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My Options Overview / Guide (V2)

Greeting Theta Gang boys and girls,
I hope you're well and not bankrupt after last week. I'm just now recovering mentally myself. I saw a few WSB converts and some newbies asking for tips, so here you go. V2 of my Options guide. I hope it helps.
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I spent a huge amount of time learning about options and tried to distill my knowledge down into a helpful guide. This should especially be useful for newbies and growing options traders.
While I feel I’m a successful trader, I'm not a guru and my advice is not meant to be gospel, but this will hopefully be a good starting point, teach you a lot, and make you a better trader. I plan to keep typing up more info from my notebook, expanding this guide, and posting it every couple months.
Any feedback or additions are appreciated
Per requests, I added details of good and bad trades I made. Some painful lessons learned are now included. I also tried to organize this better as it got longer.
Here's what I tell options beginners:
I would strongly recommend buying a beginner's options book and read it cover to cover. That helped me a lot.
I like this beginner book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GWSXX8U/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_OxNDFb2GK9YW7
Helpful websites:
Don't trade until you understand:
Basics / Mechanics
General Tips and Ideas:
Profit Retention / Loss Mitigation
Trade Planning & Position Management Tips
-Advanced Beginner-
Spreads
Trading Mechanics, Taxes, Market Manipulation
-Intermediate / Advanced Strategies (work in progress)-
You’ll notice many of these strategies inverse one another.
Options Strategy Finder
This website is great for learning about new strategies, you’ll see many links to it below.
https://www.theoptionsguide.com/option-trading-strategies.aspx
Short Strangle / Straddle
Iron Condor and Iron Butterflies
Long Condor (Debit Call Condor)
Short Condor (Credit Call Condor)
Reverse Iron Condor
LEAPs
PMCC / PMCP
Advanced Orders
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Disclaimer:
I’m not a financial adviser, I'm actually an engineer. I’m not telling you to invest in a specific stock/option or even use a specific strategy. I’ve outlined and more extensively elaborated on what I personally like. You should test several strategies and find what works best for you.
I'm just a guy who trades (mainly options) part-time for financial gain and fun. I don't claim to be some investing savant.
submitted by CompulsionOSU to thetagang [link] [comments]

How To Value A Stock (From Someone Who Has Beaten The S&P Almost Every Year Since 2008)

I recently wrote this up for my friends who asked me how I do what I do. I figured I'd share it here. This is freely available to anyone who wants it, though please credit me if you simply copy/paste. Nothing here is novel, and can be done by anyone. I am not a financial professional, and the example given below is only Abbvie because I forgot that Abbott Labs was alphabetically the first in the S&P 500 when picking an example.
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First, let’s come right out and say that if you do not have the time to do this, or do not find it enjoyable, just buy low-cost index funds that track either the total market or the S&P 500.
Second, let’s make an important distinction:
Investing – This is the act of purchasing assets for less than their intrinsic value. This PDF will focus on how to determine the intrinsic value of an asset that produces income. Note that for most assets, this is simply how much money you can extract from the asset over the period of time that you hold it for. There’s no other value than money in investing. Causes and emotions are what philanthropy is for.
Speculating – This is, at its core, the act of taking supply of an asset from the present to the future (by hoarding it). If there is more demand, lower supply, or both, this pays the speculator to take the asset from a period of low value to one of high value. It is not gambling, but is very difficult to do, since it entails taking on timing risk. It is not illegal, immoral, or impossible, but I have no special insight into it. I’ll leave it there.
Gambling – This looks a lot like speculation, but without any particular reason to believe the asset will be more valuable in the future. Speculators at least estimate the value of an asset to investors, as they are ultimately the end market for an asset. Do not gamble. Full stop.
Determining the intrinsic value of an asset
The value of an asset is simply the present value of all future income that asset can provide you. Since a dollar in five years is naturally less valuable than a dollar today, you have to discount future income against the opportunity cost of forgoing the dollars you invest today. When we get to the Present Value equation, this is represented by interest. It can also be thought of as the opportunity cost of investing in the asset instead of some other asset or simply consuming the dollars instead.
Here’s the actual math. Note that it’s not super hard, and while I will explain it, there are dozens of free websites that will quickly let you calculate this. The key phrase to Google would be “present value of a growing annuity calculator.”
PV = (C / i - G) * {1 – [(1 + G)/(1 + i)]^n}
PV = present value
C = cash flow per period
n = number of payments
i = interest rate
G = growth rate
The value for PV is your estimation of what the asset is worth today. If this ends up far higher than the market price, you are probably purchasing dollars for quarters. Avoid edge cases, as you are guessing about both the interest and growth rate.
C is the cash flow per period. If you have a high degree of confidence in the culture of the company and it has a long history of being good stewards of retained earnings, you can use the earnings per share (EPS). I usually use the dividend. It is impossible to fake or financially engineer a dividend, and requires less looking through financial documents to make sure it’s what it appears to be. But for, say, Apple or Microsoft or Chevron, feel free to use the EPS.
The number of payments is how many payments you expect while holding the asset. Dividends in American companies are typically quarterly (though some pay monthly or every six months, so check on that), so every multiple of four would represent one year if you choose to do it that way. If n = 16, then you’re expecting to hold the asset for 4 years. You can also put in a year’s worth of dividends and keep n = years rather than quarters.
I typically do n = 30, since 30 years is both a long time horizon that is realistic, and coincides when I will hit “retirement age.” You will have to decide how far ahead you’re planning. For most people, they are net purchasers of investments while working and net sellers while retired, so keep that in mind. Note that using years instead of quarters will lessen the amount of compounding, and will provide some cushion in case you’re wrong.
Interest is one of the two variables you have to guess at. Typically, one would put what you expect the actual long-run interest rate to average for this investment. Unfortunately, this is really difficult. Instead, I use a rate that represents my opportunity cost. There are any number of relatively safe ways to get a 5% yield on money invested, so I generally use i = 5% to represent that this asset has to perform better than a utility or telecom or real estate investment trust. Feel free to use what you feel is most appropriate for you. A higher interest rate will lower the value of the asset, so high-balling this number will provide some cushion in case you’re wrong.
The second variable you have to guess at is the growth rate. If you’re looking at the dividend, you want to know how fast to expect it to grow over time. If you’re using the EPS for C, then you want to see how quickly the total earnings are growing per share. This is extremely difficult to predict. I recommend taking the 5-year growth rate and halving it. Dividends will also be more predictable here, as most companies pay out far less than they make, which means even if EPS grows slowly, the dividend can still grow quickly for many years after a boom is over for the company. Note that lowering your estimate for G will lower the value of the asset, so low-balling this number will provide some cushion in case you’re wrong.
OK, so let’s walk through an example. I’ll use Abbvie, a biotech/pharmaceutical company. It has a quarterly dividend for the coming year of $1.30/share. Its dividend has an 18.5% growth rate over the last 5 years, and has grown it for the last 7 (it’s only been around for 8 years).
I assumed a growth rate (G) of 7%. I used $5.20 as the starting dividend this coming year and used years for my n = 30. As always, I used i = 5%.
This gave me an estimated present value of 1 share of Abbvie at $197.94. As of writing this, Abbvie shares are trading on the market at $103.43. This looks like a screaming buy, but first let’s look at why I have a high degree of confidence.
Note how the interest was higher than the going rate – I used my “low-risk alternative” as an opportunity cost. Abbvie has an extremely high rate of growth for its dividend, so I took less than half of its current rate. I also calculated annually rather than quarterly, which reduces the impact of high rates of growth. That’s three places in the equation where I consciously lowered the estimated value of a share of Abbvie, and it still came out as a strong buy – spending less about 50c for a dollar!
I do this because even if I’m wrong in some or all of my predictions, I now have quite a bit of room to be wrong and still make money. It’s like how you don’t walk next to a steep cliff, right? You should know how to walk where you want to, but there’s always the small chance something could cause you to slip or put a foot wrong. But if your plan is always to be 5 feet away from the edge of the cliff, the odds are that you’ll not go over the edge even if you fall down.
Many people feel this is over cautious. But let my portfolio speak for itself. I’ve beaten the S&P 500 index fund every year except one since 2008. My brokerage only keeps digital records back to Dec 2015, but the S&P 500 returned 101% since then – with dividends reinvested. My own portfolio has returned 256%.
So caution is still very high reward. In fact, if you just don’t lose, you’ll do better than the vast majority of professional money managers (about 85% of whom cannot even match the index funds).
Due diligence still has to occur
Now, we can’t just go straight out and buy Abbvie – though it’s a high profile company that receives lots of investor and regulator scrutiny so it’s less likely to have a landmine than most. Just to make sure, you’ll want to do the following before buying shares in this company:
-Check the debt load. If the debt is very high, has very high interest rates, or has a lot of it maturing very soon, then this is a yellow flag. It doesn’t mean don’t buy, but make sure you understand the structure of the company’s debt and make sure it won’t impair the company’s earnings going forward. This information is found on the balance sheet. Abbvie has $97.287 billion in long-term liabilities such as debt, pension liability, and deferred taxes. That’s a lot compared to their assets, but they also are owed some money, so it nets out about $90 billion.
-What’s the book value? Book value is fairly low at $8.65/share. This is pretty much the assets minus the liabilities. Abbvie is in a knowledge industry, however, so you shouldn’t expect their main assets to be physical capital that can be sold. It’s mostly organizational or human capital from their workforce, so this isn’t worrying. If Abbvie was, say, a retailer with stores and land and inventory, you’d want this to be much, much higher for the share price. There’s no easy way to judge this one, unfortunately, but it’s good to look it up and you’ll eventually get a feel for it. No red flags here.
-What are the catastrophic risks that even you or I could think of? For a company in the pharmaceutical space, the obvious answer is regulatory and political risk. Regulatory risk is just want it sounds like – more regulation which can be either costly to comply with or lower profits. This does have an upside, which is that it makes it harder for new competitors to enter a market, so I tend to be rather sanguine about regulatory risk. Political risk is much more severe. This is when politicians decide to either confiscate a company, target it specifically rather than the industry it’s in, or other ways in which the government is involved with taking rather than regulating. In Anglo countries (US/UK/Canada/Australia), the rule of law is typically strong enough that this doesn’t happen much, as there is usually some kind of due process. Places like China, Argentina, Russia, and the EU are much more likely to nationalize or otherwise capriciously penalize a company due to the prevailing political winds. Abbvie has a global footprint, but that also means it’s diversified against such risk. It’s headquartered in the US, so it’s unlikely someone will simply take the entire company.
-Payout ratio? Abbvie has a fairly high payout ratio (80% for the last completed fiscal year of 2019), as they have been aggressively growing the dividend. That’s another good reason to input a much lower G than the last few years. That being said, Abbvie has been around for 8 years (it was spun off of Abbott Labs) and has grown its dividend for the last 7 years and has announced it will this coming year as well. The payout ratio is pretty high, but not worrisome. It suggests a fairly mature company that’s now returning cash to shareholders. I’d say this is not nothing, but less than a yellow flag for me. Any company with 95%+ payout ratio is much more vulnerable to a dividend cut.
-Credit rating? S&P gives Abbvie a BBB+ grade for its unsecured debt. This is a slight downgrade because their balance sheet is currently digesting a big acquisition from early 2020 (Allergan). Moody’s gives it a Baa2 rating for unsecured debt. These are both good, solid, investment-grade credit ratings (if you were buying the bonds of Abbvie). This looks great.
-Does it need a genius? Some companies run on all cylinders because they have a genius at the helm – often a founder. But what you want is a company any dummy can run, because sooner or later any dummy will. Don’t plan to invest long-term in companies that require skilled management. Abbvie is fairly diversified and has an OK pipeline of research. They also can buy little biotech companies that invent something but can’t navigate the regulations to bring it to market. So pondering giants are actually a good thing. Means they’re hard to break.
So, given that there was nothing obviously treacherous in our basic due diligence, and the extreme discount at which our example is selling for, this would be one you might want to buy! This is what I do for all the companies I invest in.
Notice that there is no story, no excitement, no narrative, no counting on good or bad management. Emotion has no place in investing. You also will notice that we took every opportunity to reduce the risk of losing your capital by always sandbagging the estimated value of the company. You never want to pick up nickels in front of a steamroller. You want the investment to be so obvious it hits you in the face like a baseball bat. If you’re ever on the fence, don’t do it. You don’t have to hit home runs – just don’t strike out.
You can be even more conservative in your estimates than I am. If, for instance, you used 5% growth rate for Abbvie’s dividend, you’d still get a present value of $148.57/share vs the current market price of $103.43. Similarly, you could use a higher interest rate, which would also lower the estimated present value.
You may have to do this calculation with more companies to find one to buy, but even in a very expensive market like today’s, there is always an opportunity. You don’t even have to look at little companies. There’s around 500 companies in the S&P – just start with “A” and work your way through all of them.
A quick note about further reading: I very strongly urge most people to actually read as little as possible on this subject once they get the basics. That’s not because there’s not more to learn, but because I would sadly say the majority of what I see and hear is actively bad advice. But if you do want to keep up with financial news and books and chat boards, the best thing to do is find out what the historical returns of the person giving advice are.
Since WWII, the long-run return on the S&P 500 has generally been just a bit shy of 10% per year. If someone can’t beat that, year-in-and-year-out, then their advice is worthless. As in, you don’t want to accidentally absorb it. This is, unfortunately, true for most professionals. Over the last 15 years, 92.2% of actively managed funds have underperformed a simple S&P 500 index fund (and they charge you fees for the privilege). Beware anyone selling something. The advice here is given freely
That’s why I made a point of mentioning that I have and regularly outperform the standard fund almost every year. Granted, I don’t have many of the regulatory restrictions a public fund would have, but it shows how useful the advice I’m giving here is. You don’t need anything fancy. You don’t need anything high risk. I’ve done this through two deep recessions and the longest bull market in history.
If you want to learn more about investing in general and where I learned how to do this, you can read Benjamin Graham’s The Intelligent Investor. It was written in the 1930s, so much of the technical information is out of date. Skip over that and just read it for the concepts.
Even easier reading is to go online to Berkshire Hathaway’s website and pull Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger’s annual letter to shareholders. Almost all of them have something useful in them and don’t make you do equations.
I am available for questions in the comments
submitted by PaperImperium to gme_meltdown [link] [comments]

Learnings from a "successful" cs career

I wanted to counter some of the selection bias on this sub by telling a bit about what I consider to be a successful cs career.
A little about me
Outcomes several years later:
The prevailing view on this sub seems to be that in order to have a successful career you need to:
I'd like to provide my career as a counter-example, which doesn't seem too rare among most software engineers that I know.
My learnings:
This has been my experience. Hopefully it gives some hope to other people who may feel like their grades or resume isn't stellar. Tldr: get any job programming, do awesome at it, get better yourself, jump to better jobs every so often, and build your resume.
Edit: a lot of people are asking about timeline. I graduated in 2006. I realize this may change the tone of my post for some, as the tech job market has changed somewhat since then. I hope that the pointers are helpful anyway!
Edit: formatting
submitted by tlubz to cscareerquestions [link] [comments]

South Africa part 3: Cecil Rhodes

South Africa part 3: Cecil Rhodes
To think of these stars that you see overhead at night, these vast worlds which we can never reach. I would annex the planets if I could; I often think of that. It makes me sad to see them so clear and yet so far. -- Cecil Rhodes, Last Will and Testament
This is the 3rd post in a series on South Africa and Apartheid and so far in the first two neither Apartheid nor South Africa even exists. But we are to the mid climax. In first part we discussed how our groups of players: Afrikaners, British, Xhosa, Zulu, minor tribes, other ethnicities got to what would become South Africa. In the second part we discussed how the Zulus and Xhosa knocked themselves out of the game leaving the British and Afrikaners as the main players standing for who got rule what would become South Africa. We also discussed how the British policy was non-viable. This part is going to discuss how the British changed course and consequently won control. We are also going to get to the genesis of the Western Left's hatred of the Afrikaners and the genesis of Apartheid, We'll end on the creation of the Union of South Africa which while not the Republic of South Africa will allow me to stop talking about "Southern Africa", "territory that will become South Africa".... But unfortunately you will have to sit through this one more post where South Africa doesn't exist yet.
Cecil Rhodes was born in 1853 the sickly asthmatic 5th son of a not particularly notable clergyman. He'd remain sickly his entire life dying in 1902 at the age of 48 from the sorts of deterioration of the heart and lung one wouldn't expect to see until a man was at least well into their 90s. In that short span he would: become one of the richest men in the world; found several countries; change the entire economic structure of the territories that would become: South Africa, Botswana, Zambia, Mozambique, Namibia and Zimbabwe; found 2 major corporations: the British South Africa Company and De Beers; rethink British imperialism inventing what would become the British Commonwealth; becoming one of the defining figures and great visionaries of the Victorian Age; trigger the 2nd Boer War; demonstrate the strategy changing nature of the machine gun decades before World War 1; be the only genuinely important Prime Minister of the Cape Colony; invent the concept of corporate armies; play a large role in saving the South African wine industry and most importantly be the only individual getting his own post in this series. :) Rhodes was sent to South Africa at the age of 17 so that the British weather didn't kill him. Rather than doing the normal thing and spending the money (amounting to a decade or less of a comfortable middle class salary, but no great fortune) on living with some gambling and girls thrown in he decided to head to the newly discovered diamond mines in Kimberly and started buying up small diamond mining operations leveraging each mine's output and outside financing to buy the next. Later he partnered with leading financing and trading firms so by 1888 had what amounted to monopoly control of diamond industry turning De Beers into the diamond powerhouse it remains to this day though the last pieces wouldn't fall into place until 1890. He by the 1880s De Beers was throwing off enough excess profits that he could pay investors and continue expending De Beers while being able to found the predecessor to the British South Africa Company operating much further into the interior opening up Bechuanaland and Rhodesia as colonies using his own profits to fund the administrative expenses much as the East India Company had done a century earlier.
Rhodes believed that British policy wasn't viable because it was petty. A vibrant healthy economy throws off an enormous amount of tax revenue. Petty colonialism, like the kind the British were engaging in would never generate much profit because of its very short term nature. Britain should make money by investing in the local economy, spend some on upkeep, reinvesting most of the profits and just skim a little of a forever growing payout. What Britain had tried to do with the American colonies encouraging economic development was the right approach. The problem was London had been shortsighted and selfish turning the local administrators against them. The independence of the USA wasn't a strategic failure it was the result of poor tactical implementation. The problem the British were facing in Southern Africa was similar and since the policies had been similar the results would be as well. The Afrikaners had no reason to be loyal to a Britain which had spent almost a century making very clear that it had no interest in their welfare or society beyond some ports which were frankly not nearly so important since Suez had opened. Rhodes changed policy to have Britain stop acting like a colonizing power and start acting like the domestic government of South Africa as much as possible .Outlining his changes to colonial governing policy:
  • Colonial financing -- utilize profits from business ventures fund army. Rhodes' companies were good examples of this the British charter and the backing of British troops allowed him to make excess profits which allowed him to incur expenses which the previous skinflint administration could never have tolerated. For example British colonial bonds generated an average return of 4.7%. Investments in independent American bonds generated an average return of only 2.9%. The difference was not being taken into account when the Colonial Office calculated their return on investment which to Rhodes' mind was simply lousy accounting.
  • Long term investment -- In general rewire the metrics used at the London Colonial Office to focus on long term investment not short term profits.
  • Demographics -- The British were the world's first people. Physically populate as much of the world as possible. Assimilate other people's into the British way of life. In South Africa in particular he intended to win the hearts and minds of the Boer.
  • Stability -- The previous administration had focused on stability because instability created upheavals that increased administrative costs. For too long British colonial policy was to tolerate and coexist with local culture. To create a profitable economy agricultural efficiencies are going to need to be introduced. That means 90% of the natives are going to freed up to work in a manufacturing and processing workforce. It also means the agricultural tribal traditional culture is going to be completely destroyed. Instability not stability should be policy. Seek to replace local culture with British culture to enhance the potential for economic growth.
  • Glory to British not England -- English colonies exist for glory of England. British colonies self exist. England's glory is that is the Birthplace of the 1st people not how much of the world remains completely non-British while in some vague unimportant sense recognizing Victoria as their Queen.
  • Representation -- As long as colonial governments respond to a English democracy they will be unrepresentative of their people. Create a democratic institution which provides representation for all British people in a British Parliament. There should be an English parliament for England. Invite the United States to join this new institution. "Inauguration of a system of Colonial representation in the Imperial Parliament which may tend to weld together the disjointed members of the Empire and, finally, the foundation of so great a Power as to render wars impossible, and promote the best interests of humanity" (NB: this is essentially the British Commonwealth, though of course the USA was not invited)
  • Devastating defeat of enemies -- Colonial policy was designed to solve conflict cheaply. Small military victories do not undermine the hostile's economy nor their society and thus don't accomplish much. They simply delay and prolonging the problem created by the enemy allowing the enemy to choose points in time to achieve advantage. Avoid costly wars certainly but when war is needed seek to inflict devastating defeat so the subject people realize their inferiority. This realization facilities undermining their institutions and thus during the peace their way of life easily becomes more British. Further a willingness to war like this makes challenging Britain very costly and risky for potential enemies and thus wars will be far less frequent. The financial people are correct that the aggregate cost of inflicting devastating defeats infrequently is higher than more frequent small wars but the benefits are far greater. War carried out towards devastating defeat becomes a form of investment not a pure non-productive expense.
  • Scope -- The British were far to unambitious in their aims. The goal of British colonialism should be "all lands where the means of livelihood are attainable by energy, labour and enterprise". The scope was, "the occupation by British settlers of the entire Continent of Africa, the Holy Land, the Valley of the Euphrates, the Islands of Cyprus and Candia, the whole of South America, the Islands of the Pacific not heretofore possessed by Great Britain, the whole of the Malay Archipelago, the seaboard of China and Japan, the ultimate recovery of the United States of America as an integral part of the British Empire"
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map of Cecil Rhodes' proposed British Empire
You'll notice that all of Africa was in the map. Rhodes was of the opinion that Africa was incredibly rich in minerals and peoples. But it wasn't exploitable for profit because of a lack of transportation infrastructure. Rhodes was pushing to start fixing this by creating a full African north-south railway connecting "Cairo to the Cape". Rhodes' BSAC conquests were designed to drive north while he used his political influence to push the Egyptian conquest further south into Anglo-Egyptian Sudan and then a business similar to BSAC run by Sir William Mackinnon to push into Uganda.
For the northward push (primarily in what today is Zambia, Zimbabwe and Botswana) Rhodes was directly implementing his policy using a private army funded from the British South Africa Company. The Ndebele and Shona (Zulu tribes) were handled easily by the devastating defeat principle. Rhodes' forces demonstrated how effectively Maxims (a primitive form of machine gun) and barbed wire worked against simple rifles, spears and long shields achieving kill ratios never before seen in the history of warfare. As an aside these battles against the Zulus would also be used by those military theorists and historians who correctly anticipated in the later 1890s through 1910s how devastating a war between the great powers would be using these weapons against each other. Rhodes through BSAC had managed to push north of Lake Mweru and to the Northern tip of Lake Nyasa. Which almost connected with Sudan were it not for German East Africa (Burundi, Rwanda, and Tanzania) in the middle. In theory an alternative route through the Belgian Congo would also work but the gold mines in Tanzania kept Rhodes focused on taking German East Africa. Further Rhodes met his match in ruthlessness when it came to the Belgians. When Rhodes' negotiating agent sought a development contract for mineral-rich Katanga (in Congo) the native ruler Msiri refused. King Leopold II of Belgium obtained the same concession by having his agent signing it to Belgium himself over Msiri's dead body in the name of the "Congo Free State".
At the same time Rhodes worked with the Colonial office and in 1890 British issued the "1890 British Ultimatum" to Portugal. This ultimatum by the British government forced the retreat of Portuguese military forces from areas which had been claimed by Portugal on the basis of historical discovery and recent exploration, but which the United Kingdom claimed on the basis of effective occupation. Portugal had attempted to claim a large area of land between its colonies of Mozambique and Angola including most of present-day Zimbabwe and Zambia and a large part of Malawi, which had been included in Portugal's "Rose-coloured Map". This ultimatum violated the Anglo-Portuguese Treaty of 1373 which to that point had been the longest standing peace treaty in history.
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Who owned what by the early 1900s
Take a look at the map above and imagine the British controlling the north-south line connecting to a British/Portuguese line running east-west in the south and a joint French/British/Italian line running east-west in the north. From there local government and companies could construct smaller feeder lines creating a modern rail system. Hopefully and you start to see how Rhodes intended to start developing the transpiration infrastructure needed to create a strong African economy.
All this was going to be for naught though if Southern Africa ended up as a Boer state hostile to British interests on the model ZAR (Zuid-Afrikaansche Republiek, Transvaal Republic). So Rhodes decided to run for Prime Minister of the Cape Colony and solve the problems of British strategy explicated in part 2. The primary problem the Boer had with British government is their divide and conquer approach. The British tilted to whomever was losing (a standard British policy they would also follow in Palestine) which for decades meant treating the Boer and native Africans as both being subject peoples while favoring the native Africans against the Boer. In Rhodes mind you could not expect to get loyalty from people you were obvious disfavoring. The British were the ones turning the Boer into enemies.
So in 1892 Rhodes instituted the Franchise and Ballot Act. This was seen as a compromise between factions in the Colonial Office and the traditions in the Cape Colony for a broad democracy (anyone with £25 in property could vote) and Orange and ZAR's (Zuid-Afrikaansche Republiek, Transvaal Republic) more exclusive democracy. Rhodes raised the amount of property to £75, an amount specifically chosen to disempower many of the native Africans while allowing many Boers to vote. With a Boer and British based democracy locked in the Cape Colony's democratic powers could be strengthened, creating more self rule and making the involvement of the London Colonial Office less obvious. This concept of using a not explicitly racial criteria while instituting laws with racist intent is very modern.
Various Liberals in the London Colonial Office especially missionaries disagreed strongly with Rhode's policies. They had been the ones advocating for the enlightened colonialism that was British policy. Missionaries in particular saw their role as: combating godlessness, superstition and backwardness. In particular encourage better use of land; encourage paycheck work; become trusted advisor to tribal leaders. The slogan "Bring the 3Cs into Africa" referred to Commerce, Christianity and Civilization. To their mind Rhodes' vision of British Imperialism was straight up military tyranny. If followed he would make England no different than a modern day Genghis Khan, creating a empire loathed by a vast expanse of subject peoples who would unite against it from all directions. Instead interfering minimally and being seen as an ally while slowly educated the elite in British custom and religion would cause a gradual consensual change that would build British alliances that would last centuries. Plus such an approach would fulfill the Lord's Great Commission (term for Jesus' command to convert the entire world to Christianity) in a way that honored God rather than shamed him. One need only look at how the Spanish, Portuguese and Balkans had thrown off Islam after centuries to see how ineffective military tyranny was at long term conversions that didn't require force. So in their mind: No the London Office should stand by its traditional values of: monopoly companies and plantations run in (unequal) partnership with indigenous elite. free trade, free (and indeed forced) migration, infrastructural investment, balanced budgets, sound money, the rule of law and incorrupt administration. As far as their Boer, in their mind the Boer were the primary impediment to enlighten British rule in South Africa, being Christians they were obligated to agree with the missionaries on the vision of the White Man's Burden and Enlightened Empire. Rather than making concession to the Boer they needed to be crushed to demonstrate the moral difference between the Boer and the British. With Rhodes' change in policy tilting towards rather than away from the Boer the Western Left came to truly hate the Boer in 1890s. Since the point of this series is the analogy I'll add that I wrote two posts about more or less the same groups of Liberal Christians turning against Israel again having to do with Israeli/Jews discrediting Liberal Western values and thus interfering with the Great Commission: WCC churches and Quakers.
Rhodes in debates before and at the time considered this Liberal Empire stuff to be simply aspirational. Without economic interference there wasn't enough money to fund anything like what the Liberals proposed. He'd point to facts like that after a century of such rules in India they had increased the secondary schooling 7x to a whopping 2% while England with not nearly as many well funded missionary organizations was over 16%.
Rhodes hoped to unify all of Southern Africa around this compromise approach to the franchise. ZAR however rejected this compromise. By the mid 1990s approximately 1/3rd of their white population were British (Anglicans). ZAR had every intent of maintaining religious based voting criteria (i.e. citizenship in ZAR was only open to people who were members of several Dutch Reformed Churches, see part 2). Obviously for Rhodes a situation where British people were the disempowered minority was intolerable. Additionally the ZAR were maintaining an anti-Cape Colony / anti-British / anti-Rhodes trade policy. It was becoming increasingly clear there would need to be regime change. So in 1895 Rhodes organized an attempted coup d'état now called the "Jameson Raid" (yes the same Jameson who went on to be Prime Minister 1904-8 of the Cape Colony after the 2nd Boer War). The Afrikaners were more astute than natives had been caught wind of the early organization and waited until the forces were committed trapping hundreds of Rhode's people creating a great embarrassment.
Its at this point that the Boer made by far the greatest mistake of their history as a people. The 4 years between 1895-9 were when they made the choices that led to their ruin. The British were really embarrassed. A colonial governor who had a crown chartered corporation had been caught red handed engaging in a serious act of war against another sovereign state with no approval from Parliament. The Colonial Office admitted as much and forced Rhodes out of office in 1896. The Afrikaners had real negotiating leverage to work out a deal. It obviously would be extremely important that the next leader of the Cape be friendly. But they didn't decide to negotiate. Instead they started flirting with the Germans, while not actually signing a formal alliance with Germany that at least had the potential to provide them real protection. The flirtation however, turned a nasty incident into a serious threat to all British interests in Southern Africa forcing a British response. In Britain an alliance of Jingoists (populist military hawks) angry about the humiliation of 1st Boer War, Conservative Imperialists who wanted to end Boer independence especially in the ZAR (the 3 core values for Conservatives at the time were: Union with Ireland, the Empire and the superiority of the British race), Liberal Imperialists who supported Rhodes' vision and Missionaries who hated the Boer formed pushing for a war. Seeing this alliance form against them the Afrikaners did nothing to avert the danger. Rather they made a mistake many 2nd tier powers do when it comes to 1st tier powers. The Afrikaners confused the light force and weak will the 1st tier power is willing to spend on them with the amount of force the 1st tier power is capable of employing if it so chooses. Having beaten the British handily in the 1st Boer War when they were fighting the C-team (as I called in part 2) the Afrikaners grossly underestimated what they would face against a British army that had a political mandate for victory, what Britain's A-team would look like. Preparing for something slightly worse than the 1st Boer War the Boer began a serious arms buying program in 1897. ZAR also got more belligerent in their rhetoric which led to a formal alliance with the Orange State and Boer guerilla groups that could support the war effort in the Cape. The Boer had about 63k troops including some foreign troops. .
The British were determined not to lose the 2nd Boer War. This was going to be the British-A team. By the second phase of the war between British soldiers, soldiers from other colonies and local Africans providing auxiliary Boer were facing a 500-600k man army. Nor was the command third or even second rate as it had been in the 1st Boer War. For example, the top military command would be Herbert Kitchener who was fresh from the victorious Anglo-Egyptian invasion of Sudan. Kitchener after the 2nd Boer War would go on to be the Commander-in-Chief for the armies in India and a decade after that the UK's Secretary of State for War during World War 1. He's this guy:
​
Kitchener famous 1914 recruiting poster
The cost to maintain that army would be £60m / year far more than Britain could ever pull out of Southern Africa (GDP and inflation adjusted the Boer War would cost the UK about $250b). The first phase of the war was a Boer offensive while the British were still deploying troops in October–December 1899. Once the British were done they conquered all pockets of resistance in the Cape and Orange as well as essentially the entire ZAR territory January to September 1900. The Afrikaners decided to fight when surrender was the better option. Leading to a guerrilla war between September 1900 and May 1902.
The British simply could not afford to keep an army of that size in the field for years dealing with guerilla tactics until the Boer admitted they were beat. Facing time pressure the British felt they had no choice but to come down hard. The British cut the guerilla war short by instituting a scorched earth policy against areas giving support to guerillas in the ZAR (most of the ZAR). ZAR men were mostly in the militias. Scorched earth destroyed the food supply in the ZAR so the British threw the women and children in concentration camps. The army hadn't prepped for needing to support massive numbers of civilians so malnutrition and disease were rampant in the concentration camps. This disease and malnutrition resulting in a camp death rate of approximately 30% annually. A policy amounting to genocide. Pro Boer forces in the UK generated widespread opposition to the camps so the military response was to not confine woman and children and instead leave civilians on the now barren earth to die of starvation and exposure. Actual POWs were deported to Bermuda and India preventing the Boer from standing any chance of liberating them. African tribes that had lost territory to the Boer began moving in. While both sides had agreed not to arm natives or recruit tribes. But the British weren't going to fight for the Boer if tribes decided to take advantage of their defeat. The Boer were quickly losing everything they were fighting for: freedom, their lands, their family, the self dependence and surrendered rather than have their population geocoded to oblivion, being left with no economy and whatever lands they managed to hold being assaulted on all sides by natives who would take it from them.
The Boer society that emerged from the surrender did not have separatist attitude. Destitute Boers now willing to work in the minds and alongside black Africans swelled the ranks of the unskilled urban poor competing with the "uitlanders" in the mines. The new economy was unambiguously focused on gold causing mine production to swell enriching the British interests. The Afrikaners were both physically and psychologically crushed, and wouldn't be causing any more problems for decades.
In the UK the war came to be seen as excessive especially as the financial cost of the war sunk in. The Conservatives' suffered a spectacular defeat in 1906 driving the Conservative Prime Minister at the time (12 July 1902 – 4 December 1905) Arthur Balfour from office. He comes up rather regularly on this sub in his later role as Foreign Minister. As the Boer are no longer resisting the British Empire the shift towards more pro-Boer policies from England continues. In 1909 the British Parliament dissolves the British colonies of: Cape of Good Hope, Natal, Orange River Colony, and Transvaal and combines them into a Federal Union of South Africa. This makes South Africa into a Dominion (essentially Australia's status at the time). Jan Smuts (an Afrikaner) resurrects Rhodes' idea of a Common Wealth and the British embrace it.
And so we conclude part 3 our story of how the British eventually won and South Africa came to exist. How the Western Left started to hate the Boer, a hatred they would resurrect later. And how the first steps towards apartheid were taken. Whew that was longer than I intended!
​
submitted by JeffB1517 to IsraelPalestine [link] [comments]

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submitted by 1dollaatatime to signupsforpay [link] [comments]

[Complete][85,000][Thriller/Suspense] THE PHOENIX GIRLS

Hi all! I'm looking for ~3 betas for my thriller THE PHOENIX GIRLS, complete at 85k. Probably up your alley if you like Lucy Foley, Liane Moriarty, Tarryn Fisher, etc! Feel free to comment or DM if you're interested - happy to pass along a longer sample. I'm putting the pitch and the first 5 pages below:
I'm looking for overall feedback on plot, character development, and pacing (no line edits etc).
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PITCH:
Insomniac ER doctor Blake Montgomery hasn’t slept in ten years. Every night, she wages battle against her nightmares by slugging Red Bull and risking thousands in online poker. Then four old friends reappear with a lucrative offer to join their influencer brand “The Phoenix Girls.” Gambling debts force her to accept what she’s sure is a doomed effort. Because the whole brand is built on a decade-old rescue of a classmate from a fire. An insidious, decade-old lie.
But their newfound fame brings problems of its own. An online stalker begins to claw their lives apart, wielding sexual harassment lawsuits, ransom spyware attacks, and revenge porn with near surgical precision. A group born from flames is about to become scorched earth. With her own payout in jeopardy and her debtors closing in, Blake’s charged with finding the stalker. Except tracking down the attacker means facing the cause of her nightmares. Like the girl she tried to kill in that fire.
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It was the worst possible time for a flower delivery.
Especially one from an anonymous stalker.
Blake’s left hand was pressed into the man’s thigh, her right hand was jabbed into the side of his neck, and her shoulder was tilted up to pin the slipping stethoscope against her ear. Her eyes were glued to her watch. Ten seconds. She waited an extra twenty, then thirty more. No pulse. She hadn’t expected one.
“Time since arrival?” she barked, straightening up but keeping her hand pressed on where the femoral pulse should have been. Remnants of their failure were splattered across the room like entrails on the battlefield: plastic wrappers littered the floor, loops of discarded IV tubing hung off the wall, and remnants of the patient’s clothes were crumpled in bloodied heaps.
“Dr. Montgomery?” A young nursing assistant hovered in the doorway.
“Yes?” Blake snapped. Goddamnit. If that guy with pneumonia had chosen now to start trying to die– She gestured at the charge nurse to continue chest compressions; the resuscitation launched back into its complicated rhythm.
“There’s a delivery for you,” the assistant squeaked. “Should I–?”
“Do I look like I want a delivery right now?” Blake glared around the room. “What’s the time since arrival?”
“Twenty-three minutes since arrival,” a nurse trainee squeaked from the corner.
“And EMS?”
The silence of incompetence laced with fear hung heavy in the air. For the seventeenth time that shift, Blake reminded herself that she’d chosen to work at a teaching hospital, that she’d been a trainee just a few years ago. Patience did not come easily to her.
“Seventeen minutes in the field,” Finn called from the hallway.
Blake didn’t bother to wonder why he was answering questions, too focused on the numbers. Seventeen minutes of CPR in the ambulance along with twenty-three minutes in the hospital meant they’d been working on this poor man for fifty minutes. He’d been dead for almost an hour already.
“Anyone have a problem calling it?” she asked, eyes sweeping the room. One by one, the team met her eyes and shook their heads: two resident doctors, three nurses, two paramedics, and one quivering medical student. So many people to fail to save a life. A small portion of her mind registered the med student’s wide eyes and trembling bottom lip, but most of her thoughts were darting between the three sick-as-shit patients she’d abandoned to come run this code.
“All right, I’m calling it. Time of death–” Blake checked her watch “–nine forty-three AM. Thanks for all your hard work, everyone. We’ll debrief at conference this week.” Shit. Nine forty-three meant that she had less than an hour to get camera-ready and make it all the way to Back Bay.
The team slouched out, spirits low. Two identical blonde nurses exchanged annoyed looks as they departed, no doubt resenting the corrections she’d made to their low-effort chest compressions. Blake was halfway out the door when she heard a muffled sniffle behind her. Shit. She had to deal with this first.
Conscious of Finn lurking in the hallway, she yanked the privacy curtain across the doorway and turned to the medical student, who was wiping his nose with his sleeve and taking deep, shuddering breaths. She felt a flash of annoyance, followed by guilt and then resentment that she had to feel guilty at all. Years ago, she, too, would’ve been driven to tears by an unsuccessful code. His vulnerability was an unsettling reminder of the armor she’d built over the years. And she didn’t like thinking of her hardness as something she’d constructed. Armor had chinks; it could be slashed away.
“Was that your first death?” she asked, lowering her voice.
The boy reddened beneath his freckles. Blake decided not to mention that he was wearing a shoe cover on his head instead of a surgeon’s cap; med students often mixed those up. God, he looked so young.
“Yeah. First one in front of me, I mean,” he stammered. “I’ve had other patients that I was taking care of– but never when I was in the room.”
It was an important distinction. Blake remembered her first, clear as day. Another trauma bay, a motorcycle accident, her sneakers soaked through with blood. She’d run right to the bathroom and puked, returning to an irritated attending who told her she wasn’t cut out for emergency medicine.
“If you need to take some time to process, go ahead,” she told him. She wiped a drop of sweat from her left eye, smearing mascara across her wrist. “But that’s it.”
The boy nodded gratefully. “I’ll be back in ten.”
Blake waved her other hand, mentally triaging the three patients who’d been circling the drain when she’d been paged for this code. Forty-one minutes. “I don’t care when you’re back. I’m just telling you: this is the only time.”
“The only time?”
“First death. That’s it. Your second, third, fourth death, you don’t get the luxury of running off to cry. You’ll be running off to take care of your next patient. Got it?”
The student fidgeted. “Got it. Thanks, Dr. Montgomery.”
Frowning, Blake watched him stumble out of the room. His undisguised relief grated on her. He’d probably run off and tell all his med student friends about his nice, kind attending. She didn’t deserve his praise. Most people try and hide this from themselves, but she’d given up a long time ago: she wasn’t a good person. Which was fine. The sooner you grew up and accepted that about yourself, the sooner you could get on with your life.
And besides, she wasn’t doing him any favors by babying him. You needed an iron skin to survive in the emergency room. An armor you only grew after your normal skin had been chewed up and spit out three times over.
Finn yanked aside the curtain, holding his other arm behind his back. “Sorry your code didn’t work,” he said, sounding not at all sorry. “You ran it well.”
The last thing Blake needed right now was another delay, especially one in the form of smart-ass, golden-boy-of-the-Emergency-Department Finn Bryant. “He was already dead.” Blake started hurrying down the hallway, hoping he’d get the hint.
That was something else you needed in the ER: an appreciation for gallows’ humor. Technically anyone needing CPR was already dead. A successful code wasn’t a life saved. It was a resurrection from the dead.
“True.” He fell into step beside her.
“What do you want, Finn?” she said in exasperation, turning to glare with the full strength of her bloodshot, sleep-deprived gaze.
With a flourish, he brought his right arm around to present her with a single cherry-red rose, helpfully encased in crisp white tissue paper. A small white note was nestled among the thorns. “To give you this.”
“A rose?” She gaped at him.
“Go on,” he said, his face solemn. “It’s for you.”
She took it gingerly. She couldn’t believe she was dealing with this today, too. Best to rip off the Band-Aid. “Finn, we broke up a long time ago–”
“Oh, no, no, no.” A devilish grin spread across his face. “A delivery came for you five minutes ago; I’m just passing it along.”
“What? Then who–?”
He shrugged. “Anonymous delivery. But it’s nice to know you still think of me like that.”
Blake flushed. Asshole. Kicking herself for falling into his trap, she glared down at the accompanying card and ripped it open. A single sentence, unsigned: Be sure your sin will find you out.
She stared at the message, mind sprinting at top speed. Janus? No. It couldn’t be. Nothing so public. And she wasn’t yet at the limit–
“Bit morose, isn’t it?” said Finn, who was peering over her shoulder. “Is your boyfriend into Shakespeare? That could get kinky.”
Something about the words tugged at Blake’s memory – she’d read them somewhere, she was sure of it – but she was interrupted by panicked screams. They both looked up: paramedics were wheeling a distraught man down the hallway. Velcro restraints secured his wrists and ankle to the gurney railings, but he was throwing his weight around with the strength of someone imbued with pure, unadulterated terror.
“That crazy better not be coming to my room,” sniggered a blonde nurse to another, both of whom had just participated in Blake’s failed code. “I swear, we get more of the psychos every week.”
Blake stopped dead, causing Finn to walk several paces ahead of her before he noticed. “Can I see your badge?” she snapped to the nurse.
submitted by sandymarch01 to BetaReaders [link] [comments]

Mod's Choice Beermoney, Rebates, and Online sources

Here are a few of the more common beer money sites. These are low profit and time consuming but can get you a few racks of beer a month in your spare time. These are also decent methods for those under the age of 18 or outside the US. (For the latter you may want to use a VPN to say you are American.)
Swagbucks:
Swagbucks is probably the most tried and true method. Watch videos, download games, play trivia, gamble, and take surveys. You do a bit every day and don’t miss any, $30-45 a month isn’t unreasonable. You sign up with the above link and once you get your first $5 Swagbucks will give you an additional $3.
Gain:
This one is less profit, and a bit slower than Swagbucks but it has guides and can be automated. Pays out through Paypal and you get 100 coins right off the bat.
Ibotta:
This one is by far the best physical rebate method. Scan receipts, get money back. If you use the referral code link above you get a $20 welcome bonus after scanning a few receipts. By far one of the most efficient ways to make money with little effort. If no one else in your fam has it you can scan their receipts too for some profit instead of just getting money back
PrizeRebel:
Somewhere between a pyramid scheme and a beer money site, you get more money from being part of a large network. You get money from watching ads, doing surveys, and doing tasks. Rewards are giftcards so this one can be done if you are under 18 pretty easily. Takes less time than Swagbucks, but also has less profit. Click the referral above for free points and to get in my network.
Ebates/Rakuten:
Now they go by Rakuten. Get a big sign-on bonus, and if you’ve got this one and Swagbucks both on your computer you can get double rebates. Use the referral code above to get the sign-on bonus. This one is reliable, time tested, and depending on how much you shop online you can make $100+ a year just idling.
GetUpside:
Use this one, get huge rebates on gas, grocery, and restaurant purchases. I just opened the app with a referral code and it offered me $.30 per gallon off right off the bat. Definitely worth it. Click the referral code above for maximum savings.
Prolific:
No referral codes, but its a survey site with decent payouts
submitted by Juggletrain to HowToMakeMoneyFast [link] [comments]

[OFFER] #Sign up with my referral link from Bovada or Sportsbetting.ag. Make deposit and receive 50% match of your deposit from me via PayPal, Venmo, Cashspp or Chime#

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Bovada is an online sportsbook and casino established in 2011. The platform offers betting on most major US sports leagues and horse racing. It has slots, table games, blackjack, and a variety of other casino games. Plus, Bovada offers live online poker tournaments with players from around the world.
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SportsBetting is a one-stop-shop for nearly every popular type of gambling – legal sports betting, casino gaming, horse racing betting, and poker. Headquartered in Panama, the site initially launched in 1999 but was acquired by BetOnline in 2012. Since the acquisition, SportsBetting has become one of the top legal betting sites for players from the United States. It is one of the few legal betting sites that remained in the US market after Congress passed the Unlawful Internet Gambling Act (UIGEA) of 2006. The federal law has no impact on the legality of online sports betting, but is essentially a banking restriction on unregulated payment processors. SportsBetting is well aware of this law and they have created ways to make sure that bettors can still safely and efficiently receive their winnings. SportsBetting has remained committed to U.S. players and is today one of the best betting sites that accept residents of all 50 states.
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submitted by 1dollaatatime to signupsforpay [link] [comments]

[OFFER] #Sign up with my referral link from Bovada or Sportsbetting.ag. Make deposit and receive 50% match of your deposit from me via PayPal, Venmo, Cashspp or Chime#

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Bovada is an online sportsbook and casino established in 2011. The platform offers betting on most major US sports leagues and horse racing. It has slots, table games, blackjack, and a variety of other casino games. Plus, Bovada offers live online poker tournaments with players from around the world.
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https://www.bovada.lv/terms-of-service

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SportsBetting is a one-stop-shop for nearly every popular type of gambling – legal sports betting, casino gaming, horse racing betting, and poker. Headquartered in Panama, the site initially launched in 1999 but was acquired by BetOnline in 2012. Since the acquisition, SportsBetting has become one of the top legal betting sites for players from the United States. It is one of the few legal betting sites that remained in the US market after Congress passed the Unlawful Internet Gambling Act (UIGEA) of 2006. The federal law has no impact on the legality of online sports betting, but is essentially a banking restriction on unregulated payment processors. SportsBetting is well aware of this law and they have created ways to make sure that bettors can still safely and efficiently receive their winnings. SportsBetting has remained committed to U.S. players and is today one of the best betting sites that accept residents of all 50 states.
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*Comment $bid
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submitted by 1dollaatatime to signupsforpay [link] [comments]

[OFFER] #Sign up with my referral link from Bovada or Sportsbetting.ag. Make deposit and receive 50% match of your deposit from me via PayPal, Venmo, Cashspp or Chime#

Bovada is an online sportsbook and casino established in 2011. The platform offers betting on most major US sports leagues and horse racing. It has slots, table games, blackjack, and a variety of other casino games. Plus, Bovada offers live online poker tournaments with players from around the world.
What you will need to do is sign up through my referral link. Make a deposit, and pm me with the deposit amount, and bet through your deposit one time and I'll receive 200% of your deposit up to $100. (You can easily hedge your $100 bet on another Sportsbook to churn through your 1× bet through. Feel free to ask me questions if you have any.) I will receive 200% of your deposit up to $100. Example, if you deposit $50, I'll receive $100 and send you $25 back. Minimum deposit is $20 and max payout from me is $25. Note that you can't withdraw your funds right away or I will lose my referral bonus. After 24 hours, to ensure you don't just withdraw and I lose my bonus, I'll send the money. STEPS: *Comment $bid
*I'll send you link to my referral to sign up or you can use the link below.
*Sign up and deposit $20 or more to receive your payment back from me.

Link:# #https://www.bovada.lv/welcome/P455B02E/join?extcmpid=rafcopy

https://www.bovada.lv/terms-of-service
SportsBetting is a one-stop-shop for nearly every popular type of gambling – legal sports betting, casino gaming, horse racing betting, and poker. Headquartered in Panama, the site initially launched in 1999 but was acquired by BetOnline in 2012. Since the acquisition, SportsBetting has become one of the top legal betting sites for players from the United States. It is one of the few legal betting sites that remained in the US market after Congress passed the Unlawful Internet Gambling Act (UIGEA) of 2006. The federal law has no impact on the legality of online sports betting, but is essentially a banking restriction on unregulated payment processors. SportsBetting is well aware of this law and they have created ways to make sure that bettors can still safely and efficiently receive their winnings. SportsBetting has remained committed to U.S. players and is today one of the best betting sites that accept residents of all 50 states.
SportsBetting offers the complete package for every type of player in the US, and you will find that the site truly outshines the competition in certain areas. Huge bonuses and promotions, the latest betting odds, quick registration, and reliable banking are just some of the strong points of this particular betting site. The overall variety, whether it be the selection of sports or the catalog of casino games, is quite impressive at the online gambling site. In our legal SportsBetting review for US players, we will go into detail on these topics and more.
What you will need to do is sign up through my referral link. Make a deposit, and pm me with the deposit amount. Bet through your deposit one time and I'll receive 200% of your deposit up to $200. (You can easily hedge your $100 bet on another Sportsbook to churn through your 1× bet through. Feel free to ask me questions if you have any.) Example, if you deposit $100, I'll receive $200 and send you $50 back. Minimum deposit is $25 and max payout from me is $50. Note that you can't withdraw your funds right away or I will lose my referral bonus. After 24 hours, to ensure you don't just withdraw and I lose my bonus, I'll send the money.
STEPS:
*Comment $bid
*I'll send you link to my referral to sign up or you can use the link below.
*Sign up and deposit $25 or more and bet through your deposit once to receive your payment back from me.
I have been playing at SportsBetting. Join today and get a 75% bonus to bet on sports... https://sportsbetting.ag/?RAF=AD4XWFF3&product=SPO
submitted by 1dollaatatime to signupsforpay [link] [comments]

Casino Superlines 25 free spins bonus no deposit required

Casino Superlines 25 free spins bonus no deposit required
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Superlines Casino receives a big THUMBS UP from our team members at Top10-CasinoSites.Net, and we recommend this operator for all the newbie as well as experienced gamblers. We highly recommend checking out the list of restricted countries from the list above before playing. If you are eligible, you must register and start playing your favourite games either free or as a real money player.
submitted by freespinsmobile to u/freespinsmobile [link] [comments]

Worthwhile Crypto Faucets!

Hi everyone! Most crypto faucets aren't really reliable sources of income but here are some faucets that I found were worthwhile to use just for an hour or two everyday. Still doesn't pay as large as freelancing or other online work but as most of us are stuck home, these are worth trying. It's free money after all :)
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1.Cointiply: one of the best faucets + offerwalls, you can also earn 5% interest per annum paid weekly on your coins if you have 35k and above. Pays out in Dogecoin and BTC: [referral link](http://www.cointiply.com/gGo57)
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2.Free Crypto faucets: quite high minimum payout but their [Twitter](https://twitter.com/cryptosfaucets) account posts many bonus spins every day. Hourly faucets.
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[BTC](https://freebitcoin.io/?ref=364721)
[ETH](https://freeethereum.com/?ref=94032)
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[ADA](https://freecardano.com/?ref=249627)
[LINK](https://freechainlink.io/?ref=35327)
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  1. FreeBitco.in : an online BTC gambling site. Faucet gives very little crypto but you can deposit crypto their to earn interest just like in Cointiply (smaller @4.08% annual interest paid daily). They also currently have a Wheel of Fortune event sent to your email where you can get a chance to win stuff from lottery tickets, satoshis, and other good stuff, even a $15k Rolex watch or an Iphone 12 Pro Max. I've personally won 10,000 satoshis from this contest.
[Referral link](https://freebitco.in/?r=39406845)
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  1. Faucet Crypto: I like this faucet because you earn levels and can win items from faucet claims which increase your bonuses. You make money by claiming the faucet every 30 minutes, PTC ads, shortlinks, & the usual surveys and stuff from offerwalls. They pay out in 20 different coins.
[Referral link](https://faucetcrypto.com/ref/544966)
​
  1. Faucetpay: You need to open an account here to withdraw BTC or ETH from Faucet Crypto. This site is a microwallet like CoinPot, and it's basically Faucet Central, as you can browse from many faucets affiliated with them from the site. However, always do your due diligence in choosing a worthwhile and safe faucet!
[Referral link](https://faucetpay.io/?r=817001)
​
Happy Earning!
submitted by imaginator321 to beermoneyglobal [link] [comments]

“A fortune in fabulous prizes may go to these people today....

“A fortune in fabulous prizes may go to these people today, if they know when The Price Is Right!”
Dah-dah-dah-dah. Dah-dah-dah-dah… I catch myself humming the theme song. I’m such a grandma knitting along to late night gameshow re-runs. But Bob Barker’s good company when you're in the middle of nowhere babysitting. The silence out here is disturbing.
“Rachel Donaldson, come on dowwwn! Yooou’re the next contestant on The Price Is Right!”
I glance up at the TV. Rachel’s jumping and squealing and throwing her hands in the air. I bet she’ll win a new car. God, it’s taking me forever to save for mine. I can hear my mom’s voice in my head: “You need to learn the true value of a dollar.” The only handout that woman gives is unwanted advice.
I set down my knitting needles to stretch my fingers. I have to finish one cat fedora, three dog bandanas and a guinea pig sweater by next Friday. My Etsy shoppers seem to love this stuff (not sure about their pets). But even still, I’d have to sell a million Chihuahua beanies to afford a car.
On screen, Rachel Donaldson’s bidding $1 on a 6-person hot tub. Hmm, seems risky to me. But as mom likes to say, “You have to take risks to get ahead.”
“Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!”
And once again mom’s right (boo). Rachel’s gamble paid off. She's through to the next round. Her family goes ballistic in the audience, screaming so loud it’s going to blow out the Richardson’s fancy surround sound.
Shit, I should turn the TV down. If I wake up the kids now, I’ll never get them back to sleep. And cranky kids means cranky parents. I need to keep this gig. Turns out babysitting pays way more than my animal couture line. And Tatiana and Julian are pretty easy to watch . Though tonight they seemed in a funk. Barely spoke. Maybe they decided they don't like me.
I stare down at five remotes sitting next to a fat ‘Entertainment Center’ instruction packet. Seriously? I try the volume button and nothing happens. I hit ‘power’. Still no go. Maybe the 'mute' button? It oddly does the trick. Rachel Donaldson is now noiselessly celebrating, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, as a plastic Plinko disc lands on a $5,000 payout.
Ahoooga! Ahoooga!
The noise makes me jump. For a split second I think it's coming from the TV. But, no, the volume’s still muted.
Ahoooga! Ahoooga!
It’s outside. Some kind of… honking? I picture a tiny car full of murderous clowns flashing chainsaws and uzis (too many B horror movies with my brother). The Richardson’s neighbors are at least a quarter-mile away, so if I screamed for help, no one would hear. I creep toward the window, a little freaked out. But let’s be real, what blood-thirsty murderer would announce themself with a cartoon horn?
I peer through a crack in the blinds, not wanting whoever it is to see me. It’s dark out, but I spot an old, boxy RV parked on the single-lane country road at the end of the Richardson’s drive. Its brights are on, giving the vehicle a visible aura, as if having landed from outer space. The passenger door is thrown open. I squint and make out a hunched over figure in the driver’s seat hitting the horn.
Ahoooga!
The side door of the RV is open too. Framed inside is the teapot silhouette of a women with big hair piled on top of her head. Hands on her hips, she yells at the figure in the front seat. Probably her husband. He hits the horn again. This is annoying. They're gonna wake the kids. I should go out there and tell them to stop.
Out on the porch I stop a sec. I hate confrontation. But they seem harmless… Definitely not murderous clowns. Just some old timers who probably lost their way on these crazy ass backroads. There are at least three streets with “Pine” in the name around here. Even confuses me.
I decide to be a Good Samaritan and take a few steps down the drive, not wanting to shout too close to the house. “Everything okay?” I holler out to the couple.
Startled, the woman puts her hand to her heart. “Oh, honey. Didn’t see ya there.”
“Sorry,” I apologize. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Oh it’s okay. I’m an old fraidy cat.” The woman remains in silhouette. Just a voice in the dark. “Hate to interrupt your evening. But you see, we’re in a bit of a pickle. I was having Dennis here… wave, Dennis, to the little girl…”
The man in the front seat nods at me. I wince at her use of the word “little.” I may be small for my age, but I’m not a little girl.
The woman rambles on, “I was having him honk the horn to see if anyone was home. Didn’t want to trespass on this fine property. You never know who’s locked and loaded these days. I’m scared of dogs, too, if I’m honest. Been bit more than once and let me tell you, the bite is worse than the bark.” The woman laughs, and I join her. I’m used to laughing at adults’ dumb jokes.
“Are you lost?” I ask. “I can point you to the highway.”
The woman flips on a bug light rigged to the RV and steps down into the neon blue glow. I can see her face now. Makeup caked on. The shadows from her fake lashes like spiders on her cheeks. She’s older. Maybe gram’s age. With dangling turquoise earrings.
“Damn mosquitoes. Nearly sucking me dry.” The woman swats at her neck and checks her palm. “Ooh, got ‘em!” She wipes the guts on her pants. “I’m Marianne by the way. And no, hon, we’re not lost. Not in the literal sense anyway. We’d pulled off a few hours ago to catch a little shuteye, get a little beauty sleep. Dennis set an alarm on his phone, but the bugger ran out of juice. Turns out we no longer have a charger because my hubby here,” Marianne slams her palm on the RV, “let a pretty girl at the last RV park borrow it and never asked for it back! Worse yet, because we overslept, we’re now in danger of losing our spot at tonight’s park.”
Now I’m wishing I’d stayed inside.
“So you see, I desperately need to call ahead to let them know we’re only a couple hours away but have no working phone. You get where I’m going with this, darling?”
I do. But no way am I letting a stranger use my phone.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she says, wagging her finger. “You don’t want a stranger fiddling with your phone. So what if I sweeten the deal? Would five dollars help? It’s one measly phone call. Dennis!” she shouts, without letting me answer. “Bring me the can!”
I watch Dennis reach between the front seats and grab a red Folgers coffee can. He holds it out the passenger window, giving the can a shake. I can hear coins jangling. And it reminds me of my gram hiding “emergency money” in an old ice cream carton in the freezer.
Marianne huffs and shuffles over to her husband. “Thanks for the effort, dear. Always making me come to you,” she barks. “I’ll remember this when someone wants their back scratched tonight.” She snatches the can and pops the top. Crumpled cash falling out as she digs around inside. She chooses a bill and holds it out to me, like offering a treat to a feral cat.
I think on it. Five bucks could buy me a couple skeins of yarn. That’s about three dog sweaters at fifteen dollars a pop. So forty bucks profit, all from a harmless phone call which costs me nothing. “Sure,” I finally reply, handing her my phone… and hope I don't regret it.
“I didn’t catch your name honey,” Marianne says, while slipping me the wrinkly five-dollar bill.
“Delphine,” I answer, then realize I could’ve said any name. Jessica or Sasha or Princess Buttercup. But what’s it matter? They’ll be gone soon.
Marianne disappears with my phone into the RV. They better not take off with it. I listen close and can hear bits and pieces of her conversation with the RV park. It doesn’t sound good. Antsy, I check out Dennis still in the driver’s seat. He’s wearing a fishing vest over his t-shirt, its zillion pockets bulging with who knows what. He dips into one and pulls out a small black comb, running it through his patchy grey hair.
“Where you guys from?” I ask, trying to fill the awkward silence.
Instead of answering, he leans forward and pulls a Red Vine out of a giant plastic container on the dash, offering it to me. I shake my head ‘no’. Never take candy from a stranger.
“Here and there,” he finally replies, before taking a bite of his Red Vine. Smacking as he chews.
“Don’t tease the girl, Dennis,” Marianne scolds, stepping out with my phone. “We’re from a one-horse town in Arizona. Retired this last year after working our fingers to the bone our whole lives. Then set out to travel this great country in old Shitbird here… if you’ll excuse my French. But she’s a real piece of work. Prone to flat tires and flattening squirrels.”
I scan the RV. ‘Shitbird’ sums it up. The outside’s caked in bugs and dust. The passenger mirror is duct taped together. And there’s a dent in the bumper suspiciously shaped like a deer.
Marianne catches me staring. “I know, I know. She's a little worse for wear. You know the saying, some things are like a fine wine, they get better over time? Well that ain’t her.” She laughs, and this time I don’t laugh with her. I’m ready for them to be gone. “Anyway, we’re doing the festival circuit and have come here for your famous Apple Jubilee. I’m sure you know it well.”
I nod, the mention making me cringe. An apple-eating duck nearly took my finger off one year at that kiddie fest. I refuse to go back, even for the deep-fried apple turnovers. Marianne hands me my phone. The cover is smudged from oily fingers and smells of cheap rose perfume. Grrrrross. “Well I better head back inside,” I tell her. “Good luck with the rest of your trip.” I turn to go.
“We could use a pinch of luck, that’s for darn tootin’,” Marianne sighs. “Looks like they gave away our spot.”
I hold my breath, waiting for the next favor.
“You don’t suppose we could stay parked here for a short while? Just until we figure out what to do.” Marianne fusses with her hair, as the blue bug light zaps its first victim. “Would hate to waste gas driving around in circles.”
I’m not sure what to do. It’s not my dream to have them parked here. But can I force them to leave? They’re on a public road. “Yeah. I guess that's fine.” Before Marianne can say anymore, I hurry inside and lock the door. Peeking through the blinds, I watch Dennis shove an armful of stuffed plastic grocery bags into the Richardson’s garbage bin. He makes three of these trips, struggling to pound the last few bags in. Finally, he slams the lid shut, giving the can a good kick, having won the battle.
If I was braver, I’d tell them this wasn’t the county dump. Instead, I check on the kids. Their rooms are quiet and dark. Good, still comatose. It took forever to get Julian to sleep. He kept crying and saying his parents weren’t coming back. Poor little dude. As I leave Tatiana's room, I notice a new pair of ice skates hanging on the back of her door. These kids want something, they get it.
“Watch out!” a voice echoes through the house.
I freeze. My heart pounding.
“… You’re close to losing it all, if you can’t guess the price of this gold-plated Timex wristwatch!”
Duh, idiot. It’s only Bob Barker… But didn't I mute that guy? I hurry into the living room, half expecting to find Marianne there, eating Red Vines on the couch and swatting mosquitos.
“Put your thinking cap on, Tony. You’re playing for a new car,” Bob continues.
Of course the living room’s empty. I mute the TV again, still unable to figure out how to turn it off. I grab my knitting – and the hairs on my neck stand up. My Spidey sense tells me I’m being watched. And sure enough, I spin around to find Mr. Richardson’s face glaring over me.
I stare back at him, only a picture on the wall. Mrs. Richardson stands by her husband in the photo holding a picnic basket. Her hair in a smooth, shiny bob. Julian and Tatiana hold hands amongst a carpet of yellow and red autumn leaves. The kids are grinning ear to ear, but you can tell they’re uncomfortable in the old timey clothes they’ve been forced to wear. I laugh (the kids’ holiday elf costumes were even worse), but notice something odd about the picture. Mr. R’s gone grey. I thought his hair was dark brown but dude must dye it. Even stranger, his eyes are two different colors, one blue, one brown. Which I know isn’t right…
Knock-knock-knock.
I drop the remote. Del – stop being so jumpy. I walk to the front door and peer through the peephole. It's Marianne and her red beehive hair. If I ignore her, maybe she’ll go away. I hold statue-still, trying not to make any noise.
“I can hear you breathing behind there, Delphine,” she says in a singsong voice, bringing goosebumps to my arms. “Don’t be frightened. It’s me. Marianne.”
Ugh, there’s no avoiding this woman. I crack open the door knowing the screen’s latched, creating a barrier between us.
“There you go. Better to talk face-to-face. I promise not to bite.” She lets out a dry, crackly laugh. “I do hate to bother you again, but Dennis has outdone himself this time. Spilled my last bottle of cooking oil all over the Shitbird’s carpet right before I was about to cook him up a plate of Salisbury steak.”
I give a blank stare, wondering if she’s for real right now. They’re cooking dinner?! They should be cooking up a plan of where to sleep tonight. I picture a greasy stovetop and the smell of burning meat and gravy filling the RV.
Marianne inches close to the screen, the tip of her nose grazing it. The heat of her breath assaults me. I take a step back, as she goes on, “I wouldn’t ask to borrow from a complete stranger unless I was desperate. Dennis is lousy with diabetes, god bless him, from all that pop he drank to stay awake on nightshifts. If I don’t feed the man in the next few minutes, he’s bound to slip into a capital ‘C’ coma.”
I flash to the Richardson’s coming home to an ambulance in their driveway. They’d have a heart attack no doubt, afraid one of the kids was hurt. I’d never be asked back to babysit. Maybe they'd tell the whole town, and my other families would ban me too. “I want to help…" I start. “But it’s not my house. It doesn’t seem right to take without asking.”
Marianne nods. “I understand. One-hundred percent. But trust me, no one’s gonna miss a tablespoon of olive oil.” Marianne studies my face. I think she can sense my hesitation. “What about this? I’ll give you ten dollars for it. The oil’s only worth a handful of cents. It’s a heck of a deal. And I bet a young girl like you is saving up for something special. A new dress, perhaps, or a nice pair of earrings…”
I glance down at my ripped jeans and baggy hoodie. Is she throwing shade?
“Well… whad’ya say?” She holds out her hand to shake on it. Her fingers are full of rings. Costume jewelry, I bet.
“Okay,” I answer, leaving her hand hanging. If mom was here she’d say “never trust free money”. But what harm’s a little extra cash?
I keep the screen door locked and head into the Richardson’s kitchen. The pantry is as organized as a supermarket shelf. Tidy rows of healthy kids snacks, protein bars and canisters of dried beans arranged by color. Totally OCD. On the back shelf I spy a row of oils – avocado, sesame, vegetable, walnut and a green one called grapeseed. No olive oil anywhere. Maybe I should give this nutter the cheap stuff and call it a day.
“You alright, darlin’?” Marianne hollers through the screen. She rattles the door, trying to open it. “Unlatch this darn thingamajig, and I can come help ya.”
I ignore her and grab the vegetable oil, since its plastic bottle looks the least expensive. I pour a large spoonful in a Dixie cup, doubting she’ll even know the difference. Back at the door, Marianne takes the oil and sniffs it. For a second, I worry I’ve been caught. But she smiles, lifts her shirt (umm, is she gonna flash me?) and unzips a nude colored, sweat-stained money belt. I try not to make a face as she hands me a limp ten dollar bill. The money’s warm and moist.
But hey, money’s money.
“Pleasure doing business with you, Ms. Delphine,” Marianne says, zipping the money belt closed and tucking in her purple bedazzled blouse. “Could I interest you in a plate? My kids used to say my Salisbury steak is the best on the block. Course, they’re all grown now. Don’t need me… Except when they need help paying their rent, that is.” She’s silent for a moment. Sad maybe. “Would make me mighty happy to feed you,” she adds, eager.
“No thanks, ma’am. I already ate.” Not trying to hurt her feelings, but no way am I eating a plate of her Salisbury steak.
Marianne frowns. “Your loss then,” she huffs, turning on her heels and strutting back to the RV. I swear I see her toss the oil into a bush. But it’s hard to make out much in the dark.
I curl up on the couch and get back to my Chihuahua beanie. The Price Is Right cuts to an ad for our local car dealership. The TV’s still on mute, but I can hear the jingle in my head: “Don’t waste your time going online. Come see Gervis for customer service…” The owner, Gervis McNally, rides a horse past the small electric car I’m saving for. I picture no longer taking the bus to school in the mornings or relying on my parents for rides everywhere. I could grab a peppermint mocha with double whip whenever I want. Purrrre freedom.
Bob Barker’s back now greeting a new contestant on stage. I dig into my backpack for a skein of yellow yarn, when the damn TV unmutes again. Did I sit on the remote? I reach under me to check, when Bob turns to camera.
“Check the kid’s bedroom, Delphine.”
My heart stops. Bob Barker’s talking to me.
“Because you’re about to win a 4-piece children’s bedroom set,” Bob exclaims, as the show’s snappy music fires up.
I laugh, relieved. Hello, I’m not the only Delphine in the world. I find the remote tucked between the couch cushions and mute the set again. It sounds nuts, but I can’t shake the idea Bob was talking to me. Maybe I should go check on the kids. Doesn’t hurt.
I peek in on Tatiana first. Even though she’s seven-going-on-thirty and mouthy as my cousin Sheila, she’s sleeping like a baby with her thumb in her mouth. I sneak into Julian’s room next and am hit with a gust of chilly air. His race car curtains rise and fall, as though breathing. I swear the window wasn’t open when I tucked him in. Right? I creep across the wood floor, trying not to step on the ruins of a Lego castle. I reach to close the window, and then I see it. A large shadow moving along the grass in the backyard.
Something's out there.
It feels like I'm sinking into the carpet. Totally spooked. I hear Julian stir and know I’ve got to check it out. I’m in charge of these kids after all. One step at a time, Del. Go to the kitchen. Flip on the back porch light. And have a look.
I make my way there and peer through the sliding glass door. The backyard is empty. Thank god. Maybe it was a deer. Or a coyote. Or a freakin' tree blowing in the wind… I should make a cup of cocoa and chill the hell out.
I grab the kettle from the stove, then freeze. There’s a noise behind me. On the back porch. I don’t want to turn around. Because the sliding doors are shaking. As if a burglar’s trying to break in. A scream rises in my throat.
“Delphiiiinnneee.” Marianne’s voice is both welcome and disturbing. “I tried the front door, but you must have cotton stuck in your ears.” She taps on the slider like a woodpecker, over and over. “Delphine? Delphine! I’m lookin’ right at you. Turn around.”
My body tenses, and I spin around to face her. Through the glass, I see the expression on Marianne’s face. She’s almost… angry. Or at least irritated. Her smile stretched too wide, reminding me of a patient in a dentist’s chair with their mouth clamped open.
I try to be civil. “I don’t know if you should be back there,” I tell her. “The kids’ parents will be home any minute.”
“The Richardsons?” Marianne asks, as if they’re old friends. “You don’t gotta worry your pretty little head about them.”
It creeps me out she knows their name. But then I remember the red hand-painted “Richardson Family” on the mailbox. Even then, my gut’s telling me something’s not right with these two. I’d call the sheriff, but I’m the one who said they could stay. It’s like with vampires – let them in, and you’re gonna get bitten. “I think you should go,” I say, my tone more forceful.
Marianne puts her hands on her hips. “Trust me, hon. We want to get out of your hair. In fact, we were about to take off when Shitbird overheated somethin’ awful. Like a case of herpes, this keeps cropping up at the most inopportune times. All we need is a splash of water to cool the engine off.” I can tell she’s gearing for another ridiculous ask. “I peeped a hose out front. Mind if we use it? I’ve already slipped fifteen dollars under the front door for your troubles. To help pad that nest egg of yours.”
She winks at me through the glass, and I feel I’m making a deal with the devil. But again, I do need the cash. The couple’s a bit strange, but I'm probably overreacting. Babysitting paranoia. “Go ahead,” I tell them.
“Eureka.” Marianne claps her hands together. “You’re an absolute doll. But there is one other thing…”
Of course there is.
“Your hose, what is it? A 25-footer? That ain’t gonna reach our engine. I’m sure you won’t mind if we pull into the driveway?”
Actually I do mind. “Well--”
“We’ll be done in a jiffy,” she interrupts before I can protest. “Scouts honor.” And she’s gone. Moving faster than seems possible for a lady her age. Although, maybe she’s one of those Zumba enthusiasts you see at the community center, like my great Aunt Bertie.
Through the living room blinds, I watch the RV roll up the Richardson’s gravel driveway, its flabby wheels kicking up rocks. The brakes squeal to a stop. And soon I hear the low rumble of water moving through the pipes in the walls with each turn of the garden spigot.
As my eyes follow the water’s path through the house, I glance again at the Richardson’s silly family portrait. Huh. Were Mrs. R’s fingers always covered in all those rings? Doesn’t really seem her style. My mind goes to Marianne’s costume jewelry crusted fingers. The resemblance gives me the chills. I notice, too, for the first time the way Mr. R clutches his kids’ shoulders. His grip too tight.
“Jesus H, Dennis, watch where you’re pointing that snake! You’re gonna get me all wet,” I hear Marianne yell from outside, followed by her crackly laugh.
Through the blinds, I see the Shitbird with its hood propped open. Dennis cools off the RV’s engine with the Richardson’s green garden hose. I can’t spot Marianne and wonder if she's snooping around the backyard again. But then there she is, exiting the RV with a large cardboard box. She drops the box with a thud and clutches her back. I swear I can hear the cracking of her spine from here. I try to make out what’s written on the box. R-I-C-H… But I can’t read the rest. Did they steal a package from the Richardsons?
I have a sudden terrible itch on my back but can’t seem to reach it. I think of using my knitting needles. That would do it. But I don't dare walk away from the window.
“Pretty yourself while you’re at it, old man,” Marianne orders Dennis. “You smell of liver and onions. We gotta look presentable. Make a good impression.” She throws him a rag, and I watch him bend over, spraying the hose into his limp greying hair. He straightens, shakes his head and slicks his wet hair back with his pocket comb.
I turn my focus to Marianne. She's checking herself out in the RV’s duct taped side mirror, picking Salisbury gristle from her teeth with a utility knife. Like some sort of thug. She applies a good five coats of fuchsia lipstick and puckers her lips.
It's as if they're getting ready for something. Maybe it's Bingo night at the RV park.
The blue bug zapper flickers. The itch on my back is screaming now. I’m about to go grab those needles, when Marianne plucks her red beehive hairdo right off her head. I’m shocked to see her bald underneath. The skin loose and blue in the light. Dennis hands her a new wig. She carefully puts on the shiny brown bob and smiles at her reflection in the side mirror, “Well aren't you a sight to see.” She tucks a stray hair behind her ear. “Come on, Dennis, it's time."
I clutch at my back. My skin is burning. As though being bitten by a million red fire ants. I grab the blinds, ripping a hole in them, as my knees nearly give out. And all at once, two heads snap toward me in eerie unison, like a pair of junkyard dogs. Marianne and Dennis are watching me.
I have a very bad feeling.
I run from the window to call mom. She’ll know what to do. And then I see it. Under recent calls. The last person dialed was dad - not a random RV park. Marianne lied to me. Her whole conversation was fake. Holy crap. What are they going to do to us? Panicking, I hit the emergency button, but nothing happens. Instead, a text pops up from an unknown number: “DON’T BE SCARED HONEY. WE’VE GOT MORE MONEY.”
Knock-knock-knock.
They’re at the door. I go stiff. “Let us in, darling,” Marianne coos. “We ain’t gonna hurt you. We’re here to relieve you.” Her voice through the door sounds different. Not just muffled. But higher pitched. Almost breaking.
“Come on down!” the TV blares out. “You’re the next contestant on The Price Is Right!”
The volume’s so loud it’s as if I’m right there in the gameshow. I turn to face the screen. And there they are on the TV set. Dennis, gaunt and expressionless, sitting in the studio audience, while Marianne jumps for joy in her brunette bob and fuchsia lipstick. She takes off at a sprint through the audience, racing to the podium. In it to win it.
This can’t be...
I hear keys jingling in the front door and snap back to reality. Thank god. The Richardsons are home. I don’t even care if they’re mad about the RV. I just want them here. They’ll know what to do. The knob turns. The door creaks open.
And Marianne and Dennis walk in. Their clothes neat and tidy and stylish. Totally different than before – and yet off. Like a costume that doesn’t fit. I scream and grab my knitting needles, holding them out in front of me like spears. “Stop, or I’m calling the cops,” I shout, trying to sound grown up, when inside I’m still a kid who wants to crawl under the covers and hide.
Marianne ignores me, pointing to the TV. “Jeepers, Dennis, Delphine’s watching our old episode. Remember, dear? We were on one helluva winning streak. Celebrated that night with lobster and dirty martinis at the hotel bar. Took home enough furniture and bric-a-brac to redecorate the entire house.” She sighs, nostalgic. Then sets her sights on me. “Now, now, put the needles down, Delphine. Violence isn’t the answer. This will be easier if you give in.”
I swallow my fear and try to think, not loosening my grip on my weapons, pathetic as they are. I yell, “The Richardson’s will be home any minute! Get out, and I won’t tell them you trespassed!”
Marianne and Dennis exchange a look and laugh. Her fuchsia lipstick smeared on her teeth, she replies in a motherly tone, “Oh honey… we’re the Richardsons now. Don’t I look good in her dress? It’s a smidge tight, if I’m honest. But thankfully Dennis enjoys a bosom buster.” She leans into Dennis, kissing him. He lets out a low moan and grabs her hand. One by one he inserts her fingers into his mouth, sucking off her costume jewelry rings and swallowing them.
Tears roll down my face. “What have you done with the Richardsons?” Marianne stares at me with pity. “You freaks, tell me what you’ve done!” I yell louder.
“Mom? Dad?” Julian appears from the darkened hallway in his solar system pajamas.
I race to stand between him and the deranged couple. “Don’t come in here,” I order him. “Go back to your room.” But it’s too late. Julian runs to Marianne, wrapping his arms around her. I lurch forward, ripping him away. He struggles in my arms, crying, and breaks free, hiding himself behind Marianne.
“It’s okay, bubba. Mommy’s home,” Marianne soothes. “Delphine’s tired is all. She didn’t mean to hurt you.” Marianne pats the boy on the head, flashing me a Cheshire grin. And for the first time, I glimpse three or four gold teeth in the back of her mouth. As sharp as a wolf’s.
Tatiana steps into the room, rubbing sleep from her eyes. No, no, no, get out of here kid. Run! “Mom, what’s going on? Why are you guys being so loud?” she asks, annoyed we woke her. Her gaze moves from the couple to the threat of the knitting needles in my hands. Her expression changes. Tatiana’s scared. Not of them, though. Of me.
Dennis bends his lanky frame to make himself the height of the children. “Daddy will tuck you back in,” he tells them, his voice surprisingly warm. “Momma needs to pay the babysitter.” He grabs the kids by the hand and leads them down the hall toward their rooms. I want to chase after them, but my feet won’t budge. These lunatics are not your parents!
I need proof. I glance over at the family portrait. But the Richardsons I know are gone from the picture. In their place are Marianne and Dennis, posing with the kids in the same red and yellow carpet of leaves. Just another happy family.
“Does forty cover tonight,” Marianne asks, handing me two crisp twenty dollar bills. As if this were the most normal exchange in the world. “I know we’re back early. I do hope the kids weren’t too much trouble. I’ll have Dennis pull the car around to give you a ride home.”
I don’t answer. I can’t even process what she’s saying. Instead, I watch the Marianne on TV scream in delight. She’s won the final Showcase. Next to her on stage stand her unlucky competitors. The Richardsons. The REAL Richardsons. They’ve lost it all. And Marianne is going home with a new-
“Fully equipped recreational vehicle for an all-expenses paid tour of the great USofA!” Bob Barker gestures to a rising curtain. Revealing a shiny new Shitbird.
Marianne walks over to me. Her breath hot on my skin again, she whispers, “Don’t worry. You won’t remember any of this tomorrow. Of course, we’ll still need a good babysitter, too.” She winks. “And we do pay well.”
If I could escape, I would. But this all seems inevitable.
Fated.
Marianne sets a hand tenderly on my shoulder. “You’ll have that new car in no time, dear. The one you’ve been saving so hard for.”
I’m still glued to the TV set. A new episode of the gameshow has started. The theme song along with it. Dah-dah-dah-dah. Dah-dah-dah-dah. Bob Barker stands on stage. Skinny mic in hand. He looks into the camera… right at me… opening his mouth to deliver the good news.
“Delphine McDonald, come on dowwwn!”
I smile.
“A fortune in fabulous prizes awaits… as you’re the next contestant on The Price Is Right!”
I have a very good feeling.
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