Disgraced fashion mogul Peter Nygard's own SON is helping police investigate his alleged sex crimes By Guy Adams Investigates For The Daily Mail
15 Jan 2021
Link to article
'He has become my arch-nemesis. I no longer regard him as my father . . . He is a monster. I am now here to serve in any way I can, to support survivors and the justice process and also to help expose the people who covered up his crimes.'
Kai Bickle's world came tumbling down one night in May 2019, when he attended a dinner party at a lavishly decorated mansion overlooking the golden sands of Venice Beach in Los Angeles.
The host was his father, Peter Nygard, a Canadian fashion tycoon famed for the hedonistic lifestyle he pursued at a global portfolio of high-end properties, including vast residences in Winnipeg, Toronto and Montreal, as well as New York, and, most notoriously, a Mayan-themed 'private luxury resort' in the Bahamas.
Modelling himself on Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, the flamboyant Nygard, now 79, kept a revolving harem of girlfriends. Those caught up (often completely unwittingly) in this web had included actresses Susan Anton and Jennifer O'Neill, stripper-turned-reality star Anna Nicole Smith, and a former Wheel Of Fortune card turner by the name of Vanna White.
His Caribbean parties, meanwhile, tended to attract a better class of A-lister. Past visitors to the island property had ranged from Jane Seymour and Bo Derek to Robert De Niro, , Michael Jackson and Joan Collins, not to mention and , who were photographed there in the early 2000s on an innocuous family holiday.
The 2019 bash, during one of Peter's occasional business trips to LA, was to be a more down-to-earth affair. Roughly 20 guests, including Kai, 38, and his younger brother Jessar (one of roughly ten offspring Nygard has fathered via more than seven women) had been invited for food and drinks, followed by a late-night poker game.
That was the plan, at least. But Kai never made it to the card- table. Instead, he fled the lavish premises in a state of distress, shortly after dinner, believing that he had just witnessed his father attempting to sexually assault an eight-year-old girl.
Details of this ugly development are (it should be stressed) strongly disputed, and we shall examine them later. But the incident would kick-start an extraordinary chain of events that culminated just before Christmas, with the arrest of Peter Nygard on nine charges of sex trafficking and racketeering.
Currently behind bars, with his $900 million (£660 million) business empire in tatters and the FBI poring over his computer hard-drives, the fallen tycoon has now been accused of rape or sexual assault by at least 57 women. Several of Nygard's accusers were children when the alleged crimes took place, and many claim they were drugged.
At least 57 women have accused him.
He will appear in court in Canada next week, seeking bail as he fights extradition to the USA.
It is, perhaps, the most high-profile and shocking sex case since handcuffs were slapped on Jeffrey Epstein. And in a remarkable twist, it turns out that a leading figure in the increasingly public campaign to prosecute Mr Nygard is his aforementioned son, Kai.
Upcoming documentary: ‘Unseamly’ Canadian Designer Peter Nygård True Crime Documentary
Behind the scenes, I can reveal that Kai has spent the past 18 months secretly helping both the U.S. and Canadian authorities investigate his own father's alleged crimes. Keeping his role hidden from Nygard and his associates for several months, he has worked tirelessly to assist victims, and their legal teams.
On the personal front, he has changed his name (taking up his mother's surname to become Kai Zen Bickle) and used his influence over various Nygard companies to block efforts to move his assets offshore, fearing that would allow him to flee. 'We have been engaged in a brutal battle against my father and his enablers,' is how Kai summed things up when we spoke this week.
'He has become my arch-nemesis. I no longer regard him as my father . . . He is a monster. I am now here to serve in any way I can, to support survivors and the justice process and also to help expose the people who covered up his crimes.'
Perhaps most remarkably of all, Kai recently helped two of his younger siblings, one of whom remains a minor, to sue Peter Nygard over claims he 'engineered' the rape of his own sons. In an extraordinary lawsuit filed in August, the boys claimed that their leathery, multi-millionaire father instructed one of his long-standing girlfriends (who was also a sex worker) to 'make a man' out of them.
The first of these alleged attacks (which, again, are vehemently denied by Nygard) took place in the Bahamas 2004, when the son was 15 and the woman was in her mid-20s. The second occurred in Winnipeg in 2018, when the younger child was 14 and the woman was in her 40s. Court papers filed by the boys stated that the unnamed girlfriend was instructed to seduce Nygard's son by showering in his bathroom so that he 'could see her naked'. Then she raped him.
Afterwards, she allegedly told the boy he 'wasn't bad' for a 'baby.' The next morning, Nygard's girlfriend brought him breakfast in bed, kissing him on the lips and announcing: 'Mommy's got you.' Kai says he first became aware of this appalling incident last spring, and was 'sickened' to hear his brothers' claims.
He would often yell and scream at his staff.
'We all spoke and decided the best course of action was to file a lawsuit publicly in the hope that other survivors would feel safe to come forward and also file criminally against Nygard,' he says. 'We were originally going to have me in the suit as my young brother's guardian, but in the end decided not to because it would reveal to Nygard that I was working against him . . . At the time I was [secretly] doing everything I could to improve the odds that he would get arrested.'
To appreciate the extraordinary journey taken by Kai, we must wind the clock back to the mid-1980s, when his father was one of Canada's most talked-about self-made millionaires.
The son of penniless immigrants from Finland, Peter Nygard had launched his empire in the late 1960s, with an $8,000 (£6,000) investment in a struggling fashion firm. By the time he was 30, the company had become one of North America's most successful suppliers of leisure and sportswear, while his flamboyant eccentricities, which included keeping parrots in his office and filling the lobby of Nygard HQ with bronze busts of himself, turned him into an object of public fascination.
In 1987, the party-loving entrepreneur purchased a 4.5-acre patch of the island of New Providence in the Bahamas and set about turning it into a 'dream home' where he could indulge his champagne lifestyle. Over the ensuing years, he built 150,000 sq ft of Mayan-themed buildings, stretching over a dozen 'cabana-style' residences. The buildings at Nygard Cay eventually included a casino, a disco hut (with cameras beneath the dance floor, reportedly to shoot images of revellers from below), and the world's largest sauna, a 6,000 sq ft lodge made from 2ft-thick Canadian pine logs.
In the grounds were fake volcanoes that belched dry ice, a flock of peacocks, stone cobras which hissed steam at sunset, 60 ft towers festooned with hundreds of flaming torches (lit nightly by staff) and giant statues of nude women, purportedly modelled on some of Nygard's favourite girlfriends.
At weekends, he would host lavish parties, which appeared on various TV documentaries, including Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous.
The place became a magnet for freeloading celebrities and, while Kai believes they generally had the most fleeting and brief relationship with Nygard, photos of their visits were then plastered across company literature and websites.
Prince Andrew, to cite one example, was recorded for posterity wandering with the long-haired fashion magnate on the beach, wearing blue shorts and boat shoes.
Born in the 1980s, Kai spent the first three years of his life in the Bahamas until his mother, Patricia, left Nygard, with whom she'd had three children but never married.
They moved first to California and then to the Pacific Northwest in the U.S. Over subsequent years, he had almost no regular contact with the fashion tycoon aside from occasional visits during school holidays, where he met various half-siblings.
'He would have one family weekend per year at his lake cottage, and a few days set aside for Christmas,' says Kai of the somewhat unorthodox arrangement. 'During those times, the days were filled with activities like horseback riding or mini golf.
'He could be a very charismatic person when he wanted to be and the family weekends were very light and brief.'
In the very limited time he spent with his father during childhood, Kai saw nothing that gave him reason to suspect that Peter Nygard was guilty of criminality, though he did have a highly volatile personality.
'He would yell and scream at his staff often, and that always was upsetting to everyone around it, but he would describe his yelling as 'passion' because of his 'high standards',' Kai says.
Nygard's children were further told that he 'lived a consensual, non-monogamous lifestyle,' Kai says. 'He made speeches at dinner to family when we were together to talk about how he hoped everyone got a wonderful partner and wished that he could find that special someone, but that it wasn't the life for him.
'He also had girlfriends that were persistently with him, always two or three, and often they were around for years. He wasn't embarrassed about it. He flaunted it on TV, it was part of his brand, something he showed the whole world. He was proud of it.'
Be that as it may, rumours of predatory behaviour by Nygard —and worse — had occasionally reared their ugly head, only to be quickly suppressed: a relatively easy task before the internet.
In 1980, for example, he was charged with the rape of an 18-year-old, but the charge was dropped when the complainant refused to testify. In 1996, three female employees meanwhile filed sexual harassment complaints in the Canadian province of Manitoba.
It looked like his hand was on her thigh, rubbing.
One, a 39-year-old communications manager, said that, when called into Nygard's office, she would 'find him in a state of undress . . . with his hands down the front of his pants, fondling himself.' He settled by giving the women $18,500 (£13,600) and denied any wrongdoing.
Then, in 2010, a Canadian TV network put out a Panorama-style documentary about Nygard, focusing on alleged sex abuse and harassment of former employees.
It quoted a former stewardess on his private plane who alleged that on one journey — during which Nygard was accompanied by a troupe of topless women — he lost his temper with staff, shouting: 'You are nothing! You are garbage! I am God!'
The programme also alleged that Nygard had engaged in 'inappropriate sexual contact' with a young woman who had been brought to his home in 2003 from the Dominican Republic. Nygard denied that either incident had happened, and sued to stop the documentary being broadcast.
Fast forward to May 2019, however, and those ugly incidents were largely forgotten. Kai, who was by then in his late 30s, had worked for his father's companies for just over two years after leaving college, but quit to pursue a career in activism and health science.
Nygard's trip to Los Angeles afforded them a rare opportunity to catch up, so he attended the aforementioned dinner party in Venice Beach.
As the night wore on, he recalls becoming uncomfortable about his father's behaviour towards an eight-year-old girl, who was attending with her mother, one of Nygard's old girlfriends.
'He's got her sitting right next to him at dinner, which is usually his girlfriend chair. And he's a creature of routine. So I'm already thinking this is weird.
'He's trying to act like the Papa. It was just weird . . . I'm noticing things. I'm noticing that he's telling her little secrets at dinner. Putting his hand close to her ear and going all hush-hush.' At the end of dinner, most of the other 20-odd guests got up to adjourn to the card table. However, Kai adds: 'I'm still watching him. Her chair gets pushed back. He brings her round to him.
'She was on his right side. He brings her to his left side, with his arm around her waist, and I see his elbow change and start moving as if — it looked to me, I couldn't see, but it looked like his hand was on her upper thigh, and rubbing. That's what it looked like to me . . . Everything in my body told me he was doing something terrible.'
'I had a huge adrenaline rush and I immediately told the mother to get her daughter away from him,' he adds. 'I stood up next to him and looked in his eyes. At that moment, for me, it was like all the walls were crashing down around him . . . And I realised that, yeah, he's probably trying to groom that girl.'
Nygard vigorously denied wrongdoing, and even called Kai 'sick' for thinking as much. But Kai was unconvinced.
Then, in February last year, ten women filed a bombshell lawsuit in New York claiming that the fashion magnate had used wealth and status to 'entice underage girls' from 'young, impressionable and often impoverished backgrounds' into his home, where they would be 'plied with alcohol' and (some allege) date-rape drugs, before being taken to Nygard's private quarters, where he would 'assault, rape and sodomise' them. Court papers claimed they were then coerced into joining a globe-trotting harem of sex workers paid thousands of dollars from Nygard's company funds and trafficked around the world on his company's private jet, which reportedly boasts a stripper pole.
One alleged victim, who was just 14 at the time, claimed Nygard raped her and paid her $5,000 (£3,700).
Another said her encounter with Nygard began with him showing her pornography after which he raped her, 'causing her extraordinary trauma and pain', the suit states.
Three of his existing ten accusers were 14 at the time. Three more were 15.
Within days, dozens more alleged victims had come forward. By the summer, some 57 survivors were pursuing legal action — and the number of alleged victims had reached 100.
Kai again confronted his father, only to be told it was all 'lies' and asked to speak out publicly in his father's support. But days later a friend texted Kai to complain about a recent visit to Nygard's house in Los Angeles.
'He said he'd brought a female friend with him, who had one or two drinks and had started to feel very high. Nygard took her up to his room and aggressively had sex with her, not using a condom.
'When I heard that, I knew he was not only as bad as people said he was, but was a dangerous criminal and had to be stopped.' He duly alerted the authorities about the friend's message. In a podcast called Live To Walk Again, released this week, he revealed that he began helping both the police and the alleged victims' lawyers, who he regards as 'heroes'.
Over the summer, Kai also used official positions held in Nygard firms to block two apparent efforts to move assets overseas, amid concerns that the tycoon might flee to evade justice.
PODCAST EPISODE: Peter Nygard Discusses His Father
'Through the course of ten months I also helped several survivors to file criminally against him, and spent countless hours on the phone with survivors, lawyers and authorities,' he says. Last month Nygard was arrested on U.S. charges at a home in the Royalwood area of Winnipeg. He spent Christmas behind bars and has consistently denied any wrongdoing, saying he 'expects to be vindicated' in court.
Kai has renounced his inheritance and is working on 'making the world a better place' by campaigning to close legal loopholes exploited by sex offenders.
'I'm very happy earning my own money, as I have all my life. We've never had a trust fund or an allowance, and since his money has been made through pain and suffering, I won't accept a potential inheritance,' he says.
His father's cash, he says, should instead go towards compensating victims. 'My focus now is to help the healing process.'

TL;DR - I use the craft beer industry as a way to understand Capitalist Propaganda, how Capitalism and Socialism are inextricably linked to each other, and how through the use of propaganda, companies use the "illusion of choice" to coerce you into believing that you prefer the products that are most favorable to them. In order to change this into the consumer's favor, you need to be an informed consumer in the free market, and raise class consciousness to overthrow the tyranny of Capitalist Propaganda, that is called "Marketing".
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You can't understand Capitalist Propaganda unless you have a solid understanding of what Capitalism is beyond the literal definition of the word, which is just an abstract ideal. Propaganda plays off of the discrepancies between the ideals of Capitalism, like the free market, which is another abstract ideal, and the reality of Capitalism in practice in America, which can be characterized as Trickle Down Economics. Capitalism sought to be a pragmatic alternative to its economic predecessors, a fact which drives Capitalist Propaganda. However, through layers of abstraction throughout the years, it has become more of a religion, as critics refer to the increasingly ideological concept as "Supply Side Jesus", meaning you give all the money to the rich, it'll trickle down to the poor, and they can "vote" on the actions of the capitalists through monetary interactions in the free market.
Capitalist Propaganda is engrained in America, because at the time of our founding, Adam Smith wrote "Wealth of Nations", which is considered the Bible of the Free Market. This groundbreaking work utilized Newton's Laws of Physics, which were en vogue at the time, to describe how interactions in the marketplace would balance each other out, just as the laws of Newtonian Physics do.
The very noble purpose of Wealth of Nations was not create the oligarchy we have today, but to do the opposite. He wanted to describe a system that would protect individual freedoms and be truly democratic. Just as Lenin and Stalin bastardized the works of Marx, so too have capitalists in America bastardized the intentions of Adam Smith.
Capitalism and Socialism are best learned side by side, in my opinion, to avoid falling into the trappings of either ideology that our brains like to do. Which one is better? It depends on the market, but the answer is almost always somewhere in between.
Through learning how Socialist concepts can be applied to problems in Capitalism, you can cut through the propaganda and will see for yourself that these problems can be solved if we just drop the labels and do what's best for society and the individual. The problem is always finding the proper balance.
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WHAT? CAPITALISM AND SOCIALISM ARE JOINED AT THE HIP?
Yep. You can never live in a pure economic system. Purity is always an illusion. If you want something to be pure, you have to put a lot of energy into making it that way. Nature likes to mix stuff up. This is why ideologies around racial purity and fascism always fail. There are people who want a "pure" economic system, but they are usually the people at the top and would only get richer from more purity while the rest of society loses freedom and slowly starves.
In a nutshell, Capitalism promotes laws that benefit those with money, while Socialism promotes a safety net that benefits everyone. Every single human is born into Socialism. As a baby, you need food, someone else works for it and gives it to you, but then at some point, you are expected to exchange labor for capital, and buy your own food. See? The two are forever bound as the yin and yang. You can also grow your own food, but for that you need land, which is capital.
These interactions are very tricky. I only want to tell you enough so that you can start to see Capitalist Propaganda, because right now, you're like a fish in water that can't see water. I often use this line to describe a person who can't see their own homegrown propaganda. The best way I found to study Capitalism is by relating it Socialism, the "air" above the "water" of Capitalism, if that makes sense.
I always find it best to look at a microcosm to understand these concepts. And today, that microcosm is beer.
Mmmm....Beeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr.....
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CONFLICT OF INTEREST AND THE ILLUSION OF CHOICE
Before I poison your mind with my own propaganda, picture you're on vacation and you walk into a bar and want to order a beer. If you really want to understand the power of propaganda in your own life, really think of this before we break this all down. Really think, what makes you decide which beer to order? Do you like to look at the labels on the tap or bottle? That's obvious propaganda. It has absolutely nothing to do with the taste or quality of the beer itself, but sways your opinion toward logos you've seen before, which is why you see so many beer advertisements, which means that money that could've gone into quality is instead going into propaganda, and you're already biased towards an inferior product. Interesting. You really can't help being swayed by marketing, but at least you can be conscious of that fact, and that's important in order to be an informed consumer.
Do you ask the bartender for a recommendation? Why would you do that? You don't know the bartender any better than the beers in front of you. How do you know they aren't paid more to offer you a beer that sucks and is 12 years old and the owner wants to get rid of it? Do you ask for a certain style of beer? Do you ask for a local beer? And once you finally narrow it down to a few choices, do you ask for samples so you can make up your own mind? You should always do this. Then we get into "flavor propaganda", which we'll discuss later. Jeez. Did you every realize there was so much complexity behind being an informed consumer and just ordering a simple beer? Maybe you'll give in and just tell the bartender to pour whatever. Choice is difficult sometimes.
If you really visualize this and take a minute to let this sink in, you'll start to understand how external forces hijack the processor in your mind to manufacture desire through the illusion of choice. However, your health and enjoyment of the beer is not the goal for these external forces, they only want you to purchase. The perfect example is fast food. They know their product sucks, but they know you'll keep buying it, but that doesn't keep them from lying about how delicious it is in their ads. There is far more at play behind the curtain. There is a science behind addicting you to things, this is reinforced by a corporate tax and subsidy system that contorts the free market pushing centralization of production through homogenization and use of chemicals to hide the homogenization, and simply because there is more than one option, they make you feel like you have choice. This, in a nutshell, is how the illusion of choice works in the free market. It's not about what YOU want. The producer manipulates you to think you want what they have. Through this, they deceive Americans into buying products with a list of ingredients that a person would never freely choose to consume. So if you want to order a beer with no shit in it, then you're shit out of luck in America. You could in Germany, but we'll discuss that later.
While you're standing at that bar, you aren't conscious of the fact that your interests are in direct opposition to those of the bar owner's. Capitalists hide this fact with their perfect smiles, but Marx described this in detail. You want the best beer for the cheapest price, and the bar owner wants to sell you the cheapest beer at the highest price you'll pay. It doesn't stop there. The bar owner flips roles in the same situation with the beer distributor, who does the same with maybe another level of distribution, and continues to the brewer, then goes to the brewer versus supplier, supplier to farmer, and even though you'd think it stops there, the farmer has to deal with suppliers of equipment and seeds, and on and on.
Add to this list their auxiliary staff of HR, drivers, managers, brewers, bottle/keg makers, and of course owners, none of them care whether you actually like the beer you're drinking as long as you keep buying more. That's the big driver here.
Did you ever realize that every time you buy a beer, your own capital is partially responsible for creating and sustaining all of these jobs involved? You, my dear beer drinker, are the true job creator. Budweiser can brew all they want, it means nothing without buyers, who are the true engines of capitalism. Instead, you're treated as a rube by suits in a boardroom somewhere.
Capitalist Propaganda tells us the billionaires are job creators, but this is a lie. Jeff Bezos can't drink enough beer to sustain all these jobs. So why do we let him hoard all the money? Wouldn't the economy do better if we spread out Jeff's money so more people could buy more beers and more jobs would be created? According to Socialist Economics, yes. That's actually, quite simply, a Socialist Free Market. Did you even know that existed? The power hungry greedy people who are too lazy for manual labor go to such great lengths to make sure you don't learn it. They want you to think that only Capitalism allows you choice in the market. I'm sure you can guess why they say that.
Capitalism maintains itself by exulting the wealthy who use their economic power to punch down. The only way this system won't fall into fascism and fail is if the consumers start to punch back. Where Marx envisioned the Dictatorship of the Proletariat as they usurped power from the Bourgeoisie, a modern alternative is just teaching people to understand the system we live in, so that we can just start making changes in the way we live and to whom we give our money.
See that? Capitalism and Socialism can get along nicely, so long as the consumers are informed.
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CLASS CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE ALIENATION OF LABOR CAUSING LONELINESS IN SOCIETY
What I described within the previous section is what Marx called "Alienation of Labor". Each step in the process of making your beer is isolated from the others, so no one feels ownership over the end product or a true connection to the consumer, or job creator. Even the bartender selling it is alienated from the profit of their labor in serving the beer, so they only focus on the service aspect of giving you the beer, because that is where they earn their tip. They can't really fix anything about a shitty beer other than to offer you a different brand. The capitalist owner is usually not there. Their only interaction is setting the rules for everyone in the bar to follow, and pay themselves more than everyone who has to follow those rules. This is part of the conflict between the classes. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just pointing it out. The bar owner themself has to spend money on propaganda to attract customers that could be spent in other places, so has to find ways to cut costs. Unfortunately, they buy cheaper beer...and this is why you end up with IPAs. No one is connected to the products, so they only look at prices and find the cheapest, passable product. This is the race to the bottom of Capitalism.
Compare this to when brewpubs were a new thing. The brewer would come out and talk to you about the beer, you would give feedback that could effect future batches and it connected everyone to each other through commerce. It makes business "social" and I think nearly everyone enjoys that, but it is losing out in competition with chain breweries that enforce isolation and make cookie cutter propaganda and cookie cutter business models so they can turn owners into managers and suck all the profit back their corporate headquarters and offshore accounts. They kill the experience and make everything transactional. And all the kitsch they hang around their cookie cutter chain bar is just to hide the fact that no one in that place cares about anything other than not getting fired. Everyone is effectually alienated from everyone else. It's worth a read to check out this page on Marx's Theory of Alienation.
This alienation is the root of a lot of misery in society. Humans are communal animals forced to live in a society of individuality and alienation. As they mope around, they seek an escape. And that is why advertising is so nefarious. It seeks to manipulate you in that state. Imagine driving home from your alienating job to you empty home, but looking up and see a billboard with bunch of actors laughing and drinking beer. They take pictures that make these actors look like friends. It's just for show. They aren't selling beer to those laughing people in the picture. They're tempting lonely people to drown their sorrows. Capitalist Propaganda is used so your brain doesn't understand what it wants. It wants friends, then sees the words Bud Light. So when the bartenders asks...Make it a Bud Light. Look at how much money they spend to manipulate and capitalize on people's suffering.
Propaganda in Communist countries is controlled by the government, so it's clear who the enemy of your freedom is. Capitalist Propaganda hides behind the layers of complexity of the same economy you rely on to survive, so you never know what's propaganda or where it's coming from. Marketers find every way imaginable to get their disinformation in front of your eyes, even enlisting your friends on Facebook in annoying MLM schemes. Propaganda invaded everything that can be legally monetized. It's in the media, and not just commercials anymore. There's product placement, stories injected into the news, and even movies and social media created an entire industry of "lifestyle propaganda", telling you how to live your life and indulge in overconsumption. It's REALLY hard to get away from Capitalist Propaganda. There is so much money and research behind it and so much depth, even this long post is only barely scratching the surface. I just want to open your eyes to it.
I can't make you see all this. No one can. I can only describe it as best as I can. What you will experience when you understand this is what I call "Economic Enlightenment", similar to what Marx called "Class Consciousness". Once it happened to me, the world looked amazing, and the shitty propagandists selling us false hope all look like clowns in a very odd circus of vanity, despair and mediocrity.
Once I understood this, I saw clearly how we are increasingly trapped in a form of Corporate Slavery, led by seriously ridiculous oligarchs like Mark Zuckerberg, who thinks he's the reincarnation of Augustus Caesar or something. That's why he has that haircut! This is a guy who stole a company and hired "screen psychologists" from Las Vegas to get you hooked on Facebook the same as casinos do with slot machines. He wants to be the funnel for propaganda throughout the world. He wants to be the kingmaker, decide what people buy, who they like, what views they hold. He can only do this because so many companies spend so much money to put their propaganda on that platform. They can only have this much money because the free market is not actually free. It's bought and paid for on platforms like Facebook and Amazon. The money that was supposed to "trickle down" is instead being spent on Capitalist Propaganda on these platforms, to get the proletariate to trickle their money up through endless, nonsensical online purchasing and local businesses who send the town's money to people who can't do anything with it but buy up properties that increase your rent and cost of living.
When people get drunk on the power of propaganda, they forget the lessons of the past. Propagandists always fall prey to their own delusions over time. In reality, your life is better without Facebook. There isn't anything on there that is healthy. Even if you just want to talk to a few friends, you are going to fall for the propaganda there. You can't help it. And if your bar advertises on Facebook, just think, that money could've gone into purchasing higher quality beer then sold at the same price, instead of going to Mark Zuckerberg so he can drop $30 million to buy the houses around him so no one can spy on him while he spies on you. You really gotta watch out for a guy who combines spying and propaganda all into a single app and thinks he's going to bring 200 years of peace to America. History is littered with knuckleheads like that. It's best to get off Facebook and encourage everyone else to do the same. Zuck only wants to lead himself to the Promised Land, and he's using your ignorance to fuel his own delusions by deluding you into thinking you want what he has to offer.
Let's get back to beer.
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IPAs AND THE FREE MARKET VS THE RACE TO THE BOTTOM
I like beer. When I worked in Germany, it was easy to walk into a bar and, like Farva, just order a liter o' beer. Often, there would only be two choices, light color or dark. As a matter of fact, even at the most famous beer festival in the world, Oktoberfest, people mostly drink the same standard type of beer, and no one complains about the lack of choice. It's quite easy. You can order with one finger. No need to see a menu or ask what's in it. It's simply beer. This worked for centuries. Consumers are fine with it. Prost! Have you ever shared a story like this and people say, "Oh, that would never work in America. Americans want choice." Yeah. Because we are flooded with Capitalist Propaganda.
So if consumer choice isn't pushing for a selection, why would a free market call for it? Imagine there are two bars and one of those bars says "30 beers on tap" and the other doesn't. You're more likely to choose it, and the other bar will have to compete in some way, often by copying. This forms trends, and people mistake this for something customers wanted. Trends are always marketing. Don't believe me? What happened to fidget spinners? So now you have a bunch of beers that no one asked for, yet will now demand. Competition creates more Capitalist Propaganda to create demand for something you never even wanted, but makes you think you do. And that's the best propaganda. You think you are thinking for yourself. This is the fallacy of consumer choice.
If you want to understand just how important that last paragraph is, consider this, "consumer choice" is the same propaganda they used to get you to carry around a device that spies on you 24/7 and sends that data to people you don't know, and you can't stop it, can you? You chose that. You wanted it. Not only that, but you paid $1,000 for the device to opt into their spying program, for the privilege of being mind controlled by the propaganda their AI selects for you. Did you read the Terms of Service? As bad as you may have thought Communist Propaganda was, Capitalist Propaganda is far better, and far stealthier. You believe you have freedom of choice. But your only choice is usually take it, or leave it. Oh, you need it for work? Maybe find a different job. Or just succumb to mass surveillance, and next year, you can drop another grand on a device with a marginally better camera.
There is a way to free yourself. You just have to understand the nature of propaganda. It took me a while, but I eventually broke free. Under Socialism, there would be laws against the exploitation of consumers. Capitalist Propaganda tells you that this takes away your freedom. This is a lie. Regulations give you the freedom to not have to worry whether the beer you're drinking has poison in it.
Germany has a lot of regulations on beer. It has the Reinheitsgebot (purity order), a law passed in 1516 that states that beer can only consist of water, hops and barley. Note, this is a different use of the word "purity" from earlier, as beer is itself a mixture of things. Historically there have also been regulations where beer could only be sold regionally, so no matter what part of Germany you were in, you only got a certain brand of beer at the bar, but it didn't matter because they all had the same ingredients. They could make wheat beers or unfiltered, but they were generally variations of pilsners and lagers. One meaning of the word "Lager" in German is "storage", meaning the beer was brewed in a way that it could be stored, allowing them to brew in bigger batches and store it.
Lagers use a more complex brewing process, so only larger breweries would make them, but this worked because of protected territories. America has a similar system, because each state has its own regulations on alcohol, but this is changing as corporate lawyers fight to homogenize the rules favorable to them, but the consumer loses control. Big brands tend to be lagers as they have general appeal to a wide audience. Did you notice this is the second time I pointed out that corporations create homogeneity? Without regulations, corporations create Fascism. That is why I tell people that we already live in the NWO but corporations rule the world instead of governments. Why do you think so few conspiracy theorists make this connection? Propagandists are paid a lot of money to keep even our small community confused about the reality of what's happening. Now, check out conspiracy and you'll see what I mean. They are spreading propaganda for the NWO over there and don't even know it. I tried to point that out and they finally banned me. Oh well. They'll figure it out in their own time.
In America, in 1978 it became legal to brew beer at home. This is what led to the explosion of new beers in the US decades later. Americans don't have purity laws, so could test new recipes. But people didn't generally like IPAs before, so how did they become so popular that they control 30% of the market? Marketing, of course. Create the market and tell people what they want.
IPA stands for India Pale Ale. It was invented by the British as an easy way to make a beer that they could drink in India. People only drank it out of necessity, as the other beers couldn't make the trip. IPAs are very easy to make and very forgiving, because if you mess it up, it already tasted bad anyway. As people started trying to get into microbrews, they often didn't have the capital to make lagers at small scale, and also wanted a simpler process so they didn't have to hire or train expert brewers, IPAs are cheap and easy to make at smaller scale.
In order to make it drinkable, brewers experimented with many different flavorings. This created a cult following of craft IPAs, where people would drive hours to stand in line for hours to try the newest concoction. The trendy nature of the craft beer world kept people training their palate to adapt to the taste of an IPA, making people start to actually like them. The flavorings made people think they were different, so even if they didn't like it, marketing tactics kept people coming back to try the latest blend. Your palate can adapt A LOT. Swedish people love Surströmming, but watch this video of Americans trying it for the first time. They tried to get me to eat it several times, but I would rather sit in a sauna until Tuesday to avoid smelling it while watching them eat it. It really smells that bad.
IPAs enticed people with popular, aromatic ingredients like bananas and pineapple. This is what I call "flavor propaganda". It's not bad in and of itself, but it can be easily misused to cover issues with quality or hide the taste of preservatives. Since we don'e have laws like Germany, you're left to rely on the knowledge and honesty of the bartender to find out. They don't make this info readily available, which is another form of Disinformation.
So if you think you actually like IPAs, just remember, you are just like a Swede eating rotten fish. A lot of propaganda went in to making IPAs popular, but it's the cheapest, easiest product to make that can be sold at the highest price, so they become popular. This is what business students call a business plan. To overcome the bad taste, IPAs were marketed as "classy" to shame you if you choose the more expensive to produce and more appealing pilsners and lagers, which were given a bad name due to being associated with major brands like Bud Light. This makes it harder to market microbrew lagers, which can only fetch a certain price due to association. And this is what is referred to as the "race to the bottom" in Capitalism.
Instead of trying to innovate ways to produce the beers you want, they just figure out how to get you to pay more for an inferior product, just like they do with BBQ. They make you think you want it. From this you can understand why "food" is full of junk that you wouldn't feed your dog. Whatever legal poison helps cheapen the product is considered "smart business", another propaganda term designed to hide the reality of doing immoral and harmful things to other humans for profit. If you make money on it, it's good. As if there aren't better choices we could come up with if there truly were a free market with an informed consumer.
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STRENGTHEN THE FREE MARKET BY BEING AN INFORMED CONSUMER
We don't need a Communist Revolution to make positive changes, so take off your ski masks and put your Antifa flags down. I like microbrew culture and still enjoy IPAs, but understanding the marketplace is how I do my part as an informed consumer and job creator to help create the world that I want to live in. I encourage you to do the same. Vote with your dollars. Don't let the Zuck-type sociopathic, corporate people in a distant land decide what you consume by looking at ads on his platform. Visit local breweries and talk to the brewmaster. Don't reinforce alienation from labor. Connect with the people who make the things you buy. Support independent entrepreneurship. These are the paths to a brighter future where we share in the abundance of wealth.
Discover Economic Enlightenment for yourself and realize that We The People are ultimately in control. Wealth inequality is greater than it was in France before the French Revolution. Don't let this train take us into the depths where another Lenin will arise and spend the night shooting people.
How you choose to spend your money today is what decides what will become the society of tomorrow. And remember, you always have the choice to buy nothing at all. I never saw a billboard that said that.
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LET THEM DRINK BEER!
I hope this gave you a glimpse behind the curtain of Capitalist Propaganda. Propaganda isn't just political, it has invaded everything and it's at full blast right now. I hope you can piece together how Capitalist Propaganda is actually designed to make you subservient by controlling what you want so they can maximize their own profit and teach you to accept whatever they offer, the homogenization of choice. However, your life is your own and you should remain in control of all aspects of it, including your desires.
Richard Wolff is an economist who studied at three elite universities in America and discusses how he was not able to even learn about Socialist Economics in the ivory tower, even though Capitalist Propaganda calls universities leftist. He found no department in America that is even willing to teach it or study it. Capitalist Propaganda censors these ideas, especially at the university. People in power don't want the serfs to learn about themselves. Check him out on YouTube. You'll realize that unchecked Capitalism leads to Fascism and Slavery, which is why they want to get rid of the minimum wage, so that we can return to sharecropping which is already increasingly happening in America under different names, like "student debt", "mortgages" and "insurance". Don't you think it's odd that a person has to go into debt so they can generate profits for corporations who really ought to be paying for this education themselves? If you have to go into debt before they'll hire you, it's much easier to negotiate against you.
If you want to see other examples of propaganda, check out this random tweet from one of America's Top Capitalist Propagandists. These are very odd pictures, and the only thing I can see in them is that they must be promoting those outfits, likely the blue dress, maybe those men's outfits as well. One thing you know is that she didn't become a billionaire by letting any single opportunity to enrich herself at the expense of others pass her by. I didn't look it up, but I am certain they sell that blue dress, or whoever does paid her to post this.
That's the main reason celebrities use social media. It's marketing. Their whole schtick is to sell garments made in a sweatshop in a foreign country by people who can't even afford a beer to Americans who are facing bankruptcy and homelessness themselves.
Read the replies of the tweet. These people have influence that vastly outsizes their understanding of their impact on the world. There are guillotines in the comments. There usually are. I'm seeing them a lot lately.
This type of propaganda is everywhere. And it's destroying America. Just like propaganda led to the demise of Nazi Germany, we could be looking at the same thing, but worse. It could start off as famine.
If you're having trouble deciding between the beers you are being offered, it's probably because you don't want anything at all, in which case the proper choice is: nothing. Or, try tap water. Maybe you're just thirsty. Now ask yourself, when you envisioned yourself at a bar, did you ever think to order water instead? Did you entertain the idea that you didn't even want a beer. That's the power of suggestion.
What if the rest of the world just cut America off from the means of production outsourced to areas with cheap labor? We would have our own famine and likely war. And if we have a revolution here, with the masses in the country being so disinformed about everything and not having any sort of class consciousness at the moment and instead stuck in alienation, the leader that rises here will likely lead to something horrifying. And we censor ourselves from pointing out the simple fact, that the only way America will survive is to tax the deluded royalty like Kim and Mark back to reality, so they can't indulge their reckless, childish delusions by selling off the very fabric of our nation to the highest bidder.
That doesn't make me a Socialist, that just makes me honest.
Enjoy your beer!
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Thanks for reading and I hope I helped you understand how you can empower yourself. I'm excited about the one I wrote for Election Day tomorrow to keep our NOPOL spirits up while all the politics clouds the airwaves. Cheers!

Hello there Wastelander, are you interested in having a steady income? What about access to an exclusive lounge, casino, and hotel? If you answered yes to any of those then have I got the job for you! Come on down to the Plagued Tavern Just Southwest of Mrogantown along highway 64. We're currently looking for a supplier willing to bring us alcohol for caps the currency of the wasteland! If you are interested in this position please message me directly and I'll start with an interview. I look forward to seeing you there Wastelanders!

Below I’ve listed every law that was broken in The Office (from destruction of property and battery to homicide and kidnapping) whether legal action was taken or not, as well as ideas that people had that were illegal; I’m not a legal expert, I just have a lot of much free time (I labeled the episodes the same way that Netflix does.)
S1E3: Dwight claims that multiple people in the office forged medical forms for their health insurance plans
S1E6: Michael claims that Dunder Mifflin employees in the 80’s constantly used cocaine
S2E1: Pam, Kelly, and Phyllis reveal that there is something written on the women’s bathroom wall, later Pam reveals to Jim that she was the one who wrote it; people throw food at Michael (would fall under battery)
S2E2: Packer reveals that he’s been convicted of a DUI
S2E3: Dwight reveals that sometimes teenagers use his farm for sex (depending on their ages, this may be illegal as the Pennsylvania age of consent is sixteen)
S2E6: Dwight punches Michael in the stomach twice with considerable force (Michael does bait him into doing it though)
S2E8: Jim punctures a hole in Dwight’s “fitness orb” with a pair of scissors; it is implied that a former accountant killed himself; Dwight reveals that he made a copy of Michael’s key to the office
S2E10: Meredith flashes Michael in his office
S2E11: Michael tells everyone on the cruise that the ship is sinking when there’s no danger (creating a false panic is illegal in most cases)
S2E12: Dwight crashes his car into a telephone pole outside of the office and leaves his bumper in the street
S2E14: Michael says that Packer once held a man’s head into a toilet; it is also implied that Packer was the one who defecated in Michael’s office
S2E15: Michael causes lots of damage in the warehouse by improperly using the lift (he also doesn’t have a license to operate it)
S2E16: Michael jaywalks (technically illegal though typically not enforced); Michael comments that someone was pooping in a cardboard box in the subway
S2E17: Dwight tackles Ryan, Creed, and Stanley to the ground
S2E19: Michael finds out that he’s involved in a pyramid scheme
S2E20: Dwight finds a joint in the parking lot (Pennsylvania didn’t make steps to decriminalize marijuana until 2014); Michael believes he unknowingly smoked marijuana at a concert; Dwight gives Michael some of his urine so that he can pass a drug test
S2E21: Creed faces sideways after his company photo is taken, implying that he’s been arrested in the past
S2E22: Creed steals casino chips and also admits to stealing things all of the time; Dwight kisses Angela and she hits him in response (though it seems like both parties were okay with the outcome)
S3E1: Roy reveals that he was arrested for drunk driving
S3E4: Creed reveals that the reason Ed Truck got decapitated was because he was driving drunk (though this was never confirmed and Creed tends to lie); the bird funeral is lit on fire (probably illegal as they did not have a permit and it was mainly paper and not wood)
S3E5: Ryan and Dwight egg the front of Axelrod Ltd’s building
S3E6: Jim rides his bike drunk (believe it or not, this is actually illegal)
S3E7: Creed sells office equipment
S3E8: Andy steals a computer from the Stamford office; after poking holes in everyone’s tires, Michael claims it was Vance Refrigeration workers that did it
S3E9: It is revealed that Martin went to jail for insider trading; Kevin admits that insider trading sounds a lot like what he does as well
S3E10: Creed removes a present from the charity box (removing uncollected items from charity drives is theft); Pam reveals that she has been sending fake letters from the CIA to Dwight, Jim later gets involved (illegal to pass yourself off as a CIA agent)
S3E13: Andy punches a hole through the wall
S3E16: Michael reveals that his eighth grade teacher hooked up with at least thirteen students; Dwight reveals that he hunted a werewolf as a child, but it’s more likely that he killed his neighbor’s dog; Dwight traps a bat in a bag over Meredith’s head
S3E17: Creed reveals that he has a side business where he makes fake IDs for teens; Creed also reveals that he stole a laminating machine from the sheriff’s station; Dwight accidentally damages David’s roof while inspecting the chimney; Roy and his brother destroy multiple objects in a bar including a mirror, a chair, and multiple glasses (Roy’s brother later reveals that he paid off the bar owner to not call the cops on them)
S3E18: Roy attempts to assault Jim in the office after finding out he kissed Pam; Dwight uses pepper spray on Roy when he attempts to assault Jim (this was done defense of Jim however); Jim reveals that Dwight has weapons such as nunchucks and throwing stars hidden in the office; Dwight uses pepper spray against Andy; Dwight is found to have more weapons hidden in his desk such as brass knuckles, a police baton, and a taser
S3E19: Darryl reveals that Michael once kicked a ladder out from under him and caused him to break his ankle; Michael accidentally smashes a watermelon on the roof of someone’s car; Michael tries to convince the office that he’s going to commit suicide
S3E20: A former Dunder Mifflin employee from the paper mill put a watermark of two cartoon animals having sex on about five-hundred boxes-worth of paper; Creed frames Debbie Brown from the paper mill for not catching the watermark on the paper, which results in her termination; it was revealed that Andy was unknowingly dating a high schooler (only illegal if they had sexual contact); Andy reveals that he and his high school girlfriend knocked over a mailbox with her friends
S3E21: Phyllis claims that she was flashed by a man in the parking lot; when Jim calls the police to report the flasher, he says that the police have already gotten three calls; Creed implies that he has flashed people in the past; Jan offers Michael money in return for him driving to New York and having sex (it is illegal to accept or pay money for sex, even if the other person is not a prostitute); Meredith throws her trash out of her car window onto the street while also driving recklessly; while parking her car, Meredith scrapes another car; Creed reveals that he uses the women’s bathroom for bowel movements and has “paid dearly” for it in the past; Dwight and Andy put up barbed wire on the parking lot fence of the office (using barbed wire is typically illegal if the fence is adjacent to a public street)
S3E22: Michael lights a bonfire on the beach (he likely did not have a fire permit)
S3E23: Jim and Karen sneak into a theater to see the second half of Spamalot (would technically burglary, believe it or not, since they snuck in with the intent of stealing services); Jan claims that the reason she is being fired from Dunder Mifflin is because of her breast implants (though David says it is because of her work ethic)
S4E1: Michael hits Meredith with his car and fractures her pelvis; Dwight attempts to mercy kill Angela’s cat by trapping it in her freezer
S4E2: Michael claims that when he was a child, he had a foreign exchange student living with him that stole all of his blue jeans when he went back to his home country; Kelly tells Ryan that she is pregnant with his child in an attempt to get him to go on a date with her (this could fall under intentional infliction of emotional distress)
S4E3: Michael and Dwight detain the pizza deliveryman in the office conference room; Dwight reveals that the pizza deliveryman steals hemp from his farm; Andy reveals that he stole the ice sculpture he brought to the party; Michael and Dwight steal a tray of sushi and some accessories from a restaurant
S4E4: Dwight admits that the permits on the bed and breakfast side of Schrute Farms are still pending even though he is actively taking customers; Creed reveals that he has a second identity that he transfers his debt to; Michael and Jan are likely trespassing while they are sitting on the stationed train
S4E6: Dwight attempts to create molotov cocktails to throw in the Utica office; Michael drives recklessly on the highway; while stealing the Utica branch’s industrial copier, Michael and Dwight break it; Dwight reveals more weapons that he has in the office, including a pack of knives, a pair of sai, a sword, and a blowdart (having these weapons in the open is not illegal, but concealing them is)
S4E8: Michael purgers himself during Jan’s deposition
S4E9: Jan throws a Dundie at Michael’s TV and breaks it
S4E10: It is revealed that the model from Micahel’s chair catalog died in a car accident (Dwight says that she was stoned at the time and crashed into the side of an airplane hanger)
S4E11: Ryan states that the Dunder Mifflin website was infiltrated by sexual predators (only illegal if they used it to transmit child pornography or arrange meetings with minors with the intent of sexual contact); it is heavily implied that Ryan and his friend Troy are under the influence of cocaine
S4E12: Michael places his face in wet cement outside of the office (would be considered destruction of property)
S4E13: Andy drives a golf cart recklessly and ends up destroying its roof (and potentially the cart as well)
S4E14: Jim sets up Dwight’s cell and work phones to go to his Bluetooth and pretends to be him when clients call (could fall under criminal impersonation); Ryan commits fraud by having people re-record sales and is arrested for it; Dwight, Meredith, and Mose release a raccoon into Holly’s car (only illegal if it does damage to her car)
S5E1: Phyllis blackmails Angela by threatening to reveal Angela and Dwight’s affair unless she lets Phyllis run the Party Planning Committee
S5E3: Kelly reveals that she downloads pirated music onto her work computer, to which Michael responds, “who hasn’t”; Meredith reveals that she’s been sleeping with a supplier in exchange for discounts on supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates (could fall under the scope of prostitution); Michael threatens to kill everyone if they don’t go to the conference room
S5E4: Dwight tries to destroy Jan’s $1,200 stroller
S5E5: The office is robbed after Michael and Holly forget to lock the office’s front door; Creed implies that he made the last person who stole from him disappear, and that he stole the identity Creed Bratton from them
S5E7: Kelly falsifies customer surveys regarding Jim and Dwight
S5E9: Michael attempts to purchase marijuana from two Vance Refrigeration workers, and they trick him into buying a salad in a bag rather than drugs (intent to purchase illegal drugs is illegal, and so is selling counterfeit drugs); Michael and Dwight attempt to frame Toby with drug trafficking and possession of marijuana; when the cops arrive, Creed becomes incredibly worried that he’ll be arrested, implying that he either has drugs in the office, or is a drug dealer
S5E10: Dwight tricks Angela into marrying him (this would be considered fraudulently inducing someone into marriage)
S5E11: Creed is seen smoking out of a pipe likely containing kif, which has cannabis in it; Creed says that he can get fire permits very quickly, implying that they are possibly fake; Michael forces Meredith into going to a rehab facility (technically falls under the definition of kidnapping)
S5E12: Jim uncovers more weapons that Dwight has hidden throughout the office; Andy pins Dwight against a fence with his car, Dwight dents Andy’s car
S5E13: Jim connects a red wire to Dwight’s computer which leads outside to the top of the power pole (would qualify as vandalism to the pole); Michael and Dwight attempt to learn information about a competitor under the guise of a potential customer and potential employee (could be considered corporate espionage, but I couldn’t find any specifics)
S5E14: Dwight induces panic law by simulating a fire in the office, he additionally damages multiple doors and cuts the phone wires; during the fire drill, multiple office employees damage items in the office including ceiling tiles, the copier machine, and the vending machine; Dwight reveals that he is planning a bomb scare; Dwight is shown to have a hunting knife strapped to his ankle, and he uses this knife to cut apart the CPR dummy (though corporate payed for the damages to the dummy); Andy, Jim, and Pam watch a pirated film
S5E15: Dwight buys cookies from Toby in exchange for him signing a form (quid pro quo on this is illegal); Dwight attempts to have his coworkers sign his form under the guise of it being a sign-in sheet; Michael throws full slices of bread on the ground to feed pigeons (it was winter and there were no birds, so this could be considered littering)
S5E16: Jim cuts the cord that connects Michael’s phone to the office’s PA system; Dwight finds out that Kelly went to juvenile detention when she was younger; Creed gives Jim a $3 bill (counterfeit money is illegal)
S5E17: Creed says he knows where to buy a kid for $7,000; it’s revealed that the reason Kelly was in juvenile detention was because she stole her boyfriend’s father’s boat; Michael cuts off a sleeve from Holly’s sweater; Michael also takes a file off of Holly’s computer (would be classified as unauthorized computer access)
S5E18: Phyllis and Bob have sex in a restaurant bathroom (this is technically public sex which is a misdemeanor); Creed steals a bag of blood from the blood drive
S5E19: Dwight slaps Michael; Jim slaps Dwight
S5E20: Dwight pretends to have kidnapped David’s son
S5E21: Michael sneaks back into the office after being asked to leave (technically trespassing as it is private property and he was escorted out of the building)
S5E22: Michael breaks his condominium agreement by having the Michael Scott Paper Company located within his condo (though the owner only sent a warning that he needed to stop); Ryan steals three pairs of bowling shoes before he quits the bowling alley; Michael asks Billy to sell him a ‘secret office space’ off of the books within the Scranton Business Park
S5E23: Dwight claims that a woman named Haddie McGonagle was murdered in the Dunder Mifflin office space in 1816 (though he probably made this up)
S5E24: Dwight steals supplies and files from the Michael Scott Paper Company’s office
S5E26: While fixing her dress, Meredith accidentally reveals one of her breasts, as well as her crotch and her backside (was accidental, but could be considered public indecency)
S5E27: Dwight cuts open the back of Phyllis’ blouse so he can give her a massage; Creed reveals that he doesn’t have any mirrors in his car that let him see behind the car (in Pennsylvania, it is illegal to drive without at least one mirror that lets you see behind the car)
S5E28: Dwight’s friend Rolph once inquired about shoes that increased speed and didn’t leave any tracks, implying that he was going to commit a crime
S6E1: Stanley wrecks Michael’s car with a tire iron
S6E2: Dwight and Toby accidentally crash into a few trash cans outside Darryl’s house; Dwight uncovers that the real cause of Darryl’s injury was from misuse of company equipment
S6E4: Michael ties full beer cans to the back of his car which left debris all over the road; Dwight implies that Mose is going to be castrating horses (only legal if Mose has a veterinary license, which is unlikely); Dwight also claims that he has a device which can make hamburgers out of horse meat without killing the horse (likely animal cruelty)
S6E5: The Niagara Falls hotel staff incinerated Kevin’s shoes (they claim they did it because it was a safety issue); Dwight gifts a turtle to Jim and Pam for their wedding and appears to not have made any holes in the box (likely animal cruelty); Dwight accidentally kicks Isabel in the face while dancing
S6E6: While answering Jim’s phone, Kevin pretends to be Jim and accidentally cancels his credit cards
S6E7: Dwight secretly records the conversations in Jim’s office (Pennsylvania has a two-party consent law which means that all parties in the conversations must consent to being recorded); Andy talks about a 60 Minutes segment that went into working conditions of a paper mill in Peru (the 60 Minutes segment likely went into illegal conditions within the mill)
S6E8: Meredith reveals that she has had sex with a known terrorist; while writing down things that people don’t want to be made fun of for, Creed says that if he writes his down, he cannot be charged for it; a custodian reveals that when Michael fell into the koi pond, he accidentally killed one of the fish
S6E9: Ryan shows Erin a topless photo of Kelly in the office (could be considered indecent exposure since it was in a public space within the office); Creed implies that a shipping order was never supposed to reach it’s location, possibly indicating that he stole a shipment
S6E10: Creed flees the office when Michael tells him that there was a murder and that he was a suspect, implying that he may be involved in a murder
S6E12: Dwight secretly records a phone call between Jim and David
S6E13: As part of Secret Santa, Andy gives Erin the Twelve Days of Christmas, inadvertently resulting in physical injury to her and potentially her home and car; Creed implies that he’s done “evil” things; Michael says that he has often claimed to be David’s childrens’ pediatrician to get him on the phone
S6E16: Andy accidentally gives Meredith a large paper cut on her throat; Ryan implies to Dwight that they should torture Jim
S6E17: While escorting Jim and Pam to the hospital, Dwight puts a police light on the top of his car; Michael uses his phone to text and make a call while driving; when being pulled over, Dwight throws multiple large weapons out his window; Michael parks in an ambulance-only parking spot
S6E18: Dwight breaks a window to enter Jim and Pam’s home; after breaking in, Dwight discovers mold in their home and destroys walls and cabinets with a crew of workers so he can refurbish their kitchen; Jim comments that he had five parking tickets on his windshield
S6E20: Creed tries to act casual when Michael announces that the lost and found has gone missing, implying he may have stolen it; Andy aggressively tries to take a pen from Darryl (could be considered battery); Dwight strangles Kevin in an attempt to get information from him; Michael and Dwight, and then later Andy and Erin, walk around the Scranton dump (would be considered trespassing); Michael and Dwight throw large pieces of garbage at each other; Michael and Dwight take two chairs from the dump
S6E21: Phyllis claims she likes getting men to flirt with her so that Bob will beat them up; Michael accidentally damages multiple objects while being reckless at the bar; Dwight breaks his contract with Angela (unsure as to whether a lawyer was involved with the first contract, but Angela served Dwight with a summons for breaking it, leading me to believe it was legitimate); Hide admits that he killed a Yakuza boss on purpose and then came to America illegally
S6E22: Meredith steals and uses Pam’s breast pump
S6E24: Michael hires Dwight to follow Donna around to see if she’s cheating on him (following someone isn’t illega, but it could be considered stalking or harassment); Creed implies that he’s committed crimes for low levels of reward; Michael says he’s going to kill the guy who’s kissing Donna in her Facebook photo (though he immediately takes it back)
S6E25: Michael keeps throwing out radon kits that Toby put around the office; Michael once again claims that he would kill Toby; Dwight claims that his money is buried underneath someone (though we don’t know if this is a grave or a buried corpse); Dwight and Angela’s lawyer comments that their sex contract is dangerously close to prostitution and illegal
S7E1: Dwight tears the head off of Phyllis’ teddy bear and pulls a knife on Jim; Meredith breaks into Michael’s nephew’s car; Michael spanks his nephew
S7E2: Dwight attempts to open a daycare center that is absolutely not up to safety codes; Toby allows Michael to forge his counseling paperwork
S7E4: Dwight is shown attempting to pick up what would appear to be illegal immigrants for day labour and then instead of paying them, has Mose pretend to be an INS agent, kidnaps the workers, and then drops them off in Harrisburg; Holly claims that multiple people died in a traffic accident (though it’s incredibly likely that she was kidding); Michael takes an incredibly quick turn without his turn signal on
S7E5: Michael, Dwight, and Jim secretly watch Danny’s meeting with Meredith through hidden cameras (only illegal if they are recording the footage)
S7E7: Angela steals all of the scones from Cece’s christening (though they were for public consumption so it probably wouldn’t constitute as theft)
S7E8: The Scranton Strangler leads police on a high speed pursuit; Michael tells Pam that he has a loaded gun hidden in his desk at the office; Michael cuts the cable going to Gabe’s apartment
S7E10: Erin floats the idea of hiring a new employee, killing them, and then cashing in on the life insurance policy; Dwight and Phyllis float the idea of bombing China; Pam accuses Dwight of breaking property code laws
S7E11: Dwight and Jim keep throwing snowballs at each other with force, and some that contained pebbles (snowball fights themselves aren’t illegal, but it’s illegal in most places to throw objects which could be considered missiles, and Jim is also shown with what appears to be blood on his clothes afterwards); Dwight asks Toby is he’s on the jury for the middle school teacher who tried to turn a foreign exchange student into a sex slave; Meredith asks Toby if it’s the case with the postman who rubbed his genitals on deliveries; Michael throws out supplies and food meant for the Christmas party; Dwight is shown dragging the Christmas tree out of the office to throw it out; one of the snowballs that Jim lobs at Dwight breaks a window; Michael throws Holly’s Woody doll into the trash and pours coffee on it
S7E12: Jim stabs a few snowmen with his umbrella hoping that Dwight is hiding in one of them
S7E13: Michael claims that regardless if Holly gets engaged or not, he will probably either attack people in rage or burn the building down in happiness
S7E15: Michael leaves without paying at the Chinese restaurant; Creed is also listed on the wall of diners who did not pay for their meal
S7E17: Michael most likely did not have permits to film in some of the locations featured in Threat Level Midnight; multiple characters in Michael’s film are seen using guns (you do not need a permit to have a gun in your home or business place in Pennsylvania, but multiple characters concealed their weapons during the film, though the guns are likely fake); a mannequin of Toby is blown up during Michael’s film (depending on the type of explosive used, certification may be required); during the hockey scene of the film, Michael comments that it was filmed during an actual Scranton High hockey game (could be seen as defiant trespassing and/or disorderly conduct)
S7E18: Packer humps Michael and Dwight while they’re underneath a desk; Dwight throws away Holly’s zen garden; Dwight offers Packer a hot chocolate laced with many laxatives (depending on the amount, it could be considered assault or even homicide since extreme dehydration could kill someone); Andy purposely does damage to his computer’s keyboard and hard drive; Andy and Pam slightly damage Andy’s new computer; Jim and Dwight pretend to be Sabre employees and tell Packer he can jump the gate at Jo’s house
S7E19: Ryan uses Phyllis and Oscar’s faces on his mom’s pesto and salsa recipes (would fall under right of publicity laws); Ryan adds a Kosher certification onto his mom’s pesto recipe (against FDA regulations); Michael pours gasoline all over the parking lot; Michael wants to steal a corpse from a medical school to use in his proposal to Holly
S7E20: Michael eggs Toby’s house; Kevin colors on a restaurant tablecloth with crayons; Ryan admits to have done drugs in the past
S7E21: Gabe confronts Andy and threatens him to stay away from Erin (could be considered criminal threatening); Deangelo claims that he caught the person who stole one of Jo’s dogs
S7E24: Dwight accidentally fires his gun through the floor; Meredith claims that during the shooting she lost her necklace, a ring, and a painting and will be reporting it to the insurance company; Ryan claims that Dwight’s accident felt like an act of terrorism; Pam claims that Dwight has hidden more weapons in the office
S7E25: Creed parks his car in the middle of the parking lot
S7E26: Dwight admits that he would have created a fake identity for his character of Jacques Souvenier if Jo had hired him as manager
S8E1: Dwight uses a fire extinguisher to knock Meredith off of the top of a bathroom stall, drops a ream of paper on a warehouse employee’s head to get him off a table, and flips a table over to get Toby off of it; Dwight throws Jim’s phone against the wall with force and a shatter is heard; Dwight instigates a fight between nearly everyone in the office
S8E2: Andy says he will streak across the parking lot if the office accrues enough points
S8E3: Dwight pours his drink on the inside of someone’s car; Oscar smashes the car’s window and brake light with a crowbar; Dwight drives the baler through the warehouse wall; Erin and Kevin spread grease all over the warehouse floor; Dwight, Jim, Erin, and Kevin damage multiple boxes of paper
S8E4: Dunder Mifflin billboards across town are shown to be vandalized; Mose crashes Toby’s car into a corn field; Mose very tightly lines up everyone’s cars so that he can run across the roofs (he likely made scratches and dents while planning and executing this plan)
S8E5: Dwight is shown to have brought many weapons into the office in the past as part of Halloween costumes and threatened to kill Toby with them (though the weapons were never concealed and Toby usually confiscated them before he entered the office
S8E6: Oscar stated in an email that he believes that Robert has strangled at least one stripper; Kelly states in an email that they should kill Robert; Dwight’s accountability booster is dangerously close to a form of blackmail; Gabe says that he is going to go to a cemetery and drink (it’s actually illegal to drink in most cemeteries); Pam stops Kevin from hitting Dwight over the head with a frying pan; Jim takes Robert’s phone and attempts to deletes an email (technically illegal to use someone’s phone without their permission)
S8E7: Dwight repeatedly grabs Jim’s crotch
S8E8: A Civil War informational video reveals that the soldiers from Schrute Farm were soldiers that went AWOL
S8E9: When Dwight suggests that everyone in the office is in a suicide cult, Creed strongly denies it, implying that he probably is in one; Jim leaves his car running and unattended in the middle of the parking lot
S8E10: Dwight punches Jim in the arm; Erin asks Andy for Jessica to die; Meredith threatens to drive drunk if Andy doesn’t drive her home; Meredith rides in the back of her van without a seatbelt on
S8E11: Andy asks Oscar to add $800 to their quarterly sales, implying it could be seen as a rounding error; Kevin offers to make that rounding error for Andy
S8E12: Jim drives over Robert’s lawn and breaks his mailbox
S8E15: Jim creates a fake murder scene in his hotel room for Dwight which involved stained towels, knocked over and possibly broken furniture, a writing on the door; Dwight threatens to light Jim’s face on fire; Dwight leaves the hospital with his IV solution bag, which implies he likely didn’t pay for his visit before leaving
S8E16: Gabe sprays an inhaler into Packer’s drink; Dwight damages his hotel room keycard; Dwight sprays a compound of chemicals in Jim’s hotel room creating what he claims is a biohazard
S8E17: Multiple homeless people are sleeping on the sidewalk outside the Sabre store (it’s usually only illegal for homeless individuals to sleep on the sidewalk if a shelter is available); Dwight tells Packer that he should act like a sexual predator when talking to the female teenage customers; a group of children throw pinecones at Andy and Pam, and one of them punches Andy in the face resulting in a black eye; Creed strikes the back of Meredith’s head; Ryan calls his uncle to get a prescription for Ritalin; Kelly attacks Toby and then accidentally elbows Andy in the face
S8E18: Dwight leaves a treasure chest in the office which fires a poisoned dart upwards at whomever opens it; Jim and Dwight tackle and punch each other; Kevin forcibly kisses Meredith
S8E19: Darryl drags Dwight out of his office by his hair; Andy tosses a container of eggplant parmesan onto the street; Andy leaves his car unattended in the middle of an intersection
S8E20: Dwight offers to hit Nellie with a candlestick; Jessica’s friends throw food at Andy’s car
S8E21: Andy smashes the frame holding a picture of Nellie; Andy punches another hole into the wall
S8E22: Andy loiters at the office parking lot
S8E23: Dwight and Jim create a fake identity to work around the commission cap (Dwight even admits that it’s extremely similar to embezzlement or fraud); Harry threatens to choke out Toby; Dwight tells Jim he should dent the hood of Harry’s car or slash the tires; Dwight attempts to activate the elevator’s seismic failsafes to stop the elevator; Pam steals Nellie’s phone and deletes all of her voicemails (technically illegal to use someone’s phone without their permission); Andy tells Robert if he doesn’t hire him back, he will give Prestige Direct Mail Solutions’ business to a competitor (technically blackmail)
S8E24: Kevin and Robert accidentally head butt each other; Andy mops the carpets, likely damaging them; Dwight steals Philip’s used diaper so he can have a paternity test done (this is called gene theft); Angela and Dwight both speed and drive recklessly; Angela hits Mose multiple times; Dwight and Mose both leave their cars unattended in the middle of the street; Robert forcibly kisses Andy; Dwight forces himself on Angela (though seconds later she is a willing participant)
S9E1: Andy threatens to make up a reason to fire Nellie (since Toby is aware of this, if Nellie were to sue Andy, Toby would have to testify against him); Andy purposely pushes Nellie off of the slack-lining rope; Dwight deconstructs Dunder Mifflin equipment to create his trapeze set; Dwight gets stuck on the slack-line and the fire department has to come to get him down; Andy places all of the recycling bins near Nellie and has people throw their trash at her
S9E2: While the building’s janitor is on vacation, the building becomes incredibly dirty to the point where rats can be seen (likely against multiple health codes); Nellie forces Dwight into a situation where he has to chop off her hand (though he doesn’t go through with it)
S9E3: Nellie drives recklessly; Nellie uses her phone while driving
S9E4: Dwight and Toby find EMF hotspots in the office which could imply that there’s poor wiring in the building (depending on how bad the wiring actually is, this could actually break laws); Stanley threatens to spank Clark; Dwight drives the work bus (depending on the type of bus it was, Dwight would need a certain license to drive it); Phyllis asks someone to just start driving the bus while Dwight is on the roof; Dwight drops himself through the rooftop emergency exit on the bus onto Jim; Dwight drives the bus recklessly
S9E5: Creed comes into the office with blood stains all over his clothes (it likely was not his blood, so he may have harmed someone); Andy reveals he had sex with a snowman while at Cornell (would fall under public indecency); Dwight catches Meredith in a net and causes her to fall to the floor
S9E6: Kevin leaves his car in the middle of the parking lot so he can run to the bathroom; Oscar forges documents to make it looks like Kevin has been taking money from Dunder Mifflin; Nellie, Jim, Pam, and Darryl create a situation where Dwight believes that police have surrounded David’s house; Pete’s friend Flipper once drunkenly flipped a table over at a bar
S9E7: Dwight claims he used to have a barber who fought dogs and made dogs fight each other; Clark is used as leverage by Dwight to get Jan’s business (this trade would be dangerously close to prostitution)
S9E8: Dwight reveals that Trevor has had numerous guns stolen from him; Angela hires Trevor to murder Oscar; Dwight claims he has left poop in a paper bag on people’s porches (would be classified as vandalism); Trevor claims that people have left poop in a bag on his porch multiple times; Angela asks Trevor to break Oscar’s kneecaps instead; Trevor brings a concealed weapon into the office; Phyllis taps a stranger on the back with the sharp end of a knife; Phyllis forcibly removes a decorative wine bottle from its base; Angela kicks Oscar in the shin
S9E9: Dwight hits Oscar and Jim with a stick; Darryl collapses on a table and breaks it in half
S9E10: Dwight throws his coffee cup up in the air, likely staining the carpet; Dwight sprays a disinfectant in Erin, Pam, Angela, and Meredith’s faces; Erin tackles Stanley; Meredith reveals that one of her exes keyed a bunch of people’s cars; Meredith also reveals that she pooped into an office shredder; Dwight accidentally sets off an insecticidal grenade (I don’t believe there is a real insecticidal grenade but I’m sure there’s some law against either setting one off or doing so with people nearby); Angela hits Oscar in the head with a coffee pot; Kevin misuses one of the warehouse machines and causes it to break; Dwight accidentally sets off another insecticidal grenade in his car (he most likely still drove his car after while experiencing hallucinogenic side effects)
S9E11: Jim is seen driving a motorcycle (Jim likely did not have a motorcycle license); Dwight suggests that Jim should drive 240 miles per hour so he can get to the office faster; Creed steals Phyllis’ ring; Kevin forcibly lifts Angela up multiple times; Darryl misses a basketball hoop and accidentally breaks a wall lamp and electrocutes a fish tank (though Darryl agreed to pay for the damage); multiple people in the office tear up the carpet flooring
S9E12: Dwight rips open a couch cushion with a knife; Dwight drives one of the delivery trucks (he likely does not have a license to drive the truck); Dwight throws a milkshake through the drive-thru window at an employee; a customer in the drive-thru throws a milkshake at Dwight
S9E13: Dwight reveals that Rolf uses hand grenades to fish; Mose is seen running in the middle of the street (could be considered jaywalking); Dwight reveals that when he was a child, he went to a school that was run by a conman; one of Dwight’s friends reveals that the school used the students as labor; Melvina reveals that she’s been double parked for about two hours; Dwight gives the sales rep applicants Jim’s home address so they can toilet paper it; Rolf tells Dwight to be weary of any suspicious packages he may get, implying that he’ll be sending him potentially dangerous packages; Dwight attempts to suffocate Clarke
S9E14: Frank vandalizes Pam’s warehouse mural; Angela hits Oscar; Dwight and Pam vandalize Frank’s truck; Frank rushes at Pam with the intent to hit her; Brian hits Frank in the face with his boom mic
S9E15: Meredith suggests that everyone in the office should try cocaine
S9E16: Dwight’s Aunt Shirley slaps Angela; Andy snoops through Erin’s phone; Andy kicks Toby; Angela accidentally sets off the hose on Dwight (the hose likely has the same pressure as a firehose, which is about 150 PSI, so this could be considered assault); Toby leaves the prison wearing a neck brace after visiting the Scranton Stranger, implying the Strangler attempted to strangled him;
S9E17: Dwight throws dirt in the faces of Erin, Phyllis, Kevin, Oscar, Meredith, Angela, Stanley, Pam and Jim; Dwight’s brother Jeb drives his car into Aunt Shirley’s grave; Packer reveals he’s in Narcotics Anonymous, implying he used to use drugs; Dwight reveals that his family members have accidentally buried family members who were thought to be dead but were actually in deep sleep; Dwight unloads a shotgun into his aunt’s corpse; Jeb reveals that he owns a worm farm in California (medical marijuana was not legalized in California until 2018); Packer reveals that the cupcakes he gave out to everyone in the office, as well as to Jim and Darryl were laced with drugs, some legal and some not; Packer is seen having parked his car halfway between a handicapped spot and a do-not-park zone; Clarke reveals that while drugged, he defected in some bushes
S9E18: Dwight dumps a bucket of water onto Phyllis, and is likely the same person who dumped a bucket of water onto Andy as well (technically would be classified as assault); Meredith exposes her breasts in the office; Angela slaps Oscar
S9E19: Dwight shoots Stanley with three tranquilizers meant for a bull (horse tranquilizers can cause serious harm to humans, and a bull tranquilizer likely has a higher dosage); Meredith squirts some of the bull tranquilizer into her drink (probably not illegal since she put it into her own drink, but it would be classified as placing a foreign object into an edible, which is actually a felony); Dwight and Clarke accidentally slam Stanley’s unconscious body into two walls; while sliding down a flight of stairs, Stanley’s unconscious body makes a dent in the wall; Andy kicks over an empty trash can; a man at the talent agency claims that through his dog-cat-mouse act, he goes through a lot of mice (allowing your pet to eat live animals can be considered animal cruelty); Stanley tranquilizes himself so that he doesn’t have to climb the stairs
S9E20: Creed smashes a melon on the warehouse floor; Pam accidentally hits Toby in the eye with a paper airplane; Erin reveals that when she was in the orphanage, she once ripped Susan’s pigtails off of her head; Erin crushes a box of packing peanuts; Clarke asks Pam and Jim to share the drugs he think they’re high on; Angela is seen taking rolls of toilet paper from the office
S9E21: Lackawanna County takes away “two sacks” worth of Angela’s cats because she is violating her apartment complex’s pet rules; Dwight throws his briefcase and hits multiple items; Dwight nearly kicks and punches multiple in the office; Andy asks Toby to falsify files; Andy attempts to grope Toby; Andy dedicates on David’s car (this would be classified as vandalism and public indecency);
S9E22: Dwight reveals that his grandmother was shot by Adolph Coors; Dwight throws the summoning bag against the back of Jim’s head; Casey Dean jumps on the back of the a cappella show host; Meredith spanks Darryl; Dwight is seen driving with his police light on his car; Dwight drives recklessly
S9E23: Dwight reveals that Creed faked his own death; Dwight also reveals that the police are looking for Creed as he sold drugs, trafficked endangered animal meat, and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military; Oscar reveals that Kevin used to make up numbers to balance the books; Mose kidnaps Angela and locks her in his trunk for three hours; Creed changes his identity; Ryan reveals that his partner abandoned him and their child; Ryan purposely gives his son an allergic reaction; Kelly and Ryan abandon his son with Ravi; Nellie takes Ryan’s son as her own child (she didn’t legally adopt him so this would be considered child abduction); Pam attempts to sell their home without Jim’s knowledge (since Jim bought the house as a surprise, his name is likely on the deed as well and Pam wouldn’t be able to sell it without him); Kevin spills alcohol all over a cabinet while filling up glasses

NOTE: We are out of room. Post continues here: https://www.reddit.com/d100/comments/8w13in/lets_finish_businesses_and_trades_in_a_frontie
Some people are attracted to the frontier of civilization for the adventure. Others might be drawn there for a host of reasons; looking to make coin in a new market, keeping ahead of the law, spreading their faith, bringing order and strengthening the borders of their homeland, or perhaps a noble house has too many scions and hopes that one late-born member might make good with his share of the family coffers.
Let’s build a list of NPCs with businesses and trades in a frontier outpost or settlement.
I’m about to introduce simplified kingdom building mechanics to my Pathfinder Campaign. Basically, it allows your adventurers to govern and grow the settlement they are based in. So I’m looking to make a list of businesses and trades that might be compelled to put stakes down in a frontier outpost with colorful NPCs that might provide plothooks and role-play opportunities.
In my campaign the adventurers are getting a charter from the local military to rebuild a settlement in an abandoned town they have just cleared out of undead and bandits (nominally). It will begin as a outpost to the guard, but can be reoccupied by the former residents, serve as homes for new wonderers, refugees and eager enterprisers. It’s a location that can attract low-fantasy motifs of traditional trades but also allows for interlopers from the feywilds and other planes. So businesses could range from the mundane, such as tanneries or grain mills to the exotic and arcane like a drug den but where the intoxicants are dreamscapes from the feywilds.
Interested in storyhooks and interesting npcs. If you are familiar with any kingdom building mechanics feel free to drop in any additional info that might help GMs—building stats, building costs, settlement effects. Just descs are fine too.
Edit: Feel free to suggest similar businesses already on the list if you have a different spin on it. A little competition is healthy.

d100	Name	Desciption
1	Bottlejaw’s Barbershop (and Dentistry)	The spinning helix of the barber pole atop the shingle of criss-crossing razors and shears placemarks Bottlejaws Barbershop. Edmund Bottlejaw, an always-smiling halfling whose pleasant demeanor might be a professional front has a ramshackle building with very expensive touches. Perhaps the centerpiece is a shiny leather-upholstered hydraulic chair that adjusts not just for the variety of heights of his customers, but also comes with restraints when his work involves the occasional tooth extraction. Busts of humanoids showcase different styling and services, including a dwarf sporting beard-wigs intricately plaited and an orc with a hairpiece dramatically adorned and dyed. He is assisted by a silent and brooding young aasimar, Rajar, who mainly sweeps and appears to be able to provide the muscle.
2	Erastil’s Blessings: Seed bank and lending Library	An elderly human and a baby-nursing half-elf woman came into town on an elk-drawn tarp-covered carriage. Most of their belongings were stacks and stacks of practical books, almanacs, manuals, plants guides and many copies of Parables of Erastil, the holy text of the elder god for a traditional way of life. Molthuse and Nirmal are a fount of practical knowledge. They set up quiet places to read and reference their library in a simple wooden structure, allowing visitors to copy information on paper available for purchase. Nirmal is also in charge of a thriving garden, often pressing cuttings and seedling to visitors. Near the entrance of the library, stands pots of seedballs for sale, seeds of useful plantlife and nutrient packed in mud.
3	The Central Prospect	A small shed with a stable door, operated by Able, an elderly dwarven fellow with a bald head and long grey scraggley beard. The "store" provides basic tools for prospecting, crow bars, shovels, pick axes, gold pans, etc. Able also has well documented maps of the area showing points of interest.
4	Riverbottom Candleshop	Wendy Riverbottom was one of the first inhabitants of area, in fact only the oldest explorers can even remember her moving in. One question always comes up when they see her shop, “Why a Chandler in the middle of nowhere?” to which she gleefully replies that everyone enjoys the light aroma of a candle or a well-crafted bar of soap. She’s open to share her history about the world but strictly adamant against anyone going downstairs to the workshop and seeing the crafting process.
5	The Loose Stool	A tavern run by a dwarf named Kirgan. The interior looks nearly as rundown as the exterior of the building. Creaky floors, tables with uneven legs, and to top it off, the bar top is only 3 feet high to cater to Kirgan's shortness. He is old, even for a dwarf, sporting long gray unkempt hair. He is rather grumpy, always having something to complain about. Don't you dare ask him about the scar on the side of his face or you'll regret it. All that aside he sells great ale by the barrel to travelers interested in taking the party to go
6	Aegert’s Breads	The small cart parked in the center of the settlement has become a familiar sight to the residents. The cart serves as the shop for Joarr Aegert, the resident half-orc baker, to sell his breads. While his rolls and loaves are nothing fancy, they are tasty and filling. Joarr is saving up to buy a small home so that his wife and children can come join him. He misses them dearly, and they him.
7	Illia's Rug Shack	The hunch-backed, plump-faced woman who runs this decrepit store out of what was once a large tool shed doesn't have a set price on a single one out of the dozens of crude rugs she sells out of the dusty shack, but despite her condescending demeanor she is usually willing to let potential customers haggle for them. Illia is almost never seen outside of her store and nobody is quite sure how she gets her rugs. Secretly, Illia is a hag who uses the store as a front for her child peddling business. If you go to the back door at night and knock in a specific pattern, then mention her secret passcode: "worm food," she will sell you any of the children she keeps locked in the back bound and gagged, for the right price. Illia has an orc bodyguard who can usually be seen standing outside the front of the store smoking a pipe.
8	Pete’s Pelts	Pete mostly mumbles, but he is an excellent hunter. Pete sells pelts and dried animal meat. He also sells assorted hunting supplies. He has a small shack he lives in. His furs and other wears are hanging in a barn just outside guarded by his old dog, Grungy . Pete is also a master fletcher and will build specialty arrows for you for the right price.
9	Mat’s Maps	A man named Mathew who sells maps next to his twin brother.
10	Map’s Mats	A man named Mapthew who sells mats and rugs next to his twin brother.
11	Coinz4Shineez	A small stall operated by a group of Goblins. They exchange gems, gold, anything of value for coins. They offer a favourable rate, but will not haggle. Loot is placed on a set of scales, and the appropriate coins appear in a small chest. The loot then goes in the chest and disappears. They are underwritten by a noble wizard in the capital.
12	B'Rody's General Store	This recently widowed Dragonborn has packed up her wagon caravan in the South and set up shop in the North where her remaining family can be found. She's made her fortune dealing in exotic goods and just wants a bit of peace and quiet. Caution: She is known to breath fire at shoplifters. (pro. Bah' Rudy)
13	M'uhctek's Market	Ash M'uhctek, a half-elf moon druid and initiate wizard that leans heavily towards the teachings of Solonor Thelandira, owns the largest produce stall in town. Carries a bit of everything in his wagon and loves to trade. He struck a deal with the local council for a farm and the large swath of forest behind it to remain untouched. In return he uses Plant Growth to bolster harvests in the province. Oddly enough he does this in every town he visits and has set up quite a few franchises and private wildlife preserves.
14	Black Books:	Bernard Black is the owner of this small, dusty and very disorganized book shop. He is a disheveled misanthrope, cynical alcoholic, and a proud chain smoker. He has a strong disdain for people and avoids interaction with his few customers as much as possible. On occasions where he is forced into interaction with customers his response is snarky and mocking. The shop has an incredible collection of books, but almost all of them are in terrible condition — Bernard has read them all.
15	Laif and Kheem's Frontier Furnishing	Laif is a viking as he is pictured in books and on the embossments of viking shields. His majestic beard is always waxed and his posture is proud and loyal to the gods of order and justice. Kheem is a mounted archer as is portrayed by legends and frightened battle reports of the tribes of the tundra. His beard is like that of a mighty dragon and his shoulders are guarded by the heads of beasts whom he hath' slain.The two are united only by honor and their great adventure, of which they are the only survivors. Having done their share, they traded in the one or other limb for experience and settled to construct the settlements of your oncoming NPCs. (They are actually still pretty badass, but Laif can't speak common!)
16	Ar-Og's very good tools	Ar-Og is a troll or possibly orc, or a half-breed of some sort. We don't know. His temper is as slow as dripping tar, and nothing seems to get him into anything related to the bloodrush of those whom he possibly is related to. Except if you question the quality of his tools. Which, as he proclaims, are very good.If you need a hammer, or perhaps a bizarre axe to chop trees which grow in nooks of some stone canyon, just barely out of reach from a regular axe, he is your man! Or possibly troll.
17	Questionable Ehrnard's Questionable Products!	Look, there's nobody for miles - the last shepherd you saw was literally just an unsupervised dog. Really, that there's any store at all is a small miracle. Thinking anything about the economics of running this store would have clued you in on the questionable nature of its owner and products. But what you see is what you get and some of the products don't seem terrible. Plus, it's not like you can be picky, just watch your pack while you're inside.
18	Infernal Delights Diner	This seemingly quaint diner has a charming and flirty red teifling cook by the name of Pot and a demure and empathetic server ‎aasimar‎ by the name of Cake. These two are always playfully arguing with one another and always seem to know just a bit more than they should about their customers. They are in fact an angel and a devil who have abandoned their posts and now reward or punish customers in mysteriously karmic ways. Locals don't know exactly what goes on in the dinner but they know its a good way to test whether visitors are trouble makers or future friends so often will send any new visitors to the dinner.
19	Gregarious Gnome Gebby's Quality Used Golems!	Gebby is a fast talking, slick haired, and sharply dressed salesman with a bevy of used golems of all types. He provides them to rent or own but if you to fail return the golem in time he will charge a generous interest rate and if it comes back too damaged? Well you break it you buy it! The golems are useful for protecting the town and building houses and Gebby makes a good deal of coin providing their services but he might be willing to give a discount if you can help repair some of his damaged golems or help retrieve a late payment or two.
20	Keara's Bar & Barbershop	Keara Blackblade is a retired dwarf soldier who has opened up her dream business. She serves fine drink and will trim your hair and beard into fine styles. She loves her job and she assures you she cuts hair best when drunk. Her husband Nug Blackblade a cigar chomping grump runs the bar while she cuts hair and is less pleased about the work than his wife if only because his supply of drink is constantly running low.
21	The Spit	A tavern housed in a small two storey building. The tables are placed around the walls, and a staircase rises to the next floor at the back of the room. In the centre of the room is a fire pit, with meat of unknown varieties cooking on spits over the flames. The proprieter is a friendly Orc-ish fellow (he's part Orc, so he's Orc-ish) by the name of Grub. The upper floor is a mezzanine that circles the inside of the building. There is a hole in the centre of the roof that the smoke billows from. In bad weather, Grub will hoist a canvas sheet over the outside of the hole, filling the building with smoke.
22	Watery Fowls	A tavern on the main trade road with a short-tempered and incompetent Elven owner Basil, his wife Sybil, a Dwarven chef called Munnuel, and an Aasimar receptionist called Polly. Basil is spectacularly racist, and tries to micromanage everything, to hilarious consequence.
23	Poe and Shaun's Potion Shop	There they were, two Halflings with a dream. They wanted a store where they could test their experimental potions and make a little money on the side. Their potion shop is covered in bottles, hanging down so people must brush them aside to even make their way to the counter. A constant bubbling and hissing from mixtures can be heard throughout. Poe handles the social interactions while Shaun can be found in the back, wearing thick goggles and testing out their experiments. Sure they have some of the boring regular potions one might find at any store, but where's the fun in that when you could have a gander at Potion Experiment #626?
24	Prickly's Fortunes	Within a large cactus resides an equally prickly dryad. This sarcastic and snarky dryad is willing to trade fortunes and, for major deeds, resurrections in exchange for environmental activities. She is tuned to the frontier and can sense any potential threat to the wilderness of these lands and request a task capable of her visitors, so a farmer will get their fortunes told by planting some bushes but an adventurer? Well, she will likely expect more.
25	Hunters and Slayers	Triplet Catfolk Rangers running a beast and monster slaying company. Prrrr favors monstrosities, Grrrr favors beasts, and Hsss favors staying at the office selling the hides, meat, teeth, and other goods his siblings harvest from their hunts. They are always willing to share the profits for an especially dangerous hunt.
26	Grilled Bears	A wilderness survival store with a focus on the essentials like rope, knives, tinderboxes, etc. They sell a proprietary magical canteen that refills to full whenever it is emptied. Sadly, the contents only refills with water, and it always tastes like urine. The owner, known as BG, has a habit of overstating his knowledge and lies constantly about his past in the elite guard.
27	Meer Ray	A kind Tabaxi fellow offering lessons in surviving the wilderness. Starting with the basics of building a fire and making camp, patrons can progress to more advanced skills like tracking, hunting and herbalism. Ray also has a selection of survival tools available, but they tend to be more advanced than his competitor GB's wares.
28	Rocky Rambler's Rolling Canyons!	"Hi, I'm Rocky Rambler! Have you recently moved onto a new property in a sparse frontier and need to remodel your landscape? Then boy, do I have the product for you! Get new Landscape Rolls TM! Ever bought rolls of sod? The cheap dead grass rolled up in bundles? Well now you can buy rolls of just about anything! Want a green meadow filled with blooming wildflowers? Slap it down, roll it out! Want bumpy landscape with rocks and cactus? Unroll it like a rug! Or even a babbling brook for relaxing white noise? They may leak, but they're loaded with fish! You want a heavenly cloudscape? Well, it'll likely float off once you lay it down, but we've got 7 left over from a refunded order! For the next week and a half, buy any two landscapes and get a roll of Clouds absolutely FREE (with purchase of any two outdoor landscapes, offer invalid with wooden floor rolls and interiors, limit one cloud roll per person per day, offer not valid on Thursdays, taxes and fees may apply, offer not valid to Cloud Giants, Cloud Dragons, or Air Elementals. No Refunds, all sales are final). So Come on down to Rocky Rambler's Rolling Canyons! Located adjacent to Rocky Rambler's Animal in a Bottle Warehouse and Enchanted Boot Emporium!"
29	Cold River Shipping Company	Running up in the northern frontier near the Frozen Pines, the Company consists of a fleet of canoes, rafts, and barges along the rivers. Mainly shipping smaller goods or individuals across the rivers and streams, it is a loose outfit put together by four half-orc brothers with native help. They plan to gather enough funds to buy a ship good for breaking ice flows and make their business legitimate.
30	The Silver Sledge	This mining corporation was formed earlier on during the beginning of the frontier by a prominent dwarf miner, Fuaser Robishau. Earning his fortune early on through a large silver payload, which he and his family defended savagely, he has now sponsored several other mines under his new corporation. He mainly favors fellow dwarves who come to work for him, setting them up as work crew bosses and foremen. He does not mind the cheating of common workers, but any who undercut him, even fellow dwarves, are often found outside of town with a pickaxe lodged in their skull.
31	Hedge Mage Headquarters	The frontier proved a great opportunity for up and coming wizards wishing to establish a name for themselves after completing their apprenticeships. Founded by the gnome Fullbery "School Marm" Washup, the headquarters functions as a secondary academy, lodging, and work area, but also as contact for services requiring magic. While the work is not nearly as precise or as epic as from master wizards, it provides affordable and regular services.
32	The Stoor	"Come on up, don't be shy. Sure it's not much but—oh pardon me, let me pull that carpet back down o'er the box, er, shop here. But we got just what you need this far out. What things? Oh you know, lots of things. Many things. I keep them tucked behind this box for safety is all. It's one of them bags o' holdin'... but a box. Oh these? These rocks? Oh these are, uh, rocks... the finest rocks in the land. No better rocks out there, I got 'em all righ' here. And I spent a fair bit o' time searching for them, no need to thank me. Now are you buyin' a rock or not?"
33	Graves Lost & Found	An unusual partnership with an greedy female Ratfolk Ranger named Rugel and a noble female Centaur Cleric name Clover. The two seek out the frontier for unmarked graves of fallen travelers. Clover performs rights upon the corpse, speak with dead to find out who they are, burns the body, and recovers the ashes. Rugel tracks the bodies down, steals anything of value off the body, investigates for any clues regarding the identity of the person, and gets info when Clover speaks with dead about any other treasures the dead may know of. They are hired to find the graves of lost travelers and return the ashes or they will try to return the ashes if they get the name of the family of the perished traveler. They also have a shed of unidentified ashes they hold on to. The information they get from the dead can also be purchased from this odd pair.
34	Belix's Obelisks and Menhir Workshop and Delivery	Belix appears to be human in most respects, if one of prodigious dimensions. What might give an observer pause is his incredible strength, evident as he works his trade, literally carving out a natural wall-face to produce oblong menhirs that tower over most people and easily hefting the pure rock sculptures as if it were no heavier than a sack of feathers. It is rumored that the menhirs might be the source of his strength, but none of his customers appear any more vital. However no one can deny the charm of his simple but impressive handiwork, the Founders Stone a simple giant obelisk that towers in the town square, being an excellent example. He is always working on a few extra obelisks and menhirs just in case despite the limited market, but in his many hours of downtime he hunts boars, with one or two always on a spit roast at his quarry. He’ll accept coin, but some have discovered he will barter nearly any task or item for a potion, any potion. He appears to be looking a particular potion, but he’s willing to try any in his maniacal quest.
35	The Outlook	A small tavern with a few spare rooms for any travelers making their way through. It's a nice place to stop at if you need to rest up and take stock before heading out. The main draw though are the scouts that like to hang around and guide any newcomers. There's a bit of competition among the scouts as business isn't exactly thriving this far out. The unspoken agreement among them is they each have a specialized area of what they know and they stick with it. Know ahead of time where you're going if you want a guide from here or else there's sure to be a bar fight among the guides. As troublesome as it sounds, these guides are certainly experts of their area.
36	Eastwood's Stables	This gruff cowboy is a literal cow-boy. A Minotaur that gave up the life of a bounty hunter to raise and sell horses to those in need. A loner who prefers the company of horses he known to be fair if rude. One would be wise not to cross Eastwood, he is as dangerous as he looks.
37	Ranch and Menagerie Grove	This Druid Grove is home to a Druid Collective that both protects and sells the creatures kept within the grove. They provide some of the animals within the grove for hunting or labor, for a price, as long as excessive damage is not done to the frontier. They have also been know to go out to hunt down poachers that threaten the wildlife of the frontier. They are willing to provide services if one brings them rare beasts of the frontier to be protected within the grove.
38	Big Dog's Casino	Run by Big Dog, an awakened bulldog, this high-end casino is where those who have earned their riches in the frontier can socialize and gamble in safety and fun. Big Dog is a mysterious dog seeming to have lived through several major events in history and is far more clever than he appears at first glance. He has somehow convinced a cyclops, Snake Eye, to man the door and a pair of bugbear brothers, Blackjack and Roulette, acting as muscle within the casino itself. His employees are remarkably loyal and protective of Big Dog, which is good because he has far more enemies than any dog should.
39	The Holy Church	An aged Cleric Elf runs a church of the town known only as Father and rumored to have come from the Fey realm. A child that was possessed by a demon was visited by the Father and it is said that when he walked into the room the Demon-possessed child went silent, then screamed, and the demon banished itself. The grounds of the church is truly hollowed ground as one can feel the divine energy radiating from it to the point that it glows ever so slightly at night.
40	The Public Library	Run by a Kitsune Bard Loremaster, named Shu, and her adopted daughter, a Changeling, named Frell. These two shapshifters gather knowledge from the frontier and record them into the books of the library, making magical copies to send to other libraries around the world. They are willing to pay for any unique knowledge you may offer and the library is free to use for anybody though there is a donation box. Usually only one will be in the library as the other would be searching the frontier for unique plants, creatures, or lore to add to their books.
41	Normal Carpentry	This place is completely normal. It does carpentry. There is no sinister basement. There is no evil cult. Its just a normal carpentry shop. We are not aberrations.
42	Under Well Shop	A well has appeared though its waters seem toxic and its seems a shop is attached to it underground. It's keeper, a cloaked in Drow, possess goods only found within the underdark. The shop owner will tell you a creature is within the waters of the well polluting it and it needs to be slain to purify the water.
43	Lake Town	A nearby lake has had a settlement of aquatic races move in. A gillman named Ted runs the trading post between the town and the lake. He holds a bevy of goods created and harvested by the citizens of the lake.
44	Tim Tim Tom's Cobbler Store	Tim Tim Tom is a true master cobbler. A halfling who makes the highest quality shoes in the frontier, perhaps the world. His shoes are incredibly comfortable and near indestructible as his skill is so polished it seems divinely touched. Nearly everybody in town has a custom pair make for them despite the incredible prices he charges as he is willing to take payments over the course of years for permanent residents. But if adventures want a pair of his shoes you will need to gather some of his rare material.
45	Jackdaw's Discount Weapons	Jackdaw is a weaponsmith who gets about half of his stock from adventurers passing through with weapons they looted off of fallen foes. As a result, much of his loot is eclectic and unique in its style and material.
46	Fangjaw's Proteccy Clothez	A lizardfolk armorer who doesn't speak great common, but makes damn good armor, whether it be metal or hide. He moved out here because in the bigger cities, his accent proved more of a deterrent than out here.
47	Athena's Aegis	A female former gladiator who specializes in making magical protective shields. Especially those that can be thrown into the enemies' faces. (Captain America style)
48	Lone Star Courier	A courier service that gives zero regard for the safety of their deliverymen and as a result, will rarely refuse a contract. However, they are also always looking for new couriers.
49	Goldie's Bank and Storage Services:	This bank (one of many) is run by gold tinted Kobolds serving a particularly organized and neurotic Gold Dragon, Goldie, who uses the holdings as their hoard. The bank holds onto goods and money allowing it to accrue interest as long as the holder checks in once a year. If the holder does not show during a year the treasure is held but no interest is gained. Treasure can be retrieved if proof of ownership or holder returns and a holding fee is paid. If the holder is found dead and the initial insurance is not paid the treasure becomes the property of the bank. The bank will often set up bounties to determine if the holders are alive or dead and request proof of either. Killing a holder during a bounty mission has serious consequences and those who kill holders or those who have not paid off their loans have especially high bounties put up by the bank.
50	Gible Gom's Circus	A strange circus that seems to pop in and out of existence within the town. Run primarily by Goblins and Hobgoblins they put on exciting acrobatic and athletic feats, enchanting performances, and spectacular magical tricks. The people are a bit wary but those who go seem to truly enjoy the show and miraculously the only money lost is that willingly spent. Some very angry looking elves from the Fey have been seen staring at the circus but they vanish before anybody gets close. Gible, the circus master Hobgoblin, seems nervous and is seeking help regarding the elves.
51	Helding’s Hardware	Helding's Hardware is a small tool shop run by the owner and sole employee Javis Helding. The store is a small but well-kept building situated between two larger buildings on either side, making the clay brick shop appear even smaller. Multiple racks line the walls and form aisles in an orderly fashion, each one holding his collection of a certain tool. Hammers, shovels, saws. Javis almost always has something that fits the bill, and if he doesn’t, he’ll make sure the blacksmith starts working on something that does. Javis himself is a burly halfling, an uncommon combination of words that nonetheless describes the 4-foot high bundle of good humor and masculinity. Nothing matters more to him than his tiny shop and the people he meets there. Those that know him know that when they walk through his door, they will get the best help he can provide.
52	Fettlepox's Studio	Mauxi Fettlepox is a lanky figure who while known to be temperamental exercises the best manners. His business is not so much a storefront as a narrow alcove where he stacks the canvases he paints. On the sidewalk he places a few easels displaying of his most recent work—typically a maelstrom of frenzied brushstrokes that coalesce to an enthralling simulacrum of his subject. When the easels change, it is a minor event, with even critics pausing to update their opinions. It has become a habit to drop a coin in a tin bowl beneath the work, the clinking announcing each viewer. There’s often an unsettling quality to the work even as they are undeniably captivating, much like the man himself. His ethnicity, heck, even his race, is difficult to place—human might be the best guess going by his ears and dun pigmentation. But there’s something other about him. There’s some talk that he might seal a part of his subject’s soul in his paintings—that’s surely hogwash… But why can’t he never be found in his room at the tavern he rents out? And how does outdrink the stoutest dwarf with none the worse for wear?
53	Cold Justice Law House	Judge Jaws, a lizardfolk Inquisitor, judges the criminal of the frontier with his lawmen. Deputy Chill a Water Suli and Sheriff Scorch a Fire Suli. Chill is a Ranger and Scorch is a Monk. Chill finds and Scorch runs down and beats them senseless. Recently they found a bandit camp and need some help taking them down.
54	Frenti Chartered Architect & Assoc.	In a display of her skills, the entrance to Aleski Frenti’s offices are accessible via a mechanical contraption she calls “the elevator.” A balcony encircles her office allowing visitors to circumambulate and observe the vista of the growing outpost. The office itself is busy with workspaces covered with blueprints and designs. Tableaus with maps and plans can be wheeled around the space; a number of draftstables have active building designs underway; and a giant table allows for papers to be spread widely with many half-drunk cups of a some brown syrupy liquid scatter upon it, sometimes apparently serving as paperweights. A narrow winding staircase apparently leads to Aleski’s quarters. She is often found bent over a blueprint, scribbling notes with her sleeves folded to her elbows. Her assistant, a young gnome, Jerfery often follows behind her collecting the scraps of paper in her wake. While she is retained by the Council, she can be hired by private individuals either to design or consult.
55	Cool Winds' ButcheAnita's Fight Club	An androgynous undine named Jacky (isn’t too hung up on pronouns) and a half-orc who goes by Anita run the cold store and butchery. Jacky is undoubtedly the face of the establishment, and apparently responsible for the cool temperature generally and the arctic chill in the meat room. Jacky does the more traditional butchery, trapping game, quartering and dressing carcasses, and preparing and preserving meats. They have become a regular supplier to a few homes and businesses but they will handle meats on request. Anita is reticent and gruff. However, she hosts a “secret” fight club after hours once a week in the meat room with Jacky’s reluctant consent. Victors, and scrappy losers, even, can expect eye contact, discounts and even a smile from Anita. The fraternity of brawlers is becoming a real thing in the outpost.
56	Sir Calleb Dallas's Home for Orphans and Wayward Children	Sir Calleb Dallas, a human, was from a high ranking noble family who tried to become more selfless and charitable by opening an Orphanage in the frontier. Unfortunately his noble upbringing has left him ill-suited to frontier life and dealing with rambunctious children. To make matters worse his family has cut off funding to his orphanage! This desperate situation has caused the eldest and most dedicated orphan, Red an 60 year old Elf (technically still a child), to run off into the frontier for some treasure to save the orphanage. If you can go find and rescue Red, Calleb is willing to give up a treasured family heirloom as a reward.
57	Expose Inc.	Expose Inc. is a trio of mystery-solving reporters. The blond male trap master Aasimar named Ascot is the leader of the group. The clumsy attractive redhead half-elf sorceress in purple robes is named Dnger Pronee is the interviewer, and the female bespectacled gnome loremaster, Jinkies, is the head researcher and writer. A monster is scaring off the new owners of the Belfast Manor, will you help them capture the creature and get the story?
58	Fey Pharmaceutical Delights	A skinny cowardly Drow Fey Druid in a green shirt wearing a brown mushroom hat, named Norville, runs a shop with drugs of various effects from both the Fey realm and the Underdark. His best friend is an awoken equally cowardly talking dog, named Dooby. Both act as if effected by their product but they are in truth just silly and simple. Will trade product for delicious food. They will give the very best of their product if you get the legendary God Dog Biscuits for them to snack on.
59	Markus the Canoe-Maker	Markus… he doesn’t make canoes. It’s a just a moniker that stuck for the meticulous way he hollows out the corpses of the departed that no one claims, making careful anatomist sketches and inks. Otherwise, he provides sombre, brief, professional funeral services, minus the homilies, demonstrating a savant-level knowledge of faiths and cultures. Those services go a long way to balance out the gaunt, sallow wizard’s macabre pursuits—that and his restraint in raising the dead. In fact, he’s probably the best person around for an exorcism or discreet consultation about the ol’ family ghost. Perhaps unsurprisingly he’s quite the expert in pathology, either coming to unerring conclusions or withholding his judgment. When in doubt, he will simply cast speak to the dead, a task that the local law have been known to require.
60	Quality Custom Magic Jewelry	This ant colony is a hive mind that burst out of the ground and created a house sized ant hill. No one is sure how they came to be or where they come from but they seem friendly enough. To create the jewelry a person must sacrifice an item of great sentimental importance to the customer, high quality gems, precious metals or rare bones, a cup of the customer's tears, a pint of customer's blood, and 25 pounds of sugar and/or sweets. The ants will take the items and work for 2 weeks to create unique magical jewelry usable only by the customer or their heirs with abilities that match the customer's personality. They can only make one such item for each person though they can still make high quality normal jewelry if the raw material and 10 pounds of sugar and/or sweets is provided. If the ants see you as receptive they may ask for help in stopping their former master from finding and enslaving it. Their former master is a wizard that has changed himself permanently into an ant monster that can control ants psychically.
61	Lydia’s Arbor	The dryad Lydia welcomes all visitors to her small arbor, maintaining a staff of workers to harvest the fruit trees she nurtures. Parents have learned that they can safely keep their children in her care. Adventurers short on coin might spend a night under the canopy of her orchards. In exchange of a favor, she might even woodshape an enchanted object. She is well-versed in the medicinal properties of her plants. That a dryad would choose to make a home in a frontier town would rightly surprise a visitor. Much like others of her kind, Lydia began her life with an aversion to civilization. It was only when her grove was met with destruction, not by the woodmen that were pushing back the forest, but by an enormous wildfire that her destiny was altered. Lydia melded herself to her oak tree, resigned to her fate when a druid compelled her to withdraw. The human druid took her back to a hamlet and kept her alive. Though weak, she wandered the hamlet drawn to its oldest tree, amazed at the care the inhabitants took to that tree in particular. She swallowed her bitterness at how this tree could survive amidst humanity who destroyed so much of nature and communed with the elder tree. That experience changed her. The druid led her back to the tree that she had bonded with. There a sapling had sprung where the giant oak once stood. She carefully uprooted the sapling and set out to find another frontier town where she could set her roots, and possibly proselytize a green way forward.
62	Fritz's Magic School Wagon	This small yellow wagon is larger on the inside and can house an entire class of students. It can also transform, shrink, grow, and travel between the planes. The teacher is a powerful human fey sorceress. With her iguana familiar and class in tow they take the wagon on magical educational trips. She is looking for some chaperones to help her on her next grand trip to hell!
63	The Doll Maker	This quaint little shop is surprisingly dark. Inside are countless dolls and stuffed animals of very high quality though some look off-putting and creepy. The shop owner is a vampire named Dex who who drinks from a heart of never ending blood. He really loves his dolls. Dex has a private collection of old, possibly haunted, dolls. If you promise to care for them, Dex will give you one of his special custom-made dolls or stuffed animals. They are very special dolls.
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From the beautiful minds of u/no4u, u/generic_brand_cola, u/IAMA_llAMA_AMA, u/ASzinhaz, u/Kardinalin, u/Table_Bang, u/Papenhausen, u/generic_brand_cola, u/Hwga_lurker_tw, u/Woopdeedo, u/Ytumith, u/ceilius, u/FadoraNinja, u/WitchDearbhail, u/Patchwork18, u/SquiddneyD, u/GhastlyKing, u/ThePragmaticPimp

I posted this in opiatesrecovery but it feels like it can go here too. Sorry if this doesn't belong or breaks any rules, I just really needed to vent.
This will likely be long and choppy, but even if nobody reads this, I think it will help me feel better just to put it all into words.
I'll be 23 next month, and I've been doing opiates since I was 12 years old. I come from... A less than adequate home and had to deal with a lot of concepts and situations that I wasn't even close to ready for very early on. I didn't have it as bad as alot of people, and I'd never want to try and swing dicks about it, but regardless I didn't handle my emotions on those situations very well. Most notably being after my grandfather's death when they put me and a few of my cousins in a room with the open casket to say good bye and closed us in. Kinda really fucked my head up.
I was introduced to alcohol by the age of 10, by 12 I started smoking cigarettes, and pot. This was also the year I lost my virginity, and had my first dance with opiates which would become the monkey on my back early into highschool. I Did coke for the first time at 13. By 18 I'd done most of the major drugs I had access to.
Most weren't a problem for the most part (though I attribute this to low income and accessibility in hindsight). I started working when I was 13, getting paid under the table by my dad overnights at the casino food court to start (my old man was a real winner too. heh.) This was around the time I came into a massive supply of Percocets for next to nothing. On many occasions they literally cost me nothing for large portions of scripts. I lived with my supply making them impossible to get away from and I happily abused the situation to the fullest.
I moved out at 16 with my highschool girlfriend. I was a drug addict, she was a nympho. We were both entirely fucked in the head and it showed heavily. We were both still in highschool, and we both worked full time in fast food (at the same place). I sold what didn't go in my nose to supplement our low paying jobs. We were awful for each other, but we both really wanted it to work. At the time I thought we loved each other, though I don't know if I believe it now. When it went south, it went south incredibly quick. I had started feeling the emotional effects of the drugs and the compounded effects of the emotions I'd been running from during my HS years, and my sex drive fell off the map for a while. I didn't know what was won't with me, but she had her own addiction to supplement, so it wasn't long before she went elsewhere to satisfy those needs. I was crushed. This was where things really too their turn.
I fell into the drugs harder than ever, and it wasn't long until I met the woman that I both love very dearly, and wish I had never met. We just clicked, and we were both coping with bad first long term relationships. I thought that was the only reason, but I'd later find it was also because our demons matched nearly identically.
It took 6 months for me to find one of her needles. I was pissed. I couldn't believe it, how had she managed to hide it from me? But she knew me, and boy did she sell it. I said no at first, but I loved her, and I loved opiates so I said fuck it. Show me. It was the single greatest thing I'd ever experienced; everything was better in every way imaginable.
We didn't do much, I kept it light usually just keeping to pills. I worked in electrical right out of HS and had to maintain my functioning addition so as not to lose such a great job (or get fried at work for nodding at the wrong time). Everything was great. Great house, great woman, and full control over my addiction. This lasted give or take 6 months until my employer got sued to hell and closed up shop with no notice.
I'd never saved anything for emergencies, all nonessential cash went to drugs. I didn't know how fast things could go wrong. I lost my amazing house and things were Rocky with my woman, and we were using more and more frequently as it was cheap and easy to get in trade of favors (usually rides). Not long after, her half sister got cancer; they hadn't known about each other long, but it still hit her pretty hard, so we took the trip to see her. The truck blew up just as we were about to come back. I'll never regret going down, her sister passed a few weeks later, and it hit her pretty hard.
Our relationship suffered and our next year and a half was filled with some of my greatest regrets. We did shitty things for our addiction and we alternated between loving each other more than I thought possible, and hating each other's guts. She asked me to marry her out of the blue, and being young and full blown retarded, I fell into the idea hard.Less than six months later she left without a word.
I completely fell apart. I'd lost the last thing I cared about. I OD'd twice in the following year, one of which was intentionally. I job hopped and house hopped, nothing permanent, no real attachments. In the end I ended up sleeping in the wooded areas around town until a kind person offered me a bite to eat and showed me compassion.
I shit you fucking not, on fucking God, this guy was my ex's mom's new dude. So I'm at her (my ex who broke me) mom's house with this guy and they offer to give me a place to stay for a little while. I was working what hours I could get so they didn't mind.
I actually got pretty chummy with her parents and found out they have a thing for meth. They offered. I'm not an upper guy, but any port in a storm. Too keep a long story (relatively) short, this went on for a few weeks until I ended up speed balling the meth and the H in a needle. I lost my fucking mind. Full blown skitzo type shit (people trying to kill me). I called the cops (regardless of my few warrants). That was the third time I was hospitalized that year. I was in for a little over a week and the detox process was one I wouldn't wish on Hitler himself.
My whole family knew now what I was. There was no running from it. I had to kick it. All of it, but opiates were the real struggle. I made this decision 8 months ago tomorrow, and I haven't used a needle since. I'd like to lie and say I've kicked them entirely, but I still do a few percs here and there. Never more than 2 at a time and never more than twice a week. Just enough to make the worst days bearable. I consider that a fucking win, even if I shouldnt. Kicking the needle was the hardest thing I've ever done and probably the hardest thing I'll ever do and the first month was hell on earth.
This brings us to the beginning of this year. I managed to get a great job and start to rebuild a few relationships. Things got easier. I started to love my life again, but life and karma started to catch up. People weren't as past my past as they made me believe. Last month, my roommate started thinking I was back to my old ways. I wasn't, but there was no convincing him, so I left to try and keep my self esteem in tact.
I moved in with my sister and my best friend, but neither of them held a job at the time, and he was still heavy into opiates, but we made it work regardless. The stress was palpable. Then in a three week period two people close to our circle killed themselves. It pushed my friend into fent and affected all 3 of us in various ways. The situation finally came to a head, and I left after a nasty altercation between my sister and I. I couldn't stand her lack of effort and it was fueled by grief for our lost friends, anger at my friend for the use of fent, and fear of what was to come.
Not all was lost, I was still working constantly and I was set to get a $6/hr promotion after my hard work. This was 2 weeks ago. The following Friday I was called into the office at work. I hoped that was finally time for the promotion I'd been waiting for them to finalize, but instead I was told I was being laid off indefinitely due to work volume. I was completely blindsided. Everything I'd been working for had been taken from me. I kept my composure for the meeting, but afterwards I cried like a bitch in the bathroom for alot longer than I'd like to admit.
It was all just gone man. All that work for nothing, just as I was getting close to having a normal life. Now I'm back where I started all those years ago. Living with my supplier, and I know all I have to do is ask. Dad's can be real easy to talk out of pills. Not to mention I could just steal them if I really wanted. I'm afraid it's just a matter of time before I'm eating 8-12 at a time again. And I know where it goes from there. And it will kill me. And I am afraid. Terrified even.
I'm strong today, but I won't be strong everyday. Nobody is strong EVERY day. I will break, sooner or later, and I will have to do it all over again. This is my hell. And I will die here.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this again, especially without a way to douse these emotions that I've never properly dealt with on my back. My life was over before it started, and I don't know how to do anything worthwhile anymore. Everything I touch turns to shit, and while I don't want to kill myself this time, I'm afraid to live either.
I'm afraid. I'm so fucking afraid.

Rearranging the the episode summaries on Wikipedia and the Wikia I came up with this three part basic summary (not including everything):

Good Cooper

Dale Cooper remains trapped in the Black Lodge.
[In New York City, Sam Colby sits in a warehouse watching a glass box. Tracey Barberato visits him. With the security guard absent during Tracey's second visit, Sam lets her into the room. As they have sex, a pale androgynous entity—the Experiment—materializes in the glass box and murders them.]
Inside the Lodge, Cooper encounters MIKE, Laura and a skeletal tree with a featureless head (an evolved form of MIKE's severed left arm). Laura tells Cooper that he can go out now but the tree says that his doppelgänger has to return first. After an encounter with the tree's doppelgänger intervenes, the floor of the Lodge gives way and Cooper falls into the glass box in New York, then into space. Cooper lands in a metal building where two women (Naido and American Girl) appear to protect him from an unseen entity until he leaves through a portal.
Dougie Jones, who just had sex with Jade, a Las Vegas prostitute, becomes sick and sees the Lodge's red curtains. Dougie is drawn into the Lodge, where he turns into a golden bead. The real Cooper, taking Dougie's place in Las Vegas, is found in a disoriented state by the prostitute, who drops him off at a casino. Criminals who are pursuing 'Dougie' place a bomb under his car, still parked outside the Jade's house. Cooper wanders around the casino and plays slot machines marked by hallucinatory images of the Lodge, winning megajackpots every time. Cooper wins 28 consecutive megajackpots at the casino, totaling $425,000, then is driven to Dougie's home. Dougie's wife, Janey-E, is upset about her husband's three-day disappearance, but she is relieved that they can pay his $20,000 gambling debt ($52,000 after interest).
Still near-catatonic, Cooper settles into Dougie's life. While getting dressed, he sees a vision of MIKE, who informs him that either he or his remaining doppelgänger must die. Janey-E drops Cooper at Dougie's workplace, where he reacts to a statue outside, the smell of coffee, and the words "agent" and "case files". After a light illuminates a colleague's face, Cooper accuses him of lying, angering Dougie's boss.
The criminals who planted the bomb under Dougie's car contact their superior, Lorraine, who expresses fear of being killed if the job isn't completed and sets off a mysterious alarm. Later, Dougie's car explodes when some car thieves trigger the bomb. The Mitchums beat and fire the casino supervisor, accusing him of complicity in Cooper's winning streak. Jade drops Cooper's Great Northern Hotel room key in a mailbox. Police take Cooper to Dougie's home and Janey-E receives a photo of Cooper with the prostitute from two criminals demanding Dougie's gambling debts plus interest, totaling $52,000. Janey-E meets them, lambasts them and gives them $25,000, her "first, last and only offer".
Cooper draws cryptic images on the case files, guided by lights on the pages. Dougie's boss recognizes a pattern in the drawings and thanks Cooper. Cooper has another vision of MIKE telling him "Wake up! Don't die!". Duncan Todd retrieves an envelope marked with a black spot from his safe and sends it to hitman Ike "The Spike" Stadtler. The envelope contains photos of Lorraine and Dougie. Ike kills Lorraine and her coworkers, demolishing his signature "spike" weapon in the process.
Police visit Cooper at Dougie's workplace to question him about his destroyed car. As he leaves with Janey-E, Ike runs at them with a gun, but Cooper expertly disarms him while having a vision of the skeletal tree. Dougie's boss says that Dougie sometimes has episodes due to a car accident. The Las Vegas police discover no record of Dougie Jones before 1997, and take fingerprints and DNA from Cooper's coffee mug. They arrest Ike "the Spike", who has left a phone message for "J.T". Duncan Todd orders Anthony Sinclair to frame 'Dougie' for the denial of an arson insurance claim that lost the Mitchums $30 million. The Mitchums see a news story about Ike's arrest, and recognize Cooper as "Mr. Jackpots".
Janey-E notices that her husband's physique has improved and has sex with him. Dougie's boss sends Cooper to give the Mitchums a $30 million check after realizing their claim is legitimate. The Mitchums plan to kill Cooper, but after Bradley has a prophetic dream, they decide he is not their enemy and take him for drinks, where Cooper reacts to the words "damn good" while eating cherry pie.
Cooper and Sonny Jim play catch.
The Mitchum brothers and their assistants take Cooper to Bushnell Mullins' office, celebrating and bearing gifts for Mullins. Anthony Sinclair hides from the brothers as he fearfully calls Duncan Todd, who gives him one day to kill "Jones."
Delivery men bring a gym set for Sonny Jim and a new car to the Jones home as Janey-E happily looks on. Janey-E and Cooper later watch Sonny Jim play on his new gym set.
The Detectives Fusco look over the results of "Douglas Jones"' fingerprint as an altercation takes place in the next room. Sinclair comes to see Detective Clark for poison.
Janey-E takes Cooper to work in the new car. Sinclair waits nervously for "Dougie" and takes him to get coffee. After taking a sip, Cooper wanders over to observe the shop's pie as Sinclair laces his coffee. He returns and Sinclair breaks down, leaving with the poisoned coffee. Cooper takes Sinclair's coffee and is brought a slice of pie. Sinclair pours the coffee into a urinal and throws the cup in the trash before apologizing to "Dougie."
In Mullins' office, Sinclair tearfully confesses his activities with Todd.

Bad Cooper

In Buckhorn, South Dakota, Cooper's doppelgänger—a sinister, long-haired man with black irises—retrieves two associates, Ray and Darya. Police find the severed head of Buckhorn librarian Ruth Davenport placed on the headless body of a John Doe. Local principal Bill Hastings's fingerprints are found and he is arrested. Bill denies guilt, but fumbles his alibi. His wife, Phyllis, accuses him of having an affair, while Phyllis has been having an affair with Bill's lawyer, George. A ghostly woodsman occupies another cell. Phyllis is murdered at home by Cooper's doppelgänger. Cooper's doppelgänger attempts to obtain information through Darya, Ray, and another associate, Jack. Perceiving that his associates have turned on him, Cooper's doppelgänger murders Jack and Darya, and later sets out for a federal prison in South Dakota, where Ray has been jailed. He also reveals that he is due to return to the Lodge, but has a plan to avoid this.
Cooper's doppelgänger drives a car, becomes sick and sees the Lodge's red curtains. Cooper's doppelgänger crashes and is apprehended by the police. At the FBI headquarters in Philadelphia, Agent Tamara Preston is debriefing Gordon Cole and Albert Rosenfield when Cole receives a phone call stating that Cooper has been found in South Dakota. The FBI is informed that Cooper has been found and taken to federal prison in South Dakota, where he is interviewed by Gordon, Albert, and Tammy. Gordon and Albert discuss their misgivings about the inmate, one of whose fingerprints is the reverse of Cooper's. They decide to seek the one person they think can help them. Cooper's doppelgänger makes a phone call in prison that causes the security system to go haywire. He says "The cow jumped over the moon," before hanging up, stopping the alarms.
In Buckhorn, an autopsy of the decapitated body reveals Dougie's wedding ring in the stomach.
Cooper's doppelgänger sits in his jail cell and correctly predicts that his food is coming. He takes his food and goes to the mirror, noting that BOB is still with him.
At the Pentagon, Colonel Davis is informed that the fingerprints on the Buckhorn body match Garland Briggs's – the sixteenth set of his prints they have found in 25 years. Albert finds Diane, Cooper's erstwhile assistant, in a bar. Lt. Knox arrives in Buckhorn and is stunned to learn that Garland Briggs's fingerprints come from a body in its late forties, not seventies. Albert and Gordon convince Diane to speak to Cooper in prison. She is upset by the conversation and tells Gordon the man is not Cooper.
Cooper's doppelgänger blackmails Warden Murphy into releasing him and Ray. Ray shoots Cooper's doppelgänger. Woodsmen tear at his body, revealing a sac with BOB's face. Ray flees, leaving Phillip Jeffries a message that Cooper's doppelgänger may have survived. Later, Cooper's doppelgänger awakens.
[In 1945 New Mexico, the first atomic bomb is detonated. A convenience store is occupied by woodsmen. Floating in a void, the Experiment spews a stream of fluid; one globule manifests BOB's face. In a building above a purple sea, a man resembling the giant watches the detonation, the convenience store, and BOB. He levitates, light emanating from his head. Señorita Dido enters, and an orb with Laura Palmer’s face inside floats down to her. She sends the orb to Earth. In 1956 New Mexico, a creature hatches from an egg. A woodsman descends to the ground, then enters a radio station and kills the receptionist. Overpowering the disc jockey, he repeatedly broadcasts the words "This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes and dark within", rendering listeners unconscious. The creature enters an unconscious girl's room and climbs down her throat. The woodsman kills the disc jockey and leaves.]
Cooper's doppelgänger meets hitmen Hutch and Chantal at a farm. He sends a text to Diane and calls Todd to ask if he has done "it" yet. He orders Murphy's death and mentions a job in Las Vegas.
The FBI stops in Buckhorn to examine the body with Briggs's fingerprints. Hastings tells Tammy that he and Ruth visited Briggs in another dimension, where he had been "hibernating" for years, and witnessed his beheading as he was saying Cooper's name. Hastings's secretary was killed in a car explosion and his lawyer arrested for the murder of his wife.
Gordon has a vision of Laura. Albert informs him that the FBI has intercepted a text message from Diane informing someone of Hastings' arrest. Tammy shows them a photo that places Cooper's doppelgänger at the location of the New York murders. At the location where Hastings met Briggs, the FBI finds Ruth's body with coordinates written on one arm. Gordon sees woodsmen in a portal and is drawn back by Albert. One of the woodsmen sneaks up on Hastings and kills him.
Gordon and Albert recruit Tammy and deputize Diane to the Blue Rose task force. Albert interrupts Gordon and his French lady friend to show him a text message Diane received asking about Las Vegas. Chantal and Hutch assassinate Warden Murphy. Diane finds that the coordinates on Ruth Davenport's arm point to Twin Peaks.
Cooper's doppelganger arrives at the farm as Ray and his associates watch him on security camera. They bring him to their location and he says he is there to see Ray. He is told that Renzo is the leader of the men, as he is undefeated in arm-wrestling. The doppelganger likens this practice to children's games and challenges Renzo, wagering Ray. After much toying with his opponent, the doppelganger wins, then kills him.
As the group' new leader, he is granted his request to be alone with Ray, who – after being shot in the leg – tells him the details of his contract from Phillip Jeffries to kill the doppelganger, as he has "something inside" (Bob) that he wants. Ray takes out the owl cave ring, saying that he was supposed to put it on him after killing him. Richard Horne joins the group as they watch on camera the doppelganger and Ray, who hands over the coordinates. Ray tells the doppelganger Jeffries' last known location and is killed. The ring disappears from his finger and appears in the red room, followed by himself. MIKE places the ring on its pedestal.
Hutch and Chantal drive towards Utah, discussing Mormons.

Twin Peaks

Dr. Jacoby receives a shipment of shovels. Dr. Jacoby broadcasts conspiracy theory videos to sell his golden shovels, with Jerry Horne and Nadine Hurley among his viewers. Nadine Hurley watches Dr. Jacoby's latest broadcast from her drapery store.
At the Great Northern, Ben Horne introduces his brother Jerry to his new secretary, Beverly.
Deputy Chief Hawk gets a call from the Log Lady, who tells him some evidence relating to Dale Cooper is missing. Hawk continues his investigation and approaches Glastonbury Grove, the entrance to the Lodge near Twin Peaks. Hawk, Andy and Lucy are unable to discern what is "missing".
Sheriff Frank Truman gets an update on Hawk's investigation, and Deputy Bobby Briggs recalls that Cooper was the last person to see his father, Major Garland Briggs, before his death.
Andy and Lucy's son Wally Brando arrives at the Sheriff's Office to pay his respects to his godfather, Harry Truman.
Norma sorts through documents as Heidi is serving and Becky delivers bread to Toad and gets money from Shelly. Norma goes to Shelly, urging her to help Becky rather than continue to enable her. Becky takes the money to Steven and they snort a drug.
At the Twin Peaks sheriff's station, Hawk and Andy continue to sort through files.
Richard Horne smokes underneath a 'no smoking' sign. Employee Federico asks him to quit and the off-duty Deputy Chad Broxford takes over but ends up taking a bribe from Horne. Charlotte, from the next table over with Elizabeth, asks him for a light, but he grabs her and threatens to assault her.
Shelly is meeting friends at the Roadhouse, shares a nostalgic moment with James Hurley and flirts with Red. Red, who is a drug supplier, charges Richard Horne with a delivery. Richard speeds recklessly in his truck, running over and killing a young boy. The incident is witnessed by Carl Rodd, who comforts the boy's mother, and kindergarten teacher Miriam.
Hawk drops a coin in the bathroom and sees that the stall manufacturer's logo is a Nez Percé chief. Noticing two screws missing from the stall door, he finds several written pages inside.
Jerry Horne wakes up in the woods, extremely stoned from his last bout of doing drugs. He calls Ben, frantically claiming someone stole his car and he does not know where he is.
Hawk and Frank Truman examine the pages torn from Laura's diary. One entry describes a dream in which Annie tells Laura that the good Dale is trapped in the Lodge. Frank calls Doc Hayward, who recounts his memories of the day Cooper returned from the Lodge.
Andy arranges to meet the farmer who owns the truck driven by Richard Horne in the hit-and-run, but he never arrives.
Beverly tries to locate the source of a mysterious hum in Ben Horne's office, then returns home to her terminally ill husband, Tom.
Roadhouse owner Jean-Michel talks on the phone about his prostitution business.
Late at night at the Double R Diner, Heidi and Shelly serve customers while Norma goes through some paperwork. A man runs in and asks if anyone has seen Billy before running out again.
Bobby visits his mother with Truman and Hawk to ask about Cooper; her husband Major Briggs long ago foretold their arrival, and she gives them a cylinder containing a location, date, and Cooper's name written twice.
Johnny Horne injures himself, and Jerry Horne hallucinates his foot is talking to him.
Truman removes a slip of paper with directions, which Bobby understands, noting the "Jack Rabbits Palace" to be an imaginary place he and his father had during his childhood. Also in the object is the transmission Briggs intercepted with Cooper's name.
Ben and Beverly again investigate the strange noise in the hotel, which Ben likens to a monastery bell. The two nearly share a romantic moment, but Ben politely refuses.
Richard Horne confronts Miriam, who tells him she has written to Sheriff Truman about the hit-and-run. He attacks her and leaves her for dead in her trailer, then has Deputy Chad intercept the letter.
Carl plays guitar and sings outside of his trailer and stops when a red mug is thrown through a trailer window by Steven Burnett, who is inside abusing Becky.
Jerry, lost in the woods, yells when he loses phone signal.
Richard attacks his grandmother Sylvia in her home and robs her. She calls Ben and demands money from him. Ben asks Beverly to have dinner with him.
Hawk receives another call from the Log Lady, who tells him "Laura is the one."
A group of children discover Miriam crawling from the underbrush.
Becky learns Steven has been cheating on her with Gersten Hayward. She drives to Gersten's apartment and shoots through the door, but the couple are elsewhere. At the diner, Becky's parents, Shelly and Bobby, discuss the incident with her. Red arrives and Shelly leaves to kiss him. A child fires a gun through the diner window, causing a commotion.
While Hawk and Truman study an ancient map, the Log Lady calls Hawk and tells him "There's fire where you are going."
Jerry runs out of the woods and into a clearing.
Sarah Palmer buys alcoholic beverages and cigarettes at a grocery store. She also inquires about an unfamiliar jerky being sold at the store. She warns them of men coming and suffers a breakdown.
Carl Rodd stops a trailer park resident, Kriscol, asking him about his income and gives him $50, saying not to pay his rent for the month.
Hawk goes to Sarah's home. He hears a noise inside, which Sarah dismisses as something in the kitchen. Hawk ensures her that if she needs anything, to call him.
Miriam lays unconscious in a hospital bed at Calhoun Memorial Hospital.
Audrey Horne demands that her husband, Charlie, help her find Billy, her missing lover. He reluctantly phones Tina, and is astonished by what she tells him, but does not tell Audrey what Tina said.
Frank Truman visits Ben Horne to tell him his grandson Richard killed the boy in the hit-and-run, and then attempted to kill the only witness, Miriam. Ben gives Frank the key to Room 315 as a memento for Harry, and agrees to pay Miriam's medical costs.
At the Double R Diner, Shelly gets a phone call from Becky, who says that Steven has been absent for two days and she is worried about him. Shelly invites her daughter to the diner for pie.
Bobby goes to the diner and visits with Ed and Norma. He describes to them that he came across some belongings of his father. Walter Lawford soon shows up to join Norma and Ed and Bobby move to another booth. Walter reports on the franchise progress of the diner, saying that she is selling her pies too cheap, though she disagrees with the franchise stores' practices compared to the flagship store.
At Run Silent, Run Drapes, Nadine is visited by Jacoby after he spotted one of his shovels in the window. He expresses his admiration for the decoration and she praises him and his show. They reflect on their last meeting at a supermarket during a storm.
Sarah watches boxing as she drinks.
A near-hysterical Audrey demands Charlie to tell him what Tina had told him. He tells her to go to the Roadhouse to see if Billy is there, offering to go with her, though she is indecisive and breaks down crying.
At the Roadhouse, an MC introduces James Hurley, who performs "Just You" as a clearly moved Renee watches.
Ed sits alone at Big Ed's Gas Farm.