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OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Giving thanks edition: Kickin’ around Caracas, Pt. 5
Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.) So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX. “Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked. “This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry. “No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.” “Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains. “Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?” “Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.” I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though. “Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.” “Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.” “Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.” “Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.” “You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.” We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl. “Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.” After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business. “So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?” “No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment. I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code. “Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued. “Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?” “You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated. “And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired. “Yes?” I cautiously venture. “Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled. “Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured. “That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.” Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?” “Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks. “And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed. “Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “ I agreed. “OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...” “Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.” “Ahem. Those threeultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.” “Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.” “Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.” “I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked. “But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked. “Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head. “I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.” “Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.” So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked. “Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack. “Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied. “Fuckbuckets.” I groused. “There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled. “Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled. “I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed. After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge. “So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.” “Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction. “Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.” After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130. Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite. Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded. Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull. Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era… I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza. She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing. I can hardly wait. I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness. After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks. I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern. Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse? There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak. “Blue,” I said. “Brue?” was the reply. “Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued. Look of total bewilderment. I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant. “珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?] “Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be. They toddle off to find the chef. “How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks. “Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed. All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile. “Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words… “お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください” [O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.] “Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.” “OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen. Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill. “Crack tubes!” Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it. Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace. Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig. Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends. We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’. “I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor. I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down. “Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.” “Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically. “I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could. She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth. I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest. “Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.” “Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley. She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor. “Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles. Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun. “Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.” “You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass. “Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky… “Beam Suntory, right?” “You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation. “And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked. Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip. “Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind. “Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently. We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company. I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters. She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health. We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed. The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show. Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat. Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower. “This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.” “Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered. “Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports. “That’s good”, I note. “But…” “There’s always the but…” I groan. “…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.” There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.” Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit. “Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear. The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain. I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service. “Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…” “Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.” So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself. “Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?” He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates. “Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles “No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink. “But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again. “So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked. “Yeah?”, he stammered back. I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails. “OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.” I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink. “Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed. “Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked. “But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued. “I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled. That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while. “Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked. “But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered. Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied, “All the way to the crash site.” He went white. “...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.” He went limp. Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload. Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii. We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was. They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal. I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did. “Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked. “Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied. “Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.” “Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.” “Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.” “Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.” “I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway. At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport. While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!” “Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.” “I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped. “Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied. He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted. “Yeah? Like what?” he asks. “Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.” “Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.” Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.” He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge. I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane. He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts. “No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins. “Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”. “And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies. “Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.” He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH. I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge. The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium. I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different. It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella. “Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular. One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically. I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar. I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically. Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes. “Excuse me!” I hear. Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit. “What?” “That cigar…” “Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward. “Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes. Instantly my demeanor switches 1800. “Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile. “Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks. “Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances. “Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?” “Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said. “Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens. “Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle. She chuckles back. “And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake. “Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask. “On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies. “But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask. “She was from Truk, an island…” “In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked. “Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked. “Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said. “That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked. “Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle. Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me. “Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?” My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open. “Hella?” I asked. “Yes?” “May I ask you a favor?” “You can ask…” “Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask. “Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies. “I thought so. Many thanks.” I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet. “Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed. “Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud. “No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked. “Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed. “But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand. “What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand. “Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said. “Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party. “Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella. Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well. “Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted. Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone. “Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge. “Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over. “You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo. He cuts and fires up his heater. “What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks. “Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply. “No. I mean right now.” He clarifies. “Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply. “Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks. “My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply. Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end. Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies. Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer. We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off. Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it. I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”. “Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion. “One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another. “No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo. “But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain. I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.” She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion. Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see. “So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask. “Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues. “You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied. “Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft. I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense. “Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection. “Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins. “So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo. “Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing. I pound on Toivo’s back. “Heimlich time?” I ask. Toivo signals ‘no’. “Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks. “Just my usual”, I innocently replied. “Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much. “Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily. “Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out. “The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool. “It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean. “Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled. “You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink. “No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest. Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore. “You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings. “Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly. I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable. Great fieldcraft, indeed. I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium. He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing. Then I delivered the strategic missile strike. “Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…” He swivels to look at me. “And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly. Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move. I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane. Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire. Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business. I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious. “Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked. “Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile. “Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said. “Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.” “Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway. I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH. Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up. Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane. We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun. Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal. We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip. She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink. Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks. Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs. “Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!” “No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear. “Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!” “’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly. Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole. “Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly. “What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it. He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose. “Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.” To be continued…⇝
thank you! this helps... seriously! it gives me some hope and feedback that i'm not completely nuts (if i'm asking the question, i'm probably safe... probably :), plus there's the off and odd chances that run wild sometimes. i'm enjoying writing today, so please forgive me my liberties as i start to tell a story. some of it you inspired! i'm not done with it, but i enjoy it, and the act of writing is the ends and the means; this story is coming into existence because i am enjoying my play... ├◉─◇───◇──◇─◯◦─
you end up at this year's oddlyreal conference/festival thingy, which just announced its 10,000th physically present (at least cranially) biological entity, ”a new record” the announcement continues in a somehow perceptibly excited low and relaxed androgynous voice. despite yourself, you are grudgingly impressed with the oddly tasteful decor and some subdued, relaxing minor key japanese string thing... the word kuto or koto flashes in your head as remembrance. usually these conference/shindig things are visually loud enough for chinese new year and audibly worse than the morning after the taco and chili competition endemic at a government-in-exile rally in a certain ex-president's last remaining casino.
in a word, elegant. in another two: oddly (you sense a theme here) relaxed. like you imagine miami in the '80s, during sunset over the ocean... minus the grime and old people driving on the median. you hear some obvious digitally created lo-fi sounds. 8-bit? looking in the distance, you see a sign with an arrow pointing down and to the left: ”arcade”. mystery solved! your stomach involuntarily receives a flutter of excitement and anticipation; underneath the larger letters reads ”5 tokens $1, 11 tokens $2, 42 tokens $5”. a long, straight haired androgynous couple, one dyed black and the other bleached white lets out a simultaneous laugh in the distance; you hear ”ski-ball!” as the pair run underneath the sign and disappear. this might actually be fun!
├◉─◇──◇─◯◦─
you checked in with only one minor incident: your reserved room wasn't ready yet. before you could say that you didn't mind waiting (an excuse for the arcade... not that you needed one) the concierge asks if you will accept a complimentarily room upgrade to one with a deluxe balcony, japanese bath, and view of the night sky over the ocean (really the gulf) facing west. you thank your lucky stars that that light pollution law passed a few years ago. everyone thought it was too odd and unimportant to pass at the time, and nobody thought it would pass, but it did... without riders, without debate, unanimous. first the house, then the senate an hour later, and the president shocked everyone by signing it at the stroke of midnight on the winter solstice. now you can see your lucky stars... from within a city, of all things. energy use went down because of it, and so did pollution. unexpectedly, cities became quieter at night, and there were less therapy visits for generalized anxiety disorder. book and app sales about astronomy and astrology were trending, and in general, people seem more chill, more relaxed, more focused. it was not uncommon to see your neighbor on a lawn chair on their roof watching the sun set after work.
this night sky was gorgeous! how did so many generations give it up? and for what? crappy 7/11 and motel-6 neon lowglow? lame. the evening sky over the gulf is even more spectacular than you remember, and you pause in your unpacking and settling into your room to watch for a few minutes more.
the keynote speach is listed as a costume formal: tux, gown, dress uniform, and/or come-as-you-are, shoes optional event: another oddly satisfying and kind of exciting contradiction. so the choice is yours: do you pick the expertly tailored black and white tux you had taken in a bit last week? or a below-the-knee black and white gown your partner insisted you pack... just in case. it would be an an oddity for you to wear a gown to anything, you laugh. oddity. this place must be infectious! what the heck, gown it is! luckily its easy to put on and more far more androgynous than expected. it's very nearly like wearing a lightweigh black and grey kilt, like at the highland games. you look over your balcony and see a contingent in formal black-and-white star-trek looking body suit type unforms pause and bow to a group in what appears to be tuxedo labcoats with tails. looking in the mirror, you don't look half bad!
├◉─◇──◇─◯◦─
you have a few good drinks in you, or was that a good few? the air is pleasantly neutral, sometimes just a bit warm, at others a slight chill. the ocean makes the air noticably humid with a slght salt tang, but it's the perfect temperature for it. the slight breeze feels good on your legs, and the white, nearly glowing sand covering the outdoor conference room's floor is pleasing between your toes. your shoes are probably gone with the glass from the previous manhattan... you didn't like those shoes anyway. good riddance!
the keynote was actually pretty good! a little bit dull as you knew all the stuff the keynote speaker was talking about, and she seemed a tiny bit bored herself, like she's given the pitch eleventy-one times already... come to think of it, as she's a founder and cto of a company doing the kind of thing this conference is about, you realize she probably has. her wild perple hair... you've seen it before. the next sip of your drink brings back the memory of its namesake city, and an elevator.
├◉─◇──◇─◯◦─
you were on your way up to the 58th floor for an interview†, and (yes, the memory is clear now) this nervous seemingly little girl with purple hair and an actual physical portfolio case (black and leather looking and nearly as large as her) rode the lift with you, although you notice she's not as young as she appears: she's just short. you notice that the only other floor selected is 103. and you notice that she is staring at you now, probably because (you realize belatedly) you've been staring at her for at least a dozen floors.
"interview? your first big one?" she asks.
"um... somthing like that," you manage to mumble
"it's dangerous to go alone! take this." as she is saying this (sounds familiar), she's expertly juggling her purse, the comically oversized portfolio case, and something aroud by her left hand. (you feel she just quoted something important, but can't place it)
as the bell for your floor dings and the doors open, she tucks something warm and maybe metal? into your hand and says "quick! put it in your pocket for luck! look at it later or you'll be late. give it back to me someday!"
you nearly fumble putting the whatever-it-is into your pocket as the lift doors are closing. the last you see is a smile as you hear a fading "don't panic!"
// current tail. betwixt here and the footnotes seperator, there be unfinshed dragons. and that you heard the elevator version of that pitch waaay back, 5, maybe 6 years ago, before she was a notable cto giving a keynote address to a large and prestigious* ) vr gametech conference this one. ke back when there were 2 founders and a part time employee with a mohawk and studs in his head run in to someone at a conference in a little out of the way bar where it's just a bit quieter and you can hear yourself think
├◉─◇───◇─ footnotes ──◇─◯◦─
*
you feel the word 'pretentious' slip past your right eyeball and invade your frontal lobe. it breaks into the stream of your thoughts, despite your conscious and diligent efforts to be less cynical... aaannnnndddd theoretically happier, because you are sort of reading ”the tao of pooh”, based on the footnote of some really weird lady's post on reddit a handful of years ago, and this whole thing about being an uncarved block kind of made sense, but was frustratingly both seductively elusive and easy to be cynical about at the same time.
◯◦─
†
you got the job! you were very nervous at first, but you felt the thing the purple haired girlprincesswoman gave you in the elevator. every time you started squirming‡ because of a question asked (c'mon, "where do you see this company in 5 years?" how the hell are you supposed to answer to that?), you got stabbed on the top of your thigh, right in the rectus femoris, by something in your pocket. this sensation was nearly like getting an injection, and you found it distracting enough you couldn't quite focus on the more inane questions (squirm - stab, repeat) and just said what was on your mind. apparently it, whatever 'it' was, was working, as the facial hair on the man bobbed slightly out of sync with his nods. the woman next to him was quiet and very tomboy-ish; if the peter pan played by maud adams on broadway had a kid with the tinkerbell from hook (1992 julia roberts, not the awful 2024 remake with a cg remade kardashian- glack) and they were raised climbing trees in pixi skorts decorated with pink skulls... but decided to put on an immaculately tailored gray zoot suit made just for her by the costume designers of the matrix... (1999, not the 2023 reboot)
anyway, the tomboy (maud, she introduced herself as later, and she said she liked her name and never changed it) seemed to enjoy your answers, and cut... ned? hagbard?... off in the middle of some convoluted thing he must have proudly dredged from the bowels of the earliest internet archives; rumores and tall tales of ''questions" steve jobs asked potential apple employees like jony ive to tourture them where the scars wouldn't show.
at a glace from maud, "hagbard, pollice verso, commodus? tick-tock! tick tock!"
hagbard locked eyes with you, straightened his posture, and the facial hair grinned a few milliseconds before he did. without looking away he extended his arm like a roman emperor, made a fist, and gave maud the thumbs up. he turned on his heel, his beard followed a tad later, and out the door he went.
"so.... would it sound weird if i asked about what you have in your pocket?" // better phrasing. possible lotr gollum reference.
◯◦─
‡
it's a bad habit you have that is more common than you realized back when you were asked increasingly awkward questions by that guy... what was his name at the time? ted? ned? hagbard? he has changed it at least 3 times since you've been working there and got to known him a bit. at least he got rid of that ridiculous face eating victorian english thing he called mutton chops!
By combining the average scores from IMDb, Letterboxd, Rotten Tomatoes & Metacritic, and then fine-tuning the results with data from Letterboxd, iCheckMovies, TSPDT?, TMDb and IMDb, I was able to come up with the 1001 'GREATEST' MOVIES OF ALL TIME.
In 2015, I created a list titled, “Top10ner’s 1001 'Greatest' Movies of All Time” and many of you seemed to enjoy it and still use it today so I thought it was about time that I updated it.. The original 2015 thread can be found here as well as the initial update for those curious about the algorithm. Basically I started off by gathering ratings from IMDB (UseCritic Average), Rotten Tomatoes (Tomatometer, Critic Average) & (Audience Score, User Average), Metacritic (Critic Average, User Average) and Letterboxd (User Average). Each site’s average rating was then weighted so that no site’s ratings were favoured above the rest. The next step was to make sure that each film was treated equally. Rather than eliminating films that had little votes, I opted to alter these films score by carefully deducting points depending on how many people have seen it, and therefore voted on it. I then finally put the list through a final adjustment, where I applied aspects such as critical reception (# of official lists movie is in), audience reception and overall likability/popularity. These figures were determined using sources such as iCheckmovies, Letterboxd and TSPDT?. I've created the following lists for both Letterboxd and iCheckMovies, as well as a Google spreadsheet where you can check out the full list and search for particular films easier. Letterboxd - 2020 Edition: Top10ner’s 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time IMDb - 2020 Edition: Top10ner’s 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time iCheckMovies - 2020 Edition: Top10ner’s 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time Google Spreadsheet - 2020 Edition: Top10ner’s 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time ANYWAY, here is the 1001 ‘Greatest’ Movies of All Time. Enjoy! (NOTE: Could only include the first 750 movies due character limit)
RANK
TITLE
YEAR
DIRECTOR
1
The Godfather
1972
Francis Ford Coppola
2
The Godfather: Part II
1974
Francis Ford Coppola
3
Seven Samurai
1954
Akira Kurosawa
4
Pulp Fiction
1994
Quentin Tarantino
5
12 Angry Men
1957
Sidney Lumet
6
Spirited Away
2001
Hayao Miyazaki
7
Schindler's List
1993
Steven Spielberg
8
Casablanca
1942
Michael Curtiz
9
Psycho
1960
Alfred Hitchcock
10
Goodfellas
1990
Martin Scorsese
11
Lawrence of Arabia
1962
David Lean
12
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
1966
Sergio Leone
13
Singin' in the Rain
1952
Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly
14
City Lights
1931
Charlie Chaplin
15
Sunset Boulevard
1950
Billy Wilder
16
Apocalypse Now
1979
Francis Ford Coppola
17
The Shawshank Redemption
1994
Frank Darabont
18
Rear Window
1954
Alfred Hitchcock
19
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
1980
Irvin Kershner
20
2001: A Space Odyssey
1968
Stanley Kubrick
21
Citizen Kane
1941
Orson Welles
22
M
1931
Fritz Lang
23
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
1975
Miloš Forman
24
Vertigo
1958
Alfred Hitchcock
25
The Dark Knight
2008
Christopher Nolan
26
The Silence of the Lambs
1991
Jonathan Demme
27
Modern Times
1936
Charles Chaplin
28
Star Wars - A New Hope
1977
George Lucas
29
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
1964
Stanley Kubrick
30
Come and See
1985
Elem Klimov
31
Bicycle Thieves
1948
Vittorio De Sica
32
Tokyo Story
1953
Yasujirō Ozu
33
It's a Wonderful Life
1946
Frank Capra
34
Rashomon
1950
Akira Kurosawa
35
Once Upon a Time in the West
1968
Sergio Leone
36
Taxi Driver
1976
Martin Scorsese
37
Ikiru
1952
Akira Kurosawa
38
Metropolis
1927
Fritz Lang
39
The Passion of Joan of Arc
1928
Carl Theodor Dreyer
40
Alien
1979
Ridley Scott
41
The Third Man
1949
Carol Reed
42
All About Eve
1950
Joseph L. Mankiewicz
43
Fanny and Alexander
1982
Ingmar Bergman
44
Chinatown
1974
Roman Polanski
45
City of God
2002
Fernando Meirelles & Kátia Lund
46
Double Indemnity
1944
Billy Wilder
47
Paths of Glory
1957
Stanley Kubrick
48
Raiders of the Lost Ark
1981
Steven Spielberg
49
Andrei Rublev
1966
Andrei Tarkovsky
50
The Apartment
1960
Billy Wilder
51
Harakiri
1962
Masaki Kobayashi
52
Parasite
2019
Bong Joon-ho
53
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
2001
Peter Jackson
54
The 400 Blows
1959
François Truffaut
55
Stalker
1979
Andrei Tarkovsky
56
Some Like It Hot
1959
Billy Wilder
57
Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans
1927
F.W. Murnau
58
Pan's Labyrinth
2006
Guillermo del Toro
59
Ran
1985
Akira Kurosawa
60
Sherlock, Jr.
1924
Buster Keaton
61
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
2003
Peter Jackson
62
The Night of the Hunter
1955
Charles Laughton
63
A Separation
2011
Asghar Farhadi
64
Grave of the Fireflies
1988
Isao Takahata
65
North by Northwest
1959
Alfred Hitchcock
66
Persona
1966
Ingmar Bergman
67
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2004
Michel Gondry
68
Back to the Future
1985
Robert Zemeckis
69
The Battle of Algiers
1966
Gillo Pontecorvo
70
Toy Story
1995
John Lasseter
71
Raging Bull
1980
Martin Scorsese
72
8½ (Eight and a Half)
1963
Federico Fellini
73
Saving Private Ryan
1998
Steven Spielberg
74
On the Waterfront
1954
Elia Kazan
75
The Shining
1980
Stanley Kubrick
76
Three Colors: Red
1994
Krzysztof Kieślowski
77
The Great Dictator
1940
Charles Chaplin
78
The Wizard of Oz
1939
Victor Fleming, George Cukor, Mervyn…
79
The Wages of Fear
1953
Henri-Georges Clouzot
80
In the Mood for Love
2000
Wong Kar-wai
81
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
2018
Rodney Rothman, Peter Ramsey…
82
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
1948
John Huston
83
The Seventh Seal
1957
Ingmar Bergman
84
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
2002
Peter Jackson
85
The Red Shoes
1948
Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger
86
The General
1926
Clyde Bruckman & Buster Keaton
87
The Gold Rush
1925
Charles Chaplin
88
Touch of Evil
1958
Orson Welles
89
WALL-E
2008
Andrew Stanton
90
Aliens
1986
James Cameron
91
Wild Strawberries
1957
Ingmar Bergman
92
Paris Texas
1984
Wim Wenders
93
A Clockwork Orange
1971
Stanley Kubrick
94
La Grande Illusion
1937
Jean Renoir
95
There Will Be Blood
2007
Paul Thomas Anderson
96
Amadeus
1984
Miloš Forman
97
Annie Hall
1977
Woody Allen
98
Whiplash
2014
Damien Chazelle
99
Pather Panchali
1955
Satyajit Ray
100
Cinema Paradiso
1988
Giuseppe Tornatore
101
It Happened One Night
1934
Frank Capra
102
The Bridge on the River Kwai
1957
David Lean
103
The Lives of Others
2006
Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
104
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
1991
James Cameron
105
Blade Runner
1982
Ridley Scott
106
Yojimbo
1961
Akira Kurosawa
107
Ugetsu
1953
Kenji Mizoguchi
108
Reservoir Dogs
1992
Quentin Tarantino
109
Memento
2000
Christopher Nolan
110
Princess Mononoke
1997
Hayao Miyazaki
111
Mad Max: Fury Road
2015
George Miller
112
The Pianist
2002
Roman Polanski
113
Wings of Desire
1987
Wim Wenders
114
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
1920
Robert Wiene
115
The Best Years of Our Lives
1946
William Wyler
116
Inception
2010
Christopher Nolan
117
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
1975
Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones
118
Fargo
1996
Joel & Ethan Coen
119
La Dolce Vita
1960
Federico Fellini
120
Oldboy
2003
Chan-wook Park
121
Nights of Cabiria
1957
Federico Fellini
122
Toy Story 3
2010
Lee Unkrich
123
Children of Paradise
1945
Marcel Carné
124
Gone with the Wind
1939
Victor Fleming,George Cukor...
125
Jaws
1975
Steven Spielberg
126
Das Boot
1981
Wolfgang Petersen
127
High and Low
1963
Akira Kurosawa
128
The Mirror
1975
Andrei Tarkovsky
129
L.A. Confidential
1997
Curtis Hanson
130
Unforgiven
1992
Clint Eastwood
131
Amelie
2001
Jean-Pierre Jeunet
132
My Neighbor Totoro
1988
Hayao Miyazaki
133
Barry Lyndon
1975
Stanley Kubrick
134
Le Samouraï
1967
Jean-Pierre Melville
135
Ordet
1955
Carl Theodor Dreyer
136
To Be or Not to Be
1942
Ernst Lubitsch
137
No Country for Old Men
2007
Joel & Ethan Coen
138
Solaris
1972
Andrei Tarkovsky
139
Coco
2017
Lee Unkrich
140
Your Name.
2016
Makoto Shinkai
141
Fight Club
1999
David Fincher
142
The Maltese Falcon
1941
John Huston
143
The Kid
1921
Charles Chaplin
144
Woman in the Dunes
1964
Hiroshi Teshigahara
145
Se7en
1995
David Fincher
146
Do the Right Thing
1989
Spike Lee
147
The Rules of the Game
1939
Jean Renoir
148
Aguirre: The Wrath of God
1972
Werner Herzog
149
The Grapes of Wrath
1940
John Ford
150
La Haine
1995
Mathieu Kassovitz
151
Once Upon a Time in America
1984
Sergio Leone
152
Throne of Blood
1957
Akira Kurosawa
153
Notorious
1946
Alfred Hitchcock
154
Badlands
1973
Terrence Malick
155
A Man Escaped
1956
Robert Bresson
156
Cool Hand Luke
1967
Stuart Rosenberg
157
Rosemary's Baby
1968
Roman Polanski
158
Before Sunrise
1995
Richard Linklater
159
The Lion King
1994
Roger Allers & Rob Minkoff
160
Before Sunset
2004
Richard Linklater
161
Rebecca
1940
Alfred Hitchcock
162
La strada
1954
Federico Fellini
163
Duck Soup
1933
Leo McCarey
164
The Deer Hunter
1978
Michael Cimino
165
Sansho the Bailiff
1954
Kenji Mizoguchi
166
The Philadelphia Story
1940
George Cukor
167
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
1962
John Ford
168
Die Hard
1988
John McTiernan
169
Brazil
1985
Terry Gilliam
170
Sweet Smell of Success
1957
Alexander Mackendrick
171
The Departed
2006
Martin Scorsese
172
Three Colors: Blue
1993
Krzysztof Kieślowski
173
The Last Picture Show
1971
Peter Bogdanovich
174
Rome, Open City
1945
Roberto Rossellini
175
Up
2009
Pete Docter & Bob Peterson
176
The Princess Bride
1987
Rob Reiner
177
Breathless
1960
Jean-Luc Godard
178
Dog Day Afternoon
1975
Sidney Lumet
179
Kind Hearts and Coronets
1949
Robert Hamer
180
To Kill a Mockingbird
1962
Robert Mulligan
181
Chungking Express
1994
Wong Kar-wai
182
The Conversation
1974
Francis Ford Coppola
183
Rio Bravo
1959
Howard Hawks
184
Full Metal Jacket
1987
Stanley Kubrick
185
The Handmaiden
2016
Chan-wook Park
186
A Matter of Life and Death
1946
Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger
187
A Woman Under the Influence
1974
John Cassavetes
188
All the President's Men
1976
Alan J. Pakula
189
Portrait of a Lady on Fire
2019
Céline Sciamma
190
The Matrix
1999
Lilly & Lana Wachowski
191
12 Years a Slave
2013
Steve McQueen
192
Brief Encounter
1945
David Lean
193
Shoplifters
2018
Hirokazu Kore-eda
194
American Beauty
1999
Sam Mendes
195
His Girl Friday
1940
Howard Hawks
196
The Usual Suspects
1995
Bryan Singer
197
The Graduate
1967
Mike Nichols
198
Jurassic Park
1993
Steven Spielberg
199
Memories of Murder
2003
Bong Joon-ho
200
King Kong
1933
Merian C. Cooper & Ernest B. Schoedsack
201
Inside Out
2015
Pete Docter
202
Yi yi
2000
Edward Yang
203
Raise the Red Lantern
1991
Zhang Yimou
204
Rififi
1955
Jules Dassin
205
Blue Velvet
1986
David Lynch
206
Army of Shadows
1969
Jean-Pierre Melville
207
This Is Spinal Tap
1984
Rob Reiner
208
The Wild Bunch
1969
Sam Peckinpah
209
Witness for the Prosecution
1957
Billy Wilder
210
Battleship Potemkin
1925
Sergei M. Eisenstein
211
Strangers on a Train
1951
Alfred Hitchcock
212
The Searchers
1956
John Ford
213
The Big Lebowski
1998
Joel & Ethan Coen
214
Nosferatu
1922
F.W. Murnau
215
Network
1976
Sidney Lumet
216
The Hustler
1961
Robert Rossen
217
The Exterminating Angel
1962
Luis Buñuel
218
Days of Heaven
1978
Terrence Malick
219
Finding Nemo
2003
Andrew Stanton & Lee Unkrich
220
Heat
1995
Michael Mann
221
The Great Escape
1963
John Sturges
222
A Streetcar Named Desire
1951
Elia Kazan
223
Diabolique
1955
Henri-Georges Clouzot
224
The Sting
1973
George Roy Hill
225
Night of the Living Dead
1968
George A. Romero
226
The Thing
1982
John Carpenter
227
Mulholland Drive
2001
David Lynch
228
The Conformist
1970
Bernardo Bertolucci
229
The Grand Budapest Hotel
2014
Wes Anderson
230
A Brighter Summer Day
1991
Edward Yang
231
Monty Python's Life of Brian
1979
Terry Jones
232
Umberto D.
1952
Vittorio De Sica
233
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
1966
Mike Nichols
234
Stagecoach
1939
John Ford
235
Beauty and the Beast
1991
Gary Trousdale & Kirk Wise
236
The Big Sleep
1946
Howard Hawks
237
Inglourious Basterds
2009
Quentin Tarantino
238
Viridiana
1961
Luis Buñuel
239
Incendies
2010
Denis Villeneuve
240
The Terminator
1984
James Cameron
241
Bride of Frankenstein
1935
James Whale
242
Sullivan's Travels
1941
Preston Sturges
243
Playtime
1967
Jacques Tati
244
Ivan's Childhood
1962
Andrei Tarkovsky
245
Life Is Beautiful
1997
Roberto Benigni
246
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
1969
George Roy Hill
247
Manhattan
1979
Woody Allen
248
Trainspotting
1996
Danny Boyle
249
All Quiet on the Western Front
1930
Lewis Milestone
250
The Young and the Damned
1950
Luis Buñuel
251
The Elephant Man
1980
David Lynch
252
All About My Mother
1999
Pedro Almodóvar
253
Le Trou
1960
Jacques Becker
254
The Leopard
1963
Luchino Visconti
255
Laura
1944
Otto Preminger
256
Shadow of a Doubt
1943
Alfred Hitchcock
257
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
1939
Frank Capra
258
Hiroshima Mon Amour
1959
Alain Resnais
259
Bringing Up Baby
1938
Howard Hawks
260
Out of the Past
1947
Jacques Tourneur
261
Anatomy of a Murder
1959
Otto Preminger
262
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
2000
Ang Lee
263
L'avventura
1960
Michelangelo Antonioni
264
Beauty and the Beast
1946
Jean Cocteau
265
The Hunt
2012
Thomas Vinterberg
266
Forrest Gump
1994
Robert Zemeckis
267
Ace in the Hole
1951
Billy Wilder
268
Late Spring
1949
Yasujirō Ozu
269
The Celebration
1998
Thomas Vinterberg
270
Au Revoir Les Enfants
1987
Louis Malle
271
Spotlight
2015
Tom McCarthy
272
Roman Holiday
1953
William Wyler
273
Amour
2012
Michael Haneke
274
Ali: Fear Eats the Soul
1974
Rainer Werner Fassbinder
275
Paddington 2
2017
Paul King
276
The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp
1943
Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger
277
The French Connection
1971
William Friedkin
278
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
1972
Luis Buñuel
279
High Noon
1952
Fred Zinnemann
280
Akira
1988
Katsuhiro Otomo
281
4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
2007
Cristian Mungiu
282
Ben-Hur
1959
William Wyler
283
Let the Right One In
2008
Tomas Alfredson
284
Nashville
1975
Robert Altman
285
Room
2015
Lenny Abrahamson
286
The Adventures of Robin Hood
1938
Michael Curtiz & William Keighley
287
Jules and Jim
1962
François Truffaut
288
Good Will Hunting
1997
Gus Van Sant
289
Young Frankenstein
1974
Mel Brooks
290
White Heat
1949
Raoul Walsh
291
Short Term 12
2013
Destin Cretton
292
The Killing
1956
Stanley Kubrick
293
In a Lonely Place
1950
Nicholas Ray
294
Frankenstein
1931
James Whale
295
Secrets & Lies
1996
Mike Leigh
296
Django Unchained
2012
Quentin Tarantino
297
Call Me by Your Name
2017
Luca Guadagnino
298
Magnolia
1999
Paul Thomas Anderson
299
Being There
1979
Hal Ashby
300
The Manchurian Candidate
1962
John Frankenheimer
301
Paper Moon
1973
Peter Bogdanovich
302
The Shop Around the Corner
1940
Ernst Lubitsch
303
Halloween
1978
John Carpenter
304
The World of Apu
1959
Satyajit Ray
305
Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring
2003
Kim Ki-duk
306
L'Atalante
1934
Jean Vigo
307
The Iron Giant
1999
Brad Bird
308
The Exorcist
1973
William Friedkin
309
Amores Perros
2000
Alejandro González Iñárritu
310
Central Station
1998
Walter Salles
311
Bonnie and Clyde
1967
Arthur Penn
312
Persepolis
2007
Vincent Paronnaud & Marjane Satrapi
313
The Best of Youth
2003
Marco Tullio Giordana
314
The Spirit of the Beehive
1973
Víctor Erice
315
Z
1969
Costa-Gavras
316
Underground
1995
Emir Kusturica
317
The Killer
1989
John Woo
318
Kes
1969
Ken Loach
319
Moonlight
2016
Barry Jenkins
320
Howl's Moving Castle
2004
Hayao Miyazaki
321
Her
2013
Spike Jonze
322
Requiem for a Dream
2000
Darren Aronofsky
323
The Truman Show
1998
Peter Weir
324
The Incredibles
2004
Brad Bird
325
Cries and Whispers
1972
Ingmar Bergman
326
Stand by Me
1986
Rob Reiner
327
Before Midnight
2013
Richard Linklater
328
Groundhog Day
1993
Harold Ramis
329
Little Women
2019
Greta Gerwig
330
The Social Network
2010
David Fincher
331
The Right Stuff
1983
Philip Kaufman
332
Get Out
2017
Jordan Peele
333
It's Such a Beautiful Day
2012
Don Hertzfeldt
334
Boogie Nights
1997
Paul Thomas Anderson
335
Fantasia
1940
Samuel Armstrong, James Algar...
336
Black Narcissus
1947
Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger
337
Midnight Cowboy
1969
John Schlesinger
338
Children of Men
2006
Alfonso Cuarón
339
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
1982
Steven Spielberg
340
Toy Story 2
1999
John Lasseter
341
Leon: The Professional
1994
Luc Besson
342
Cabaret
1972
Bob Fosse
343
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
2007
Julian Schnabel
344
Ratatouille
2007
Brad Bird
345
The Cranes Are Flying
1957
Mikhail Kalatozov
346
Day for Night
1973
François Truffaut
347
Withnail & I
1987
Bruce Robinson
348
Safety Last!
1923
Fred C. Newmeyer & Sam Taylor
349
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg
1964
Jacques Demy
350
Shaun of the Dead
2004
Edgar Wright
351
Song of the Sea
2014
Tomm Moore
352
Scarface
1983
Brian De Palma
353
Harold and Maude
1971
Hal Ashby
354
Platoon
1986
Oliver Stone
355
The Nightmare Before Christmas
1993
Henry Selick
356
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
1977
Steven Spielberg
357
Talk to Her
2002
Pedro Almodóvar
358
Wild Tales
2014
Damián Szifrón
359
Close-Up
1990
Abbas Kiarostami
360
Time of the Gypsies
1988
Emir Kusturica
361
Mary and Max
2009
Adam Elliot
362
The Return
2003
Andrey Zvyagintsev
363
Logan
2017
James Mangold
364
For a Few Dollars More
1965
Sergio Leone
365
A Prophet
2009
Jacques Audiard
366
La La Land
2016
Damien Chazelle
367
The Sound of Music
1965
Robert Wise
368
The King of Comedy
1982
Martin Scorsese
369
The Big Heat
1953
Fritz Lang
370
In the Heat of the Night
1967
Norman Jewison
371
Amarcord
1973
Federico Fellini
372
A Night at the Opera
1935
Sam Wood
373
Repulsion
1965
Roman Polanski
374
Freaks
1932
Tod Browning
375
Au Hasard Balthazar
1966
Robert Bresson
376
Downfall
2004
Oliver Hirschbiegel
377
Lost in Translation
2003
Sofia Coppola
378
Belle de Jour
1967
Luis Buñuel
379
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?
1962
Robert Aldrich
380
The Circus
1928
Charles Chaplin
381
How to Train Your Dragon
2010
Chris Sanders & Dean DeBlois
382
Crimes and Misdemeanors
1989
Woody Allen
383
Breaking the Waves
1996
Lars von Trier
384
Brokeback Mountain
2005
Ang Lee
385
Steamboat Bill, Jr.
1928
Buster Keaton & Charles Reisner
386
Werckmeister Harmonies
2000
Béla Tarr & Ágnes Hranitzky
387
Greed
1924
Erich von Stroheim
388
Roma
2018
Alfonso Cuarón
389
Make Way for Tomorrow
1937
Leo McCarey
390
The Lady Eve
1941
Preston Sturges
391
The Straight Story
1999
David Lynch
392
Neon Genesis Evangelion: The End of Evangelion
1997
Kazuya Tsurumaki & Hideaki Anno
393
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
1989
Steven Spielberg
394
Peeping Tom
1960
Michael Powell
395
The Secret in Their Eyes
2009
Juan José Campanella
396
Cleo from 5 to 7
1962
Agnès Varda
397
Aladdin
1992
Ron Clements & John Musker
398
Rocco and His Brothers
1960
Luchino Visconti
399
Hannah and Her Sisters
1986
Woody Allen
400
My Darling Clementine
1946
John Ford
401
Avengers: Endgame
2019
Joe & Anthony Russo
402
Infernal Affairs
2002
Alan Mak & Andrew Lau
403
Patton
1970
Franklin J. Schaffner
404
Mary Poppins
1964
Robert Stevenson
405
Monsters, Inc.
2001
Pete Docter
406
Hunt for the Wilderpeople
2016
Taika Waititi
407
Children of Heaven
1997
Majid Majidi
408
Last Year at Marienbad
1961
Alain Resnais
409
Sanjuro
1962
Akira Kurosawa
410
1917
2019
Sam Mendes
411
Avengers: Infinity War
2018
Joe & Anthony Russo
412
The Tale of the Princess Kaguya
2013
Isao Takahata
413
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
2017
Martin McDonagh
414
Through a Glass Darkly
1961
Ingmar Bergman
415
The Thin Man
1934
W.S. Van Dyke
416
American History X
1998
Tony Kaye
417
Knives Out
2019
Rian Johnson
418
Orpheus
1950
Jean Cocteau
419
Evil Dead II
1987
Sam Raimi
420
Airplane!
1980
Jim Abrahams, Jerry & David Zucker
421
Red River
1948
Howard Hawks & Arthur Rosson
422
Rope
1948
Alfred Hitchcock
423
Y tu mamá también
2001
Alfonso Cuarón
424
Million Dollar Baby
2004
Clint Eastwood
425
Pickpocket
1959
Robert Bresson
426
Being John Malkovich
1999
Spike Jonze
427
The Cameraman
1928
Buster Keaton & Edward Sedgwick
428
Satantango
1994
Béla Tarr
429
Hard Boiled
1992
John Woo
430
Naked
1993
Mike Leigh
431
The Double Life of Veronique
1991
Krzysztof Kieślowski
432
Arrival
2016
Denis Villeneuve
433
Rushmore
1998
Wes Anderson
434
Sing Street
2016
John Carney
435
Rebel Without a Cause
1955
Nicholas Ray
436
The Lady Vanishes
1938
Alfred Hitchcock
437
The Last Laugh
1924
F.W. Murnau
438
The Green Mile
1999
Frank Darabont
439
Vivre Sa Vie
1962
Jean-Luc Godard
440
Spartacus
1960
Stanley Kubrick
441
A Hard Day's Night
1964
Richard Lester
442
Autumn Sonata
1978
Ingmar Bergman
443
Ghostbusters
1984
Ivan Reitman
444
The Hidden Fortress
1958
Akira Kurosawa
445
Capernaum
2018
Nadine Labaki
446
Mommy
2014
Xavier Dolan
447
Le Cercle Rouge
1970
Jean-Pierre Melville
448
Down by Law
1986
Jim Jarmusch
449
Stalag 17
1953
Billy Wilder
450
Boyhood
2014
Richard Linklater
451
Trouble in Paradise
1932
Ernst Lubitsch
452
Judgment at Nuremberg
1961
Stanley Kramer
453
Casino
1995
Martin Scorsese
454
McCabe & Mrs. Miller
1971
Robert Altman
455
The Prestige
2006
Christopher Nolan
456
The Irishman
2019
Martin Scorsese
457
Blade Runner 2049
2017
Denis Villeneuve
458
Faust
1926
F.W. Murnau
459
Marriage Story
2019
Noah Baumbach
460
Fireworks
1997
Takeshi Kitano
461
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
1983
Richard Marquand
462
Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
1984
Hayao Miyazaki
463
Goldfinger
1964
Guy Hamilton
464
Gangs of Wasseypur
2012
Anurag Kashyap
465
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
1937
David Hand
466
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
1956
Don Siegel
467
Top Hat
1935
Mark Sandrich
468
The King's Speech
2010
Tom Hooper
469
Farewell My Concubine
1993
Chen Kaige
470
The Breakfast Club
1985
John Hughes
471
Wolf Children
2012
Mamoru Hosoda
472
The Sixth Sense
1999
M. Night Shyamalan
473
Boyz n the Hood
1991
John Singleton
474
In the Name of the Father
1993
Jim Sheridan
475
Gladiator
2000
Ridley Scott
476
The Phantom Carriage
1921
Victor Sjöström
477
Dead Poets Society
1989
Peter Weir
478
What We Do in the Shadows
2014
Jemaine Clement & Taika Waititi
479
The Birds
1963
Alfred Hitchcock
480
Moonrise Kingdom
2012
Wes Anderson
481
A Fistful of Dollars
1964
Sergio Leone
482
Kill Bill: Vol. 1
2003
Quentin Tarantino
483
Manchester by the Sea
2016
Kenneth Lonergan
484
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
1988
Robert Zemeckis
485
Almost Famous
2000
Cameron Crowe
486
Lady Bird
2017
Greta Gerwig
487
To Have and Have Not
1944
Howard Hawks
488
Kiki's Delivery Service
1989
Hayao Miyazaki
489
Kill Bill: Vol. 2
2004
Quentin Tarantino
490
Eyes Without a Face
1960
Georges Franju
491
Blazing Saddles
1974
Mel Brooks
492
The Sacrifice
1986
Andrei Tarkovsky
493
The 39 Steps
1935
Alfred Hitchcock
494
Donnie Darko
2001
Richard Kelly
495
Gone Girl
2014
David Fincher
496
Eraserhead
1977
David Lynch
497
Hero
2002
Zhang Yimou
498
Ghost in the Shell
1995
Mamoru Oshii
499
Miller's Crossing
1990
Joel & Ethan Coen
500
Meet Me in St. Louis
1944
Vincente Minnelli
501
Great Expectations
1946
David Lean
502
Contempt
1963
Jean-Luc Godard
503
Scarface
1932
Howard Hawks
504
Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles
Written by Fortanono Edited by dwright5252, AdamantAce << Previous | Next >> ≈≈≈≈≈ 🔱 ≈≈≈≈≈ Meet-and-greets were always Marc Silvera’s favorite part of the day. Back in his youth, he loved the thrill of heroism, the adrenaline that came with fighting against dangerous people and bringing them to justice. Now, it was much less about adrenaline as it was before; he got his enjoyment from knowing that he made others’ lives just a little bit safer, helping them sleep more easily. Luckily, Josiah Power’s booths in the Polynesia Resort’s cafeteria boiled that right down to a science. Dan and Courtney would always get the most fans, considering that they ran their own media platforms at one point; Helga and Curtis would occasionally hang around his booth for the fans. Ray and Thunder each had their own devoted lines, with their fans from Tulsa and Metropolis often making pilgrimages to New Coast to visit them. The ceremonially empty booth to the left of Marc was there for Vibe, who had attracted a lot of people placing down flowers and mementos, paying their respects. It was still hard for Marc to believe that he was really gone. Marc’s was always the shortest line. He knew why; for a long time, the second Commander Steel was a small-town urban legend whose existence was unconfirmed. The name was also associated with a military group that many disapproved of or outright loathed, Marc himself chief among them after all these years, who was a willing participant in it. Finally, there was the third reason: Commander Steel was not a welcoming figure to most. His helmet kept out any sign that he was even a human, which was no longer a valid assumption for superheroes. In a lot of ways, he understood why children would even be scared of him. He liked to pretend that this didn’t bother him, but he knew deep down that it did, just a little. Even still, he did have several people who came over to meet him. A tall woman with red hair and excessive amounts of makeup walked up to him, her young son in tow. He couldn’t have been more than seven years old, Marc thought. He sat down on a wooden chair nearby and smiled behind his mask. “Hello there,” Marc chuckled. “What’s your name, young man?” “Collin,” he smiled, hiding his face in his hands, his dirty mop of red hair covering his eyes. Marc laughed heartily, almost as if he were a mall Santa. He felt like the kids needed to know that he wasn’t as scary as he seemed behind the mask, and laughing was the best way of doing that. Collin couldn’t see how wide he was smiling behind the visage, the tear of joy running down one of his eyes. “Now Collin, why don’t you sit on my lap and we can take a picture together?” “Yeah!” Collin said. “I love you, Commander Steel. I want to be a superhero like you when I grow up.” “Oh, is that so?” Marc said joyfully, smiling as Collin climbed up into his lap. He hid a grimace; as much as he enjoyed the job, seeing someone so young determined to be someone who put their life on the line was very off-putting to him. The camera flashed, taking a picture of Collin with his hero, and Marc just let the moment rush over him. “Remember to enjoy your stay at New Coast Polynesia Resort!” he called out behind them as they left the line. He always felt weird saying that, but Josiah told them to, and it wasn’t like he didn’t want them to have a fun vacation. The next person moved forward in the line, a teenage boy wearing a camo button-down shirt. “Hey, Commander Steel,” he said gleefully. “You’re so awesome. It’s so cool that I get to meet you.” Marc went through the rounds, but he wasn’t focused on the boy anymore. Instead, Marc stared transfixed as the next woman in line, a middle-aged Black woman with a short bob of shoulder-length grey hair, wearing a black dress with grey and blue accents. His stomach dropped as he finished up with the kid in camo, turning to the woman in front of him. “Jenna,” he said, coming out as little more than a breath. He stood up from his chair. “Why are you here?” “Trust me,” she said with her lips pursed. “I didn’t want to come just as much as you probably don’t want to see me. Something came up.” Marc stared at her, not saying anything. “Richards’ sentence is up,” Jenna muttered coldly. “I was hoping he’d changed, but he’s on a bus straight to New Coast. I just wanted to warn you and your team, knowing what he’s capable of.” “Yes, of course,” Marc said as his former wife left the line. He turned to her and called out as she walked away. “Hey, hey, you have a fantastic rest of your life, whatever you’re doing.” She didn’t respond. Marc turned to the next guest, his mind not fully there. As his experience with Jenna faded from his mind, he realized that something much worse was about to happen, and he had to warn the team about it. ≈≈≈≈≈ 🔱 ≈≈≈≈≈ “Okay,” Curtis said, his back against the wall of Room 103. The members of Coastguard were gathered in their costumes, having come back from the meet-and-greet minutes earlier. “A quick recap on the Phosphorus situation for Courtney: We’ve been able to take out some street-level guys who were peddling narcotics, but none of them claimed they had ever seen the man’s face. He apparently keeps very little company; only those he trusts ever see who he truly is.” “By the way,” Anissa said, “Congrats to Courtney for the awesome work she’s done in Opal City! We’re starting to see headlines roll in, and it’s very impressive.” Immediately, everyone in the room around them began to clap and cheer, turning to Courtney who was sitting in her new red-and-green costume. Courtney looked between her teammates and smiled. “Thanks guys,” she said. “It means a lot.” She turned to Curtis, her expression turning more serious. “Anything on ThirteenthFloor? That seemed like a really big deal when I left, but no mention of it so far.” Curtis nodded. “Yeah, yeah, that’s a thing. Helga and I are working on reverse-engineering the tech in the buildings, but no results yet. Anyone else have pressing concerns?” Helga raised her hand. “As you may recall,” she began, “Acrata managed to escape from New Coast after arrest. I recently received word that she may be returning to the city, planning something big. If you spot her, do not be light when apprehending her, and bring her to me as soon as you can.” “Dammit,” Dan said. “I was hoping I’d never have to see her again. That fight kept me sore for days. We’ll be on the lookout if she returns.” “Anything else?” Curtis asked. Marc removed his mask and raised his hand slowly. “Yes,” he said meekly. “Unfortunately, there’s… someone else has shown up here. An old enemy. Curtis, bring up records for Mark Richards, also known as the Tattooed Man.” Curtis turned to a nearby monitor and began searching the web. He pulled out a mugshot of a tall, bald man with a tattoo of a dragon coiled around the top of his head. On the side of one of his cheeks was another tattoo, a small piece that resembled a rose with a thorny stem. “This your guy?” “Yes,” Marc said. He stood up and took a deep breath, addressing his teammates. “A long time ago, I lived in a small town in Maryland called Liberty Hill. Standard small-town fare; most of the criminals were just normal people who had a bad run. This man was different. He showed up, and within months he had killed any gang members who didn’t work for him. With every man he murdered, he got a new tattoo, and these weren’t ordinary tattoos. They gave him powers, and every time I fought him he had a new trick up his sleeve.” He sighed and paused before continuing. “I became obsessed with him. It was unhealthy, and it cost me my marriage. Finally, 15 years ago, I caught him. He served his time, and now it seems like he’s come back for revenge. I'd like to humbly request your help in finding him and making sure he doesn't cause further harm. Mark Richards is incredibly dangerous, and we need to treat any encounter we have with him with utmost caution. He will kill us if we don’t.” The room fell silent for a few seconds before Curtis broke the silence. “Okay,” he said. “The Tattooed Man, Public Enemy Number One. Don’t worry, Marc; we will make sure that we stop him before he can hurt us.” ≈≈≈≈≈ 🔱 ≈≈≈≈≈ Mark Richards knocked on the door of a townhouse in what looked like any other upscale neighborhood. This development was designed by one of Josiah Power’s friends, he had remembered, but it had never seen use as the designer’s company went down for fraud several months ago. Even though it looked like an ordinary housing development, a far cry from the tourist trap in New Coast’s city center, it was also the home of many of New Coast’s more sinister elements. With the development never having been in use, it was the perfect place for shadowy figures to hide in such a bright city. The skull on Mark’s forearm sensed some sort of danger. Mark willed it to be quiet as a young woman, tall and lanky with blonde hair and blue accents, opened the door. She seemed to have a lot of tattoos herself. “Wow,” she said, staring at him up and down. “I’m going to need the name of your inker. That is some good art.” “I’ve had a lot of inkers,” Mark chuckled. “My first tattoo was from a slave-driver in Moldora. The second one was from a serial killer. I tend to get them from the worst of the worst, and it pays off.” “Ooh, nice,” she said. “I take it you’re here to see the big man? I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you. You should hope so, at least.” Mark nodded. “I believe we already had an appointment scheduled.” “You are correct,” she laughed. “He's been talking about you all day.” Mark walked into the house and down the corridor to a room at the end. If an ordinary homeowner lived here, the room he entered would probably be furnished as a dining room, possibly as a playroom for their children. However, the New Coast crime lord that lived here had turned the room into a sort of makeshift casino; slot machines padded the sides of the walls while a poker table served as the room’s centerpiece. In the far corner were two couches, on one of which sat the man Mark presumed to be Phosphorus. He looked young and arrogant at first glance, reminding Mark of a cocky kid who thought he could run a business back in Liberty Hill, but who would always fall to Mark in the end. The heart tattoo on the left side of Mark’s chest came from him; his sins were driven by his heart rather than his brain, and that’s why Mark had defeated him. It was a fitting tattoo to remember him by. The major difference between Phosphorus and that kid was abundantly clear, though. Phosphorus wore an unbuttoned white jacket with no shirt; across his chest and extending down his left arm, his skin glowed a brilliant red-orange. Underneath the glow, Mark could see his ribcage, lit up by the man’s special ability. “Heh, on time I see,” Phosphorus chuckled. “I knew I could count on you.” Mark took a seat on the couch across from the crime lord. “Of course,” he said. “This business is always about impressions, and I’ve come to know that that means dependability as well as fear. Meet your opponents first, before you destroy them. And I believe that in a couple of months, I may have to destroy you.” “So it’s true then,” Phosphorus said. “You’re gonna hang around a while? That’s unfortunate. Oh well.” “Nice to meet you. I’d shake your hand, but I’ve been told that’s not really a good idea.” Mark stretched out on the couch, throwing his arms behind his back. “So you’re the Phosphorus, huh? I expected someone a little older to have been behind the work you’ve done. It’s impressive.” “Call me Alec,” Phosphorus said. He paused for a second. “I’m old enough. Besides, I’ve got a damn good reason why I’m doing this. Pardon the wordplay, but it’s a fire in my heart, so to speak, y’know? A drive.” Before Mark could respond, Alec’s breathing started tensing up. He turned his head to the doorway of the room. “Melanie! Food!” he shouted. The blonde woman from before quickly came over with a man in a suit, tied up and restrained. She dropped him at Alec’s feet before leaving, not saying a single word. The man’s expression turned frantic. “No, wait, please. Do anything. Ta--take my kids, instead. My wife. I can help you!” He was quickly shut up by Alec’s searing-hot left hand on his mouth, as the man quickly vaporized into thin air. Only a skeleton remained of where he was once standing. “Wow,” Mark said, shaking his head. “That is impressive, I have to say. Not exactly a good dude there, either. Guess you know how to pick ‘em.” “Yeah,” Alec laughed. “I only eat the rich types, people who have no spine or soul. That, and people who disappoint me, of course.” Alec paused for a second. “You know, I never wanted to be a criminal. I started this because I had to; if I don’t feed, I’ll die, and feeding ain’t exactly something you want to do in the open. But now? I’d say it feels pretty good. Not perfect, y’know? But it’s getting there.” Mark nodded. “I get it, I really do. You know, you and I have the same power, so to speak.” Alec gave him a confused look. Mark cleared his throat. “I was on deployment in Moldora several years ago. I was a young soldier, about your age, and I had just killed a few men for the first time. Every day, their voices screamed in my head. So we were taking down this horrible waste of a human being; he had enslaved thousands of men, women and children to work for the worst kind of people. And the night before the raid, I asked him how he did it. That man showed me the art of sin-grafting; for every sin he committed, he added just a bit more ink to his body. He kept the memories of those he killed in the tattoos. Well, I thought it was bullshit, but then he tattooed this dragon onto me.” He pointed at his first and favorite tattoo, the dragon that coiled around his bald head. “From that day on, whenever I kill someone, I tattoo myself with something to remind me of them. And I always use this special ink, which gives the tattoo life. Power. Doesn’t make it right, but it makes it damn near worth it. Now you, you have to kill people to live. I dunno how you got into that predicament, but you realized the same thing I did. If you get power from your sins, then it’s more than worth committing them, don’tcha think?” Alec’s expression soured. “I think you’re fucking wrong about me,” he said. He stood up, towering over Mark. The skull on his shoulder sensed that he was in an incredible amount of danger. Mark said nothing; he wanted to see where this would go. “I’m not a monster,” Alec huffed. “I was a good kid who wanted to do the right thing, and this bitch made me into who I am now. And my father just lets her stay by his side. He doesn’t notice shit. He doesn’t realize who that woman is. And so I’m here to fucking destroy the city he’s created, to burn it down to the bedrock on which it stands.” Mark raised an eyebrow. “Your father is Josiah Power? I see it. I think you’ll realize you’re a lot more like him than you imagine.” Alec lunged at Mark, nearly putting a hand on him. Acting quickly, Mark summoned the dragon from the tattoo on his head. Immediately, the ink turned into a violet energy construct of a serpent, lunging forward at Alec and releasing a sonic blast. Alec flew across the room, landing among the slot machines on the other wall. “See, you’ve got this terrifying power,” Mark chided. “But I got so many years on you it’s hard to imagine. That, Alec, is why I will take this city.” Alec writhed in pain as Mark stood over him and left. This was not the pain he felt when he hadn’t fed in a while, nor was it the pain he felt from Mark knocking him into the wall. No, this was omnipresent, coating every nerve of his body like it did when he was hungry, but ten times stronger. He cried out, bringing himself to his feet and stumbling out the door of the room. He had someone he needed to see. ≈≈≈≈≈ 🔱 ≈≈≈≈≈ “Help,” Alec gulped, grabbing Helga’s wrist in the hallway of the New Coast Polynesia Resort. He was wearing gloves, of course; he couldn’t let anyone else know about his abilities. Nearly collapsing, Alec straightened himself using Helga’s body as a support. “Alec,” Helga said, faking a smile. “You know, you are the last person I expected to see today. I have to say, I am very impressed with what you’ve managed to accomplish with your abilities. Seems like they’re treating you better than I had expected.” She paused for a second, looking around for bystanders. There were none. “Come into Room 104 with me, and we can talk. I don’t want to have to do to any others what I did to you.” The two of them walked further down the hall, entering Helga’s personal lab as Helga closed the door behind him. It was just as pristine, Alec thought, as the one Helga had imprisoned him in, although it was considerably smaller. Alec had only seen the inside of this lab from the small glimpse he had gotten when he had asked Helga to help save the day. The worst mistake of his life, Alec thought. He cared about his father for one moment, wanted to help save his life, and it cost him gravely. “I take it you have questions about your newfound powers?” Helga turned to the door and latched it shut. “Don’t worry; I’ve soundproofed the room much better since our last encounter. I could yell at the top of my lungs that you were Phosphorus, and Curtis in the next room wouldn’t do so much as to look up from his computer.” Alec nodded. “You said that this power would kill me. Everything’s starting to hurt like a bitch; I fed on my way here and it didn’t help. I need answers.” “Well,” Helga said, “I wish I could give you all the answers you need. Primer is a very imprecise science, and it reacts differently for every person that it works on. That being said, none of the powers triggered by your specific primer have killed anyone in less than 6 months. Trust me when I say I’ve done extensive research on this one.” Alec winced. He imagined Helga Jace, the kind hearted TV personality dedicated to treating people with metahuman conditions, giving hundreds of people the same treatment he had. It made so little sense, but with what he had seen of Helga in the past few months, it still fit perfectly. Helga continued as Alec sat himself down on a nearby hospital bed draped in thin paper. “That being said, any sort of pain you might experience is par for the course, and none of it is a sign of your impending death. Most of it will make you want to die, but you’ll be fine for several more months at least. Now, unfortunately, I still have work to do that my team can’t know about, so curing you would not benefit me. But so far, you’ve been exemplary in your discretion about these matters. Not to mention the immense distraction you’re providing for them; they barely have time to think about anything I’m doing.” Alec nodded. He resisted attacking Helga outright, as he knew she was his only chance at salvation. That did not mean that he wasn’t ready to do so. Instead, he looked her in the eyes and weakly spoke. “Will this new pain go away?” “Hard to tell. I could help run some tests, but as hard as it may seem to imagine, I don’t know everything about every power that comes my way. Most likely, though, there will be high points and low points, as there are with every disease. I can tell from your demeanor, for example, that you’re feeling significantly less pain than when you literally grabbed me, even if it doesn’t feel that way. By the way, don’t scare an old lady like that, especially with your specific ability.” Helga chuckled wildly. Alec felt sick to his stomach, even though these past few months had hardened him. This, he thought, was what true monsters looked like. “Fine,” Alec said, standing up. “You know what? I don’t need any more help. I got money, I got power, I got ladies, and it’s all because of your experiment. When the power does start to kill me, I’ll be here. But until then, I’m not coming through this door again.” Alec left Room 104 and began to leave the hotel. Helga was right; as he got up, the pain had begun to fade. After a few seconds, it had all but disappeared for the time being. He got to the lobby, where he immediately noticed a new complication. Josiah Power, his father, was standing over the desk, talking to the receptionist. Before he could turn the other way, he saw Alec standing there. He fell silent, his gaze softening. “Alec,” he muttered, coming closer. “I thought… I thought you left the city.” The rage that Alec felt that first night in the hotel began to bubble up again, but he kept it down. “Hey, Dad. Yeah, I was gone for a while, but I’m… I couldn’t leave.” He paused, considering his next words carefully. “I think I’m ready to talk to you again.” “That’s fantastic,” Josiah smiled. “Take your time; you don’t owe me anything. But if you want, maybe we could get dinner sometime?” Alec nodded. “I think I’d like that.” It was a lie, he told himself; he had to come up with something on the spot. But it worked in his favor; if he had a relationship with his father again, the betrayal would be much sweeter when he got to that point. He couldn’t wait to see Josiah’s face as he realized who he truly was. But that had to wait. As he left the lobby, he smiled. The pain may come back, but those who deserved it would also feel his pain in due time. ≈≈≈≈≈ 🔱 ≈≈≈≈≈ ”Alright,” Curtis said through his microphone. ”We’ve spotted the Tattooed Man in Kim’s area. Anyone currently in the field, converge on 44th Street and H. We need to take him down sooner than later.” “Got it,” Ray said, hovering high above Josiah’s central shopping district in New Coast before taking off due west. Below him, Thunder, Blue Devil and Commander Steel patrolled the streets; each of them began to make their way to the location in question through a series of Dan’s portals. As he arrived on location, Ray began to take in the sites around him. The area of the city that one of Josiah’s associates, Terrence Kim, developed felt much more like a normal city than a theme park. That said, it still felt like a theme park, if only because of how sleek and untouched the buildings were. Towering white-and-blue skyscrapers surrounded the wide streets of this area, with tropical foliage in planter boxes along the sidewalks. Palm trees dotted the curbsides, which featured parking spaces where the cars would face the curb. What took Ray by surprise the most, however, was how empty this part was. Not all of Kim’s territory was available to the public yet; only the bare minimum was completed. Ray landed on the street as Dan, Anissa and Marc portalled in behind him. Several blocks ahead of them, the Tattooed Man was smoking a cigar. He quickly noticed them and put it out before turning to them. The Tattooed Man let out a hearty chuckle as he took a few steps forward. “Well, well, well. You finally found me. Hey Marc, how’s the missus doing? You know, I could tell that she was stalking me when I got out. I served my time, why do I need to get harassed for what I’ve already done?” “Seems like it was well worth it,” Commander Steel said. “Considering where you ended up, Mark, you can’t take the high ground here..” “This small talk was never my favorite part. Let’s get this over with.” Two violet wings of energy sprouted from the Tattooed Man’s back, allowing him to tower over the other heroes. Ray immediately met him in the sky. From a sword tattoo on his left arm, he summoned a blade of energy that he immediately gripped with both hands before charging at Ray. Ray dodged the Tattooed Man’s first attack, responding with a barrage of light blasts. From the ground, Commander Steel fired his own bolts of energy from the wrist-cannons Helga had designed for him. The sword dissolved and was replaced by a shield that grew from a small tattoo on the back of the criminal’s left hand. For several seconds, the Tattooed Man sustained the heroes’ continuous fire, but it was interrupted when the Blue Devil portalled onto the shield and began punching at it over and over again. The Tattooed Man dissolved the shield and dived out of the way, flying higher to avoid further attacks. Ray chased after him and Dan portalled himself back onto the ground. “Now this, this is fun,” the villain chuckled to himself. “Marc, why couldn’t you learn to fly, or build some glider or something? Sky battles are awesome!” The dragon on the top of the Tattooed Man’s head came loose, chasing after Ray. He fired out a concentrated beam of light while flying away, but the dragon kept going. Before he could stop it, the dragon screamed, letting loose a powerful high-pitched sound, and Ray fell to the floor. The Tattooed Man landed on the ground, his wings dissolving as he stood over the fallen hero. “Now this will be a fun one to ink. I wonder, how should I remember you by? I’d do a lightbulb, but I don’t think you’re that bright to begin with.” A bolt of energy from Marc’s cannon stopped the villain from finishing Ray off, hitting his right shoulder and making him turn to the other heroes. Thunder leapt up onto the side of a nearby high-rise, tackling the criminal from behind as he was distracted. She began to force a pair of handcuffs onto him, but the Tattooed Man quickly summoned his wings again, knocking Thunder down as he turned to the skies. The lightning tattoo on the villain’s right arm began to let out a violet glow. From the skies, he fired powerful beams of lightning. The first hit Anissa, knocking her down; the second and third were fired at Commander Steel. A metal shield expanded from the hero’s own right arm, protecting him. As the Tattooed Man flew down, a portal from the Blue Devil intercepted him and brought him face-to-face with the two heroes left standing. The Tattooed Man readied another bolt, knocking Dan clean out. “Now,” he chided, “it’s just the two of us. Like old times, isn’t it?” He resummoned the sword and began exchanging blows with the soldier. Commander Steel quickly discharged another energy blast, which knocked the Tattooed Man a few steps backwards as he began to charge up another lightning bolt. He stopped. The skull tattoo on his shoulder began to sense another presence nearby. From above, another hero flew down, clad in a pristine silver costume with glowing accents. In the center was the letter “T” in a circle, clearly the symbol of the hero Mister Terrific. He glided on what looked like two green glowing disks that appeared to be made of pure energy. He looked down at some sort of holographic console emanating from his wrist. The Tattooed Man quickly recognized that this must be the Blue Devil’s associate, the one who once worked for Mister Terrific. The villain was used to recognizing Commander Steel’s body language, even behind that mask of his, and he knew that his enemy was just as surprised as he was. The new hero’s drones quickly surrounded the Tattooed Man, opening fire with green laser-blasts all around him. The Tattooed Man couldn’t take it, and quickly fell unconscious himself. ”Hey,” Curtis said as he flew down. ”I noticed you needed help.” ≈≈≈≈≈ 🔱 ≈≈≈≈≈ “So, wait,” Ray began to say as the heroes converged in Room 103. Helga had just finished performing medical care on the three members of Coastguard who were knocked out during the battle, and they were now calling a meeting to discuss what had happened. “You’re--you’re a hero now? When?” Curtis nodded. “Not always; I’ll be on comms for a lot of the time. But when you guys need it, Helga and I developed this suit. I’ll be calling myself the Technocrat.” “Cool,” Ray said. He poked at the Technocrat suit, which was standing up in the corner of the room, connected to a charger. “I’d have to disagree,” Anissa said. “Curtis, you’re incredibly important to us. We can’t risk something happening to you.” Curtis nodded. “Well, unfortunately, it’s not really your choice. I’ll make extra sure to choose my battles; don’t worry. But it’s important to me that you are all safe. The Tattooed Man would’ve killed all of you if I hadn’t come out there. And with Courtney in Opal half the time and Cisco… you know… we need more hands on deck.” “He would’ve killed you, too, if he had known you were coming,” Anissa remarked. “And now, everyone who comes to New Coast will know about you. Nothing’s changed; you just had the element of surprise this time.” Dan, who was sitting in the corner, finally spoke up. “Look,” he said. “I get why you’re worried, Anissa, I really do. I’m worried, too; like, really terrified outta my mind that my friend’s gonna get hurt doing this. But if there’s someone who can pull off this stuff, it’s Curtis. I wouldn’t try and stop him, either; he’s a very stubborn man.” “Alright,” Anissa huffed. “But I’m not gonna like it.” “The only question,” Marc laughed, “is what flavor of ice cream he’s gonna be. I can’t think of any grey ice-creams.” “That’s for Josiah to figure out,” Curtis smiled. “If I had to pick? Probably mint chocolate-chip. All of your weird fruit flavors are upsetting to the palate.” Everyone laughed around them, except for Anissa. It still didn’t feel right for Curtis to be going out there, and she knew that feeling wouldn’t change. But they were right; she had to deal with it. ≈≈≈≈≈ 🔱 ≈≈≈≈≈ Mark Richards woke up. His surroundings didn’t feel familiar, but they clearly weren’t any sort of prison. The building he found himself in was some sort of makeshift cabin made of wood. He was tied to a wooden chair on a grass floor. He looked at the ceiling; above him, the panels of wood were ornately painted in patterns of green and silver. “Where am I?” he asked, dazed. A man walked over to him in a red-and-brown robe. Draped over him was a green cape decorated with one glowing red gemstone on it. The first thing Mark noticed about his face was his two piercing green eyes, which seemed to see into his soul. “Greetings, Mark,” the man said. “I know you have many questions, but trust me when I say I am not an enemy.” Mark chuckled dryly. “When I’m tied to a chair like this, that’s usually hard to imagine.” “We both know that those bindings would not hold you if you did not want them to,” the man said in a monotone voice. “We simply had to restrain you, as you tended to flail around when unconscious.” He walked over to Mark and untied the knots that kept him tied to the chair. “My name is Samuel, and we have the same goals: to destroy Coastguard and to rule New Coast City. I am gathering people close to the Coastguard, people with vendettas against their members. You fit these criteria easily; another one of these people has already been clamoring to meet you.” A tall, thin man with pale skin and dark hair walked over to him. He wore a suit and tie that had clearly been hastily put on. Mark stood up and shook his hand. “Hi,” he smiled, speaking in a nasal voice. “Michael Clarion, occultist extraordinaire. Pleased to meet you. I also just got out of prison. Now, I have a lot of questions about your tattoos. They are mystical in origin, correct? I’m very interested to discuss the finer points of this with you.”
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