed the last of his prepared reagent pouches as he cast the words and fired back at Scott with a golden beam of pure energy before the skeleton could react. However the entire beam just seemed to course around the skeleton as shadowy orbs appeared to deflect the magic. “Uh… well… That was the last of the spells I had planned for today… If you could just… wait for my team to finish up…” Steve suggested and to his surprise Scott stopped casting.
“Oh sure.” He nodded.
“Really?” Steve asked in surprise.
“NO!” Scott screamed and raised his hands as a series of shadow bolts began to fly out towards Steve, making him curse and fling himself around to very narrowly avoid getting impaled. Once the cascade of bolts was over Scott began to cast once more but Steve just tossed his finger at him.
“Here! Take it!” He hollered and backed up as Scott grabbed the finger.
“Yes! Now I can properly flip off children with both hands!” Scott cackled a moment but his cackling was cut short as the finger began to sizzle. “Wait… No!” At the last moment the skeleton reached to grab his arm but it was too late as the finger erupted in a pulse of energy that knocked Scott flat. The shadowy bubbles around him shimmered before they vanished with a distinct POP.
“Huh… I don’t know what I expected… but that wasn’t it.” Steve muttered.
“Alright! Steve! You did it! How do you like that Scott? Steve fingerbanged the shit out of you!” Fenrina called out as she cleaved through the last of the mummies.
“Ugh.” Steve groaned.
“Uuugghh… your dog is disgusting.” Scott muttered as he began to get up.
“Yeah she is at times.” Steve nodded.
“Why won’t anyone tell me what it means!? OOoooo I wanna knoooow!” Fenrina wailed with a howl.
“Anyway it’s you and me now Scott! Man against skeleton!” Steve grinned and charged forward as he hauled off and punched Scott in the face, making the skeleton’s head spin around wildly. “How ya like that! No more magic! Just punching!”
“Yeah Steve fist him good!” Fenrina encouraged as she began to bound over.
“Oh for fuck’s sake… Please just… stop.” Steve groaned out and tried to focus on punching Scott’s spinning skull once more. But this time as he tried he gasped in pain as Scott’s teeth clamped around his knuckles. “Aaahhh! Oowww! OW! Stop it!” He tried to pry his hand free of Scott’s mouth but the skeleton growled and chewed harder for a moment until finally letting go. Steve staggered back clutching his now bloody hand.
“What’s wrong Steve? Didn’t know I was a biter?!” Scott asked with a cackle. By now Fenrina had charged over, but to his surprise when she swung to smash Scott apart with her sword the skeleton parried the blow with his arm. Every blow she swun was parried by the one armed skeleton as she even tried to shield bash, and kick only to be countered at every turn. “Fools! I am a warrior king! I’m more than just magic! Even my bones have been enchanted! Nothing you wield can harm me!” Rolling past Fenrina Scott plucked his staff up from the ground and spun it around before smashing it into the werehusky, sending her flying in a burst of magic energy as shs slammed into the side of the SAFFECSPM with a howl.
Steve looked around a moment in desperation and found Scott’s other arm that had been blown free by the fingerbanging earlier. Picking it up he wielded it like a flail and charged at the skeleton who was leveling his staff at Fenrina. Steve lashed out with the arm to slap Scott with it, knocking the skeleton aside and causing his magical bolts to fly wildly into the air. “Quit hitting yourself! Quit hitting yourself!” Steve began to chant then as he slapped Scott with his own arm, knocking the villain back step by step, getting him closer to the front of the engine.
“Motherless-” Scott began to hiss even as Steve slapped him across the face once more. But the king had enough as he slammed his staff into the ground and Steve was sent flying back with an energy pulse. “Enough!” Scott bellowed.
“That’s what you think!” Sherry called out as a fire spear shot through Scott’s ribs. But the skeleton just stood there entirely unimpressed.
“Oh no. Fire. What is it going to do? Burn me to the bone?” He asked and snapped the spear apart to toss it aside.
“Larry! We need divine magic here!” Sherry called out but the air around them flickered and grew… not exactly dark… but not exactly light. It was… moody. Nicely so. Steve slowly picked himself up and looked over as he and Sherry both saw the dwarf sitting on a rock a little ways away with some candles out, drinking from his waterskin. “What… Is he?” Sherry started.
“Larry! Did you just use the last of your magic to have a fucking wine break?!” Steve shouted at the dwarf who just held up a finger and kept upending his entire waterskin having turned it into wine. “Fucking healer’s union and their mandatory breaks!” Steve hissed.
“It doesn’t matter.” Sherry called out and pointed behind Scott as the army of barbarian werehuskies got closer, tearing apart the skeletons with ease. “You’re done Scott.”
“A dick isn’t done until there’s nothing left!” Scott screamed back and drove his staff into the ground. “It might take me a thousand years but I can dig myself out eventually! Can you?!” He asked as the cliffs all around them began to shake and rumble. The shadowlighting from the dark sky coursing out and striking at the rocks as it became clear he planned to bury everyone here with him.
Fenrina slowly pulled herself up besides the machine then and raised a hand. “Steve! Bone me!”
“Ugghh…” Steve groaned.
“Uuuugghhh…” Sherry shuddered.
Larry just kept drinking wine.
“Okay… even I think that was especially crass.” Scott sighed.
“What? Why are you all…” Fenrina looked confused and waved her hand. “Steve! The bone! In your hand! Throw it to me! BONE ME!”
“Oh. OH!” Steve hastily reached back and hurled the arm towards her. Scott tried to reach up and grab it but it just cleared his fingers allowing Fenrina to snatch it out of the sky and shove it into the grinder at the front of the engine. The whole thing crackled as Scott’s extremely potent fossilized remains sent a surge of energy through it and the wreckage of Steve’s machine drove forward.
“Noooo!” Scott screamed out just before the grinder slammed into him, but the wreck was halted against the staff stuck into the ground. The engine shuddered and sparks rose up around it as it was filled with energy.
[Continued in Comments]
submitted by RegalLegalEagle to HFY [link] [comments]

All Information on Slipknot's Teasers So Far!

Official Countdown Website
Hello everyone... I noticed that no one has actually compiled a list of stuff from the teasers we've gotten so far. I wanted to make one for easy access to anyone who wants it. So far this is what we know.
I included links to Live Nation and the countdown website. Please comment if there's anything I missed!
​
Edit: I felt that I missed some information, so I decided to come back and add some more stuff.
They will be touring with Gojira and Volbeat on a NA tour, following their European tour. The NA tour will start with their show at the Iowa State Fair, which is on August 10th. The NA locations are as follows:
​
Not a lot of dates have been announced, but I'll add them as they are announced.
I believe that there is also a Toronto show, I'm not sure though.
It is also confirmed that Alex "V-Man" Venturella and Jay Weinberg will be with the band for this tour.
I will put more information pertaining to the countdown once something noteworthy happens. For now though, this is all I have.
​
Edit #2: Thanks for the upvotes! I'm pretty new to Reddit, but this is the most upvotes I've ever gotten on a post, and I thank you guys. I just want to help the fellow users. I'll keep updating as more noteworthy events happen.
​
Edit #3: Toronto is confirmed! Budweiser Stage, Toronto, Canada
I'm also including links to all teaser videos so far.
Teaser #1
Teaser #2
Teaser #3
​
Edit #4: Wow! I just looked, and we're almost at the top of the page! this is way greater than I thought it would be, thank you guys so much! Hopefully this post helps all you guys out!
​
Edit #5: Behemoth will also be touring with Slipknot.
​
Edit#6: Special thanks to the mods for sticking the post! The amount of upvotes is insane! I'll keep making updates as new info is released.
​
Edit #7: I will be at school at the time when the countdown ends, I will update it as soon as I can once something new happens.
​
Edit #8: Thanks for all the help with making this post as accurate as possible! Like I said before, I'll be at school when the countdown ends, but I'll update as soon as possible. See ya later maggots!
​
Final Edit: The countdown lead to an announcement of the NA tour, dubbed "Knotfest Roadshow". Not really much else to say there. They have confirmed an album release on August 9th.
submitted by deepfriedwater132 to Slipknot [link] [comments]

Part 45.

Sorry guys. The Mandela Effect technically slowed down but I found Maybe It's Mandela'd on YouTube and they have reported tons of changes from November 2018 to May 2019 and even some from 2016 I haven't heard about yet.
7073.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember any of this stuff being different or not a thing?(Just gonna link their tons of interesting videos.)(El Pasco, Texas/El Paso, Texas)(MOAM/MAOAM candy)(Ring Pops/Ring Pop)(Is the knife that Chucky is holding on the Child's Play movie cover different?)(Girls and guys have different natural body odors.)(Anonymous masks now have red lips and red cheeks.)(Didn't Grumpy Cat die way before May 14, 2019 and wasn't she male?)(Watermellon/Watermelon)(Flying squid.)(All different colors of flamingos.)(Titantic/Titanic)(Lots of new Steven Seagal movies.)(The music video for Hotline Bling by Drake has changed in a lot of ways.)(More changes to the Anonymous mask.(Miki Lauda/Niki Lauda)(Other spellings?)(Certain living and dead members of Iron Butterfly dying more than once or still being alive.)(Tempermental/Temperamental)(Other spellings?)(Galapagos giant tortoises born for first time since 1800's.)(All the new videos and angles of the JFK assassination.)(Embryonic Fluid/Amniotic Fluid)(Buzzing boy heard in his ear was a tick.)(The lyrics to Rock Me by Steppenwolf have changed.)(Rebecca Grayheart/Rebecca Gayheart)(Juwanna Nan/Juwanna Mann)(Black rainbow roses now exist.)(You can no longer sink in quicksand.)(Days Go By is no longer a 90's hit and Dirty Vegas is now popular for it and not The Rembrandts who used to be The Rembrants.)(Bumblebees can't sting.)(Mean Girls movies both have connected letters.)(Red eyed cats.)(Blue eyed box turtles.)(Half albino peacocks.)(A group of cats are called a Clowder or Glaring.)(Quantus Airlines/Qantas Airlines)(There were female pilots in some of the really old wars.)(Masters Of Reality/Master Of Reality)(Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget shows his face now.)(Zupas has connected letters.)(Black sunflowers now exist.)(Black and purple bell peppers now exist and the different colors for bell peppers now might apparently be them in different stages instead of being separate types.)(The first E in Deep Purple is now reversed.)(More animals eating weird new stuff.)(Bed Bath & Beyond D is stretched out.)(Are the colors used for some of the signs off?)(Was the name different?)(The first recorded sound was April 9, 1860 now.)(Cursive Q looks like a 2.)(More weird looking mantises.)(Megaduck/Negaduck)(Air plants now exist.)(Star shaped cities now exist.)(Area 54/Area 51)(Was it something else?)(Two names for "They Live"?)(Red LobsteRed Lobster: Fresh Fish Live Lobster)(California breaking up into multiple separate states.)(Royalty way back like Queen Victoria wearing things like sunglasses.)(Tornado ripped off roof of church as children sang Jesus Loves Me story came out last year?)(Taiwanese Leopard spotted for first time since 1983 extinction.)(Christie Alley/Kirstie Alley)(Chucky's jumper and shirt have changed in Child's Play.)("If the glove don't fit, you must acquit."(Aquit?)/"If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.")(Did he not have a hat and was he referring to a glove?)(Johnny Cochrane/Johnnie Cochran)(Anything else off?)(More lyrics in Wanted Dead Or Alive by Bon Jovi have changed.)(Was Swum not a word for you?)(Weasel riding on the back of a bird.)(Pigeon dancing to street music.)(Anything famous the Theremin is used in seem off to you?)(Was it the Theramin?)(MannoManor)(Swamp Thing was now released exactly 5 years earlier in 1982 instead of 1987.)(Tony Scott killed himself exactly 5 years earlier in 2012 instead of 2017.)(Tom Skeritt/Tom Skerritt and did he die?)(Did the little girl die before or after 3rd movie?)(Anything else off?)("Got out of bed."/"Fell out of bed.")(Vinegarette/Vinaigrette)(Other spellings?)(When The Heart Calls/When Calls The Heart)(Caress/Carress/Caress)(Rare black deer spotted.)(Dogs dying from saltwater poisoning.)(Outtro/Outro)(Anything else off?)(Feather stars can swim.)(Brittle stars can swim.)(Sea anemones can swim.)(Was it The Family Circle or Family Circle?)(Did Richard Leroy McKinley and him dying and the two other guys who died with him not exist?)(1670 painting showing cell phone and many other paintings and old movies, films and the 1995 boxing match and all the other photos and paintings of time travellers.)(The Wizard Of Oz theme park closed decades ago but has been open since the 90's.)(Brian Mullins/Brian Mullin)(Lots of new flag designs.)(Zapruder film with sound?)(Other spellings of Deion Sanders?)(Akira Toriyama is now alive.)(Lots of new deep holes.)(Red hourglass change on black widow.)(Paul Mason/Paul Masson)(Women having a freckle in the same spot.)(British Indian Ocean Territory?)(Gem found in Israel worth more than diamonds.)(Animals in places where they never used to live.)(Capricorn is an actual goat species.)(The Mysterious Case Of Benjamin Button/The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button)(Have you heard of The Great Dying?)(The first inhabitants of Asia were black.)(Phenomenon vs. Phenomena?)(Salem's Lot logo has merged.)(Jennifer GardneJennifer Garner)(Lots of new Star Trek changes.)(Circle K letter K is now dipping into the outer part of the logo.)(Lavar Burton/LaVar Burton)(Grand Canyon city?)(Dobsonflies now exist.)(Green Humphead Parrot Fish now exist.)(Lizard giving birth without mate.)(Shaggy sometimes has a visible Adam's Apple.)(Lollipop color has changed in The Wizard Of Oz.)(Pokémon Go now has rainbows.)(Velella Vella now exists.)(Heward Packard/Hewlett-Packard)(Other spellings?)(Anything else off?)(Cat born with 4 ears.)(More living rocks.)(Blue rolly pollies now exist.)(All Of My Love/All My Love)(Jimmy Paige/Jimmy Page)("Horny backed toad."/"Horny back toad.")(Anything else off?)(Game Boy Advanced/Game Boy Advance)(Anything else off?)(Vegas Vic is now more ecil looking, is now hitchhiking and not waving, and is now pointing down.)(Crystal Light logo has changed.)(Orcas now eat birds and they even bait them.)(Alligator scopes out somebody's houses.)(Ghetto Superstar lyrics have changed.)(Wendy Peppercorn/Wendy Peffercorn)(Frank N. Furter's outfit has changed.)(Pelican spiders now exist.)(Surface tension on water creates shadows.)(Did the Stonewall Riots not happen and lots of gay acceptance from the 1960's to the 1980's didn't happen.)(The Ghetto Boys/Geto Boys)(Do any of their logos look off?)(Juicy Fruit multiple slogans.)("The taste is gonna move you."?)(Superman peanut butter?)(Lord Of War has connected letters.)(Lava Soap has connected letters.)(Papersource has connected letters.)(9 Lives has connected letters.)(Freshen-Up has a striped version.)(Certs R has changed.)(Clorets has connected letters.)(A River Runs Through It has connected letters.)(Eagle Transport Corp. has connected letters.)(Toni Perm has connected letters.)(Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil has connected and off letters.)(Tang has changed.)(Double Jeopardy has connected letters.)(Sea Breeze has connected letters.)(Cutex has connected letters.)(ABC after school 80's special has weird logo.)(The Sands/Sands casino)(The Dunes/Dunes casino)(Charleston Heston/Charlton Heston)(The Bee's Knees/Bee's Knees saying originated as just Bee's Knees.)(Back To The Future fading photo has changed.)(Sea monkeys have changed in a lot of different ways.)(Mr. Potato Head was originally other vegetables before being a potato.)(Multiple different versions of Tank Man holding stuff or not and what the tanks look like.)(More logo changes.)(Didn't Bushwick Bill already die?)(TVs in cars in the early to mid 1900's.)(Pocket TVs back then too.)(Quantum Dot TV too.)(Napili-Honokawai/Napili-Honokowai)(GangStaGang Starr)(Do any of their logos look off?)(Was KISS not a contemporary band?)(Did Bob Dylan never wear white makeup?)(SofteneSoftner)(The Stray Cats/Stray Cats)(Do any of their logos look off?)(Were Stones never used as a measurement for weight?)(Birds that can sew?)(7Up Gold was now a thing.)("You won't like me when I'm angry."/"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.")(Bone that disappeared is now returning.)(Lisa Edmonds/Lisa Edmond/Lisa Emond)(The Weed Man/Weed Man)(Record breaking longhorn sheep in Alabama.)(Valais blacknose sheep now exist.)(Crocodile uses pool noodle.)(Valentina Tereshkova is now the first woman in space and she went up in the 1960's.)(Dogs and cats and many other animals have multiple sets of eyelids.)(Storm down bursts now exist.)(Gloria Vanderbuilt/Gloria Vanderbilt)(Crazy Frog's penis is now visible.)(Our skulls are changing due to mobile phones and other things.)(Spider-Man no longer clinging to the wall in the famous Nintendo 64 game.)(Emperor Tamarins now exist.) ("Had to know it was in your palms."/"Had to know it was in your card.")(Anything else off?)(Energizer bunny has sandals now.)(Hart To Hart has connected letters.)(Moonlighting has connected letters.)(The Love Boat has connected letters.)(Fame has connected letters.)(Rogaine has broken letters.)(A Family AffaiFamily Affair)(Heathers has a broken R.)(Soul Train has weird letters.)(The Outsiders has weird letters.)(Electric Youth has weird letters.)(Red Perfume has weird letters.)(Emeraude has weird letters.)(Flex brand has weird letters.)(Clean & Clear has weird letters.)(The Last Starfighter has weird letters.)(Dogs can actually drive cars.)(Abraham Lincoln might have had Marfan syndrome.)(Chenille plants now exist.)(Rafflesia parasite found in Southeast Asia.)(Smart cakes that make their own layers while baking now exist.)(Woody's gun holster has a ribbon on it.)(Whiskey A Go Go/Whisky A Go Go and it was called Whiskee A Go Go in the 1960's.)(Has Bugs Bunny's tail gotten bigger?)(Stepping Stone/Steppin' Stone)(Were there no red bats on the wheels of the Batmobile?)(South Park: Bigger, Badder & Uncut/South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)(A hat in As Good As It Gets has changed from blue to black with USA written on it.)(Theory Of Relativity/Theory Of Special Relativity)(Seeing the end of a rainbow is possible now.)(Cal Ripkin Jr./Cal Ripken Jr.)(Johnny Ive Of Apple/Jonny Ive Of Apple/Jon Ive Of Apple/Jony Ive Of Apple)(Ricky SchroedeRicky Schroder)(Chicken Of The Sea logo and letters and Starkist logo are now off.)(The Firm letters are connected.)(Cabrini College letters are connected.)(Liberty University and Jeff Foxworthy graphics on screen are merged.)(Malibu Musk letters are connected.)(Aqua Net new logo is off.)(Lynx car logo is off.)(Rave Hair Spray(Was it always Hairspray?)logo is off.)(Coast Soap logo is off.)(Kodak Color Watch logo is off.)(Great Westerners Savings Bank, Chevrolet and Pacific Bank commercials are merging.)(Aveda logo is off.)(Grizzly Adams is merged.)(Mork & Mindy is merged and Na-Nu is Na-No.)(LA Looks is merged.)(4C Iced Tea is merged.)(Cannonball Run/The Cannonball Run)(A Shark's Tale/Shark Tale)(Royal Dansk(Danish?)cookies logo is off.)(Baby jumping festival since 1600's.)("Standing there by the record machine."/"Dancing there by the record machine.")(Is the video off?)(Do any of their logos look off?)(Nestlé Krunch/Nestlé Crunch)(Was it the Lollipop Kids and not Lollipop Guild?)(Adam Bockovich/Adam Bockwich)(Adam GardneAdam Gardiner)(Vengence/Vengeance)(Other spellings?)(South Jersey isn't just a saying.)(Disposable clothing in the 1960's.)(Sausage trees?)(Pepto-Bismo/Pepto-Bismol)(Sharks that squirt glowing clouds.)(Argentina has their own space program.)(America's Tires/America's Tire)(Animals with Down Syndrome now exist.)(Amish people almost all wear straw hats now and not fedora hats.)(The Flintstones now all have only 4 fingers.)(Deer almost all have really long tails now.)(Arcacia Drive/Acacia Drive)(Song title too.)(More WW1 stuff.)("Planet earth moves slowly."/"Planet earth turns slowly.")("You'd think I'm rude."/"You'd think me rude.")(Do any of their logos look off?)(3 Non Blondes/4 Non Blondes)(Did one of the members not exist?)(What's Going On?/What's Up?)(Lyrics are still the same.)(Do any of their logos look off?)(Beast Number wasn't always 666.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eZqT6_xyIc8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RiIHte9fKXs
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hOiw_Gi_9ec
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ecVqf_lJu2M
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tG87s36LGJc
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NrE-jzbqj0E
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fczGryfBzNw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xeYEcqPWVNA
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HSeG9gQcFoA
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eYGu6KrTyKk
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t7_bCTu4VIE
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JgYYavtr9UQ
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AmI_cJ0-Ty8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ks2PZWLyqUI
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3YmY-91jsvs
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TEkqUIqP3Cg
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BkDTqq5hc2s
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-m7SiKz0lw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X_TaCCxcaWU
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YvBz3Sb1yYo
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9UO9f6GeWHQ
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FPmxTNV8Qwo
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pken1D6HfRg
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pDFTD-EP_Bk
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YlhhdttoY6Q
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qGtsFd4ttKg
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2mpaMFbnLqk
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kFfZiKMAL_w
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCpFD9K7rMI
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hmCUr0A9_Dw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nG-thBJ9UHk
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VsQesgdFKE0
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TJlbhVw-AmM
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YUleDIGV60U
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YPFoemLlLSo
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Cua7tb-0gFQ
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VNYmEwg0NPk
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DsU-AVjxRKA
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AcOdyvHnprc
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Go2luQelFlw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r_G6STR_u1k
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yJm06E3ExFA
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R2TX2IkVbV8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ztWZGVqlUb8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JN-sYBXDtp8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EbKWbh7PV4I
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PeI26w4BuyE
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ALBoD8vaYXc
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yiqmDlK9e0U
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wM14zOHXr2E
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1XzxEjCENoI
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iT49sErNf1k
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NxfkuggRtko
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bYMTDKXwdW8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FHT2hXH4yrM
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lIm31AJK100
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7NI8nioiXMI
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k3M5Bv41m8o
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8hu5KH0WsNE
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5A_h_u5d-58
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L6mPVyYx_ds
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7NaF36yaeyA
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XXDaS0UZ5fY
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2MzA3xQ-mHE
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=92yuFjwuEW8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sg2z-mmHhCI
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9fLGigzcwp0
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9D3aqVxRz6w
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oEf_fEmj5yM
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5mqQwWXGcgs
7074.(Movie Quote change.)"Put him in a body bag Johnny."/"Get him a body bag. Yeah."
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OXXq2yFPXVs
7075.(Famous Singer name change.)Mary J. Blidge/Mary J. Blige(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_J._Blige
7076.(Song name change.)Getting TighteGettin' Tighter
https://genius.com/Deep-purple-gettin-tighter-lyrics
7077.(Company name change.)Dress Barn/Dressbarn(Were the letters in Teddy Ruxpin not connected?)
https://www.dressbarn.com/
7078.(Company name change.)Cooper Tires/Coopertires(Cooper Tire or Coopertire?)(Certains companies with the name Perkins looking like Jerkins.)(Perkins Cole/Perkins Coie)
http://us.coopertire.com/
7079.(T.V. Company Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in DIC not being connected?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/DIC_Entertainment
7080.(T.V. Company Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in United Artists not being connected?(Do the letters in the My Little Pony logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Artists
7081.(Famous Singer name change.)Chrissie Hines/Chrissie Hynde(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chrissie_Hynde
7082.(Company Logo change.)Do you remember the TSR logos being normal?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/TSR_(company)
7083.(Tour Company Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in Starr Tours(Star Tours?)being normal?
https://www.starrtours.com/
7084.(Fictional Area appearance change.)Do you remember the bathroom in The Shining being red or golden yellow instead of green?
http://www.criticalcommons.org/Members/m_friers/clips/the-shining-crossing-the-180deg-line/view
7085.(Phantom fictional character.)Do you remember Moss-Man not existing?("My angel in a centerfold."/"My angel is the centerfold.")(Do any of their logos look off?)(John Lennon in Imagine keeps changing.)(Does Felix The Cat seem off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moss-Man
7086.(Famous Actor name change.)Stanley Livingstone/Stanley Livingston(Was Livingston always spelled Livingstone?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Livingston
7087.(Movie Logo change.)"Run like the wind Bullseye!"/"Ride like the wind Bullseye!"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NVtT5oqB-JA
7088.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember The Who singing American Woman instead of The Guess Who?(Did The Guess Who not exist?)
https://www.songfacts.com/facts/the-guess-who/american-woman
7089.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Liquid water on Mars, Huitlacoche, tusker elephants, mirror hand syndrome, clams can swim, 3 secret additional icky verses to the Star Spangled Banner, sock worms, harp sponge, the falling man is the brother of the extra GI ME guy in the Village People, more on camel teeth, feral parrots are taking over America, shadows are fuzzy now, East Africa is splitting in two, orange crocodiles, Devil's corkscrews, insect with interlocking gears in legs, are we in Kali Yuga, famous 40 year old image of frost on Mars, people with open damaged holes in their head do not get them closed again, changes to war horses, more anatomy changes.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I8KZnr8xgDc
7090.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Bull Jumping not being a thing?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph_VkV-mxDs
Add-On: Do you remember Arnold Schwarzenegger being Russian, German or both and not Austrian?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnold_Schwarzenegger
7091.(Album name change.)Eric B. For President/Eric B. Is President(Eric B. For President/Eric B. Is The President)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_B._Is_President
7092.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Gerard Butler being the main character in Wanted instead of James McAvoy?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wanted_(2008_film)
7093.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Benjamin Franklin being first to find electricity?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin
7094.(Famous Actress name change.)Jenny Garth/Jennie Garth
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennie_Garth
7095.(Famous Singer name change.)Jan Ackerman/Jan Akkerman(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Akkerman
7096.(Paint name change.)ZinseZinsser
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/RPM_International
7097.(Music Lyrics change.)"I need a gun to keep myself from harm."/"I need a gun to keep myself among."(Does the instrunental sound off?)
https://genius.com/Gorillaz-dirty-harry-lyrics
7098.(Fruit name change.)Mullberry/Mulberry
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morus_(plant)
7099.(Food name change.)Tofurkey/Tofurky(The latter is more acceptable.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tofurky
7100.(Song name change.)Me And You And A Dog Named Blue/Me And You And A Dog Named Boo(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Me_and_You_and_a_Dog_Named_Boo
7101.(Snack name change.)Whatsits/Wotsits(Does the logo look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wotsits
7102.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the Theremin not being a thing?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theremin
7103.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the NASA Robonauts not going back as far as 2002?(Did they not exist at all?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robonaut
7104.(Spelling change.)Pigmy/Pygmy(Was the former the only acceptable spelling?)(Anything else off?)
https://wikidiff.com/content/pigmy-vs-pygmy-whats-difference-0
7105.(Famous Singer name change.)Alex Boyd/Alex Boye/Alex Boyé(Other spellings?)(Not the artist known as Alex Boyd.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alex_Boy%C3%A9
7106.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Popeye and Olive Oyl not being real people?
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/books/childrens-books/popeye-10-things-you-never-knew/amp/
7107.(Famous Actor name change.)Powers Booth/Powers Boothe(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Powers_Boothe
7108.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Freemartins, human body doesn't reject stem cells with foreign DNA, world population counter, 7 Of 9 of Star Trek's eye piece continues to change, Hitler was vegetarian, Hitler didn't like Jews due to Kosher slaughtering because Hitler was an animal lover supposedly, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy intro has changed, bird attack causes traumatic brain injury and trauma to the spine, Stellar Sea Eagle/Steller's Sea Eagle, more Popeye characters I haven't personally seen already mentioned based on real people.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQq-dOgrn8
7109.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the Schwerer Gustav not being a thing?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schwerer_Gustav
7110.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the number next to the M on the back of a product meaning something else?
https://www.facebook.com/groups/824851271042825/permalink/1077568549104428/
7111.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Switzerland not being considered a third-world country?
https://www.alternatememories.com/historical-events/geography/switzerland-is-a-third-world-country
7112.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember London Bridge actually being in London and not Arizona?
https://www.alternatememories.com/historical-events/geography/london-bridge
7113.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember tomato sauce being invented in Italy and not Mexico?
https://www.alternatememories.com/historical-events/geography/tomato-sauce
7114.(Famous Football Player name change.)Deon Sanders/Deion Sanders
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deion_Sanders
7115.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember uppercase I and lowercase L not looking so similar?(Didn't I have horizontal lines on it everywhere it was written?)
https://www.quora.com/Why-do-we-have-same-symbol-for-capital-I-and-small-letter-L-in-English
7116.(Famous Actor name change.)Kevin CosneKevin Costner(Is the pronunciation off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Costner
7117.(Famous Basketball Player name change.)Magic Mike Johnson/Magic Johnson(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_Johnson
7118.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Rain caused by fires, hairy frog fish, seagull eats another bird, Dick's Sporting Goods logo, Sigmund Freud's history is very different now as a Jew who chain smoked and had hundreds of surgeries on his face, EF3 tornado, CSF rhinorrhea,(Brain fluid leaking out like snot.)more weird sea animals, more geography changes, more weird clouds and cloud related changes, Tasmanian devil appearance changes, lots of Tasmanian tiger related changes, crow vs. magpie and birds are way more aggressive, toilet plant and more new weird plants and fungi.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=a6h0Q2ZuC4I
7119.(T.V. Show Quote change.)"Submitted for your approval."/"Submitted for the approval.")(Did Rod Serling say it more in The Twilight Zone as well?)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q0tuHe7WoYg
7120.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Ladybug swarms and they're on radar, Brazilian skipper caterpillar, USA now always had a migrant worker program, moving entire apartment complex on rails, more weird weather, earwigs can draw blood now, giant forest hog, boys that do not grow private parts until age 12, snub nose dolphins, warthog face lumps, can't see blue unless there is a word for it first, rainbow chemtrails, aerodynamic contrails, pet skunks and more weird stuff.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rIiTlxluxdA
7121.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember beluga whales not having knees?
https://www.newsweek.com/beluga-whale-knees-viral-whales-dont-have-legs-965267
7122.(Spelling change.)Pompei/Pompeii(Was the latter never acceptable?)
https://goudalife.com/2016/08/09/gouda-life-pompei-pompeii-vesuvius-capri/comment-page-1/
7123.(Coffee name change.)Chock Full Of Nuts/Chock Full O' Nuts(Is the logo off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chock_full_o'Nuts
7124.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the Ornithopter not existing?(1890's spy cameras?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ornithopter
7125.(Fictional Character name change.)Jamie Summers/Jaime Sommers(Lindsey WagneLindsay Wagner)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaime_Sommers_(The_Bionic_Woman)
7126.(Casino Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in Primm not being connected?
https://www.primmvalleyresorts.com/
7127.(Movie Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in Amadeus not being connected?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amadeus_(film)
7128.(Movie Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in Black Sheep not being cut or connected?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Sheep_(1996_film)
7129.(Car Model Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in Chrysler 200 not being connected?(Air Jordan logo has broken letters.)(Apple & Eve logo has broken and weird letters.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chrysler_200
7130.(Product Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in Eckrich not being connected?
https://eckrich.com/products/smoked-sausage/roped-smoked-sausage/
7131.(Painting change.)Do you remember the cherubs in the Sistine Madonna having different colored wings than they do now?(More changes to Chock Full O' Nuts logo.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sistine_Madonna
7132.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Jesus not having a forked beard?
https://www.openbible.info/topics/they_plucked_jesus_beard
7133.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember being able to stack Draw cards and also being able to draw cards until you can play one in Uno instead of those being illegal plays?
https://www.pettymayonnaise.com/uno-rule/
7134.(Music Lyrics change.)"I had to say I love you in a song."/"I'll have to say I love you in a song."(Song title too.)(Do any of his logos look off?)
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jimcroce/illhavetosayiloveyouinasong.html
7135.(New fruits.)Do you remember only green kiwis existing?(Was it never known as a kiwifruit?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwifruit
7136.(City name change.)Chernobyl, Ukraine/Chornobyl, Ukraine(Was the latter not acceptable?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chernobyl
7137.(Movie Quote change.)"An angel gets its wings."/"An angel gets his wing."
http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question53295.html
7138.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the letter U never ever being depicted as looking similar to a V?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gz7IbC_olmk
7139.(Famous Actor name change.)Will Farell/Will Ferrell(Other spellings?)(Was his outfit in Elf all green or were the tights beige or orangish?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_Ferrell
7140.(Township name change.)Belle Meade, New Jersey/Belle Mead, New Jersey
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belle_Mead,_New_Jersey
7141.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Leonardo da Vinci not being the first person to describe contact lenses?(Anything else he supposedly was the first to describe seem off?)
https://www.alternatememories.com/historical-events/science/leonardo-da-vinci-invented-contact-lenses
7142.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Juneteenth not being a thing?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juneteenth
7143.(Famous Singer name change.)Glen Fry/Glenn Frey(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glenn_Frey
7144.(Famous Singer name change.)Jackson Brown/Jackson Browne(off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackson_Browne
7145.(Movie name change.)Trains, Planes And Automobiles/Planes, Trains And Automobiles
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planes,_Trains_and_Automobiles
7146.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Cranial fissures on orbital bone, Sun double halo, mastoiditus, cholesteatoma, MH370 flight path and history, Fort Alcatraz, Eastwing rockhammer, slow crawling lightning, gnat larvae moving blob, more new moon types, cat fox, Bristol or Windsor hum, more new quakes, living fish found in boy's lung, teratoma tumor, inflatable moth man parts, black cloth is more cooling than white cloth, Sunda stink badgers, Our Lady Of The Rockies, Possum-eating spider, more Lincoln Memorial changes, Viagra makes flowers stand up straight.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PW5jmJWMxkA
7147.(Hip Hop Group name change.)Die Antwood/ Die Antwoord(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Antwoord
7148.(Famous Composer name change.)Johanne Sebastian Bach/Johann Sebastian Bach
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johann_Sebastian_Bach
7149.(Famous Drummer name change.)Barrymore Barlow/Barriemore Barlow(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barriemore_Barlow
Add-On: Do you remember Uncle Sam's jacket being completely light blue?(Does his pointing finger look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncle_Sam
7150.(Song name change.)Love Rain On Me/Love, Reign o'er Me(Are the lyrics off?)(Is the way he sings it off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love,_Reign_o%27er_Me
7151.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Younger humans growing horns, human height varies by 1 to 2 inches a day, spiders that eat mice, you continue growing well into your mid 20's, Wagu beef is not Wagyu and is more marbled, a single hornet kills a mouse, horses routinely bleed through their nose and lungs and nose during heavy exercise and it's not super dangerous for them, Britain's opium wars against China, Sahara sand is more orange, dead fish still tries to "bite", the Jordan Lead Codices, electric cars 100 years ago had 200 mile range now, zombie snakes play dead, restaurants in Japan serve still living food and food that's just still moving including frogs and octopus, Space Shuttle changes, more weird new plants, more geography changes, UV light may be able to kill flu viruses, Equal Pay Act Of 1983, moon looked like the Sun, Camera Obscura goes much farther back now in time.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rE_KEmQyl4w
7152.(Fictional Character appearance change.)Do you remember Woody not having cacti on his boots and no string attached to his hat?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheriff_Woody
7153.(Fictional Character appearance change.)Do you remember Red Fraggle having red hair instead of orange hair?
https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Red_Fraggle
7154.(Restaurant Product name change.)Hunger BusteHungr-Buster
https://dqtyler.com/menu/burgers/hungr-buster
7155.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Mandela effect conference, PayPal log tilting, crow standing on wings, wasp super nests, humans running like horses, funny bone no longer easy to bang, monkey cheek pouches, flies have 5 eyes, temple elephant head hair, venom spraying scorpions, syrup from walnut and other trees besides maple, fat tailed goats, Gympie Gympie trees, Dalai Llama saying non-Buddhist jerky kind of things now, mini tornados, Scandinavia was never a country, Caduceus has 2 snakes instead of 1 and other things.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M1Cxhdxl0U0
7156.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Honeybees can sometimes sting more than once, cannonball star eating fort, water anole uses bubble on head to breath underwater, magnetic portals connect sun and earth, Canadians also did Japanese internment camps, semi slugs and their love darts, thread snakes, kneeling moals, more anatomy changes and more stuff.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BWU62qVMSNY
7157.(Village name change.)Teahopoo/Teahupo'o(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teahupo'o
7158.(Website Logo change.)Do you remember the letters in savefrom.net being normal?
https://en.savefrom.net/1-how-to-download-youtube-video/
7159.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the Dongle not being a thing?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dongle
7160.(Fictional Character appearance change.)Do you remember Smokey Bear having overalls or suspenders instead of no shirt?(Does he look bigger?)(Does his fur look off?)(Is his face off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smokey_Bear
7161.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the gloves not fitting on O.J. Simpson's hands?(Did he not have glove liners?)(Was there only one glove?)(Are the gloves different?)(Was O.J. Simpson the one driving the car?)(Was he the only one in the car?)(Did he drive his own car?)(Did he not have a gun?)(Did he have something else?)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jUyWS6j5rS4
7162.(New fruits.)Have you heard of the pink lemon?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Variegated_pink_lemon
7163.(Spelling change.)WaffeWafer
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wafer
7164.(Music Lyrics change.)"When I was just a young boy."/"When I was just a baby."
https://genius.com/Johnny-cash-folsom-prison-blues-lyrics
7165.(Famous Singer name change.)Billie Ellish/Billie Eilish(Is the pronunciation off?)(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billie_Eilish
7166.(Famous Actress name change.)Mindy Cohen/Mindy Cohn
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindy_Cohn
7167.(Date change.)Do you remember the first electric toaster not going as far back as 1893?
https://www.thoughtco.com/history-of-your-toaster-4076981
7168.(Spelling change.)Nickle/Nickel(Everything Nickel is used in.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nickel_(United_States_coin)
7169.(Fictional Character name change.)Eric Carmen/Eric Cartman(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Cartman
7170.(Famous Singer name change.)John Entwhistle/John Entwistle
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Entwistle
7171.(Company Logo change.)Do you remember the Starbucks logo not having as many wavy lines?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starbucks
7172.(Phantom person.)Do you remember Joe Bonamassa not existing?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Bonamassa
7173.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the 3rd Degree Burn being the worst burn you can get instead it being 4th Degree?
https://www.webmd.com/first-aid/types-degrees-burns
7174.(Music Lyrics change.)"To think I might not see those eyes."/"To think I might not see those eye."(Any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Snow-patrol-run-lyrics
7175.(Famous Paper name change.)Great Remonstrance/Grand Remonstrance
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Remonstrance
7176.(Fictional Character appearance change .)Do you remember Abby Mallard having braces?(Does her voice sound off?)(Did she have a lisp or speech impediment?)
https://disney.fandom.com/wiki/Abby_Mallard
7177.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the lid of the water tank in the Elisa Lam story being closed instead of open?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Elisa_Lam
7178.(Famous Singer name change.)Andy Worhol/Andy Warhal/Andy Warhol(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Warhol
7179.(Company name change.)Cambell/Campbell's(Was Campbell always spelled Cambell in everything it was used in?)
https://www.campbellsoupcompany.com/
7180.(Book Title change.)Kujo/Cujo(Do any of Strphen King's book logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cujo
7181.(Famous Composer name change.)Andrew Loyd WebeAndrew Lloyd Webber(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Lloyd_Webber
7182.(Music Lyrics change.)"Love is a burning flame."/"Love is a burning thing."(Any other lyrics off?)
https://genius.com/Johnny-cash-ring-of-fire-lyrics
7183.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Bison and Buffalo being interchangeable names instead of being 2 different animals?
https://www.britannica.com/story/whats-the-difference-between-bison-and-buffalo
7184.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(Siphonomores and pyrosomes, Portuguese Man Of War is not a jellyfish, sailfish change colors by mood, spleen can heal on its own, pygmy hippos, more Easter Island statue changes, long tailed weasels in San Diego, Moon Hill China, giant trevally fish snatches birds from air, red river hog, cave pearls and other things.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P1cpbJkqyr4
7185.(Dictionary name change.)Meriam-WebsteMerriam-Webster(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merriam-Webster
7186.(Instrument name change.)Accordian/Accordion
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accordion
7187.(Celebrity death cause change.)Do you remember John Belushi dying of a drug overdose instead of being murdered?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Belushi
7188.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different or not a thing?(More on Tikki Marsala, Finland sided with Nazi Germany, cherubism, more weird clouds, Venus was maybe once more like Earth, thousand year old moss and nematodes were recently thawed out of ice and are still alive, weird Abraham Lincoln statue, more Crazy Horse changes, lithophonic stones in Stonehenge, cichlids change colors with mood, dancing mini stingrays with bifurcated leg like man parts, antelope jackrabbits, huge Hindu temples in USA, and more.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0Angn287axA
7189.(Famous Singer name change.)Roy Albrighton/Roye Albrighton(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://www.loudersound.com/news/nektar-roye-albrighton-dead-67
7190.(Fictional Character appearance change.)Do you remember Dorothy's slippers not having bows?(Were her socks white and not blue?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruby_slippers
7191.(Movie name change.)The Devil's Advocate/Devil's Advocate
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Devil%27s_Advocate_(1997_film)
7192.(Music Lyrics change.)"And I said hey."/"And I say hey."("What a wonderful time of day."/"What a wonderful kind of day.")("Learn to walk and play."/"Learn to work and play.")(Anything else off?)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QG0gaDtdL9A
7193.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember screaming frogs and toads not being a thing?(Anything else?)
https://www.discoverwildlife.com/animal-facts/amphibians/can-frogs-scream/
7194.(Fictional Character appearance change.)Do you remember Bambi's spots and tail being different?
https://disney.fandom.com/wiki/Bambi_(character)
7195.(Famous General name change.)Poncho Villa/Pancho Villa
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pancho_Villa
submitted by iminterestingplease to Retconned [link] [comments]

Damage Control Chapter 2

First chapter here: https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/cbg4gs/damage_control_chapter_1/
So, this one's going to be a deep cut. If you haven't read the novels I've done before, this story throws you in at the deep end, and it spoils at least one major plot point from the 6th novel, Skin Hunger, as well as several other major plot points from other novels. If you want to catch up with that stuff, https://hellskitchensink.com/ check it out here.
If you'd just like to jump into things, this is what matters: There are Atlanteans, an apparently fish-like race who have recently revealed themselves to humans, who have a population of approximately 50,000 and who are on the verge of extinction, and who were recently partially responsible for a near-catastrophe involving a war between a psychotic god of dreams and a primordial entity of stasis, and are trying to make amends. There is supernatural craziness. There is a top secret branch of the US Military- or possibly intelligence services, or maybe even just running loose- referred to as the Esoteric Forces of the United States.
There's a lot of damage to control.
---
Chapter 2: Surt
USEF Report Dagon, section L (Linguistics), Paragraph 1-3, Rank HEL-6
The Atlantean language is surprisingly familiar, and offers great insight into the spread of language across the world, and a common origin to many languages. Proto-Indo-European is well known as one of the most common 'base' languages, and its influence can be seen everywhere from Portugal to Persia. (also, technically, nearly a thousand miles east of Persia, but leave me my wordplay to enjoy.)
Atlantean language spans a substantially greater range. The first instincts of linguists, confronted with it, is an odd pidgin or creole of German and a variety of Polynesian dialects, a combination which is as bizarre as it is improbable. These two cultures had absolutely no contact for most of human history, recorded or not, and little if any combined culture.
It could simply be a vast coincidence. It could be a consequence of the Atlantean diffusion. It could simply be one titanic joke being played on linguists the world over who think that word-choice has meaning. Nevertheless, it provides us with an easier jumping-off point than if we did not have the connection in the first place. Atlanteans have shown a surprising facility for picking up human languages, one which has eased integration substantially.
Chief Researcher Cherry H. Verne
"The problem with big, open deserts, and remote ocean bases, is that on top of being a pain in the ass to supply and staff, they are not actually all that secret in an era of high altitude spy planes and satellite photography," said Miller, sitting in the front seat of the heavy pickup truck. I sat next to him, wearing my yellow rain-slicker, shivering a bit as we drove through the snow-dappled forest. "Sure, it's all well and good to be a thousand miles from the nearest community, but everyone's going to know you're up to something. And thus..." He gestured upwards.
Atlantis had modest plant-life. Kelp, algae, a coral system. All quite attractive, in their own ways. But no natural thing there had grown like these. The trees were sleek and rough-barked, growing to tower above the rough and sandy road, creating a canopy. It was both like coral, and utterly alien. "What did you say this place was called?"
"The Pine Barrens." He grinned. "Lots of legends around this place. Hell, going all the way back to 1909. Now, I'm fairly sure the Menagerie was built in the 90s, but who's to say it was the first facility the EFUS had here? There isn't a lot of history or facts kept on archive about the EFUS, but I've seen case files dating back to the 1700s. Probably just a hoax, someone's idea of a joke, but..." He shrugged. "That's the thing you learn about this special ops work. Everything gets denied, and the things that are admitted are usually just there to distract you from something bigger."
"Distrust seems... very difficult. I prefer things simple and straightforward. Hunting, knowing your prey, knowing how to find it." I looked out the window, frowning. "I fear that may make me a liability."
"Hell no. You handle the tracking and the tasering. I'll get between you and the politics." He grinned. "It's what a good Sergeant should do." He leaned back in his chair and made a low, contented sound, a growl low in the back of his throat. He seemed perfectly at ease, despite the thick bandages wrapped around one hand, cloaking it in white linen that had been stained black here and there.
"Does that hurt?" I asked, softly.
"Eh. I don't have pain sensors built in. The damage was only, well..." He chuckled. "Skin deep." He was quiet for a moment, and looked over at me. "You know, you barely reacted to seeing my hand stripped bare like that. I'm pretty sure your kind don't make much in the way of advanced cyborgs. I was expecting... Well, hell. I don't know. A little prejudice. I get plenty of it among humans. Just scares them to see this kind of thing."
"I can see what is human in you very clearly, Sergeant," I said, looking out the window. "All humans, Atlanteans included, rely on their tools to define themselves. Tattoos, piercings, clothing, weapons- Is there anything different about a prosthetic? They are still a part of you, even if they are not flesh."
"Hrn," he said, ending the conversation on an ambiguous note. "There it is."
The road ended in a large, wide concrete foundation, covered by some sort of canvas fabric which had been raised with tent poles. A large circle drawn in chalk with a massive H in the center dominated one side of the foundation, with a bank of large elevators beyond it. Miller got out of the truck, and I followed, shivering in the cold. The two of us approached one of the elevators. We stepped in.
"These things always take forever," he growled. "I'm convinced the base is just a few feet underground, and they make them slow as tar so it feels like we're going into the center of the earth."
I watched the glowing electric cables through the walls. I could only see the closest through the thick stone, but he was right. They were moving very slowly indeed. "You've stabbed the shark in the gills there, sir."
He grinned. "Finally. I'm going to rag Cherry about that to no end."
The base itself was the kind of clean, sterile white that humans seemed to find soothing. Personally, it reminded me of being trapped under a glacier, and the office of Chief Researcher Verne, paneled in wood and filled with books and other gewgaws, made for a very pleasant change. The unconscious demon strapped to her table muddled the effect, though. She smiled as the two of us entered.
"Good job bringing this one in, you two. Far as I can gather from examination and venom samples, it's a brown recluse spider. Damned if I know how exactly one got the spiritual energy necessary to become a demon, considering the lifespan and shyness towards humans. Examining the web revealed distinctive patterns- We think it was using the webs as a sort of food storage, slowly terrorizing a human while using the energy gained to weave webs, which it would then survive off of in a low energy state..." She frowned. "Very curious."
"Great, Cherry. Can we keep it from attacking people?"
"The new class of implants should take care of that. After that fiasco with your cortex bomb, the Colonel was able to argue for a strict need-to-know policy. The only people with the transmitter codes to activate it will be you, me, and the Colonel himself." She smiled. "Nice and trustworthy. It'll shut down all electrical impulses from the thoracic vertebrae down, until the counter-signal is sent. So, even if it is used, it'll be less... You know, immediately fatal. I wouldn't leave it on for long, though- She won't be able to breathe." Then she sighed, and clicked her tongue. "For gods sakes, go to the bio-lab, get that hand fixed. It's morbid as hell."
"Yeah. Stick here with the doctor, Yeagerta, she'll fill you in a bit more while I'm busy," said Miller, with a nod to me, before ducking out through the door. I was left alone with the rather intimidating woman
"So," said Cherry, a sly smile spreading across her face. "You're an Atlantean." She held a small welding torch, and the smell of burnt flesh filled the air, making me wince. It was not a healer’s room. It was the room of a destroyer. That was okay. I felt at home here.
"Yes."
"Heard a bit about you. We've got half a dozen Atlanteans working in the menagerie, easily a hundred times that in the US government as a whole. I don't buy the whole 'I want to do good' thing- There are a lot of ways you could do that without risking your life." She looked up at me, an eyebrow raised. "So what is it? Deathwish? Sadism? Secret plan to destroy humanity?"
"We are both a part of humanity. Those who thought otherwise, on both sides, were merely ignorant to the truth. As to my reasons… Every society needs violence.” I sighed, and shook my head. "So long as dissent is possible, so long as violence is possible, there must be sanctioned violence to counter it. The more peaceful and serene that society is, the further that violence must be kept from those who benefit from it." I waved a hand at the demon lying across the ground. "This is a violence hidden from the public, but still necessary. I know that our two races' fate will hang on the balance of how we use that violence. If I want my people to be safe, I must be that violence."
"If you want a thing done right, you have to do it yourself," she said, and smiled. "I can dig it."
"And what of you, Chief Researcher Verne? How did you come to be the kind of person who could slice open a seemingly human creature's spine, and insert a device to control their body, while-" I raised an eyebrow, as I noticed a curious white container, producing an aroma suggesting blended spices, "-you eat your lunch?"
She smiled. "Well, three things. First, this woman's murdered at least a dozen people according to open police reports and the bones we dug up around the house. Second, she's not actually human, and is part of a species that doesn't usually have sentience, let alone sapience. And finally..." She fell silent for a moment, and set down her welding torch. "You know, I've discussed a lot of subjects, but I don't think I've talked with Atlanteans about space travel. What do you know about the stars?"
I shrugged. "Distant lights. We did not have them in Atlantis, and even in our heyday, we knew only that they were unimaginably distant. The revelations of this universe- worlds beyond measure- has been... Not precisely transformative, but unexpected."
"Worlds beyond measure," said Cherry, her voice soft, as she stared pensively into the distance. "A good phrase. Do you know, when we first learned about your existence, when we first confirmed that you were a group capable of forming pacts, empowering gods, and reproducing normally- In other words, not a supernatural species- It was the first time we'd ever found anything like that? And when we found out that you were humans, genetically equivalent, an offshoot changed by your exposure to another world, it was such a profound..."
Here, she paused, sighed, and looked down at the unconscious figure lying across her desk, the corners of her lips pulled down into a melancholy frown.
"Disappointment."
"I am sorry," I said, not sure what else to say.
"It's hardly your fault. But the prospect of alien life, truly alien, something from another world, something not human..." She sighed. "This poor creature in front of you is the closest we come to finding it. An animal infected with a human mind, with human thoughts and needs and instincts, with no choice in the matter." She looked up. "Countless worlds. And only one sapient species that we know of. Broadcasting our existence is simple- child's play. The universe has been conducive to intelligent life for fourteen billion years. And yet, all we see out there is... silence. Unbearable, unending silence."
I didn't answer. As the air conditioning hummed, and Cherry H. Verne's soft brown eyes held mine, I studied her for the first time. I saw the frantic, white-hot belief in her. Among my people, she would be notable. Among humans, she was close to unique. All of that belief, and nowhere for it to go. "It suggests an ominous possibility."
"We have a name for it," she said. "The Great Filter. The unknown enemy of sapience. Countless theories, of course- Perhaps life is rare. Perhaps sapience is rare. Perhaps we destroy ourselves. People have concocted fanciful tales of galactic empires and berserker probes, but I don't hold with that. Those would be localized. There would be evidence, elsewhere. But everywhere we look, there's... silence." She tented her fingers. "Perhaps we've weathered the storm. Perhaps it was life or sapience or disease or the atomic bomb that was the great nemesis. But it would be an act of absolute arrogance to believe that humans are special." She shook her head softly. "I don't think we're out of the woods yet."
"So, you joined because..." I prompted her, feeling unsettled in the pit of my stomach by her statement.
"H.P. Lovecraft was a popular writer, though only after he died. He believed that the universe was cold and inimical. I'm inclined to agree. He believed that humanity was fated to change, to become twisted, and horrific. That the only way life could survive was to lose everything that he saw as worthwhile in it." She smiled. "He was a bigot and a short-sighted fool. Life demands a harsh toll, but there's little we stand to lose by changing ourselves." She looked down at the demon. "So, Yeagerta. You ready to put her unconscious if that implant doesn't work?"
I blinked at the sudden change in subject. "What-" But Chief Researcher Verne was already snapping her fingers.
The creature's eyes snapped open. They flicked from side to side, panicked, feral, mad. The rest of her body didn't move in the least. The Chief Researcher smiled. "Good morning, sunshine. Do you want a job?"
"What?" asked the creature, its voice blunt. "What job?"
"Simple enough. You killed people. You probably thought you had to do that to survive, but you were wrong. I'd wager you fed off of fear. The connection you maintained with humans as their captor, offering them a hope of escape, the only face they saw as they slowly starved to death." She looked up at me, and smiled. "I imagine you're finding yourself quite hungry at the moment."
"My purpose," hissed the creature, its head lolling to one side to glare hatefully up at me. I returned its gaze without emotion.
"Yes, yes. Now, you have a choice of a new purpose. You can serve, and earn the right to be a human." She smiled, and there was something chilly as the silent universe in her expression. "Or you can refuse, and earn the right to be... laboratory material."
"Survival," hissed the creature. "Warmth. Food. A mate. Another day."
"That's the spirit," said Verne, the cold vanishing from her face like frost in the sun. "We'll get someone in to debrief you and explain the terms of your survival. For now, we've got a meeting."
The two of us walked through the corridors of the complex, Verne carrying a binder under one arm. I passed the time by watching the cables. The arrangement of the corridors were such that the sense of direction quickly became confused- Favoring sixty or hundred degree angles for corridors, rather than 90. If not for my ability to track the wiring in the walls, I would have quickly become lost. This topmost floor appeared to be primarily made up of research labs, medical quarters. It was all so... repeated.
"Getting used to the industrialization thing?" said Verne, a smile running across her lips. "I'm told it's disturbing to Atlanteans. The whole... sameness."
"To be unique, to be cherished, is to be strong. We don't go in for... mass production."
"Yeah. We noticed that," said Verne, smiling. "It explained a lot, learning about your people. The inability to mass-produce enchanted objects, the relatively short lifespan of magically enhanced equipment. Hell, we've got an artificial intelligence program here that's designed to take advantage of the tsukumogami principle. Still not much luck with that."
"Such projects often take years at a time," I said, softly. "And the coordinated input of many thousands."
"Yeah. It's a pain in the ass." She sighed. "This meeting is mostly bureaucratic. Our closest allies on the continent are- naturally enough- our only two neighbors. Canada's Royal Mythic Police and Mexico's Cuerpo de Fuerzas Extrano share a common issue- Primarily, the remaining supernatural beings left behind by the various Native American civilizations."
"Of course," I said. I was no stranger to humanity's genocidal tendencies. There was a reason my people had left. The rest was all Greek to me. I hadn’t memorized 90% of the states, let alone the countless other countries of the world.
"The Mythies are relatively easy to get along with, sharing a belief in rehabilitation, but they're kind of a soft touch. They're far less willing to lean on supernaturals. Lot of guilt. Recent upswing in native recruits, which has helped their knowledge base, covering some of their weaknesses in actual field assets. The Cuerpo..." She frowned. "They're a bit more hardline. There's a lot of history here, but what you fundamentally need to know is that they sprung off of the government forces dedicated to fighting the drug cartels. The cartels drew upon supernatural resources, and as such, the government forces have a... Well, bluntly genocidal approach to things. Even making pacts is illegal. They rely more on military hardware bought from the United States, and a relative lack of oversight." She sighed. "Messy."
She stopped at a door, little different from any other, and pushed it open.
"-is an unconscionable violation of human rights. Sentencing without hearings or the right to a qualified attorney-"
"Human rights, abuelita. There's an important word there."
The room was spacious, light filtering in through windows. I could see the powerful electrical sources behind the windows- The light was thoroughly artificial.
A mahogany table sat in the center of the room, with close to a dozen chairs around it. Three were currently occupied, one by the Colonel, the other two by the two women who had just been speaking. The one opposite the Colonel was a small, wizened woman, with long, silver-white hair, dressed in a loose dress that looked inappropriately breezy even for the air-conditioned room, let alone the weather outside. Seated between the two, facing the door, was a younger woman, whose eyes were hard as flint. Her hair was cut nearly to the scalp, leaving a thin fuzz of black, interrupted above her left ear by a scar that ran from near the eye, all the way to the back of the head.
"Well, well," said the scarred woman, her eyes twinkling, leaning back in a refined and dignified military uniform. "The offshoots. What are you staring at?"
I tilted my head. "I thought pacts with the supernatural were illegal under your government," I said, my eyes drifting across her. I could see it, there, the dull gray of the supernatural pact dimming her belief. One of the risen dead.
"Keep your gaze from my soul," said the woman, her voice even and sharp as a knife's edge.
"Fuck's sakes, Pagan, everyone in this room knows you're on the supernatural take," said the Colonel, taking a pull on a cigar, bent over the table with an expression of supreme aggravation. "Way to buck the stereotype there, by the way."
"The subject at hand," said the scarred woman, brushing off the mockery without any sign of annoyance or uncertainty. "The Atlanteans."
"You know that one was taken out of our hands," said the Colonel, a slight grin spreading across his lips. "How many times have I complained about that unpredictable prick? He got involved in something too big, and wound up making a good impression. Luck of the draw. Could have happened to any of us." He puffed on the cigar, and his eyes flickered to me. "Hey, Niwha. Can people fool that vision of yours?"
"There are techniques. They can be shared. Difficult, but possible." My eyes flickered to the two women. "The more people who know of such techniques, the less useful they will become. That is the nature of secrets."
"Well, our allies can keep secrets, can't they?" said the Colonel, grinning toothily. "Listen, I'm not interested in any of the tribalism shit. We've got bigger fish to fry."
"Ah, yes," said Pagan, the scarred woman, her expression empty. "The 'Horsemen'." She raised both hands as she said the word, palms flat, and crooked the index and middle finger of each hand twice.
"You know," said the old woman, a slight smile running over her lips, "I remember my parents talking about the Soviets. Those mysterious monsters on the far side of the world. The reason why we had to leave our home, and get settled in that barren shithole that I grew up in." She narrowed her eyes. "It was shit then, and it's shit now. The 'gods who rule above the gods', dedicated to our destruction. I've met fucking gods." She produced a slim cigarette and a purple plastic lighter, flicking one to light the other, and puffed twice. "They didn't do much good for me."
"Not this conspiracy paranoia shit, Smith," growled The Colonel. "The Paradise situation-"
"A U.S. superweapon- One which we were told was foolproof- going haywire," said Pagan, holding a hand over her mouth and coughing delicately. I sympathized. The smoke in the room was acrid, and growing thicker by the moment. "I fear the United States' carelessness far more than I fear any mythical bogeyman."
"God save me from arbitrary skeptics," growled the Colonel. "We're sharing the fucking resources. The research we gain from the Atlanteans, any breakthroughs, and personnel willing to volunteer. I know the situation has been unstable. That's why I'm trying to build us a little goddamn faith. Now, Cherry, take a seat. Yeagerta, you too. Tell us about the discoveries you've made on the Atlanteans."
"Thank you," said Verne, taking a seat next to the Colonel, setting down a large binder labeled USEF Report Dagon. I sat down next to her, trying to follow the hierarchy as best as I could. "First-"
The door burst open, Sergeant Miller standing there, his damaged arm covered in pale, somewhat sickly looking flesh, a few shades lighter than the rest. "Colonel. Emergency. The demon we were interrogating was made by an Archmage."
The colonel stared silently at Sergeant Miller. He chewed the cigar slowly. "Sergeant, our allies are in this room." He nodded his head towards Pagan, and Smith, who were staring with equally deadpan expressions. "As I'm sure you understand, evidence of an Archmage is... excruciatingly sensitive. Rather like being grabbed by the short hairs, and yanked. I'm confident that you wouldn't be grabbing me by the short hairs in front of our allies and giving me a firm yank without incredibly good reason."
"We've been tracking someone who matches the description. Small-time Native American hustler we thought was cheating casinos. We had a pair of agents watching him in Lousiana. If he's an Archmage..."
The colonel's pupils had shrunk, and he stared at Miller. The cloud of smoke hung around his features as he slowly removed the cigar from his mouth. "Motherfucker." He let out a slow breath. "Contact them-"
"Already did, sir." Miller's brow furrowed. "No response. They-"
"Get their video feed working. Shit. Motherfucking balls!" The colonel stood up, and sprinted out of the room, Miller shortly behind on his heels.
"Archmage?" I said, in the scorching silence of the room.
"A standard wizard is a mortal who has made a pact with a supernatural being. Immortality- so long as the pact lasts- and magical power," said Verne, her expression ashen as she slumped back in the chair. "An Archmage is- Well, they're theoretical."
"Nowadays," said Smith, the wizened old woman showing a slight grin. "The legends say they used to be a lot more common."
"Relatively," growled Verne. "An Archmage is any wizard who is spiritually powerful enough to, in the course of a single lifetime, create a supernatural being. Usually demons, though undead and fairies are theoretically also possible."
"Which is significant be-" I paused, and my eyes widened slightly. "Capable of producing their own immortality."
"Exactly. Unbeholden to a supernatural force. Capable of creating a personal supernatural companion, a Familiar." She looked up at Smith. "Could I get one of those?"
Smith shook out three cigarettes, offering them, in turn, to Pagan, Verne, and myself. I was the only one to refuse. "Understandably rare. What kind of person dedicates themselves so thoroughly to another, sufficient to discover the power that rests within them? Even if Archmages are still born, their talents would likely never become obvious to them. But with that much power, even the most minor supernatural being could become... spectacularly dangerous, in their hands."
"A brown recluse spider," I said, and frowned. "What is their lifespan?"
"About two years, at the outside," said Verne. She lit the cigarette, and puffed it twice, blowing out a cloud of smoke and coughing raggedly for a second before continuing, voice hoarser. "Even with the raw state of the spider-"
"A very powerful Archmage, who was active at least forty years ago," I said. "He is also most likely a member of a people who you committed genocide against."
"Life," said Smith, and the old woman chuckled. "It certainly does bite us in the ass, doesn't it?"
The door opened. The Colonel entered, his expression hard as flint. He sat down at the front of the table, and pressed a button. There was a click, and a blur of light spread across one wall as Sergeant Miller entered and sank into the chair beside him. The blur slowly came into focus. "This is the feed from their security setup in the hotel room."
It was an image, slowly moving. A hotel room. I had seen several like it, even in the short time I had spent among humans. Well-furnished, with a beautiful view across a sprawling human city that I did not recognize on sight. Two men sat inside. One raised his head, and drew his gun, turning towards the door. The image became unfocused, crazed patterns of black and white fuzzing the scene out, distorting it as the two men twisted in the strange interference, until it was entirely unintelligible. It was like that for perhaps three minutes, then it abruptly came back into focus.
I could see signs of what had happened. The bullet holes through the windows, crazed fractures spread out around them through the glass. The beds unmade, slashes visible that had gutted them of their stuffing. An arm was visible, hanging out from behind one of the beds. On the wall, in brilliant red, five words had been painted.
BILLY BOWLEGS SENDS HIS REGARDS.
"Shit," said Sergeant Miller, his voice soft, his expression stormy.
"Sergeant," said the Colonel, "you're going to need to assemble a team. Track the man down. Hunt him like a dog. Capture him if you can, kill him if not."
"Kill him?" Said Smith, her eyes narrowed. "Not a fucking chance. I'm coming along, and he's to be captured. He's not a U.S. citizen, and he is a human."
"Oh, come now, abuelita," said Pagan, her expression dancing with amusement. "We know this is not a matter of mercy or justice." She flicked a hand towards the image. "Will you be sharing that resource with us, Colonel?"
"Of course," said the man, gruffly, nearly biting through the cigar.
"Well, I shall be happy to come along on the mission. To make this mission more... multilateral."
"Your help is appreciated, Major, but-"
"Good," said Pagan, her eyes narrowed.
It was obvious, the true reason for the tension. This Archmage was dangerous, certainly- deadly. He had killed. But that alone was not enough to cause the people in this room to be on the verge of killing one another. It was not the reason the Colonel had been angry.
If Archmages were still born, then to be able to find them, to know how they were found, would be supremely useful. It would provide an incredible advantage to whichever nation broke the code first. The Atlanteans had been an incredible resource, too. But this one could be taken secretly.
If he could be captured, subverted, interrogated, studied, he could lead to the discovery of more. That kind of advantage could be... phenomenal.
I stared up at the screen silently. I looked across at Fetu Miller, and his eyes met mine.
Change. The kind that could destroy. The kind that had to be killed, before it twisted humanity beyond recognition.
"Are you with me, Yeagerta?"
"Yes, Miller."
USEF Report Albino Monk, Section X (Threat Assessment), Paragraph 1-8, Rank SURTUR-9. OLDMAN clearance required; If you are reading this and are not the Colonel, there is probably a gun aimed at your head right now.
In spite of Sergeant Miller's ongoing vouching for the former FBI agent, he is not to be regarded as an ally by EFUS personnel. This is an unfortunate political reality. His actions have directly destabilized the US government in places, and he is directly responsible for the destruction of two Cities. The fact that both of these cases saved a majority of the population of the Earth is, unfortunately, not worth much to our threat assessments.
There are three parts to this issue. First, his status as a pawn of War. Regardless of any other connections he has made, he started as a catspaw for one of the Horsemen. Her supposed defection only increases the suspicion. The Horsemen are marked universally by a level of long-term planning that can be best described as 'psychotic'. Even the apparent good done in this case may be in service of a longer term plan.
Second, despite his good intentions, his actions have brought the world of gods and the world of men closer together. Our current state of instability, and the growing awareness of and interference by supernatural forces, is entirely his fault. He may save us, only for the consequences of his actions to plunge us into a greater crisis. The increasing tensions we have reported from the remaining Cities corroborates this. Good intentions paving the way to hell, and all that rot.
But let's be honest with ourselves, shall we, Sir? We both know that these are secondary concerns. The real problem is Nash himself, and the power he has accumulated. We have him on record as having confronted several gods of a power that the entire EFUS military apparatus would be hard-pressed to even distract, and defeating them. As of this moment, he is probably the single most effective countermeasure to the Gods, should they mobilize fully.
And behind all of this is his personality. An emotionally crippled boy raised by a mentally ill single mother. His anti-authoritarian tendencies hidden behind a level of detachment that verges on the psychotic, he managed to get hired onto the FBI and come across as little more than a somewhat dull, but otherwise harmless young man with a thirst for justice. Given access to power, he proceeded to unveil a violent streak a mile wide. The man assaulted the U.S. Secretary of Finance. Granted, the traitor was a Horseman plant, but nonetheless.
We can't depend on this man. We can't allow him to act unhindered. His concept of 'justice' is, at best, childishly simple, and more prone to destroying power structures than making anything to replace them. In his own way, he could be as dangerous as the Horsemen- perhaps moreso. They, at least, consider the consequences of their actions. The fallout of his breaking open of Hell is yet to unfold entirely. How long until one of the Damned wind up causing a major crisis? Admittedly, their fear of him seems to have held them in line so far, but if he should show any weakness, the result will be catastrophic.
All of this is compounded by the aforementioned power. The Gae Bolg weapon proved entirely useless against him, which is a situation we frankly did not foresee. He seemed confident in his ability to counter the Pugno Dei as well, and regardless of whether that was bravado or not, we can't afford to drop another asteroid on him. For the moment, we don't have a countermeasure for him. If he should decide, tomorrow, that the President of the United States is as great a threat as the Gods of the Cities or the Horsemen, there is precious little that anyone can reasonably do to stop him.
For now, our chief strategy is surveillance and avoidance. He can be avoided. He can be worked around. He is, effectively, a natural disaster. We can at least try to forecast him.
Chief Researcher Cherry H. Verne
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