Last updated: 12/07/19 Edit 32: Couldn't help myself. Added Urban Jurgënsen and Manufacture Royale. Thread is archived so no promises, but feel free to message me with any requests!
A. Lange & Söhne: You work in investments, but nowhere as common as Wall Street. You have been known to casually ask to compare balance bridges with Patek owners.
Alpina: You are subscribed to Outside magazine, and can quote passages from Krakauer’s “Into the Wild” by by heart. You own a pair of serious hiking boots, but they languish in your closet, unworn and unmuddied. You could not afford a Rolex Explorer. If pressed, you would not be able to articulate why anyone would actually need an “Alpinist” watch.
Audemars Piguet: You are a rapper, and you think the brand name is “Royal Oak”.
Apple Watch: You are either a secretary or nine-figure earning CEO at a Fortune 500 company. You use your Apple Watch Series 4 to track both your weekly jogs and chicken roasts. You are vaguely familiar with the idea that other, “old-fashioned” watches exist, but assume they will soon disappear once they are no longer repaired by their manufacturers.
Azimuth: Your two most treasured possessions are an autographed photo of Leonard Nimoy and a replica copy of the Voyager probe Golden Record. You can only dream of owning an MB&F.
Ball: As you walk through your LED lit hallway, down the stairs illuminated by motion sensing flood lamps, and towards your basement model train table outfitted with 3000 Lumen overhead halogen bulbs, you’re gladly reassured by your watch's Tritium lume - for the brief second it takes to find the switch.
Balticus: You are either a metrosexual 20-something working in Warsaw, or a teenage boy living in rural Estonia. You don’t get to play with your Overwatch team as much as you’d like due to the time difference. You dream of moving to Berlin or New York.
Baume et Mercier: You were touched when your wife got you a Clifton for your wedding. You have since gotten a Rolex, but wear your B&M on special occasions. Thankfully, she got you an automatic, not a quartz.
Bell & Ross: You think IWCs are a pale imitation of a Boeing 767 flight instrument. You want to wear the entire flight panel.
Blancpain: Let’s be real, unless you're Vladimir Putin, the only watch you wear from this brand is the Fifty Fathoms - and it never goes near water.
Bovet: You are the president of an esteemed French bank, say, Société Générale. While browsing the shops near your villa in Nice, you came across a lovely Fleurier, which you bought without even considering a discount. So much less common than a Breguet.
Breitling: You aspire to be a pilot. You think the Breitling Emergency is the coolest watch ever made. You are unfamiliar with the term “in-house”.
Bremont: You are an Anglophile. After purchasing two models from the boutique, you are hoping one day to be invited to a Townhouse event. You are either blissfully unaware, or painfully so, of the concept of “resale value”. Though you publicly state it doesn’t matter, you are secretly jealous that Tudor is moving in-house. Even you are somewhat embarrassed by their origin story.
Breguet: You properly pronounce “Tourbillon”. You cringe when others refer to dial markings as mere “Arabic numerals”. You wish more people understood the history of horology. Your dream is to visit Paris.
Bulova: You are either a middle-aged man obsessively collecting the 1970's Accutrons of your youth, or you picked this up from the jewelry counter at Kohl's - with a coupon.
Burberry: You are either a skinny-tie wearing American office drone, or a Chav named Derek living in Slough. In either scenario, you believe the checkmark on the dial exudes class.
BVLGARI - Men's: You wanted a watch that looked like a Diesel, but more expensive.
BVLGARI - Women's: While you already have a diamond Datejust, you wanted something a little flashier to go with your evening-wear Chanel handbag. You delight in correcting others when they attempt to read the name on the dial. Even watch geeks will admit your Serpanti is kind of cool.
Carl F. Bucherer: You are a Chinese national who has never visited the United States. Your uncle’s textile factory has vaunted your family into the upper-middle classes, and it is expected that you project a certain image to distinguish yourself from the commoners. The saleswoman assured you that your Manero is for “a man of distinction” and will fit perfectly with your other internationally recognized luxury item, your cherry-red Buick GL8 Sedan.
Cartier: You like beautiful things, and are possibly a woman.
Casio: In school, your glasses were held together with Scotchtape, and the mechanical pencil in your shirt-front pocket always jammed, but your trusty Calculator Watch never failed. You are shocked that others are copying your look ironically.
Certina: You are the 33-year old manager of a Coop supermarket outside of Davos, Switzerland. While you believe fancy watches are for tourists, your Powermatic was listed “Uhren 50% Rabatt!” and looks pretty sweet.
Chanel: When you awake, you reach for your bottle of No. 5 - sprayed at the pulse points - before you check your phone. You love your ceramic white J12 for the way it effortlessly graces most of your outfits. You spend most days at work surreptitiously surfing TheRealReal, desperately trying to emulate your idol, Coco, on the cheap. Secretly, you wish the whole Nazi collaborator thing was just an ugly rumor.
Chopard: When you got engaged, you insisted on a “Chopard for Love” ring in a platinum setting. While your finance-bro fiancee couldn’t be there on the special day, he gave you a Happy Diamonds to go with it on your three-year anniversary. He will marry you. Eventually. Right?
Christiaan Van Der Klaauw: You are an unusually successful astrophysicist with a NY Times bestselling book. You wear you hair at a rakish angle, and unabashedly use the phase “a priori” in everyday conversation. You actually understand the concept of Sideral time. You first heard of the brand from the oligarch who endowed your research chair using laundered Petro dollars.
Christopher Ward: You can’t afford to spend more than $1K on a watch. You’ve come to actually love your Trident. Secretly, you think the new logo makes your watch look like a toy.
Citizen: You work for NASA, and your job is to set the clocks on the GPS satellites.
Concord: The year is 1986. While all the other middle-managers are celebrating their promotions with Trans Ams, women, or Rolexs, you chose the Concord Saratoga. Placing the leftover cash into Lincoln Savings and Loan bonds and a custom suit with serious shoulder pads, you choose to invest in things that last.
Corum: You spend most days at your estate's dock, "working" on your teak-decked Sloop, so much so that your wife - for whose birthday you bought a subscription to Sail magazine - calls your Coxswain when she wishes to find you. You exclusively wear Sperry’s and have been known to sport a racing flag tie unironically. You know nothing about watches.
Cuervo y Sobrinos: You are a third generation Cuban-American named Jorge living in Buena Vista, Miami. You drink Bacardi Gold as you grill pulled pork at cookouts and play dominos with your Abuelo. You chose your Rubusto to honor your family, culture, and heritage. Secretly, you’re terrified that someone might find out your legal name is George - and that you speak no Spanish.
Damasko: You earnestly believe that form must always follow function. You lament the paucity of good quality, acid-resistant PVD watches on the market. As you wear steel-toed hiking boots daily, you wouldn’t be caught dead handling, much less wearing, a gold dress watch.
Daniel Wellington: You are a millennial who is into latte art. You think Humphrey Bogart looked so cool in old movies with his suit and trench coat. You are unaware of the terms "quartz" or "automatic". If you're honest, you had a hard time choosing your watch, as they all look the same on the website. You pay $5 a pop at the jewelry store to change Nato straps, which you recently got into.
De Bethune: You successfully sold your internet company - with no revenue, let alone income - for $450 million dollars. You love technology, shiny things, and the color blue. You have a life-size replica of the Star Trek: The Next Generation bridge in your Rec room.
Diesel: You are either a teenager with vociferous opinions on the PC vs. Console gaming wars, or a playboy far too busy dating multiple women simultaneously to know what that is.
Dornblüth & Sohn: You own a grandfather clock, which you wind daily. Your have the same opinion on Roman numerals as on your ex-wife - cluttered, fussy, and confusing. You drive a vintage BMW - in your opinion, the epitome of a functional automobile - before the snazzy marketing made them much too flashy.
Ebel: Fresh out of law school, you just got your first associate-level job at a big firm. You wanted something pretty but professional to wear to work. You are confused as to why on dates, men excitedly ask to see your watch, then get close, look disappointed, and say ”oh…an Ebel...”.
Edox/Mido: You are a 23 year old German man, fresh out of the University of Heidelberg. Your starter job and soon to be expiring student benefits did not allow you to stretch for a Longines. The salesman’s face visibly fell when you walked through his door.
Eterna: Your KonTiki was a Jomashop 75% off gamble. You have since become a fanboy, going so far as to grow a beard and voraciously reading Thor Heyerdahl's memoirs. You will order a nature survival kit, tent, and water purification pills online before you lose all interest and snuggle back up to your PS4.
Fortis: You are a young German man living in Düsseldorf. You saved up quite a few paychecks at your Aldi managerial job to afford your Stratoliner. You wish the SR-71 Blackbird was still around. You have re-watched Top Gun 23 times, while imagining that your handle would be “The Baron”. If you ever actually visited an American airbase, you would be disgusted with the wastefulness and vow never to return.
Fossil: You are a 25 year old man at your first job. Your workplace has open-plan offices and “Sunday Fundays”. You carefully buckle up your leather watch before dates, and make sure it shows under your cuff.
Franck Muller: You are a jocular pediatrician, or possibly, a professional clown. You have a weakness for Tonneau cases and Art Deco numerals.
Frederique Constant: You could not afford a JLC Master Ultra Thin Moon, so you got this instead. You are unsuccessfully trying to make a 42mm dress watch work for your wrist. You were shocked, and a little disappointed, when you learned that the company was founded in 1988.
Garmin: You are subscribed to Men's Health and GQ. Before leaving for work, you lace up your running sneakers and strap on your Forerunner in case you can get a quick run in on the way home. This never happens. Your Bowflex sits quietly in your garage, gleaming and untouched.
Ginault: You spent $1,449 on a Rolex Submariner Homage. You while away countless man-hours on the forums, defending the brand from baseless accusations. You will ultimately purchase Hulk, Pepsi, and Daytona homages from other brands, and with time, will have spent more on replicas than the cost of the real thing.
Girard-Perregaux: You swear that the Laureato is “the next Overseas”, and that the Golden Bridges are an under appreciated masterpiece. You purposely chose a 1966 over a JLC Master Ultra Thin. Secretly, you wonder if you made a mistake.
Glashütte Original: You, overall, cannot afford a Lange.
Glycine: You’ve outgrown the flashy Invicta's of your youth, but are still hesitant to go smaller than 46mm in a watch. Secretly, the vaguely military associations of your Combat Sub mildly arouse you. If he were alive to see it, Eugène Meylan would throw an egg at your face.
Glycine - Vintage: You live in an old age home, with your WWII Purple Heart and military induction papers tucked away discreetly in a corner. You still wear the Airman which you bought on the base at Ramstein in ’49. Sadly, your grandson only visits to eye it covetously.
Graham: You couldn’t resist a watch whose crown is easily confused with a grenade’s firing pin. Your Volkswagen Golf has vanity plates and a silkscreened pin-up on the rear window. You have a shrine to your grandfather in your room, a WWII vet with the British Expeditionary Force, though he only got to flee Dunkirk. Even you suspect the “Watchmakers Since 1659” claim is crap.
Grand Seiko: You think a Spring Drive is the coolest thing since sliced bread. You frequently photograph your Cocktail Time with your Sony camera or, in a pinch, your latest generation iPhone. You have bookmarked Youtube videos of the Grand Seiko factory - in case you meet someone with a Swiss made watch who needs a little convincing. You wish Seiko would do marketing better.
Grönefeld: While trained at RADA, you have peaked as a recognizable, but under-appreciated Hollywood actor. You have impeccable taste and a thing for Salmon dials. You wanted something dressier than your sponsored but boring Omega to wear to the Met Gala.
G-Shock: You are a junior in college, or an emergency room physician. You delight in taking your G-Shock to watch meet-ups, to the horror of the traditionalists. You recently took up mountain biking just to post Instagram photos of your watch on the trails.
H. Moser & Cie: You have a mischievous sense of humor, and in high school, were known to film pranks you pulled on your friends. You have an insatiable weakness for fume dials. While you can’t quite put your finger on it, you suspect the brand will be worth a lot in coming years - or so you tell anyone who will listen. Deep down, you are terrified your Endeavor might just be a passing fad.
Hamilton: You recently graduated college. You spent hours on the watch forums, debating between this or a Longines. You finally settled on the JazzmasteKhaki, though the salesman couldn't tell you anything about it. The highlight of your life was when a random woman on a date said, “nice watch”. You almost married her.
Hautlence: You have a game room in your Park Avenue, per-war classic six filled with pinball machines. You wear pink glasses, to let your underlings at your Goldman Sachs job know that you can be “cool” too. You are not.
Hermes: You are either a perfumer living in the Montmarte district of Paris, or an American woman with an unerringly good fashion sense.
Hublot: You are, simply, wrong.
HYT: You are a successful electrical engineer with lucrative patents to your name, or an internet startup founder that actually solved and monetized a hard problem in computer science. You love nothing more than to hand your H1.0 over to curious passerby, while pontificating upon the intricacies of fluid dynamics.
Invicta - Type 1: You are a non-watch geek dad in a suburban shopping mall. You wanted to get "something nice" for yourself. You find sub 46mm watches "too girly". You enjoy explaining to others, with wide-eyed delight, how your watch is powered by "moving your arm".
Invicta - Type 2: You are in high school, without a summer job. You think the Rolex Submariner is the perfect modern, go anywhere, do anything watch. You feel ostracized on the watch forums, but can’t help but smile when you see your Pro Diver on your wrist.
IWC: You are openly not a pilot, but enjoy having an altimeter strapped to your wrist.
Jacob & Co: You are a formerly successful, now destitute rapper. You pawned this watch at a significant loss.
Jaeger-LeCoultre: You exclusively dress in suits, except on bank holidays, when you wear chinos and your Reverso. You are frequently found on watch forums extolling “the watchmaker's watchmaker” virtues. You think 100M of waterproofing is all anyone should ever need. Your will instructs your heirs to bury you with your Atmos clock, as they surely won’t appreciate it. You hope one day to be able to roll your R’s like the guy in the boutique.
Jaquet Droz: You are either a well diversified collector, or an Arabian Shiek from an oil rich kingdom. If the latter, your other watch is a Rolex Daytona Rainbow with diamond bezel.
Johan Eric: You googled “watch” on Amazon and this is the first thing you found with Prime shipping. In general, you are decidedly not picky, both in watches and in life.
JS Watch Co: While you used to have a very generous circle of friends, your incessant droning on about your trip to Iceland and the sweet Frisland you scored there soured even your most steadfast companions. You now spend most days online, nostalgically looking at Tripadvisor reviews for restaurants in Reykjavik, or re-watching the Lord of the Rings for the twelfth time.
Junghans: You were just hired by a big design firm, but on a starter salary. You visit your local art museum on “free admission weekends”, and hang around free gallery shows. You have a small tattoo on your right bicep. You hope to upgrade to a Nomos one day.
Klasse14: You favorite Instagram influencer subtly bombarded you with sponsored posts showcasing the brand. You hope your Miss Volare will one day star in your own epic selfie in front of the Eiffel Tower.
Kobold: Your “keeper” test is if she’ll watch all six seasons of the Sopranos with you. Your most treasured possession is an autographed napkin from the late, great, James Gandolfini. Since his passing, your interest in the brand has cooled, and secretly, you worry that your Spirit of America is just a more expensive Shinola.
Laco: As you gaze admiringly at the Saarbrücken on your wrist, you find yourself wondering: Was Hitler really that bad?
Lip: You are a Frenchman originally from Toulouse. You work for the Bureau of Weights and Measurements, converting metric measurements to Napoleonic Mesures Usuelles for those still living in the First Republic. While you would prefer to wear an Omega, you can only imagine the shocked “Non!” That would emanate from the mustachioed lips of your supervisor, Gaspard, upon seeing it, and you’d rather avoid an employee tribunal. You’d win, but it’s a hassle.
Longines: You just got your first job out of college. You are looking for something classy and professional to go along with your first real suit. You will one day own a JLC.
Lorus: You are a street-peddler living in Hyderabad. You cannot afford a Seiko 5, but not for any reason that would be remotely funny.
Luminox: You constantly talk about “doing an Ironman”. You sleep in a Naval Academy t-shirt and proudly fly the “thin blue line" US flag on your porch. You make vague allusions to former service when asked, but secretly, you were only a mall cop in the 90’s.
Manufacture Royale: Liberace would like to know where you got your watch.
Marathon: You are a former United States Marine, 3rd Battalion, 6th. You wore this watch on patrol in Kandahar, where your buddy scratched his initials on the case back. This is either a faithful re-telling, or you have entirely imagined the above scenario for color at your current office job.
Maurice Lacroix: The year is 1995. Bill Clinton is president of an economically resurgent USA. You just got promoted to Assistant to the Regional Department President of your longtime employer, IBM. Having recently heard about the value of a “Fine Swiss Watch”, you decided to purchase your Pontos after seeing an ad for it in the pages of Sports Illustrated. It feels right.
MB&F: You are an angel investor in various internet start-ups. You believe in “thinking different” and “changing the world”. Having gone through the various Pateks, Langes, and Journes that befit your station, you now find pretty much every other watch brand ridiculously boring. You wear an Apple watch concurrently on your other wrist.
MeisterSinger: You purposefully wear subtly mismatched socks with your corduroys. You carry your daily possessions in a fanny pack, considering it more practical than a messenger bag. You are perpetually 10-15 minutes late to all your appointments. Secretly, you have a thing for amputee girls.
Michael Kors: You are a 16-33 year old woman. Your house is filled with rose-gold colored accessories. You shop at Macy’s, where you purchased this watch to match your handbag. In the watch world, you are actually one of the sane ones.
Mondaine: You either have a collection of hair mousses to apply based on the weather, or are an oddly obsessive spotter of Swiss electric trains.
Montblanc: You couldn’t afford a JLC. You have since taken to the watch forums, declaring the superiority of Minerva, stating, “it’s over for the over $5K’s”. Secretly, you also hate stacked movement complications.
Montegrappa - Chaos by Sylvestor Stallone: What the hell is wrong with you?
Moritz Grossman: You are the head of an old family manufacturing firm in Bavaria. Your frauline, Hilda, urged you to finally treat yourself and upgrade from the reliable but tired Swatch on your wrist. Feeling a Lange was too recognizable to the men on the assembly line, you chose the Benu Power reserve, but only to wear at board meetings.
Movado: You are either a 21 year old man wearing a Movado Bold at the club, or an 83 year old gentlemen wearing an original Museum piece. There is no middle ground.
Mühle Glashütte: Your evangelical zeal for the brand makes you the human embodiment of those “allow notifications?” pop-ups. You dream of becoming a mariner.
MVMT: You are a millennial who drives a motorcycle. You have a collection of leather jackets. You hope someone comments on how well your watch matches your sunglasses.
Nixon: You are a 32 year old man named either Chad or Brad living in Encinitas, California. As you spend most days on the beach surfing in your board shorts, you have a perpetual tan even in winter. You aren’t into watches, but your Base Tide was giving you good vibes from the surf-shop window, and it matches your leather Yogi bracelet perfectly.
Nomos: While you initially could not afford a Swiss made watch in art school, you are now a successful Bahaus-style architect. You have a membership to your local modern art museum. While you prefer espresso, you drink drip from a vintage Braun coffee maker. Apple “Keynote Days” are like Christmas in June.
Ochs and Junior: You sincerely collect promotional posters for modern art exhibits. You have an interesting job in either advanced engineering or product design at a well funded startup in Berlin. Somewhat obsessively, you refuse to wear any items with visible brand names. Even you can’t always tell what the hell the date is on your perpetual calendar.
Oris: You are frequently found on watch forums, starting, “Why buy an Omega when you can get virtually the same quality for half the cost?” You think the Sixty Five is exactly what your grandfather would’ve worn - if he was cooler, and not a rural school teacher from Iowa. You are secretly trying to save for a Rolex Sub, but need the cash for your PADI training.
Omega: You are intimately familiar with all 12 manned Apollo missions. You eagerly anticipate the next James Bond film. You refer to your Seamaster as “the thinking man’s Sub, with a better movement”. Bonus points if you know who George Daniels is.
Orient: You are a senior in high school. You love your Bambino, but as you know watches, you don’t claim it’s equivalent to something more expensive. You dream of winning the lottery. You are pure.
Panerai: You frequently exclaim, “What’s the point of wearing a watch if no one sees it?” You live in California, and exclusively wear short sleeves. You are unusually familiar with the Italian Navy’s WWII operations, glossing over the period 1940-1943.
Parmigiani Fleurier: You are the scion of an old, proud Italian banking family. While you of course have a few Patek’s tucked away in the vault at your Lago Maggiora villa, your father, Luca, gifted you your Tonda Tourbillon because he errantly believed it was an Italian brand “like from the old days, bene!” You don’t have the heart to correct him.
Parnis: You desire a replica Daytona, but your country’s customs force is extremely efficient at confiscating goods that violate trademarks.
Patek Philippe - Type 1: You took off from work to watch the Henry Graves Super Complication auction livestream. You think the Nautilus is overvalued, preferring the khaki green Aquanaut instead. You are possibly John Mayer, but if not, you hope one day to actually own your own Patek.
Patek Philippe - Type 2: You are a Russian oligarch. You assert that a hacking seconds “damages the movement”. Though you’ll never say so openly, you are secretly jealous of the finishing on a Lange. You feel reassured when you see one of those “For the next generation” ads.
Philippe DufouLaurent FerrieF.P. Journe: You are a Russian oligarch, but with exquisite taste.
Piaget: You claim that the Calatrava and Patrimony "smell of old man". You frequently end arguments with "yeah, but...thinest movement in the world." You cannot actually afford a Calatrava or Patrimony.
Poljot: In the old days, you were a MiG-23 fighter pilot for the Motherland. Your Poljot, along with your state-issued Volga GAZ-24 sedan, marked you as a man of importance among the proletariat. Sadly, in your current job as grocery store guard, only the old babushkas recognize your former glory. It would kill you to know that 30-year old gamers bought your watch online because they thought the Cyrillic on the dial looked cool.
Rado: You are a material scientist tenured at a prestigious university. You have no interest in watches, but could not pass up the mystery and wonder of a watch that never scratches. Everything from your pots to your pants are coated in Teflon.
Raymond Weil: Are you sure you aren’t wearing a Maurice Lacroix with Roman numerals?
RGM Watch Co: You are a 62-year old Boomer living in Pittsburgh, PA. As you are retired - with pension - from your job as a chemical engineer for US Steel, you have plenty of time to hobnob on Timezone.com. You post multiple photos of your 801-COE in various lights, to the eager approval of all twelve forums members. You can’t tell anyone, but you voted for Donald Trump.
Richard Mille: If you weren’t an American billionaire, you’d probably be buying an Invicta - with the logos removed, you surely couldn’t tell the difference. You make sure to wear your watch when interviewed by Fortune, with the sleeves of your silk Dolce & Gabana shirt rolled up.
Roger Dubuis: You are a Argentinian Striker, recently relocated to the UK with Manchester United. Stacy, your loyal WAG, got you the Excalibur after you instructed your assistant to leave notes around your Wilmslow mansion with explicit purchasing instructions. All involved acted surprised on your birthday. If you are being honest, you sometimes confuse it with your Richard Mille.
Roger W. Smith: You are the scion of a Japanese telecommunications fortune. You love discussing horology, but only online. You are that unusual combination of billionaire and introvert, perhaps due to your secret insecurity in your own abilities. You fantasize about how one day, Otuo-San will notice your Series 2, and nod approvingly at you with his tight-lipped grimace. In your own quiet way, this is how you show off.
Rolex - Sub (Ha!) Type A: ROLEX ROLEX ROLEX. YOU CAN’T BUY ANYTHING BUT A ROLEX IT’S THE ONLY THING WITH RESALE VALUE. HAVE YOU SEEN MY TWO-TONE SUB WITH THE CYCLOPS? I LIKE IT ‘CAUSE IT HAS WRIST PRESENCE.
Rolex - Sub Type B: You frequently re-watch all Sean Connery Bond films, asserting that Daniel Craig is not a “real” Bond. You know the difference between the 1016 Caliber 1560 and 1016 Caliber 1570. You believe steel can stretch with minimal effort. You prefer watches with rusted dials and no date. As you frequently speak full sentences consisting solely of reference numbers, it is assumed by passerby that you work for a secretive government agency.
Rolex - Sub Type C: You are a successful Italian-American contractor. You wear a two-tone Datejust - your only watch - which never leaves your wrist. On vacation at the resort in Cabo, you make sure your wrist is angled properly so the waiter can see it when taking your order.
Rolex - Sub Type D: When you found out your wife was pregnant, you rushed to purchase a "birth year" Sub. Your son will not get to wear it until you are dead.
Rolex - Sub Type E: You are a researcher who spends all day next to an MRI machine. While you never wore a watch before, you found yourself suddenly desperate for one after seeing an eerily personalized ad for the Millgauss pop up on Facebook. After the initial triumphant forum pic, the novelty wore off, and most days you just check the wall clock.
Romain Jerome: You have no compunctions wearing a watch made from the Titanic. You have more money than sense.
Scuderia Ferrari: Your friends know not to utter the word “Lamborghini” for fear of starting a rant. Your firstborn son is named Enzo. Your Pilota watch, Ferarri ball-cap, keychain, and limited edition Scuderia Ferrari for Ray-Ban aviators all proudly accompany you as you step into your 2004 Honda Civic.
Seagull: It took quite a few shifts at the Dairy Queen, but you finally got your Ocean Star. You feel like you need a dress piece too, but are unsure when you’d ever wear it. One day, with a JLC on your wrist, you will look back upon this time wistfully.
Seiko: You are starting college this Fall. You spend most days on watch forums, hoping to find newbies asking for help so that you can steer them your way. You think the Seiko 5 is the best value per dollar in horology. Deep down, you know that if you ever won the lottery, you’d trash them all for a stable of platinum Langes.
Sekonda: On the way to a job interview as a Transport of London station cleaner, you decide a watch will make you look more reliable. You grab the cheapest Sekonda Classic from Mr. Singh’s newsstand, and make sure to check it copiously during your interview. You are surprised when you do not get the job. Changing the dead battery three days later, you are puzzled by the Cyrlic writing inside the case.
Shinola: You are a Clinton, or an oddly proud Detroit native. You think the “Made in the USA” controversy was a hit job egged on by Hodinkee. You have average sized wrists, but think they are larger than they really are. You have a weakness for wire lugs.
Sinn: You are subscribed to the WatchBuys newsletter. You cannot afford an IWC. You post numerous photos of your Sinn 356 Flieger, in a vain attempt to reassure yourself that the acrylic crystal was the right choice.
Skagen: You drive a used but well loved Volvo. While you know nothing about watches, you found it cumbersome to check your dumb phone for the time, and began your search for something practical but affordable. As you know the quickest shortcut to get to the cafeteria at your local IKEA - where you get the meatballs weekly - an ostensibly Danish watch held some appeal. You are unaware that Denmark and Sweden are different countries.
Speake-Marin: ”A touch loud? What do you mean, leopard print pants with a leather jacket is loud?”
Squale: You cannot afford a Rolex Submariner.
Steinhart: You could not afford a Rolex or IWC. While you truly enjoy wearing your Hulk Sub homage, deep-down, you question where the line is between imitation and theft.
Stowa: You enjoy having an altimeter strapped to your wrist, but cannot afford an IWC. You would love to mention its WWII history, but are unsure how to do so without appearing insensitive.
Stührling: American Airlines flight 1257, direct to Dallas, seat 48B. Two hours in, You saw the Depthmaster in the pages of SkyMall and knew you couldn't pass it up.
Swatch: You are a child in elementary school, or a successful, established artist. You love color. You have a watch collection, but they are all Swatches. You wish you could buy another one of the Irony whose crystal cracked when you dropped it on your kitchen floor.
Swiss Legend: You could’ve bought the Esq. brand chrono - with the same Chinese Quartz movement - for $139, but then it would’t say “Swiss” on the dial, would it?
Tag Heuer: Your first “real” watch was a Link, which you initially saw in the pages of Golf Digest/Tennis Magazine. For the longest time, you had a crush on Maria Sharapova. The chip on your shoulder is slightly lessened when you see photos of vintage Carreras online.
Timex: You are a senior citizen, or an aspiring US presidential candidate. In either case, your grandson is suddenly asking to borrow your watch.
Tissot: You just got your first job out of college, but it pays less than the Longines fellow. You appreciate either classic or ridiculously bold design. After a long career, you will one day own a Rolex.
Triwa: You are a full-time Instagram influencer. Perhaps one day, you will regret the purchase of your Donald Trump “Comb Over” watch - but not today.
Tudor: You assert that the Black Bay 58 is what Rolex “used to be”. You take pride in the quality of the bezel on your Pelagos. You either never will admit, or say all the time, that you wish you had a Rolex.
Tutima Glashütte:As the only way to acquire a Lange would be to sell a kidney, you eagerly sought out an alternative still made in your mythical Glashütte. You fancy yourself a sportsman, though this is usually only expressed by the bench press. While you wear your Grand Flieger daily, if pressed, you could not articulate why, exactly, your watch had to be German.
Ulysse Nardin - Type 1: What exactly do you think you are, some kind of enthusiast?
Ulysse Nardin - Type 2: As soon as you saw the Minute Repeater Voyeur - with a lifelike orgy scene on the dial, complete with moving “parts” - you knew you needed that kind of artistry in your life.
Urban Jurgënsen: Was your watch produced by the Swedish Chef?
Vacheron Constantin: You think a Calatrava is an ugly duckling compared to the all-encompassing beauty of a Patrimony. You refer to the period from 1987 - 1996 as “the Dark Times”. You wish resale value were higher, but blame Patek fanboys.
Various Microbrands: You are subscribed to the “Affordable Watches” forum on WatchUSeek. You have a Google Alert on Kickstarter so you don’t miss the latest limited release. You are saving for a vintage Rolex, which increasingly appears out of reach. You are filled with a mixture of delight and despair when someone asks, "is that a Rolex?" of your Mk II Nassua. You have a love/hate relationship with Jason Lim of Halios.
Various Vintage: You are Fred Savage. You think anything over 36mm is garish. While you wear your vintage Omega (original dial, of course) all the time, you have been known to slip on your modern Rolex Sub for the beach. You spend your weekends at estate sales, dreaming of coming across an unrecognized Patek for $150, which you bargain down to a clean $100.
Victorinox: After your brief fling with Chinese watches, you decided it was time to step up to Swiss made. You wear your Fieldforce proudly in Econ 101, desperately hoping Brittany will notice it. Plus, you already had the matching backpack.
Vostok: You are a value-oriented teen gamer, or an elderly Russian pensioner. You have 9 inch wrists.
Zenith: You make half-hour long YouTube videos consisting of you chanting into the camera, “El Primero. El Primero. First Automatic. El Primero.“ You scoff at the JLC 751A as a rushed copy. Deep down, you believe the world is unjust, and fear your brand will never be properly recognized.
Zodiac/Doxa: You are a certified Master Scuba Diver Trainer. You smile indulgently at your wealthy tourist clients, who have Submariners and Fifty Fathoms on their wrist. After you've been tipped, you love nothing better than to hand over your SeaWolf/Shark for inspection, casually stating "This baby's been down to 250 feet, no problems. How about yours?"
Edit: Adding some more as suggestions. Last batch was: Frederique Constant, Junghans, Hamilton, Nomos, Panerai, Tag, Tissot, Tudor. Also split Invicta into two. Thanks for my first gold and kind words stranger! Edit 2: Some are disappearing when I make edits, re-added Swatch. Edit 3: Added Bell & Ross, Baume et Mercier, Sinn, Various Microbrands. Edit 4: Added Various Vintage. Thanks agin for the gold! Edit 5: Added Glashütte Original, Jaquet Droz, Stowa. Edit 6: Couldn't help myself, added Jacob & Co, Oris, Squale, Zodiac/Doxa. Edit 7: Added Fossil and Michael Kors. Modified Daniel Wellington. My first Platinum, thank you! Edit 8: Added GP and Zenith, split Seiko/Grand Seiko, and added one more Rolex Sub (phrasing!) Type (D). Recognized John Mayer as the Patek expert he really is. Edit 9: Added Movado. Slight tweak to Hamilton. Edit 10: Added Piaget. Edit 11: Added Montblanc, Richard Mille, Shinola, and Steinhart. Edit 12: Added Bremont, Edox/Mido, Parnis. Edit 13: Added Christopher Ward, De Bethune, and MB&F. Modified Frederique Constant. Edit 14: Added Bulova, Franck Muller. Edit 15: Modified Franck Muller, added Marathon. Edit 16: Added Laco (hat tip to Byki!), Maurice Lacroix. Edit 16: Added Swiss Legend. Edit 17: Added Damasko, Dornblüth & Sohn, Garmin, Klasse14, and split Ulysse Nardin into Types 1&2. Edit 17: Added Ball (hat tip to AudiMars and icecityx1221). Clarified that 12 Apollo missions only were manned. Thanks for the sticky Mods! I am humbled. Edit 18: Split Casio into Casio and G-Shock; added Concord and Ebel. Edited Marathon for clarity. Edit 19: Added Bovet, Hermes, HYT, Seagull, and Victorinox. Edit 20: Added Chopard, Corum. Edit 21: Added BVLGARI, Diesel, Glycine new and vintage, and Rolex Sub Type E. Edit 22: Added Chanel, Christiaan Van Der Klaauw, and Rado. Edit 23: Added Apple Watch, H. Moser & Cie, Ochs and Junior, and Scuderia Ferrari. Edit 24: Added Montegrappa Chaos, Romain Jerome, Stürhling Edit 25: Added Azimuth, Certina, Ginault, Graham, Johan Eric, Lip, Sekonda, Skagen. Edit 26: Added Carl F. Bucherer and Nixon. Edit 27: Added Alpina, Meister Singer, and updated Sekonda. Edit 28: Thanks so much for the Gold! Added Cuervo y Sobrinos, Eterna, Hautlence, Grönefeld, Luminox, Moritz Grossman, Speake-Marin, and Triwa. Edit 29: Added Balticus, Burberry, Kobold, and JS Watch Company. Edit 30: Added Lorus, Roger W. Smith, Mühle Glashütte and Tutima Glashütte. Edit 31: Added Fortis, Mondaine, Poljot, RGM Watch Co. and Roger Dubuis. Edit 32: Couldn't help myself. Added Urban Jurgënsen and Manufacture Royale. Thread is archived so no promises, but feel free to message me with any requests. Last updated: 12/07/19

Having lived in Switzerland for a few years and owning everything Swiss but a watch (Army Knife, Aromat, Swiss Pass, Fondue caquelon, Raclette grill….), I decided to get one before they kicked me out for failing to integrate.
I moved here knowing next to nothing about watches beyond a few obvious brand names (I had to google what Breitling was because I saw their fancy building in Grenchen so often). Wanting to get something nice without paying too much I decided to do my homework on the matter. As I tend to do I then got rather too involved and came out the other side knowing far too much. So here is what I learned going from idiot to a state somewhere between liking watches and wondering how people spend so much money on things.
Why Swiss
Plenty of good watches are made elsewhere but the association with Switzerland really sticks in the popular mindset.
The whole watchmaking history gets a little over romanticised. It seems that the Swiss golden-age was only really for 20-30 years between WW2 and the Quartz Crisis. Before WW1 whilst they did produce some very good work there were also other high quality industries in England and the USA amongst others, indeed it seems the Swiss were mass producers of poor quality watches too like the China of the time. See this article for a more indept version. I am sure there is plenty of room to argue over this, but that seems to be the general gist.
In any case the image and association has certainly stuck and the watch companies market hard and do everything possible to push watches on you. As soon as you enter the country there are adverts everywhere at the airport. Geneva airport especially feels like a giant watch shop/advert. At major sites like Grindelwald First and Glacier 3000 you can do free platform walks sponsored by Tissot, likewise most cable car stations double as ugly high-altitude billboards.
You will never be short of a chance to buy a watch (or chocolate, or an Army Knife). Every tourist shop sells at least a Swatch, watchshops/jewelers are everywhere, you can even buy watches in Jungfraujoch at 3446m.
The extent to which people take buying a watch whilst visiting here is often a little crazy. I once took the train from St Moritz to Chur sitting near to a group of American tourists who spent the whole trip, passing through stunning mountain landscapes, staring at their phones deciding which watch to buy in duty-free at Zürich airport.
One side point is that Cuckoo Clocks are not Swiss in origin. They come from just over the German border in the Black Forest. But Swiss tourist shops often have a wall full of them and will very happily sell you a Cuckoo Clock with a Swiss flag on it.
What exactly is Swiss made
Swiss Made doesn’t have to mean that every bit of work was done in Switzerland.
From 2017 the requirements have been tightened up, so that most of the cost of the movement should come from Switzerland, the movement should be made in Switzerland, the watch should be put together in Switzerland, and the watch should be quality tested in Switzerland.
Previously it was something like 60% of the cost must be generated in Switzerland rule meaning quite a bit of the work could be done in China.
Choosing a brand / watch
This probably depends quite a bit on whether you just want something pretty that says Swiss Made on it and tells the time, or if you want something with a fancy movement or deeper meaning to you.
If you are planning to buy one on a visit it is probably worth doing some research beforehand to have a good idea of what is what and to have things narrowed down.
The world of watches goes as deep as your interest (and pockets). Price means quality up until a point, after which price often means gaudy designs and sparkly stones. There are vast amounts of horrifically expensive watches that I would not pay 5CHF to wear myself.
You kind of need a mentality of something practical vs a piece of engineered artwork. It is insane that someone would spend 1millionCHF or more on a small object that tells the time less accurately than a 10CHF casio, but it is far more insane that someone would pay 2.5million for a soiled bed that any student could produce (which in comparison makes the million CHF watch look like rather good value).
The actual list of Swiss brands is pretty long long and is something over 200, ranging from mass produced plastic+quartz down to several places that make only a small number of units (most of which sell for more than a house).
A major part of my motivation and interest was finding brands that are made, or were at least founded, close to where I live. The end result is that I now have a mini collection: an automatic Oris (independent and less than 40km away) Artelier [01 733 7721 4051-07 5 21 64FC] dress for office and fancy occasions, a quartz Certina (founded in the city next to me) DS-1 diver Chronograph [C014417] for everyday and light sports, and a quartz Swiss Military by Chrono AG (family business less than 2km away) Chronograph [SM34015.06] for any sports and unimportant situations. Obviously most visitors won't have this connection, and won't be going to any of the watch making areas either.
/watches has a quite a bit of info and advice. Though their frontpage tends to be so full of Omega, Rolex and other high price watches that you quickly start to get paranoid that you are doing something wrong in life to not be so rich or have your parents gift you one for seemingly every life event (and also wonder how many years of travel each of those is worth).
The Swatch group dominates and covers everything from 50CHF Swatch to 200,000CHF plus high end. It is composed of: Swatch, ETA SA, Flick Flak, Breuget, Harry Winston, Blancpain, Glashütte Original, Omega, Longines, Rado, Union Glashütte, Tissot, CK Watches, Certina, Mido, and Hamilton (and maybe a few others too). They sort of work around the method that ETA make movements, then the other companies do the aesthetics on the case them and market them.
Some of the most common brands in the 50 - 500CHF price range are:

• Swatch is the default cheap option that is everywhere. Cheap quartz watches basically saved the Swiss watch industry. Swatch do the whacky colourful plastic watches aimed at teens that sell you something like life experience. They also do some much more serious looking and better constructed watches. Flick Flak is Swatch for little kids.
  
• Jowissa is basically a Swatch clone. Another common sight in tourist shops.
  
• Tissot are essentially the default choice for most people for anything fancier than a Swatch. They are the lower-mid price range option that look quite nice and are literally everywhere. Tissot also seems to have one of the biggest marketing budgets and it is often hard to go for long without seeing their name plastered on something in Switzerland.
  
• Certina is in the same range as Tissot and generally well regarded, if rather less well known outside of Switzerland/Europe and severely lacking in marketing money compared to Tissot.
  
• Victorinox is a recognisable name to go with the Swiss Army knife from the same maker (they do of course sell fancy boxes with a pen and a knife). Seen as being durable and generally good quality. They now own the similar knife/watch company Wenger (meaning all Swiss Army knives now come from the one company).
  
• Swiss Military. No single company makes these as the name isn’t protected. So you get “Swiss Military by Buren”, “Swiss Military by Chrono”, “Swiss Military by Hanowa”, and “Swiss Military by Wenger”. All of them seem to very prominently have a big red advertising sign saying they are “official licensed products of the Swiss confederation”, I presume this is to try and make it sound similar to the Army Knife or like they are used by the actual military - however as far as I know there is no official watch that is given out by, or required by the actual Swiss Army.
  
• There are a number of fashion brands like Fossil that are cheap and have the Swiss Made label. But tend to be seen more as overpriced fashion statement for what you actually get.
  
• Mondaine are less common but interesting for their SBB train watches. The stop2go even replicates the 2 second pause movement of the SBB clocks. Not something I would ever wear in Switzerland, but if I leave for another country I will certainly get one.
  

After these brands the price jumps up to the next stage and from about 750CHF and upwards you start to get your get your Oris, Rado, Tag Heuer, Longines and other slightly fancier brands.
If you are reading this because you don’t know any better then you probably shouldn’t worry about anything beyond these. At least not without reading any further.
Though if you have a million+ CHF spare then I reckon Greubel Forsey would be a good option.
Where to buy one
Generally it is never problem to find somewhere to sell your a watch. Anywhere touristy is going to have more watchshops than bakeries. Places like Grendelstrasse in Luzern are just watchshop after watchshop offering literally everything from 50CHF Swatch to a 100,000CHF diamond studded Rolex…..
Most standard souvenir shops will sell Swatch, Jowissa, Swiss military or Victorinox and maybe something nicer like Tissot. If you want anything over 100CHF you are probably better off going to a more proper store, or (and especially if you are really serious) a jewelers or watchmaker. English is unlikely to be a problem at a watchshop in a touristy area - many of the shops in places like Luzern are staffed by Asians to help sell to tourists.
To get an idea for prices in the reasonable price range you can check out the websites for the department store Manor or the jewelers Christ. Though they don’t do English as a language option so you may learn some German or French words along the way.
Or if you have more brass than sense, check out Gübelin, or Les Ambassadeurs.
What to be aware of
The Swiss Watch Federation website covers some of these points.
How the watch is powered is probably the main point:

• Quartz. Cheap, easy and virtually worry free. They can look as good as any mechanical watch for a much lower price, and surprisingly are much more accurate than most mechanical watches. Accuracy is something like a 10 seconds off per month. Visually the only flaw is that due to the way quartz works the second hand jumps rather than smoothly flowing like with mechanical watches. The battery will need to be replaced every 3-5 years.
  
• Automatic - Purely mechanical with no electronics. Winds itself up from your wrist movement. Will be something like - 5 to + 20 seconds off per day. You are looking at 300CHF plus for these.
  
• Mechanical - Purely mechanical with no electronics. Needs to be manually wound every few days. Generally the most expensive option (think minimum in the 1000s). Will be something like - 5 to + 20 seconds off per day.
  

Relating to the way it is powered is the Movement - ie: the way the watch moves inside. This varys in design and quality. Totally unimportant to most people so long as the watch is accurate enough.

• The transparent front of the watch can be made of Acrylic, mineral glass, or Sapphire glass. Each being more scratch resistant than the last.

Other points:

• Chronometer - means it is more accurate than standard.
  
• Complications - anything beyond telling the time. At reasonable prices you have simple things like the date, day and/or a stopwatch. On the higher end you can have moon phases, an entire star map, or a calendar that will be accurate for the next 600 years purely based on mechanical workings (the sort of stuff your smart-phone can do for a fraction of the price). You can have a toubellin - a spinny thing which is meant to counter the distorting effects of gravity - which looks pretty but might not actually add anything beyond a heavy price increase. Basically it enters the realm of how much you are prepared to pay for the privilege of something complex and mechanical for the sake of it being complex and mechanical.
  
• Chronograph - Basically a stopwatch. One thing to be aware of is there are a few variations, most common are short (30 mins) or long (12 hrs) versions. The 12 hr version is more complex so is less common and typically more expensive. 60 minute ones exist but it may be hard to tell exactly how
  

You should also be aware of the cost and cleaning/checks after 4-5 years. Depending on the model, age and any problems this can be expensive. For cheaper automatics it might make more sense to just replace them.
Visiting watchmaking places
The main watch making towns are generally industrial cities and not the prettiest places (granted I would take any of them over Slough). But they are at least small towns either at the feet of, or in, the Jura mountains. There are also a number of factories scattered around in tiny villages.
I really love the Jura: it is a very beautiful region that (unsurprisingly) gets somewhat overshadowed by the Alps. Though often the buildings in villages have a much more harsh and minimalist look to them compared to the intricate wooden designs in the Berner Oberland or painted stone in Graübunden.
You have to be an obsessive watch-enthusiast or live in the area to have visited all these places. I am very much the later (I had to look up what a number of the companies were because I kept seeing the buildings).
Most watch production sites are not visitor friendly. Typically they are modern metal and tinted glass cubes with a fence situated so far back from the actual building that the empty ground seems to deliver some unspoken threat. Some companies have museums like IWC in Schaffhausen, Omega in Biel, or Philip Patek in Geneva.
In Switzerland a city is a settlement with more than 10,000 inhabitants, so not a very high bar.

• Grenchen. The only fully German watchmaking city. Having grown from a small village to an industrial city in the last 100 years (and especially in the 1950s) it It is a stronger contender for the “most boring place in Switzerland” award. It does have some good hiking and biking around Grenchenberg in the Jura above the town at least.
  
• The very pretty city of Solothurn has Mondaine (train watches) and Chrono AG (Swiss Military), though for the most part the watch industry isn’t really a thing there. Visit it anyway because it is very nice.
  
• Biel with the Tissot sponsored stadium and giant Rolex signs everywhere is the biggest watchmaking city. It does have a pleasant (if rather small and quiet) old-town hidden away and it is next to lake Biel which has some nice wine producing villages along it. Biel also has the distinction of being the only truly bilingual town in Switzerland, so you get German and French adverts side by side which is about as exciting as Biel gets from the point of view of a tourist really.
  
• Neuchâtel was a watchmaking city, though most of that has now left. It does however have a very pretty oldtown by a lake and is a lovely place to spend a few hours. The observatory there hosted watch chronometer accuracy competitions before electronic clocks appeared. The Musée d'Art et d'Histoire there is home to the Jaquet-Droz automata which were some early watch related mechanical figures.
  
• St Imier in the valley climbing from Biel to La Chaux-de-fonds has a variety of watch factories scattered around it. The funicular to Mont-Soleil offers some easy access to the high Jura. They valley is also home to Ragusa chocolate, my Swiss chocolate of choice.
  
• La Chaux-de-fonds. A UNESCO world heritage site. It burned down and was rebuilt with the mentality of being suited to industrial production. The result is kind of odd, it is sort of charming in its own strange way. It doesn’t have heavy industry, it isn’t very big (you can walk 30 mins and be in the wooded Jura mountains), and there is enough effort put into the appearance to make sort of attractive in a harsh way. It feels like how a Soviet workers city would have ended up in a more perfect world. It is mostly notable for being the only place in Switzerland with a proper grid pattern for the streets which contributes toward the strange feeling. There is the Musée international d'horlogerie, which is a mix of nice design and horrific concrete, which took me about an hour before everything blended into the same thing (if you really love watches it could take you all day). The 15CHF covered an audioguide and also entry to the art and history museums there too. This giant painting of the naked Greek god Chrono attacking a Swiss watchmaker was my highlight of the day.
  
• Le Locle. A tiny “city” with a vast number of companies based here. The city is in some beautiful countryside and next to the impressive gorge on the river Doub by the French border. Though Le Locle itself is rather lacking in charm. There is a museum](http://www.mhl-monts.ch/en/), though after getting bored of endless watches in the La Chaux-de-fonds museum I did not bother going there.
  

The train ride between La Chaux-de-fonds and Le Locle is rather surreal. Rural wooded mountains of the Jura but dotted with brash modern factories producing luxury watches.

• Val de Joux A valley dominated by the Lac de Joux. The lake and caves at Vallorbe are the things to see there.
  
• Geneva. The watch making industry started here but has almost all moved up into the Jura now, or are in the Plan-les-Ouates on the outskirts. Not a big fan of Geneva myself.
  

There are other producers spread over the country like IWC in Schaffhausen.

Having lived in Switzerland for a few years and owning everything Swiss but a watch (Army Knife, Aromat, Swiss Pass, Fondue caquelon, Raclette grill….), I decided to get one before they kicked me out for failing to integrate.
I moved here knowing next to nothing about watches beyond a few obvious brand names (I had to google what Breitling was because I saw their fancy building in Grenchen so often). Wanting to get something nice without paying too much I decided to do my homework on the matter. As I tend to do I then got rather too involved and came out the other side knowing far too much. So here is what I learned going from idiot to a state somewhere between liking watches and wondering how people spend so much money on things.
Why Swiss
Plenty of good watches are made elsewhere but the association with Switzerland really sticks in the popular mindset.
The whole watchmaking history gets a little over romanticised. It seems that the Swiss golden-age was only really for 20-30 years between WW2 and the Quartz Crisis. Before WW1 whilst they did produce some very good work there were also other high quality industries in England and the USA amongst others, indeed it seems the Swiss were mass producers of poor quality watches too like the China of the time. See this article for a more indept version. I am sure there is plenty of room to argue over this, but that seems to be the general gist.
In any case the image and association has certainly stuck and the watch companies market hard and do everything possible to push watches on you. As soon as you enter the country there are adverts everywhere at the airport. Geneva airport especially feels like a giant watch shop/advert. At major sites like Grindelwald First and Glacier 3000 you can do free platform walks sponsored by Tissot, likewise most cable car stations double as ugly high-altitude billboards.
You will never be short of a chance to buy a watch (or chocolate, or an Army Knife). Every tourist shop sells at least a Swatch, watchshops/jewelers are everywhere, you can even buy watches in Jungfraujoch at 3446m.
The extent to which people take buying a watch whilst visiting here is often a little crazy. I once took the train from St Moritz to Chur sitting near to a group of American tourists who spent the whole trip, passing through stunning mountain landscapes, staring at their phones deciding which watch to buy in duty-free at Zürich airport.
One side point is that Cuckoo Clocks are not Swiss in origin. They come from just over the German border in the Black Forest. But Swiss tourist shops often have a wall full of them and will very happily sell you a Cuckoo Clock with a Swiss flag on it.
What exactly is Swiss made
Swiss Made doesn’t have to mean that every bit of work was done in Switzerland.
From 2017 the requirements have been tightened up, so that most of the cost of the movement should come from Switzerland, the movement should be made in Switzerland, the watch should be put together in Switzerland, and the watch should be quality tested in Switzerland.
Previously it was something like 60% of the cost must be generated in Switzerland rule meaning quite a bit of the work could be done in China.
Choosing a brand / watch
This probably depends quite a bit on whether you just want something pretty that says Swiss Made on it and tells the time, or if you want something with a fancy movement or deeper meaning to you.
If you are planning to buy one on a visit it is probably worth doing some research beforehand to have a good idea of what is what and to have things narrowed down.
The world of watches goes as deep as your interest (and pockets). Price means quality up until a point, after which price often means gaudy designs and sparkly stones. There are vast amounts of horrifically expensive watches that I would not pay 5CHF to wear myself.
You kind of need a mentality of something practical vs a piece of engineered artwork. It is insane that someone would spend 1millionCHF or more on a small object that tells the time less accurately than a 10CHF casio, but it is far more insane that someone would pay 2.5million for a soiled bed that any student could produce (which in comparison makes the million CHF watch look like rather good value).
The actual list of Swiss brands is pretty long long and is something over 200, ranging from mass produced plastic+quartz down to several places that make only a small number of units (most of which sell for more than a house).
A major part of my motivation and interest was finding brands that are made, or were at least founded, close to where I live.
/watches has a quite a bit of info and advice. Though their frontpage tends to be so full of Omega, Rolex and other high price watches that you quickly start to get paranoid that you are doing something wrong in life to not be so rich or have your parents gift you one for seemingly every life event (and also wonder how many years of travel each of those is worth).
The Swatch group dominates and covers everything from 50CHF Swatch to 200,000CHF plus high end. It is composed of: Swatch, ETA SA, Flick Flak, Breuget, Harry Winston, Blancpain, Glashütte Original, Omega, Longines, Rado, Union Glashütte, Tissot, CK Watches, Certina, Mido, and Hamilton (and maybe a few others too). They sort of work around the method that ETA make movements, then the other companies do the aesthetics on the case them and market them.
Some of the most common brands in the 50 - 500CHF price range are:

• Swatch is the default cheap option that is everywhere. Cheap quartz watches basically saved the Swiss watch industry. Swatch do the whacky colourful plastic watches aimed at teens that sell you something like life experience. They also do some much more serious looking and better constructed watches. Flick Flak is Swatch for little kids.
  
• Jowissa is basically a Swatch clone. Another common sight in tourist shops.
  
• Tissot are essentially the default choice for most people for anything fancier than a Swatch. They are the lower-mid price range option that look quite nice and are literally everywhere. Tissot also seems to have one of the biggest marketing budgets and it is often hard to go for long without seeing their name plastered on something in Switzerland.
  
• Certina is in the same range as Tissot and generally well regarded, if rather less well known outside of Switzerland/Europe and severely lacking in marketing money compared to Tissot.
  
• Victorinox is a recognisable name to go with the Swiss Army knife from the same maker (they do of course sell fancy boxes with a pen and a knife). Seen as being durable and generally good quality. They now own the similar knife/watch company Wenger (meaning all Swiss Army knives now come from the one company).
  
• Swiss Military. No single company makes these as the name isn’t protected. So you get “Swiss Military by Buren”, “Swiss Military by Chrono”, “Swiss Military by Hanowa”, and “Swiss Military by Wenger”. All of them seem to very prominently have a big red advertising sign saying they are “official licensed products of the Swiss confederation”, I presume this is to try and make it sound similar to the Army Knife or like they are used by the actual military - however as far as I know there is no official watch that is given out by, or required by the actual Swiss Army.
  
• There are a number of fashion brands like Fossil that are cheap and have the Swiss Made label. But tend to be seen more as overpriced fashion statement for what you actually get.
  
• Mondaine are less common but interesting for their SBB train watches. The stop2go even replicates the 2 second pause movement of the SBB clocks. Not something I would ever wear in Switzerland, but if I leave for another country I will certainly get one.
  

After these brands the price jumps up to the next stage and from about 750CHF and upwards you start to get your get your Oris, Rado, Tag Heuer, Longines and other slightly fancier brands.
If you are reading this because you don’t know any better then you probably shouldn’t worry about anything beyond these. At least not without reading any further.
Though if you have a million+ CHF spare then I reckon Greubel Forsey would be a good option.
Where to buy one
Generally it is never problem to find somewhere to sell your a watch. Anywhere touristy is going to have more watchshops than bakeries. Places like Grendelstrasse in Luzern are just watchshop after watchshop offering literally everything from 50CHF Swatch to a 100,000CHF diamond studded Rolex…..
Most standard souvenir shops will sell Swatch, Jowissa, Swiss military or Victorinox and maybe something nicer like Tissot. If you want anything over 100CHF you are probably better off going to a more proper store, or (and especially if you are really serious) a jewelers or watchmaker. English is unlikely to be a problem at a watchshop in a touristy area - many of the shops in places like Luzern are staffed by Asians to help sell to tourists.
To get an idea for prices in the reasonable price range you can check out the websites for the department store Manor or the jewelers Christ. Though they don’t do English as a language option so you may learn some German or French words along the way.
Or if you have more brass than sense then check out Les Ambassadeurs.
What to be aware of
The Swiss Watch Federation website covers some of these points.
How the watch is powered is probably the main point:

• Quartz. Cheap, easy and virtually worry free. They can look as good as any mechanical watch for a much lower price, and surprisingly are much more accurate than most mechanical watches. Accuracy is something like a mere 10 seconds off per year. Visually the only flaw is that due to the way quartz works the second hand jumps rather than smoothly flowing like with mechanical watches. The battery will need to be replaced every 3-5 years.
  
• Automatic - Purely mechanical with no electronics. Winds itself up from your wrist movement. Will be something like - 5 to + 20 seconds off per day. You are looking at 300CHF plus for these.
  
• Mechanical - Purely mechanical with no electronics. Needs to be manually wound every few days. Generally the most expensive option (think minimum in the 1000s). Will be something like - 5 to + 20 seconds off per day.
  

Relating to the way it is powered is the Movement - ie: the way the watch moves inside. This varys in design and quality. Totally unimportant to most people so long as the watch is accurate enough.

• The transparent front of the watch can be made of Acrylic, mineral glass, or Sapphire glass. Each being more scratch resistant than the last.

Other points:

• Chronometer - means it is more accurate than standard.
  
• Complications - anything beyond telling the time. At reasonable prices you have simple things like the date, day and/or a stopwatch. On the higher end you can have moon phases, an entire star map, or a calendar that will be accurate for the next 600 years purely based on mechanical workings (the sort of stuff your smart-phone can do for a fraction of the price). You can have a toubellin - a spinny thing which is meant to counter the distorting effects of gravity - which looks pretty but might not actually add anything beyond a heavy price increase. Basically it enters the realm of how much you are prepared to pay for the privilege of something complex and mechanical for the sake of it being complex and mechanical.
  
• Chronograph - Basically a stopwatch. One thing to be aware of is there are a few variations, most common are short (30 mins) or long (12 hrs) versions. The 12 hr version is more complex so is less common and typically more expensive. 60 minute ones exist but it may be hard to tell exactly how
  

You should also be aware of the cost and cleaning/checks after 4-5 years. Depending on the model, age and any problems this can be expensive. For cheaper automatics it might make more sense to just replace them.
Visiting watchmaking places
Many tourists might look for and buy watches, but few will actually visit the areas there they are made. Pretty much the whole watch industry is squeezed up against the Western border with France among the Jura mountains
The main watch making towns are generally industrial cities and not the prettiest places (granted I would take any of them over Slough). But they are at least small towns either at the feet of, or in, the Jura mountains. There are also a number of factories scattered around in tiny villages.
I really love the Jura: it is a very beautiful region that (unsurprisingly) gets somewhat overshadowed by the Alps. Though often the buildings in villages have a much more harsh and minimalist look to them compared to the intricate wooden designs in the Berner Oberland or painted stone in Graübunden.
You have to be an obsessive watch-enthusiast or live in the area to have visited all these places. I am very much the later (I had to look up what a number of the companies were because I kept seeing the buildings).
Most watch production sites are not visitor friendly. Typically they are modern metal and tinted glass cubes with a fence situated so far back from the actual building that the empty ground seems to deliver some unspoken threat. Some companies have museums like IWC in Schaffhausen, Omega in Biel, or Philip Patek in Geneva.
In Switzerland a city is a settlement with more than 10,000 inhabitants, so not a very high bar.

• Grenchen. The only fully German watchmaking city. Having grown from a small village to an industrial city in the last 100 years (and especially in the 1950s) it It is a stronger contender for the “most boring place in Switzerland” award. It does have some good hiking and biking around Grenchenberg in the Jura above the town at least.
  
• The very pretty city of Solothurn has Mondaine (train watches) and Chrono AG (Swiss Military), though for the most part the watch industry isn’t really a thing there. Visit it anyway because it is very nice.
  
• Biel with the Omega museum, Tissot sponsored stadium and giant Rolex signs everywhere is the biggest watchmaking city. It does have a pleasant (if rather small and quiet) old-town hidden away and it is next to lake Biel which has some nice wine producing villages along it. Biel also has the distinction of being the only truly bilingual town in Switzerland, so you get German and French adverts side by side which is about as exciting as Biel gets from the point of view of a tourist really.
  
• St Imier in the valley climbing from Biel to La Chaux-de-fonds has a variety of watch factories scattered around it. The funicular to Mont-Soleil offers some easy access to the high Jura. They valley is also home to Ragusa chocolate, my Swiss chocolate of choice.
  
• La Chaux-de-fonds. A UNESCO world heritage site. It burned down and was rebuilt with the mentality of being suited to industrial production. The result is kind of odd, it is sort of charming in its own strange way. It doesn’t have heavy industry, it isn’t very big (you can walk 30 mins and be in the wooded Jura mountains), and there is enough effort put into the appearance to make sort of attractive in a harsh way. It feels like how a Soviet workers city would have ended up in a more perfect world. It is mostly notable for being the only place in Switzerland with a proper grid pattern for the streets which contributes toward the strange feeling. There is the Musée international d'horlogerie, which is a mix of nice design and horrific concrete, which took me about an hour before everything blended into the same thing (if you really love watches it could take you all day). The 15CHF covered an audioguide and also entry to the art and history museums there too. This giant painting of the naked Greek god Chrono attacking a Swiss watchmaker was my highlight of the day.
  
• Le Locle. A tiny “city” with a vast number of companies based here. The city is in some beautiful countryside and next to the impressive gorge on the river Doub by the French border. Though Le Locle itself is rather lacking in charm. There is a museum, though after getting bored of endless watches in the La Chaux-de-fonds museum I did not bother going there.
  

The train ride between La Chaux-de-fonds and Le Locle is rather surreal. Rural wooded mountains of the Jura but dotted with brash modern factories producing luxury watches.

• Val de Joux A valley dominated by the Lac de Joux. The lake and caves at Vallorbe are the things to see there.
  
• Geneva. The watch making industry started here but has almost all moved up into the Jura now, or are in the Plan-les-Ouates on the outskirts. Not a big fan of Geneva myself.
  

There are other producers spread over the country like IWC in Schaffhausen.

Hi, watches!
First of all, I don't mind that one is quartz, and the other automatic, so the quartz vs. automatic debate is pretty much negligible.
Anyway...
I have a mint and all-stock Seiko 6309-7040 Suwa watch from the 70s and I'm planning to let it go to fund the purchase of a Tag Heuer F1 CA 1211 RO Chronograph from the 90s, also in mint condition. The latter is being sold for $320 complete with the original tin can and papers. It was bought in '98.
The Turtle sits good on my 6.5" wrist, and the F1, measuring 36mm in diameter, I think would also fit me well.
I can afford the F1 without sacrificing the Turtle, but my grail fund would take the hit.
So aside from the movement, would it be worth it to let go of this vintage diver in exchange for my first chronograph?
Thanks, /watches!
Tag photo not mine.

Ok. im probobly going to step on alot of toes here.
But really ?
Since the early 70s the 95% (low estimate) of the swiss mechanicals have been based on 3 movements, the 2824/36 (same movement, day/date complication), the 2892/3/4, and the 7750.
the only "recent" movement is the new 21,600 chrono made for tissot and swatch (as in the brand, not group) which is basicly a cheap plasticy version of the lemania 5100 slowed down to 21,600 so it can use a cheaper mainspring.
i owned a legend diver and a seiko aplinist. the seiko feels stronger in some points and the legend diver feels stronger in other in others. but in general i think that the seiko s more solid. accuracy, power reserve and general construction seems better.
not to mention most swiss automatics are single direction wind (they only wind when the weight/rotor spins in one direction) while the famous magic lever allows the japanese watches to charge in any direction the rotor spins, not to mention the charge mechanism is simpler and provides easier charging
heres a video showing the differance between them showing a simple magic lever based Orient vs a ETA 2892 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgwTnAlX2LU
accuracy is more or less the same between both of them, but you scour on ebay for vintage automatics and you can see which one lasts longer.
Seiko constantly cycles their movements, the current workhorses movements were just cycled 4-5 years ago when the etas are 40+ years on them. the latest "evolution" was actually to start buying movements from companies that make clones like sellita. but its the same 3 movements. and to get anything else in a swiss watch, you need to spend 3+ grand.
the japanese cronos have always been superior to the basic swiss ones. the el primero and daytona being exceptions, but you cant get one for less then 4-5k, and looking at the new tag heuer 1887 which is a modified Seiko movement, im starting to think a 8R28 based watch is ALOT better then a 7750 based one.
and if we go to quartz movements. with the exception of brietling and tissot t-touch watches... the shame goes on, the same standart rondas and etas for ages.
while citizen, casio and seiko all introduced solar powreded, radio syncing movements, especial the independent engine casio movements which seem bloody unreal. and they are sold in 150 buck g-shocks ffs.
you buy a fancy swiss quartz watch, pay twice or 3 times as much and get a minute, hour, day date chrono, might get moon phase if you spend a bit more. its a joke.
so why is there such a stigma against japanese watches, i want to buy a chrono now. i made bids for a couple of 2nd hand el primeros, but it dosnt seem like im going to get a positive answer, so i can either have a 7750 from tag/fortis/omega or a Seiko Velatura 8R28 which is a bit ugly but superior mechanicly in every way to the 7750. the 7750 is noisy, ugly, fat and tends to shake alot.
thanks for reading my rant.